Does anyone else feel like depression has killed off some brain cells over the years? I remember when I was a teenager I could always think of funny or witty things to say... basically just be interesting. It also helped that I had hobbies and passions so I could have related to other people.

After letting my life fall apart, I have very few hobbies, no friends, and often get stuck in a rut... I'd like to make new friends, but when I hear people chatting away and saying interesting things, I feel so boring by comparison. I think too seriously about things and barely think to spruce up my conversation anymore. I just relay facts.

This isn't just about whining... I want to jumpstart my mindset again and learn to have fun in life. I think I have a pretty good anti-depressant regimen going, but I also want to focus on putting my life back together. What do you do to become fun again? I've thought about watching comedies and whatnot... I guess I still struggle with being disinterested in most things, but I'll try whatever it takes.

I understand what you mean. I generally distance myself, but not as much as I use to. I use feel that I didn't want to get into a conversation with others because I'll make it awkward by saying something serious or outlandish. I think that makes people feel uncomfortable. I didn't want to do that. It also was the fact that I felt that no one really wanted to listen to anything I had to say anyways.

I'm still like this today sometimes, but I learned that you'll have to take it a step at a time by doing little things. Try taking yourself out of your own comfort zone in some way. I use to be very quiet. I never talked to anyone until I was talked to, no matter what I wanted to say. But, I wanted to make friends and do what you are struggling with at the moment.

It's not easy, to say the least, but try maybe talking to someone new anywhere. Like it could be at the store, in an elevator, park, or wherever! Lol. Start by just saying hello. I found adding a compliment in there can work too. But, only compliment if you actually find something you would compliment ahaha. Are there things you do enjoy that could possibly have you interact with people with the same interests? Like a local group or something.

You could do other things as you get use to it, but I doubt you're boring, just need to get out of the rut. Everyone has their own versions of fun, remember that, because you might end up being someone you aren't while you're trying to get out of this. Trust me that's pretty sucky on it's own when that happens, learned the lesson the hard way. Fight on! I'm sure you can jump start just fine.

Take it a little bit at a time. I also had this issue, and what I came to realize was blocking my wit/ability to conjure up quick replies was anxiety and preoccupation with my depression. Over the years, I delved into the practice of mindfulness (google it! It is essentially learning to live in the moment and not filter EVERYTHING through my thoughts of anxiety first (still not perfect at this by any means)). It took a while, because at first I tried to turn my brain back on, as if a switch had merely been flipped to cause me to lose my edge. What I learned from this was that expecting to fix it overnight made me more anxious and depressed over the fact that I could not "be myself" anymore. One I took it easy and simply congratulated myself for the small successes, I started to slowly improve. Remember to be your own best friend along the process Never be the one to bring yourself down.

Astrild, A couple of suggestions: When you're with a group of people and feel you have nothing to add to the conversation, ask a question. Ask how someone got interested in their hobby, why they chose to go to a certain movie, etc. It keeps the conversation going, keeps you in the conversation, and people like to explain things like that. You could also ask for a suggestion.... like the best color for a kitchen....This way you put a question out there, keep people engaged, and you don't have to do too much work

Also, pick one of your hobbies, and spend 30 minutes a day on it. Whether it's organizing your photos or paints, looking through websites about your hobby....spend a half hour a day with your brain and spirit connected to it in some way. Don't judge whether you're progressing during the 30 minutes, don't put pressure on yourself, just put it in your schedule for the day and explore.

Good luck to you

How about reading books? I love to lose myself in a good book - whether it's something important and meaningful, or romantic trash.

I do agree with the "watching comedy" thing - I use that as a way to keep me from being depressed from time to time.

And there's even a way to combine both - I read a lot of "chick lit humor"...like Jen Lancaster.

I also agree with the exploring hobbies as well. What kind of hobbies do you have?

Hang in there...dealing with depression is often one day at a time.

Edit: Sorry this turned into a huge reply. lol

stunzorz~ I really identify with thinking too much about my depression. I'm starting to monitor my thoughts a lot more so I don't get stuck on that track. I also recently made a charm bracelet to remind me of better things to think about or do... It's sort of helping so far. Thanks for the encouragement. I've realized a lot of my troubles are a lot more to do with how I handle them, and not solely being plagued with an illness. It's pretty empowering, but a learning curve.

Rainbow~ I know what you mean about not being yourself when trying to get better.... I tried reviving old hobbies of mine, but felt like I didn't enjoy them anymore... I just don't know myself anymore. So I've tried liking what other people like, but it feels off. It's also hard because usually if I do like something people have no idea what it is or think I'm weird. lol ugh... I'll sort it out though. Good luck to you too. It's rough, but I think caring for yourself and relaxing comes first, then other things will follow.

Butterfly~ I know just what you mean with overthinking it... I started going to college a year ago, and I was so uptight... Previously I had virtually no social interaction. I had opportunities to make friends in class, but I thought I had to be perfect and was too closed off. I think being around people helps a lot though. They can really show you how to relax and just be human. I'm trying to take those cues, anyway. I still have a ways to go.

Exhale~ Thanks for the tips! I always feel intrusive asking people questions (or even giving compliments! I know, everyone loves compliments.) I'm just too reserved and am trying to get over it. That's also a good idea to spend time with a hobby every day... I'm learning better discipline, as I'm getting more serious about handling my depression and getting back together. Thanks a lot!

Mustang~ Reading is one of those things I've let fall by the wayside... I really struggle with apathy, but hopefully that'll clear up if my regiment works. I'd typically read nonfiction, but might try exploring more lighthearted stuff. Having hobbies has always been hard for me because I live in my head so much... I guess I like being outside... I'd like to start drawing again, since it's a talent I've really done nothing with. I'm taking a summer drawing class that's getting my back into it. Maybe I'll just focus on that for now. Thanks a lot!



When it comes to socializing... ugh. I've realized I've made a lot of barriers for myself all my life. Like Rainbow, I also only speak when spoken to most of the time. Even when people do talk to me, it's hard for me to say more than a couple words and get the ball rolling. I'm learning to be more open and realize that it's okay to approach people or be as open as anyone else. Although, people where I live are also known for being reserved, so I feel like I'd be drawing attention to myself if I broke out of my shell. I know it's just a mental barrier though... I'm trying to tear those down. How freeing it would feel!

Another major issue with me is my brain also freezes up in social interactions so I can't keep a conversation going. I just feel dumb. Like how are people so damn quick all the time?! I guess I just need to relax more and be comfortable around people... Sometimes I do want to say something to someone in passing, but I shoot myself down and think it doesn't matter anyway. I guess I lack the motivation to change, even though I want friends.

Thanks everyone for the support!! You guys are invaluable. I'm really learning to work through my problems in a more investigative and systematic way... I just need the courage to apply these things when around my biggest fear (people!!)

Astrild, I totally get you. I was having coffee with a friend "Jack" yesterday and he was telling me about the time we first met, in January. It was at a seminar and as usual I was the one in the corner, hiding. Well another guy, "Mike" whom I'd become acquainted with via email (and who was obviously the life of the crowd) came over and we started chatting and he (bless his heart) never left my side, lol. And with my self esteem, i needed that crutch. Through Mike I met Jack. So Jack was telling me that my downfall is I retreat into a shell. He said at the seminar he asked 2 other people who I was. I on the other hand was not interested in who anyone else was, I was busy fretting about whether someone was looking at my big stomach and judging me, or second-guessing whether I deserved to be there. This while Jack was asking who I was. And Mike camping beside me. Perception is a dangerous thing.

My point is, people are probably interested in you. I know I need to learn how to take the initiative and be the one to say "hello." sometimes. That terrifies me! But once you get going, its not half bad and some conversations are great and some are, meh. Atleast you tried. You never know the kind of beautiful friendships/experiences/opportunities await you.

I wish the best for you.

P.S I like to ask people questions - most people love talking about themselves so I just ask and ask and ask and its an ego boost when someone feels you're interested in them/what they have to say. Before you know it the conversation is still going hours later

Honestly- I felt the same when I was a teenager. Then I became not a teenager! lol! Teens are selfish, naive, immature little things. (I include myself in that statement even though I have always been very mature for my age and well-behaved, etc).

I think as an adult we realize that we dont have the world at our finger tips like we thought we did. Our possibilities are necessarily endless, the way were told by those motivational guest speakers. The tediousness of adult life and the responsibilities that come along with all of that is exhausting. It takes the wind out of your sails for a while. Everyone moves beyond it in their own time.

You post reminds me of some students I've encountered in my many years of teaching who suffered from Selective Mutism. It used to be thought it was caused by some emotional trauma but now they think it is because of anxiety and a very shy personality.
Maybe if you goggled that there maybe some helpful suggestions.

I've actually heard of selective mutism and somewhat relate to it... I can portray a calm look on the outside, but I just freeze up mentally and it's hard to speak. When I was a kid I'd just sit there, and cause adults to scratch their heads. lol I do think it's gotten better though, as I'm not as anxious around people... So I agree it has to do with anxiety. I did managed to talk to a cute guy today. I just keep telling myself I'm not as bad as I think I am.

bombshell~ You're so right. I guess everyone goes through an adjustment period when their life starts seeming more serious. Some of the coolest & freest people I can think of seem to be in their 30s... But I'll keep trying anyway.

If you look calm- most people are probably thinking- WOW she is really interesting and smart and contemplative. lol
Being honest is an interesting approach- I was just thinking if I were in a conversation and someone said "I am bored with hobbies and books" I would think that is really true and funny, or say something like - yep me too.


When you were little what hobbies did you like to do?

What comedies do you like?

yeah... on the flipside, I think people assume I'm ignoring them and am closed off. I don't mind being that "mysterious" lady, until I'm putting others off. lol

And that's very true about being honest... I feel like everyone has to pump themselves up to be interesting... honestly I find it a bit fake and annoying lot of the time. At least, I've known some pretentious artsy types like that. lol I usually find people who can talk about nothing a lot cooler and down to earth... I just get too nervous to be casual like that. lol I'm working at it though. I've talked a little to people in class... I just feel dumb afterward for some reason.

When I was little it was mostly drawing... which I'm getting back into. I played outside a lot... and I still spend time outdoors... I watched more TV back then, which I don't do as much... I guess I prefer youtube but it's hard to find good shows. I mostly watch political stuff, which I noticed bogging me down. Humor could come in handy! I do like Trailer Park Boys, Tim & Eric, South Park, and stuff like that... I just haven't come across a similar show that I like. I mean, I'm a pretty intelligent person, but to relax I like really dumb stuff. haha I guess it's a matter of digging around. I get stuck in a rut a lot and don't put in the effort to get out. I slack off with music too, but it's so hard to find stuff I like. I guess I have to embrace being kind of picky...better than having no preferences, but it's just more work.

Thanks... I guess I'm answering a lot of my own questions, but it helps to talk it out. I've felt a lot better about myself this week because of it.