I feel hopeless sometimes..
 

I stare off in the mirror and hate what I see. I look at that reflection and realize that its me. I cannot close my eyes, or stop seeing what I see. I have fool myself, loved myself, and hated myself, all three. I cannot love what I cannot see, so all that's left is for me, to hate me.

There are moments in life, when I can clearly see, and then other times when all I see is what I hate about myself. I am so scared that I will become someone obsessed with their weight, all because my life is so out of control. Sometimes, I have no idea what I am doing.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes, all I can see in the mirror are my scars from my hysterectomy in 2005 and my double mastecomy in 2006. Sometimes I don't want to lose any weight because I know when I do, I will have to deal with the pain of those scars and I don't know that I can deal with that. My fat keeps me from having to deal with those issues, so sometimes I don't try as hard as I could.

I have a list of things that are fabulous about me and the things I am good at. Sometimes reading that list helps me get though the obsession with the scars. Remember you, too, are fabulous - no matter what the mirror says!