I think I have lost myself.....
 

I have been obcessed with my weight for years. 44 years to be exact. I started dieting at the age of 20 and I am now 64. I have done all the diets out there and could only stay on one for any length of time. It was OA..I lost 80 pounds and thought I had found the fountain of youth. My depression lifted and I was on a roll. The minute I took to carbs back I gained all the weight back. That was when my youngest son was4...he is now 34. I have tried to stay on OA's food plan for years and couldn't even do it for 1 day. I am depressed because I see my life as almost over and I am still 250 lbs. I have been on Paxil for 11 years and am afraid to come off of it because of the horrible way I feel about myself. I am diabetic with high blood sugar numbers and all I think about is finding a diet to go on...not to get my high bs numbers down...but to lose weight. I too was sexually abused from 5th grade till I got out of high school. OK that was then, this is now...yesterday I tood anything that had to do with OA and the 12 steps off of my favorites on my computer. I decided to eat three meals a day and eliminated sugar from my life...I feel like OA has ruined my life. I have been so obcessed with it I have lost who I am. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, teacher, sister, friend..but I don't know who I am anymore. I just shuffle through the day doing what is expected of me...Have I lost my identity?

I'm going to guess that OA stands for Overeaters Anonymous? Because I'm not sure.

You mentioned that you gain weight if you add carbs into your diet, and that sounds very much like me. My doctor told me that some people have a certain metabolic type that is extremely sensitive to carbs and that it essentially makes it very difficult (if not impossible) to lose weight while eating what most would consider a "normal" amount of carbs, even if we are restricting calories. She said there are two schools of thought behind WHY that is. One school of thought is that carbs spike our insulin levels, which then cause our body to store fat. The other is that carbs spike our appetites, causing us to eat more than we think we are. Or it could be both.

I have a terrible time with that, because I love (Love, LOVE) carb foods. I could live on potatoes and pasta. That said, what I've found for my body type is that if I eliminate wheat entirely, alcohol, sugar in all its forms, and potatoes that the remaining foods seem to work fine for me and I lose weight. You might try that. It sounds like you're already there on the sugar part.

I don't think you've lost your identity, but it does sound as if your depression has returned. Do you exercise? You might try that, in addition to your Paxil. Depression and anxiety both respond well to exercise, and it doesn't have to be anything hard- just walking for 20 minutes a day can help a lot.

EagleRiverDee...I thank you so much for responding. I have recently been reading a book, Wheat Belly which talks about the wheat thing. I will try the no wheat/sugar thing and add exercise to it. I will let you know how it goes. Pat

I have been on lexapro since the end of March and after April, I had enough energy to get up and go outside. started walking and now I enjoy walking very much and have lost 18 lbs. I try to eat normal food instead of doing any special food. this way takes much longer to lose but I don't feel the urge to binge and yoyo either... slow is alright. as long as it works... Good Luck!