October chat
 

I know it's late being started but here I am.



How is everyone doing?


I am doing pretty good. Still under a lot of financial pressure but I am holding up. I have wonderful friends who support me and my meds are still helping me a great deal.

I hope you all are doing well.

I wish I could say I'm doing well, but I'm not. I need to go back to the doctor and get my Effexor adjusted, or something. I've been an emotional wreck all danged day. Out of three classes I had today, I went to one (blah), skipped one deliberately (why do I need a law course for an accounting degree?) and accidentally slept through the other, a 7pm finance class. I took a nap between the class I skipped and the night class, since I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and was exhausted. The hour long nap just made it worse, and I woke up at like 8:30. Whoops. Anyway...

I don't enjoy anything. I don't do anything for fun other than surf the web or read. No sports, no clubs, no outings with girlfriends (who happen to all be married with kids older than I am...yay for moving while still in college, and taking mostly night classes or classes with people 20+ years older), nothing. I don't have anything to look forward to. I go to class (assuming I work up the motivation to go), come home, get on the computer. I don't know HOW to enjoy things. I don't know what new things to try, and I don't like doing new things on my own anyway.

I want to make friends, but I don't know how to do that outside of a "hey, you're in my underwater basket weaving class" context. I've never NOT been in school.

I also struggle with horrible loneliness. Ever since I was little, all I wanted was to be married. (technically, up until about 10 I wanted to be a princess, but that involves marrying a prince, so I think it fits!) That's still all I want. To have someone pick ME. For ME to be good enough, depression, anxiety, weight, acne, infertility, and all. I've been single for almost 2 years now, and it sucks. I know being miserable and depressed makes me less likely to find someone, but being alone makes me miserable and depressed.

I felt okay on the Effexor, not great, but okay. Maybe it was that, or just having a bad day, or a combination of the two, but today was really bad. I feel like I'm in a hole and don't know how to get out, or even if I deserve to get out. It feels like it's my fault, that I'm doing this to myself and if I could just pull myself up by the bootstraps I'd be fine and happy.

I'm SO sorry this is so long. I didn't mean to blabber that much! Thank you for letting me get it out though :)

penmage, you and I can be friends. Would you like that? I'm serious. I will give you my email address.


I have had a terrible day, my anxiety came back. My money problems are bad again. I am broke with no money and very little food in the house. I am opening my heart to you ladies here. I am handling the pressure surprisingly well. The meds keep me from having a breakdown. They keep me on my feet and moving. I rarely cry, I just keep on going.

I get a check on the 19th but it is already spent on bills. There is just never enough money to go around. I will find a way to get by somehow. I want to quit my second job, I don't' get paid very much and the paperwork is unreal. It doesn't help my anxiety.

Not sure what I am going to do. I need to find a way to cut back. I will find a way, somehow, someway.

Much love to you all.

ohiofreespirit, thank you for starting the October thread, and I'm so sorry you had a terrible day :( and that is very scary to hear of the money problems. I am so glad at least that the meds keep you from going off the deep end.

penmage, hello but so sorry to hear the depression that you're in. I am dumb that I don't have any good advice but care very much :hug: and just hang in there, I guess I do know that on my worst days, I just tell myself 'tomorrow might be better' and sometimes it is.

I am afraid of sliding into my usual late October --> spring apathy. It's because I hate cold, I hate dark, I don't like snow, I hate not riding my motorcycle, I hate my cluttered house. Ugh.

:)
VermontMom,
you should move to California where you don't have to be cold, not too dark, no snow... and you can ride your bike about 300 days a year...
:)

Originally Posted by masterptr:
:)
VermontMom,
you should move to California where you don't have to be cold, not too dark, no snow... and you can ride your bike about 300 days a year...
:)

ohhh...sounds like paradise to me :)

VermontMom, my meds are working well for me. I couldn't ask for more from them. I am a very lucky woman to have a wonderful support system like I do. My Dr's care so much and I can call them anytime I need to, to get help.


Hope you all are having a great day. :)

Hey Ladies! I wanted to drop in for a quick second...

I'm around but not really...and my eating habits are a reflection of that. I'm working out some of the time but I seem to have lost a bit of my motivation.

What's interesting though is that I can't really blame it on depression right now! I'm not really depressed, but I'm "phoning in" the diet and workouts (thanks Jillian) - which isn't good, because I'm running a 5k next month.

Anyway, enough rambling. I said I'm "gonna get right" tomorrow...I'm off to cook dinner now.

:wave:

GEM, good to hear from you!

Ive identified that I definitely have negative thought patterns and they totally affect my mood. I'm trying really hard to change those patterns into positive thoughts.

Hi to everyone :)

I rarely post in this section but here goes....

Not doing well.

I've been struggling with a lot of financial stress lately. I'm not sure if I'll be able to remain in my apartment (I'm having a dispute with the landlord). Since I suffer from Social Anxiety as well I find it difficult making friends.
I have one, a former boyfriend, but he's always busy. I spend most of my time at work, school and or home.

Recently I've gone on a few dates (guys I met online) and its the same as usual--their interested in sex or I never get a second date.

This morning, I had a friend (guy I went out with), a guy who claimed he cared about me, say he couldn't see me anymore. To add insult to injury, he stated this in a email. I feel terrible. I feel completely alone again. I usually use work and school to take my mind off things but I'm not sure if I can do that anymore.


I'm trying to hang in there but its so hard. It seems like the same thing keeps happening year after year. I always end up feeling hurt and alone.

Originally Posted by Ambrosia:
I rarely post in this section but here goes....

Not doing well.

I've been struggling with a lot of financial stress lately. I'm not sure if I'll be able to remain in my apartment (I'm having a dispute with the landlord). Since I suffer from Social Anxiety as well I find it difficult making friends.
I have one, a former boyfriend, but he's always busy. I spend most of my time at work, school and or home.

Recently I've gone on a few dates (guys I met online) and its the same as usual--their interested in sex or I never get a second date.

This morning, I had a friend (guy I went out with), a guy who claimed he cared about me, say he couldn't see me anymore. To add insult to injury, he stated this in a email. I feel terrible. I feel completely alone again. I usually use work and school to take my mind off things but I'm not sure if I can do that anymore.


I'm trying to hang in there but its so hard. It seems like the same thing keeps happening year after year. I always end up feeling hurt and alone.

hey Ambrosia :wave: really sorry that you're not doing well :( That sux about your 'friend' cutting you off, especially in an email. All I can guess is he is having his own problems and not dealing well with them, that he couldn't see that he hurt you so much by doing that.

Hey to everyone else :)

I am trying to get the courage to go and actively find a therapist. I don't know how much our insurance (BC/BS) would cover. And my DH wouldnt like it. Or maybe he'd be OK with it, I don't know. I am pretty sure it would help me, to have someone trained to listen and give insight.

So sorry to just bust in (I take Wellbutrin SR - so I can be here. haha!)

VermontMom - Where in VT? I went to college at Bennington and I have family in Brattleboro and Saint J.

Originally Posted by SoMuchFattitude:
So sorry to just bust in (I take Wellbutrin SR - so I can be here. haha!)

VermontMom - Where in VT? I went to college at Bennington and I have family in Brattleboro and Saint J.

Hey SassaFrass :) Lake Elmore..it's about 20 miles north of Montpelier, and about 15 miles east of Stowe. It is sunny today and has warmed up to 50 in the shade, so I think I will ride my motorcycle to my part time job this afternoon, yay!

Awesome! Nice to see another Vermonter here. :)

the weather gets to me as well..