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Was anyone here a fat chick/dude in high school? And experienced bullying?
That is something I would like to talk about with others who have experienced it too. I have never met anyone else who was bullied in high school like me. I was teased about everything from my looks to my personality-every aspect of who I was was challenged.
I got got ugly, hippo,cow, whale ect.. Was told dating me would be "bestiality"
Worst part is how I dealt with it. I cried. all the damn time. And if you know anything about bullies you will know they get a power rush and joy from hurting others and seeing those cry. My bullies were all guys too. Never got bullied by girls-ever. The girls felt sorry for me and of course judged me but they never called me names or put me down to my face. Because of that and the fact that I didn't have a good relationship with my dad I developed serious trust issues with men. I feel I am too ugly and men are visual and even if I lost the weight no man would want me. I've been hit on before..actually a handful of times recently oddly, but it's always by drug addicts/ convicts (no offense to any drug addicts or convicts on this forum or reading this)on the bus or something. And as snobby as it sounds I am not attracted to men involved with drugs, crime or who are uneducated. The kind of men I am attracted to are IN NO WAY attracted to someone like me. I'm okay being single, some people are bothered by it, however I enjoy being by myself, doesn't bother me. Yes, it'd be nice to have someone but I can manage, there are more things in life. However, I do want to be a mom(adopt kids not my own long story have reasons) and single motherhood is not the easiest thing. Sorry went off topic!
Anyways haven't faced any bullying since highschool thank god but it still affects me. Not so much as when I was a freshman, as now being 22 I honestly could care less what people I don't know or care about think.
Yes, I was maybe not the "fat" chick, there were others a lot bigger than me, but I did get teased in elementary, middle, and high. It was very painful, it stopped me from doing so many things, and it still affects me today even though I am smaller than I have been in years. (I am almost 21 now).
I am so appalled to read that, it makes me so mad that anyone would even THINK to say those things. Kids can be so cruel. But I also understand where you are coming from. I had people call me fat and not want to date me because of it too. I also have a lot of trust issues with my dad which ended up affecting the way I interact with men greatly.
It is perfectly fine to say you are attracted to men who are above the influence and have a direction in life! That's a good thing! But before you go ahead and write yourself off, remember that you are young and have so much time to find the right one for you. Sometimes the "right" one is somewhere that you do not expect. I met my bf 2 yrs ago when I was at my heaviest, 250. He called me beautiful, loved me for who I am, and has supported my weight loss the best that he knows how to. It is not impossible.
I am glad that you have recognized that it doesn't matter what other people think. I think now would be a good time to work on loving yourself and trying to heal the wounds that bullying has caused you over the years. I am in the same exact process right now. Message me if you need a shoulder to lean on! It will only get better
That is awful — I don't understand how people can be so horrible to each other. It seems almost arbitrary who gets treated that way. In my high school, there was a girl who was constantly tortured and talked about behind her back for being fat and she wasn't even that large — I think I remember her being a 16 senior year. But me, I was 220 pounds senior year and no one did anything to me. I know it's probably close to impossible, but just keep reminding yourself it has nothing to do with you — sometimes kids just need a target. Doesn't make it ok, but maybe it makes it better.
I had an ex boyfriend who "bullied" me in that way. He would constantly ask me to lose weight..even when I was a lot thinner. He compared me to other women and said I was not "normal" and why couldn't I be slim like the other women.
Then after we broke up, I had a boyfriend who I met when I was at the weight I am now. He made me feel SO beautiful. In fact, he seemed almost to worship me in a way. I could do no wrong, and he would not stop staring at me in admiration. So much so that it turned into a problem. I thought I'd like someone to be like that to me, but it just got weird after a while.
Hmm.. this will make me sound dumb, but I am now engaged to bf number one. He actually flew over and proposed while I was still with bf #2 and had been going out with for one month. It was a very stressful time, and I still can't believe I said yes to bf1. Actually, I'm really stressed about it at the moment. I am flying to be with him for a few months in a few weeks.
Now that I sound all unstable and idiotic, carry on! lol
I was a little overweight in highschool. But I was bullied, specifically by one boy for my acne for a few years. He would call me pizzaface in front of everyone and even worse names. I got so down on myself I made a benzoyl peroxide mask one night and left it on all night. It burned my face and it was bright red for a week or so. Anyway, the next year I came to school with my acne pretty much gone, and guess who came back from summer vaca with a pizza face? HE DID. I didn't bully him, though. karma was enough justice for me.
Bullying really gets to me. I was always one of the free floaters in highschool, not belonging to any specific clique, and had friends from all of them. I remember telling the girls who were popular to stop bullying the "stoners" or less popular girls. I sat down next to the mean girls and just told them to stop because they are really hurting the others feelings. It worked for a while, but maybe that's because we had such a small class size.
Bullying is awful. I wasn't overweight, but in elementary school there were times when I was bullied mercilessly. Both boys and girls bullied me and I felt so isolated and alone. Although the bullying stopped eventually, the scars stayed with me. Even today, I am not a very outgoing person and tend to keep to myself because I don't fully trust other people. As far as being attractive to men - there are women of all shapes and sizes with boyfriends. I was thin when I was single, but I didn't have confidence, and consequently, I didn't get asked out very often. I had friends who were heavy who always were hit on - they were beautiful and confident! Don't wait until you hit your goal weight to develop your confidence - play around with your sense of style, hair, makeup, exercise - realize that you are beautiful right now! Guys will notice.
Dalliance, mind if I asked what changed with BF1? It seems like he didn't treat you well at all. Has he changed? Sorry to be nosy (and to hijack your thread, Sugar!) but now that you posted about it I'm curious
Dalliance, mind if I asked what changed with BF1? It seems like he didn't treat you well at all. Has he changed? Sorry to be nosy (and to hijack your thread, Sugar!) but now that you posted about it I'm curious
No I don't mind at all I'm curious too myself!
Paradise I would love to know more about your story and don't worry I'm not stable myself so no room to judge.
Well it's a shame no one here could relate either. I apologize but I need to rant here so don't mind the depressing emoness of all this. I'm use to that though, being ..eccentric and all. I hate being weird it really is not worth it to be "unique". I wish I could be normal, start my life again as a normal girl. Pretty, in shape play sports, have a boyfriend, get good grades, get into vet school, work hard make lots of friends. Be a normal, happy girl, have a good dad and be a daddys girls-a ll those things I don't understand and wish I were.
Today had to catch the bus with these girls(I'll explain later but basically I'm rushing for a multicultural. And we are not supposed to talk about it but bullshit this is the internet and I am not going to reveal which one it it so no harm completely anonymous.) anyways we had to catch a bus for our meeting and everyone is irritated with me bc apparently I was late a few times and disorganized(I am ADD and I've explained that) anyways these girls were booking it to the bus stop and there was another girl my size but she was booking it the fastest. All of these girls played sports in highschool too and I....was an out of shape loser. Anyways I was waaay behind out of breath my calves burning and getting flashbacks of highschool,, was pissed off and reached an epiphany. I am sick of this. It is time to change! I'm tired of being so out of shape and it being painful to walk fast uphill of not being able to keep up with others of having issues. I'm gonna change! I'm sick of being fat and watching youtube videos and episodes all day instead of cleaning studying and exercising. I just sit eat and watch and escape, escape into a fantasy world so I don't have to deal with reality.
Dalliance, mind if I asked what changed with BF1? It seems like he didn't treat you well at all. Has he changed? Sorry to be nosy (and to hijack your thread, Sugar!) but now that you posted about it I'm curious
Ha..well he said he changed and I thought he did, but I'm finding out he really hasn't much, if at all. I'm really at odds with myself at the moment trying to figure out if I should break off our engagement or not. He's just really immature and selfish, even though he's older than me( age means nothing I found out). I feel like I'm in a cycle and I'm ready to get off the ride!
I also feel bad for hijacking the thread. Maybe I'll start a new one to complain about my relationship woes, lol. Ah, life.
HS is such difficult time for many. -- I feel very lucky. I went to a theatrical HS and we had all sorts of people; dancers (I was a ballerina), actors, vocalist, musicians...they all came in different sizes. No one was ever bullied.
I mentioned this in another thread recently...I wasn't overweight in school, but I was very thin and I used to get a lot of flack for that. In reality I was pretty healthy, but all of the comments made me feel like a big weird skeleton or something. I think it's one of the reasons I'm so unhealthy now is because I have a skewed pereception of myself thanks to that. It was always girls who got on my case.Most of my male friends thought I looked fine. My husband tells me the girls only made fun of me because they were jealous that I was dating him and they weren't
On the plus side, most of the girls who were rude to me were part of the same group and their "leader" would stick up for me when she was around. Probably because I used to do her Math and Spanish work for her, but hey. I take what I can get.
Last edited by BananaMontana; 03-04-2012 at 07:10 PM.
I was a bit plump from 4th -5th grade and got teased a lot about being a nerdy fat kid. (Wore glasses. Not esp coordinated in gym, etc. ) I was upset about it then.
But I shot up in 6th and the weight kinda distributed along my height and I didn't have it any more on the fat front. Still sometimes on the nerdy front -- lots of teasing in jr high. I still sucked at gym, but I tried. After 9th grade gym was no longer required and became elective so it was like "Hooray! My hazing is over!" I never took another PE class ever!
By high school, I didn't get teased at all. I wasn't esp popular, but was liked well enough by peers. "One of those nice smart girls" but not esp tight with a lot of people. I tend to be a loner, so I suppose some of that early teasing shaped that. I liked a few friends and that was good enough for me.
The childishness of my peers on glasses and academics was let go and I was in decent weight for my height and in decent average shape. I was dating, had a few friends I liked. I wasn't teased in high school.
There were other kids who were overweight around, but I never heard them complain too much about being bullied or teased on that. I'm sure they got some flak but the main teasing seemed to have moved on toward sex and sexual orientation. I didn't participate in this and defended some of my lesbigay classmates, but I suspect the bullies had gotten older, some even wore contacts or glasses themselves now so what was "hot" for teasing in elementary was now tossed in favor of sexual orientation because that was the stage now in HS. Who is having sex or not? And what orientation?
When I gained in college due to undiagnosed PCOS/IR/hypothyroid, nobody said boo but my concerned family. I don't think the other students much cared or noticed -- everyone is different.
And my gain wasn't SO huge that I was obese. I was still in overweight category. In college, there wasn't as much of a THING with orientation either. At least not in my circles. Maybe people just needed to grow up and get over their differences? Or I ran in more educated crowds now in college? Who knows. I wasn't teased in college.
I know that there are still people who bully on sexual orientation, religion, weight, etc. But I really honestly think it is based on the maturity of the bully than on the victim. (Not that it feels good to the victim! )
Then I was married when it crept even higher into obese. But nobody teases me now. Maybe it would be different if I were running in the singles crowd? I don't think so though. By mid 30's people seem so over that. I have some 30's and 40's friends who are dating again after divorce and the issues aren't as much about looks and fatness. It's about wanting a partner who has a good work ethic, is decent, the problems of blended families with potential step siblings, etc.
apostrophe - I noticed the same bullying trends you did--and that they changed at different times. I was always slender up until age 22, when my metabolism skidded to a halt. In college, no one made fun of me for putting on a few extra pounds...except the guy I liked. He remarked on how big my arse had gotten over the summer. After that, I ate 700-900cal per day for six straight months, with exercise on top of that, and lost all the weight. I then had a "model's" figure....and a whacked-out metabolism. It's amazing how something so simple as one remark can throw you off the deep end. One thing I did receive some consistent teasing for was my decision to remain a virgin until marriage. It wasn't like I was talking about it all the time, or calling people names who chose not to wait, but I was treated like I was stupid, naive, didn't know a thing about sex. Most of my friends looked at me like I was still a "kid" because of my decision. It was weird, and hurtful. I mean, I never judged anyone else's orientation; why should I be judged for MY choice? (I am somewhat mollified now, though--after being treated like "I had yet to find myself and figure out what I wanted" in college, I graduated, became a responsible adult in contrast to many of the people I knew in college, who are still floundering.)
SugarBudgie - Not that anyone should ever write themselves off, but you are WAY too young to even be thinking about throwing in the towel. You are 22! You're young and fresh-faced and you don't have wrinkles! At your age, you are NOT likely to find a man who will treat you the way you deserve. Guys that age are pretty selfish because they haven't realized that in addition to sex and food they need companionship as well for a relationship to last. Sadly, many of them won't realize this until they're older and out of college for a few years. When they've got a bunch of hot blonde sorority twits offering them their bodies, they're not going to go for the nice girl. Don't take it personally. Boys ARE stupid.
However, the good ones will wise up when they're done being kids, and realize that the kind of girl they need for a mate is one who'll laugh at their jokes and can make them laugh, who will make them soup when they're sick, who'll curl up with them and watch bad Sci-Fi movies, who'll listen to their worries and call them on their mistakes. They want a girl who is healthy and knows how to take care of herself, but isn't too proud to ask for help so that her man can feel needed, too. Worry about becoming that kind of woman, not a woman with a perfect body who only attracts men by doing what she thinks they want. If you focus on being a "complete" woman, you'll eventually find someone who's looking for a complete woman.
Last edited by QueenofThorn; 03-05-2012 at 02:52 PM.
I would have to say I got bullied in middle school more than high school. I picked on about my weight then, mainly, but still had some of it in HS. MS was the time for more verbal form of bulling like being called fat, hippo, ugly, and etc. I use to hate sitting in particular desks because they would be way too small at times. If I ever got one of those small desks for the day I would definitely be picked on throughout the day about it. Our lockers, during my 7th-8th grade year, were sort of like in rows. So in order to get to your locker you might have someone behind you to get to theirs. That would be awful for me because if I happened to be at the locker when someone behind me needed it they'd make a comment. Yet, if I had to get to it and someone was even in the row I would wait because saying "excuse me" to get to it would end up receiving a very crushing comment that definitely referred to my weight.
Now, in HS I wasn't as bullied, but I still was. I remember when this guy would ask why my calves were so big all the time and would snicker and laugh when I said it was muscle. At the time they were very muscled lol, but of course he'd laugh because of reasons. There was also those "invisible" stabs. I use to hate when the girls would say "hey hey he likes you" then laugh and the guys would be like "no she's DEFINITELY not my type". Those games that were played...I absolutely hated.
I could go on and on of all the things I remember. But, I wasn't just picked on because of my weight. I was what some called the "token" black chick. My personality was not...it was different. My school was more percentage of black students than any other ethnicity. I wasn't really into the music other kids of my ethnicity was interested in. I wasn't into the same fashion. I didn't have a lot of things in common with other students of my skin color. Not only that but I was always picked on for how I spoke. A lot of students, of my ethnicity, just didn't get me. Lol. I wanted to share that because wanted you to know it seemed to me that those factors plus my weight issues could have definitely been tied together.
Once I left HS I never looked back though. I gained confidence in myself even with how heavy I was. People will always be people, but they don't have to effect you. There's this song called "I smile" by Kirk Franklin. (I'm not religious in the slightest lol) This is great song and there's a part in it that he says,"...See I just don't want you to just be happy. Cause' then you got to have something happening. I want you to have joy, 'cause no one can take that from you. Smile."
I'm glad that you've overcome it, even though it does still follow you, but I think that you at times have to remember the bad to get over it. might sound weird haha. I'm 24 and I'm a diva , even with the weigh lol. You just have to know you'll always be one yourself fly girl hehe.
Bullying
