No one wants to be around me
 

I am extremely depressed. I hate the way I look, I'm trying to lose weight but it's really difficult. I'm negative and no one wants anything to do with me. I don't have friends. I have a fiance but he's ready to break up with me because he doesn't want to hear me talk about how I hate myself. Well SORRY but I do hate myself. My efforts are pointless.

Too hard on yourself
 

Dang Girl, don't be so hard on yourself! You didn't put the weight on over night, so it won't come off over night. Try to redirect your energy into doing things that make you like yourself instead of hating on yourself. Force yourself to walk around the block when you get negative and while your out think about all the reasons your fiance fell in love with you. Chin up, keep at it, things will get better!:hug:

I think you need someone neutral to talk to, counselor, therapist, spiritual leader.

I understand being unhappy with the way you look, I feel for you, I'm not happy with aspects of myself either. I'm fat, my hair doesn't do what it wants, I have other hair issues and acne thanks to PCOS... on and on.

But losing weight isn't a cure all. Loving yourself and being at peace with yourself isn't just for skinny people or those with healthy BMIs. One way or another you will have to deal with your depression and realize it may be exacerbated by your weight but your weight is not the cause. You can take a two pronged approach and try to manage weight loss and your mental health or focus all your energy on being the happiest you can be.

We are always so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. How many times do you hear people (I'm one of them!) talk about how they used to think they were SO fat and ugly when they were younger and as they get older, fatter, wiser or any combination, they realize they weren't, their perceptions were just messed up. You've got to work on your perceptions.

There is a light in the darkest of places. Be strong and for every negative thought you have about yourself replace it with something good. Even something simple, like you have a great laugh. Hang in there, it gets better.

Completely agree with the above, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and losing weight is not the cure all. Getting healthy and fit is going to make you feel great about yourself but you have to get to the root of your anger and hatred for yourself and start there. You should love yourself, even through the hard times. I hope things get better for you! :hug:

I know it's hard but you CAN lose weight, 193 isn't that bad. I think your self-hatred goes deeper than just weight though, definitely talk to someone professional. :hug:

I agree with all comments! You should talk to a psychologists! I dont live in your stat; however, if you want a phone buddy to talk to.. I am open to talk about our weight lost together!

Most of the battle is in our heads, not with the scales or the gym. I only started to lose weight when I finally received the correct treatment for my mental health problems and I had some GOOD counselling. I had lived my life with soooo much self loathing which was not only eating up my life and energy it meant that I sought refuge in food ( and booze at one point).
The point I am trying to make is that we can only fight a battle on one front. Please speak to someone about your mood and low self esteem, then once you feel a bit better, you can then address your weight issues.
I am 46 ( today!) and it took me until May this year to reach a point where I could properly address my weight problems. Please don't waste as many years as I did.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

Why do you hate yourself?

you know what you need to do. I call it the in and out. Start looking inside of yourself for your source of unhappiness rather than your weight, and reach out to call a local counselor to get some cognitive behavioral therapy going. It helps you change your perception of yourself, and begin to change.

Just a statement about people in general...they gravitate towards things that make them happy and avoid things that bring negativity to their lives. I don't know you but I'm willing to bet that your lack of friends is due to your negative attitude. I suggest you see a psychologist and try and figure out what makes you happy. And remember, everything changes if you give it enough time. If you start therapy and make sure to do things consistently that make you happy I am sure that in a short time you and everyone who interacts with you will see a difference. You just can't be afraid of change. As for your fiancee, make a deal with him. Tell him that if he stays you will take real concrete steps to conquer your depression. Remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place. I promise things will get better.

Wow
I hope you find some help.
Good Luck!!!

im wondering what your weight loss plan is?

maybe you could get some advice here on how to get things going a little faster/better?

as far as hating yourself, i think a lot of gals on here can understand. ive definitely been at a point where i didnt want to see anyone because i was embarrassed about the way i looked and sometimes i still feel that way about people who havent seen me since i was thin.

i KNOW its hard to try to feel positive, but maybe finding a diet plan that suits you and feeling that weight loss is possible you'll start feeling more positive.

obviously your fiance loves you. he's not upset with you because of your weight. its because you're being so down on yourself!

i also recommend seeing a therapist, but i agree with others that 193 isnt even that overweight for your height. you can get this under control!

IF you don't want him to give up on you, why are you giving up on yourself saying it's pointless? How can you be strong and fight for someone who's giving up? Something makes you care about your weight. Somewhere inside you must lie the want and belief that you will be happy with your weight someday or else you'd never have tried to lose weight. Sometimes we get a little beat down and have to fight for those good feelings. Don't give up, fight for yourself, IT IS NOT POINTLESS, this is your life and happiness at stake. You are living the only life you will have on this planet, be determined to enjoy it, whether or not your weight changes. I guarantee, your fiance's unhappiness is more about your attitude towards the person he loves than extra cushion.

I feel like I was you a few year ago, I used to say the same things and think the same things. Everything was a source of pain which ever way I looked. What I came to realise was that the things in my life weren't necessarily the cause of my pain and suffering but rather the way in which I viewed them - my perspective.

You see, even if you had the best circumstances in the world: it would STILL be a source of pain unless with a negative or unhappy outlook on things.

Much like a lot of the previous advice here, I really recommend finding someone neutral outside of your normal circle of friends and family to simply share your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes all it takes is to start talking about what is going on and that can begin the process of healing!

Stay strong! You aren't alone, you are loved and you are worth it!

Don't think negative. Isn't the reason you want to lose weight is because you want to look better :)? I know someone who committed suicide, and there was over 200 ppl at his funeral. At least the 200 cared about him. I think the same apply to everyone. No matter what happen, there will be someone who cares about you, it just that you did not realize it yet. So don't think that you are alone because you are not. I know the thought of being abandoned and loneliness is scary, I had the same problem when I was a teenager :(. So just cheer up, just go talk to anyone who would listen, especially a therapist. DOn't let the negative feelings overwhelm you. Best wishes for you :)

Sorround yourself with positive people, avoid negative people and negative vibes.

You know what's awesome?...that you care enough about yourself to ask for help here. That means you're ready to do something about your depression. I've been in a BAD way for a long time and sometimes it feels like every time things start to go better they turn for the worse. So I get it.

I have three pieces of advice for you.

1. Get help. You're worth it. when you hit a bad place it's very difficult to get out of the hole by yourself. Talk to you doctor.

2. Screw the diet. Seriously. Your main goal right now is to get well. Part of your wellness plan has to include being in control of your food (i.e. not self-medicating by over-eating) and moving your body which increases endorphins and also helps with serotonin levels. As you do that, you may well lose weight. But whatever you do, don't starve yourself especially if you've been using food as comfort - as this is likely to make you feel worse and make your body crave high fat, high sugar foods...and you'll succumb because you NEED it. Eat in a more balanced way and the cravings won't hit so hard. If you haven't been exercising for a while you will have to FORCE yourself to do it, but you CAN do it.

3. Fake it til you make it. OK, so you're not happy right now, but you're craving human company. ACT like a person you'd want to hang out with and more people will want to hang out with you. This isn't being fake, it's just reaching deep and showing the happy part of you. As you do this more, you'll feel happier.

Hi Logistica
I'm at where you are now. I am very unhappy and very depressed. I am very shy and have been obese most of my life. I have very few friends. I am older now too and have missed out on parties, girl friends, and even school.
But for the 1st time in my life I am losing weight. I lost a pound since yesterday in fact. You just have to decide it's something you want.
Don't look at a diet as a continuous thing, only as something you do each day and stay the course one day at a time. I have about 10 months to go. Another thing, you have a fiance. I don't and might not ever. You have more going for you than you think.

Aw dont say that i am sure one day u will have a fiancé and then a partner, or u may find u r happy without a partner. And It's a good thing u still have the rest of your life ahead of you to attend parties and make friends. Attempt each day to just smile at someone or say hi, that might help with your shyness and make someone smile. I am shy too, but have decided to become more social, just talking to strangers in the store or park.

And to the original poster how are u doing. I hope u have gotten help, or worked through your dark period and are feeling better!

Sorry to hear you are in such emotional pain.:hug:
You deserve to be happy and by posting here ..that means you are reaching out.
We all want to be loved and accepted ..we feel we are not measuring up we lash out at others in a effort to protect ourselves.
Try to reach out a little more and find some who can help you work on a plan to bring a balance in your life.
I believe sometimes we all can benefit from some outside prospective.
It is not a sign of weakness to need help ... it takes a person strong enough to acknowledge they do.
We can not undo what happen in the past.. we can change are future by living in the here and now . Sometimes the hardest thing is taking the step of faith to go out of our comfort zone and admit we need help.:hug:
Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

I have battled depression for many years and spent so much time "hating" myself. I can find countless things to hate about myself, and it is a really hard thing to overcome. I struggle with it daily.

I've had people tell me to look in the mirror and find one thing I like about myself and tell myself what I like. It did NOT work for me.

BUT what has been working is at the end of the day, coming up with 3 good things that happened and writing them down along with why they were good things. It could be anything. The weather, appreciating nature, watching a good movie. It started with things like that.

Now, I can find good things that deal with me to write about. I got my workout in today! I was faster/went further! I drank all my water! I ate my veggies!

Since I've been doing that it has been easier to love myself and not hate myself so much.

A book I read recently may be beneficial to you. It's "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. It is a Christian book and I'm not a Christian, but her advice can help anyone. I highly recommend it. It was given to me a few short months ago when I was at an all time low.

If you can find a therpist or counselor to speak with, please do. In the meantime, try reading the book. And writing down three good things that happened each day, along with why they were good things.

It really makes me sad to know that others feel this way. It has been a lifelong battle for me, but I feel I'm finally gaining the weapons to win the battle now. I'm going to be 36 years old.

Love and light,
RavenWolf

Thank you, was very nice of you :)

I have had similar feelings before but I came to understand that I didn't hate myself...I was very angry with myself for letting things get as out of control as they had. I am not just talking about my weight but every aspect of my day to day life.
It's not just us that are affected by how we feel but every one else around us that loves us and wants to see us happy :)
My turning point was when I became angry with myself ( it is different for everyone), I had lost so much time doing nothing an going nowhere because of how I looked and felt about myself and the realization that there was only myself to blame was the kick up the *** I needed to do something about it.
Don't be so down on yourself chick, there are many people here that will have been through similar things and there will always be someone here to talk to. Good luck with your journey :hug:

I don't doubt that you hate yourself right now, but please do both of the following things:

1) Make an appointment with your medical doctor to be screened for the medical condition of depression. It may be that you need medication (antidepressants) to help you through this difficult time. Clinical depression is a *medical* issue--a chemical response in your brain.

2) Make an appointment with a counselor. You can reach a healthier self-view, but given where you are right now, you'll best be able to reach it with professional assistance.

Seeking help is a sign of strength. You started by posting here. Please seek medical help, too.

Best of luck to you.

Sad, I know how you feel! I struggled with this situation too, and I felt like I'd never overcome it. I must say I got a lot of help from Heal Your Hunger, you should check them out. I am living a happy and healthy life now finally.

pervasive depression/discrimination
 

I am deeply sorry to hear about your emotional pain. Do not judge yourself - or allow anyone else to judge you - based on something that is superficial. Your soul, deep inside, is what defines you. Your weight is not the essence of who you are.
Also, please note that it is illegal for anyone to discriminationa against you because you are overweight. That type of discrimnation is unlawful under local and federal anti-discrimination laws. If you believe that you are being unfairly judged in a work environment due to weight, read about your legal rights to be free from such bias. For example, rapaportlaw.com has info about discrimination, or go to the EEOC website.
Beyond legal help, you should seek psychological counseling to address your depression.
I wish you the best.

I know what it is to be completely entrenched in misery. I've been there. And if people don't want to be around you, it has NOTHING to do with your weight or how you look...it's your attitude. You feel miserable and you're keeping yourself miserable.

The great news is that if you are really that unhappy about your weight, you can do something about it! You don't need anyone to do anything for you in order for you to take control over your eating and exercise. You're part of a community full of information specifically centered around what you need.

So as far as I can tell, you've got three choices. Start making changes that will allow you to be where you want to be OR accept yourself at the size you are and try to find joy in your life OR (and this is the worst choice) continue to complain and be miserable without making any changes.

Misery can brainwash you into thinking negatively, instead you must do the opposite & brainwash yourself with positivity - Spiritual Truth

All the compassion and empathy in my heart in being sent out to you in this moment. I have been where you are at, filled with self loathing to the point of near complete seclusion. I want to say to you that there is hope. Please understand that in this modern culture, we are brainwashed into hating ourselves so that we might be motivated to spend absurd sums of money on products making false claims. Unrealistic portrayals of women permeate our environment, even as the populace grows fatter. We live in "food deserts", where the only affordable food in addictive artery clogging crap. IT IS NOT JUST YOU, it is the environment, it's the mistreatment and invisibility of the overweight, it's the lack of public health policy, it's the lack of weight-loss friendly culture! You deserve happiness, just as any person does. It takes practice to replace those negative thoughts with more positive ones, but it can be done, with practice. You've already taken a great first step by reaching out. When I get down, I find it helpful to just write about it, or go outside for a walk. Even the smallest step can feel difficult when you are depressed, but that first step is all it it takes to set you off in a new direction -From Oregon with love.

You're not alone.
 

This forum is new to me, but this story isn't. It's mine. "Hang in there" becomes a phrase you loathe, you can feel your friends' eyes beginning to roll and you can do nothing but spew vile thoughts about yourself and your body.

THIS IS NOT YOU. THIS IS A STORY YOU'RE TELLING YOURSELF OVER AND OVER. YOU ARE ADDICTED TO TELLING IT AND IT IS POISONING YOU. YOU HAVE TO BREAK IT SOMEHOW.

I myself haven't completely accomplished this, but simply becoming self-aware made a huge difference. This only happened with therapy. If you're not ready for that, here are some of the things that may help...

Hula hoop in your living room. (Seriously. You'll laugh at how stupid you feel.)
Volunteer, it's a great distraction to care about others.
Keep a journal. Each day write about things you did right and things you'll do better tomorrow. Find at least 10 for each column, even if it's "I brushed my teeth."
TaiChi (if you can find a group) It is the most infuriating thing I've ever studied. You must be still, listen to your body and follow directions. If you stay with it, it will reward you in patience, flexibility and calm. It has definitely taken me from a type A+++ personality to an A-. :dizzy:

I hope some small piece of this helps you. You just need to know that you are not alone friend. Keep reaching out. xxx

You have a man that wants to marry you. It's probably just hard on him to see someone he loves hate themselves. I agree with talking to someone else, even if it's just here, to let some of your frustrations out. Good luck.