So I've been trying. A bit half-assed in regards to weight loss. But first and foremost I've been trying to change my attitude on things. Stop focusing on the negative and looking towards the positive. Stop getting depressed about the failures and celebrate the successes. And this site is a positive influence. Unfortunately, lately, I feel it can be a hindrance too. Everyone on this site is great. And everyone means well and is trying to help. That's what a support forum is for. I didn't expect that I would magically find the formula for me on this site. I just wanted to meet folks like me in the same situation. And I've done that.

But sometimes it's actually really hard to see so many successes. Beginning this journey, which I've tried to do for over a year, seems so daunting to me. And when you hear someone who has the answers and/or who has lost over 100 pounds I start feeling like I'm a failure. And again, logically, I shouldn't feel this way. I should feel inspiration. But should and actuality are two different things. On the days when I feel the lowest and try to get lifted from the site, I sometimes feel a lot worse.

So am I worthy of this site? Shouldn't people on here be supportive and happy for one another? I'm completely jealous some times and wish I'd figured out how to do this like others have. Can I really provide any help or guidance to anyone else when I'm not feeling as if I have anything to offer? When I feel like a failure? When does a support site become less support and more a reminder of what you haven't achieved? Maybe I'm not ready for a forum page? Or how do I get past this and feel the joy that I want to feel when I see the accomplishments of others? Am I worthy?

to you! I don't really think it's a question of if you're worthy....the question is (in my opinion) is do you think this site is causing more harm than good? If that's the case, maybe it's not a bad idea to take a little time to reflect on why other people's success is not motivating you but only making you feel like a failure. I would like to tell you that I have lost and gained the same 50-70 lbs. for more times than I could ever remember. Keep in mind that those very people who have reached their goal weight often regain (not that this should make you feel better). This site is a snapshot for the most part of what is happening to someone at that given moment. Many people come here and quit. There are people who just disappear. Sure, some of them may not need this site anymore, but a lot of them go from being very active to simply disappearing and it makes me think that they're not staying on their plans. There have been times when I've felt like I had it all figured out but believe me that I have absolutely not had it figured out. I guess I"m saying all this because I hope you don't leave. I think you have a lot to contribute. There are many aspects to this journey and you provide another experience and there are many of us here that don't want to feel alone....like we're the only ones feeling certain emotions. I can really relate to some of what you're saying so I can say that reading your post caught my attention because some part of me has experienced such feelings of failure. Absolutely! I'm not even sure what my main point is, but I just wanted to let you know that I think your candid post really made me think and I hope you know that there are plenty of people here who are less than perfect in our quest for goal.

I agree with the previous poster ~ it isn't a matter of whether you are worthy of this site or visa-versa ... you came & you've learned some things about yourself while you were here; and that in itself is a kind of SUCCESS!

I am sure many people have felt as you do. Right now, I am thinking of the many times that I have lost weight, only to gain it all back (several times). Did I feel like a failure? You betcha! BUT, now I know that I was not a failure at all; and I learned that through someone at this site. I actually succeeded many times: I lost weight every time, and that was my goal!

What I now know is that I needed to find out why I overate in the first place, and I did (another success). I was/am an EMOTIONAL-REPSONSE EATER. I am a former binger, who has learned how to cope with my emotions in a much healthier way. That is a fabulous success ...

It is not failure to learn what doesn't work for you; that is actually another success. Now you can spend your time looking for what will work for you. I share with others that -- "The best plan for you is the one you can stick to; and the best exercise is the one you enjoy." Keep seeking until you find them ...

I think you've got tunnel vision that's preventing you from seeing that most people here are struggling just as much as you are. You're seeing the success, not the struggling (because you're not looking for the strugglers and stragglers - and because the struggling is often hidden, because people don't talk about their failures all the time).


Sure I lost 101 lbs, but it's taken me 7 years (or to be more accurate 40 years) to do it.

Are you still jealous of someone losing an average of a quarter pound per week (I've been able to speed it up over the course of this time, but I'm not yet averageing even 1 lb per week).


It's like running in a marathon and assuming you're in last place because you see the thousands of people ahead of you and not the millions behind you - nor the people ahead who are going to drop out and regain nor all the people at home who aren't ever going to run at all.

Just being and staying in the race puts you at the head of the pack, not crawling behind (and even craling is more than most people accomplish).


When I started, I didn't even think I could lose any weight. In my whole life, I had only ever gained weight as a result of dieting, but I had lost 20 lbs "accidentally" as a result of sleep apnea treatment.

I didn't want to regain that weight, so my first goal was simply to maintain that weight and "maybe lose one more." It took me two more years to lose the "just one more," but I did keep off the 20 lbs, and I did make healthy changes that made my life better. Every pound I lost, I was determined to keep off, and I was determined not to let the occasional gain inspire me to give up.

I think focusing on maintainance from the very beginning was the biggest change of my lfe. Seeing maintenance as success helped me feel successful more often than not (and I think that's important. We don't traditionally do weight loss with that attitude - instead nothing is ever good enough, and we feel as if we're supposed to be angry with ourselves all of the time. That kind of negativity is impossible for many people, definitely for me to maintain).

Focus on your successes and build on them. Don't try to lose 100 lbs, try to lose one. And when you've lost that one, fight to maintain it - that's your first responsbility - the "maybe just one more" is a distant second. Because weight loss really is easy - almost anyone can do it for a week or two. It's what comes after that, that is so tricky that up to 98% of people who try it, fail.

And I think the failure rate is because we've been taught to dwell on failure rather than on success. By making weight loss such a torturous activity, it's not surprising that most people fail - it's surprising that some people suceed.

After all, how long would you stay at a job if your boss was verbally abusive to you, and your paychecks kept getting smaller and smaller.

Don't forget that the majority of posters only post their good experiences. Are you an avid blog reader? - My favorite is the woman who has a baby and takes pictures of her perfect day and the perfect healthy meals she made and her perfect exercise routine. Then there are pictures of her cute hubby - he comes home and instantly starts caring for the baby. And they are so happy. Yeah right.

Just saying - we have a tendency to shout things out to the world when they make us look good.

If reading and discussing healthy eating and weight loss issues with mostly women (I do LOVE the male input here, btw), then stick around. You don't need to compare yourself - you can still offer good advice and a helpful ear even if you have not lost 100 lbs.

If you keep feeling bad because you haven't lost as much as others "claim" they have (btw, we have no way to check another's integrity here), then you should probably take a break. Life is too short to spend time in the wrong forum.

You know...I've lost 20 lbs. But I lost the first 10 4 years ago. I only have it as my starting weight to remind myself that, while I ended up back at 10 lbs from my highest weight, I did not let myself get to or exceed my highest weight.

I promise you that we've all felt discouraged, depressed, mad at ourselves, like we're not moving fast enough. This isn't a race, its your individual journey. I know I've definitely felt twinges of jealousy and bitterness when I saw other posters who were moving so much more quickly than me, or posters whose starting weights were significantly lower than my current weight.

But that's not right. We're all here for the same reason-To be healthier and feel better. The biggest part of this thing is the mental part...and it seems to me like you're working very hard on that.

Whether somebody has to lose 10 lbs or 300 lbs, we're all going to lose it one pound at a time. The people you think are ahead of you, they lost it one pound at a time. And I promise you, its an uphill battle for everybody, regardless of what point they are at in their goal. Begining, middle, end, it happens one day at a time. No faster, no slower.

Just focus on what you need today. When tomorrow turns into a today, THEN you can worry about tomorrow, and stop thinking about yesterday.

I hope you can experiment with not thinking you "should" feel any particular way. We all feel what we feel. There is no should feel. Actions can be judged as right and wrong, but feelings just are. "Am I worthy of ..." can often just be a feeling that comes with depression. I'm not sure that anyone without depression would even ask that question. Typically when I feel that I am a waste of human protoplasm, I realize that it is the depression talking.

How do you feel about the idea of losing weight? Why do you want to? If it's something you think you "should" do not something you want to do or are ready to do, it may remain a gigantic problem.

The best thing that heas helped me is just to take one day at a time. If I think about never eating my favourite foods again, or how far I have to go in I almost choke, but looking at today only I can manage that.

At the end of the day it's about you and how you feel about yourself, when you are ready to do it you will.

This is my first ever post. I just want to encourage you all to hang in there. Just being on the site shows that you care enough about yourself to reach out and look for motivation. So stay strong and keep going forward and pick yourself up when you fall.

Awesome posts here!! Hang in there--it's a marathon, not a sprint...

The only reason why you wouldn't be "worthy" of this site would be if you were flagrantly abusing it by spamming, trolling, viciously harrassing other members or similar. And that is up to the mods, who wisely ban such troublemakers. Since this does not appear to be the case, and you have an interest in weight loss (which is really all that's required), then of course you deserve to be here! If everyone was chucked off this site the moment their dieting motivation wavered, the entire site would shut down within a week.

Meanwhile, it sounds like you might benefit from refusing to look at the Goal forum or clicking on any threads which are on the subject of people reaching goal, for the sake of keeping yourself sane.

Thanks everyone. I was definitely having a really off day when I wrote this. I obviously haven't disappeared and I'm glad that I didn't. But yeah I'm trying to work on my mindset and not keep focusing on what I haven't done but what I have done. So I appreciate everyone's supportive comments. It always helps.

Glad you feel better now, thats what this forum is here for.

aliasihaya, you and I must be sister in a past life, because I feel the same way about weight watcher meeting and their magazine. (New to this site, so it hasn't gotten to me here yet). I see people who lose 100 lbs and look WONDERFUL, but after I lost 100 lbs once, I just looked bad, flabby arms, flabby legs, flabby everywhere. Still didn't look good in a sleeveless blouse, or shorts. So, with the that came depression, and with the depression came the weight gain... AGAIN!!!
Please try to take the weight loss one day at a time. Try to remember that everyone is different, have different weight loss abilities and successes.
You are a beautiful person. Remember that!!!