Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-29-2012, 12:43 AM   #1  
not for anyone but me
Thread Starter
 
raworz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: wa
Posts: 101

S/C/G: 223/175/149

Height: 5'5"

Default I gained 10 pounds! "oh that's ok" ... what?!?

I called my fiance and told him I went from 187 and just weighed myself and it said 197... he tells me it's ok to gain all my weight back and I got really upset because I have no one supporting me it feels like. When I try to exercise every day he acts like I'm inconveniencing him because he acts like he has to go everywhere I go to look after me like I'm his kid sister. He complains about the food I make if it has lettuce and if his lunches has sliced apples they'll be in the container I put them in at 11:00 when he comes home.. rotten.. I could've eaten that!
So since he's not as enthused as me and we are joined at the hip we take walks together and he is smoking...SMOKING right next to me! I want to breath in the clean air and feel the sunshine or the rain on my skin (WA) and he is seriously smoking!
So I give in because when I'm drenching things in oil and eating queso with tortilla chips is when he is happy but then I gain 197 while he is down at 185! it's hard for me to find the starting place again and do all of my calorie counting and measuring that got me down under 200 lbs and if I'm getting so much flack for improving my health and body I just get so discouraged..

I'm not going to leave him, lol BTW we are getting married a year from now. I've tried talking to him and telling him how important this is to me, and no he doesn't shove the bad food down my throat or make me grocery shop for bad things but it seems to please him more than baked chicken breast without skin or spray instead of oil for cooking. I'm just at a loss... I was 7 pounds away from my high school weight and I'm so scared of getting back to 200 because it was tough.. I just feel my body oozing again.. instead of me being pleasantly surprised I wear a 14 instead of 16... I'm filling the 16 again.. sigh.. I just.. don't know? I'm very anti social... I moved here a year ago and all I do is hang out with my fiance. The girls I work with are cool but they have their own social lives and invite me places I'm uncomfortable with... I tried looking on craigslists for someone to workout with but that's kind of weird too because you never know on there.
p.s
it just doesn't feel like my fiance wants me to succeed... he says things sometimes like."I can barely keep my hands off of you know, I can just imagine if you loose all the weight your want to" but I get no help and he's my only support beam. I have no family out here, I talk to people at work about my success with weight loss but sometimes I get rude comments from immature people to I just stay to myself.. quietly. :/

Last edited by raworz; 07-29-2012 at 12:47 AM. Reason: extra thought
raworz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2012, 01:25 AM   #2  
Lifelong Alaskan!
 
alaskanlaughter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Posts: 2,669

S/C/G: 230/180/150

Height: 5'5"

Default

couple of things:

- alot of guys feel like being "nice" is being supportive...like telling you he's okay with you gaining the weight back, yet still complimenting you on your weight loss...i'm sure alot of us would be MORE offended if, by saying i've gained weight, my DH said "that's horrible, you're such a slacker" etc rather than saying he was okay with that...alot of times men can't win for trying lol

- if you dont want to exercise with him around, because of the smoking and protective attitude, can you work out while he's at work? can you work out during your lunch hour instead?

- and i'd suggest not trying to make your healthy habits into his habits...if he doesnt want to eat healthy or have healthy items in his lunch, just send what he wants to eat...just like you cant force someone to lose weight, you can't force a guy to eat healthier...like you've seen, if he doesnt want to eat it, it will just sit there and get rotten...

- alot of times when i cook, i will make the family what they typically eat...most of it's usually homemade and not terribly unhealthy, but i will substitute out what i'd like to eat....for example, taking spaghetti sauce and putting it over veggies instead of noodles, or portioning out a teensy bit of the fattening foods instead of taking a whole serving etc....so it's possible to cook for him and still make small changes to suit your weight loss goals

- i can definitely sympathize with the shyness and being alone....i moved here with no family also, just my DH, and find it hard to make real friends because i'm very shy....so for myself only, i can either accept being shy with few friends and be okay with that, or force myself out of my comfort zone to connect with friends...sometimes i do one, sometimes i do the other
alaskanlaughter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2012, 08:28 AM   #3  
Senior Member
 
kelly315's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Columbus OH
Posts: 2,524

S/C/G: 290/ticker/145

Height: 5'4"

Default

Sounds like he is doing his best to support you; he's loving and accepting you at a higher weight, and also trying to make you feel good when you do lose weight.

Also, have you asked him not to smoke around you? It seems a bit unfair for him not to know when you're mad and why.

Forgive me for saying this, but it sounds like a lot of other frustrations are being let out on your boyfriend here. From what you said it sounds like he cares very much about you and is trying to support you; I know you have new needs that you want him to fill now, but it might be that you need to turn to other dieters for that support rather than him. Either that, or maybe you can tell him specifically what you need. Otherwise, I wouldn't expect him to know how to help you automatically or even to feel like it's his role to do so.

My bf last diet around was very similar. He could eat what he wanted, smoke when he wanted, and didn't exercise. He told me he loved me at a high weight, and congratulated my lower weights at the same time. So I know the position you're in, but he has a right to live his lifestyle how he chooses and is clearly trying to care for you. Women often believe they want their men to become something different, without realizing that what they want is a different man (or a female friend, or a relative). This situation might be the equivalent of his trying to make you eat fast food and smoke and getting angry when you don't, or be his guy-buddy who sits on the couch playing video games. He's not upset at you for not playing all the social roles he needs in his life; why should you be mad at him for the same thing?

Last edited by kelly315; 07-29-2012 at 08:32 AM.
kelly315 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2012, 10:28 AM   #4  
Senior Member
 
IAmTheGlue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 249

Height: 5'6"

Default

I have two lines of thoughts on your problem with your fiance.

The first is this: I think your fiance is just being nice and saying the safest thing possible. He probably loves you at any weight. It's like "does this make my butt look big?" I don't think he has any other thing he can say without ending up the bad guy. He may feel insecure that when you lose all the weight you want that you may be moving on. Most people don't like change. When he sees the person he loves the most changing, he may not be gung ho about it because he is not sure what it means for his future.

You are changing. People change. Sometimes they grow together. Sometimes they grow apart. But I have found in my life that when someone is changing other people don't like it.

When my husband says "I'm going to get a six pack" I feel the same way, a rush of jealousy and "what if" that I know is stupid. I know WHO he is deep down.

The second is this. If he really feels he has to watch over you like a kid sister, does he not trust you? If you can't go for a walk alone is it about your safety or is he that insecure? Is it because you are his best friend and he enjoys being around you or is it because he is afraid you'll be out there alone where other guys are going to make a move?

I can understand where you are coming from with a lack of support in your life. Many people have been less than supportive to me over the years. Find your support here. He doesn't have to be your only support beam. Lean this way. You may also have a friend on facebook that is trying to lose weight that you could lean on.
IAmTheGlue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2012, 12:24 PM   #5  
Senior Member
 
silentarctic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 992

S/C/G: 377/350/180

Height: 6'0"

Default

I'm with the others, I'm pretty sure he is being nice and letting you know that he loves you whether small or large, that is a great thing.

As for the workouts: a question to clarify, why does he have to go with you everywhere is it really that dangerous where you are at? That seems a bit controlling to me but then again I've been single all my life there is NO ONE in the world that I would want to do absolutely everything with. I like my "me" time. I would definitely try and find ways to work out without him, as the smoking would bother me too. If you could join a gym, (so it would be in a 'safe' place) or do some other form of indoor workout that might work.

As for the food, if you are packing lunches, pack two different lunches, one for him and one for you. You can throw apple slices in yours, and a pudding pack in his. Put Lettuce on your sandwich, but put extra meat and cheese on his... etc. You guys definitely do not have to eat the exact same things.

I don't like steak and we would always cook me a chicken breast, when my dad had steak when I lived with him. And would just have the same sides. I like the suggestion about the pasta sauce on veggies for you while he has it on the pasta etc.

You CAN do this
silentarctic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2012, 09:06 PM   #6  
Member
 
savynaturalista's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 61

S/C/G: 210

Height: 5,6

Default

I wish you were in AZ I need a workout partner!
I think you have a tough rode me an my boyfriend are attached at the hip as well. I use tricks to get him to eat healthy. If he does not cook and you do just cook a healthy meal he will eat he has no choice since he can't cook. If you go to the grocery store don't take him or if you do take him; keep him in the car. The smoking maybe difficult my boyfriend is not a smoker, but if you guys go for a walk you can hide his cigarettes until after the walk.

I think you should tell him how passionate you are about loosing weight because if you don't he will never understand. I hope you reach your goal you need to communicate with him!!

Last edited by CyndiM; 08-02-2012 at 04:04 AM. Reason: need 20 days, 20 posts to add links
savynaturalista is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2012, 04:32 PM   #7  
Junior Member
 
alisonclaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Winnipeg MB- Canada
Posts: 8

S/C/G: 170/163/140

Height: 5'4

Default

I agree I think he was trying to be nice but doesn't know how to show support. It is hard for people who are not trying to lose weight to comprehend what we are going through. My BF is not trying to lose weight, when he wants pasta I make him pasta but I have extra veggies and whole wheat pasta with my own sauce or something to that effect. So we are eating similar items but mine is healthier.
Be happy he goes for walks with you, my previous BF never would ever go for a walk or do anything with me, my new BF always does. Perhaps this your bf's way of encouragement?

Also I agree with the lunches, perhaps pack him a separate lunch and make yours the healthy one!

Good luck, weight loss is a hard task!
alisonclaire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2012, 06:58 PM   #8  
Just watch me ...
 
Exhale15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 763

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by raworz View Post
I called my fiance and told him I went from 187 and just weighed myself and it said 197... he tells me it's ok to gain all my weight back and I got really upset because I have no one supporting me it feels like. When I try to exercise every day he acts like I'm inconveniencing him because he acts like he has to go everywhere I go to look after me like I'm his kid sister. He complains about the food I make if it has lettuce and if his lunches has sliced apples they'll be in the container I put them in at 11:00 when he comes home.. rotten.. I could've eaten that!
So since he's not as enthused as me and we are joined at the hip we take walks together and he is smoking...SMOKING right next to me! I want to breath in the clean air and feel the sunshine or the rain on my skin (WA) and he is seriously smoking!
So I give in because when I'm drenching things in oil and eating queso with tortilla chips is when he is happy but then I gain 197 while he is down at 185! it's hard for me to find the starting place again and do all of my calorie counting and measuring that got me down under 200 lbs and if I'm getting so much flack for improving my health and body I just get so discouraged..

I'm not going to leave him, lol BTW we are getting married a year from now. I've tried talking to him and telling him how important this is to me, and no he doesn't shove the bad food down my throat or make me grocery shop for bad things but it seems to please him more than baked chicken breast without skin or spray instead of oil for cooking. I'm just at a loss... I was 7 pounds away from my high school weight and I'm so scared of getting back to 200 because it was tough.. I just feel my body oozing again.. instead of me being pleasantly surprised I wear a 14 instead of 16... I'm filling the 16 again.. sigh.. I just.. don't know? I'm very anti social... I moved here a year ago and all I do is hang out with my fiance. The girls I work with are cool but they have their own social lives and invite me places I'm uncomfortable with... I tried looking on craigslists for someone to workout with but that's kind of weird too because you never know on there.
p.s
it just doesn't feel like my fiance wants me to succeed... he says things sometimes like."I can barely keep my hands off of you know, I can just imagine if you loose all the weight your want to" but I get no help and he's my only support beam. I have no family out here, I talk to people at work about my success with weight loss but sometimes I get rude comments from immature people to I just stay to myself.. quietly. :/
I don't understand...you have a fiance who is not supportive of you, hangs around you all the time, smokes in your air...are you with him because there no 'friends' around? Your situation with him is unlikely to get better and you are painting yourself into a corner that is going to be difficult to get out of once you get married. Think through this - what do you want for yourself?

Last edited by Exhale15; 08-02-2012 at 07:22 PM.
Exhale15 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2012, 07:07 PM   #9  
I can do anything!
 
ValRock's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 2,509

S/C/G: 267/Ticker/150 & BAMF

Height: 5'9.5"

Default

This is the thing about weight loss. It's YOUR journey. It's not his. If you hinge your success on him, you'll fail. Simple as that.

This is YOUR health. Not his. You have to do it for yourself. He's trying to be nice. It sounds like he loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't misinterpret what he's saying as a convenient excuse for failure.

You said a lot of "I feel like he........" What you need to do is take responsibility for your own health. If he wants to help then GREAT. If he doesn't, it's not his body, it's yours. Don't let him have that much control over you. You have to find a plan that works for YOU, for your life. Not for his. You can do this... but you have to take responsibility for yourself. No excuses.

Last edited by ValRock; 08-02-2012 at 07:08 PM.
ValRock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2012, 09:06 AM   #10  
Senior Member
 
KatMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 554

S/C/G: 325/125/maintaining

Height: 5'6.5

Default

Sounds like my hubby a couple years ago...well meaning, but not giving me the kind of support I wanted. I had to cook different meals for him. He didn't want to eat the healthy food I was eating. We rarely ate the same food. Kind of a pain in the butt for me to cook two different meals, but it worked. I wouldn't go out and eat. I wouldn't miss a workout. Thing is, he saw how healthy I was getting and he slowly started eating the foods I was, he started working out with me...he's now lost close to 50 pounds in six months! I didn't force anything on him. Could be your fiancÚ is a tad jealous of the time you are spending on your healthy lifestyle? Maybe he worries about how hot you'll look after you lose the weight and he's insecure about it? I would put my foot down about the smoking around you while you're working out, though. Sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him the kind of support you need or don't need. Don't let it fester and cause problems with your weight loss or your relationship. You can do this!!
KatMarie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:12 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.