Family issues...and chest pains :( *LONG!*
 

I'm dealing with postpartum after having my last baby in April, my aunt committed suicide a week later, and my grandma, who helped raise me and I was very close to, passed away at the end of May. I'm actually normally a pretty upbeat person, but I did have to go on Prozac and Ativan. I ran out of the prescription of Prozac and I have an appointment to talk to my doctor tomorrow about what may be a better option for me. I am experiencing a lot of chest pains lately due to a lot of other stressful events other than the ones I mentioned above. My extended family is basically at war right now, and it's so ridiculous. My grandpa had to have gallbladder surgery and my cousin's wife snapped at me on Facebook of all places because no one told my uncle (her father-in-law). (My mom has eight brothers and sisters, and one aunt lives several states away, but this uncle lives about 45 minutes away. The rest of the family lives in town). My uncle deliberately moved his family out of town (but obviously not that far away) 30 years ago. He didn't want to be around his siblings (his words). It was his wife that took her own life in April. Much of the family just lets him be (he's always been a "functioning" alcoholic, but he's become much worse since his wife and mom died) and he pushes us away. Anyway, after my cousin's wife snapped at me, she removed me as a facebook friend. What?? And only me, not the rest of the family. Why should I be responsible for notifying my uncle? I have around 35 cousins, and none of them were blamed, let alone my mom or any of the other siblings. It hurt my feelings. It's now become a big war (a lot more exchanges happened and many more people got involved, but I won't take up any more of your time). My chest just feels like it's going to explode, and I start my first spin class at 6:30 am, then have to take my kids to school, go to my regular classes until 12:30, run errands and drop off some paperwork, pick up my kids from school, go the the doctor, then my night class until 9 pm tomorrow...and I can't sleep. At all. :( I'm so sorry for the rant, but if you made it this far, thank you for "listening." I needed to get that out. :hug:

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I'm so sorry for all the stress this situation is causing you.

As for "why you"... it could be that she just needed a scapegoat. It's easier for people to just pick one person or reason to be upset and lay all sorts of blame on their doorstep, regardless of what the truth of the situation is.

Take care of yourself right now.

I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago, with family and school and financial stress. Some nights I could not sleep at all. Sometimes when I can't sleep and really need to get sleep because of exam/interview/other important thing the next day, then I take some sleepaid (from walgreens) or nyquil. Although sometimes the stress is so much it doesn't work.

I feel like you just told me about myself! This year has been a doozy for me as well! I struggled to come out of a year and a half of post-partum with extreme anxiety, only for my dear grandmother to die unexpectedly, followed by my sisters wedding (Me a 340 lb maid of honor next to my size 8, 6, and 12 sisters!), only for us to get the call the very next morning that our only remaining grandparent, with whom I was very close, had died! Add to that a breast cancer/biopsy scare, an earthquake, and Hurricane Irene. In Feb. I went to an urgent care for chest pains that the Dr said was an inflammation due to stress/anxiety, and because I am fat. I went back to the same Dr at the beginning of August for the same reason (worried that it's something more serious!)and the Dr brushed me off because I hadn't lost weight! I have started having panic attacks about everything.
All this to say I understand your stress, you are totally not alone. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your stress go away! I obviously don't have all the answers, but I find that exercising EXTRA hard helps to ease the tension a little... Hopefully that spin class will work some Endorphin magic!

I am so sorry you have so much on your plate right now. BUT just know you are not alone. This year is like a curse for so many of us. We are here, this community is amazing!
People in general love to point fingers so the mere fact that your family is pointing the finger on you is just stupid. Nobody wants to take the blame so why not point the finger at the one person who is the least to blame or has the most to deal with? My family dynamic has been like that too. I had to learn to distance myself and listen to my father who said "the only family you should focus on is your children and your husband" at the time I was like "WHAT?" what about my sister and brother, mom, dad etc. but the reality is the people who need you the most are your kids and your husband/partner.
Just think if something happened to you what would your poor kids do? Who would take care of them? They need you and you have to be well for them. Please take the time for yourself and don't let the "family" take you down. I too suffered from post-partum and now how hard that can be. I was also in the ER in June suffering from chest pain cause my dad lost his job, my sister wouldn't talk to my parents etc. etc. We all have DRAMA but I have to make sure my babies have their mommy cause if something happens to me they will have nobody.
Be strong, take one day at a time and remember this:
We cannot untangle all the woes in other people's lives. We can't produce miracles overnight. But we can bring a cup of cool water to a thirsty soul, or a scoop of laughter to a lonely heart. - Barbara Johnson

Thank you for all your kind words everyone!

Lovely, thanks. I know people often don't have a reason for what they do. In this case, I was accused of being the "go-between" in my very large family--and when I asked for an explanation for this term, the reasoning was that I talk to everyone in the family. What? Since when is trying to get along with everyone in your family a negative thing? Craziness. :rolleyes: :hug:

happynottsgirl, yeah, I usually try not to use those when I have to get up early (I had to be up at 5:30 that morning) because I don't even hear my alarm. Occasionally though they can be a help. :) :hug:

Aromyn, wow, that's a lot of stress! :hug: My grandpa has been sick too, he's been in the hospital three times since my grandma died--you know what they say about people who've lost their life partner--they lose the will to live. I think this may be the case. This March would be their 60th anniversary :( And I can't believe that doctor--I hope you find someone better to treat your anxiety and chest pains! :hug:

usam, couldn't have said it better myself--my children and my husband really are the only ones who matter to me. I definitely always try to not let whatever's getting to me affect my household, especially my kids. My extended family is just so hard to be a part of, and that's sad. And that's a great quote, thank you!! :hug:

Sorry you're having such a rough time.

The other posters are right - strenuous exercise can help.

I'm also a fan of cognitive behavioral therapy. It's helped me out a lot, and I think you might find it helpful, too. I use the book Feeling Good by David Burns, but there are others out there.

Also (not to be a jerk), but have you considered taking a vacation from your extended family? It sounds like you're working very hard to make a good life for yourself and your husband and kids. Is the stress that your (frankly pretty dysfunctional sounding) extended family putting on you worth it?

theox, that spin class helped tremendously, as have all the workouts I've put in since then. I might check out the book suggestion, thank you. And absolutely no offense taken, my extended family is definitely dysfunctional. My husband, my friends--everyone's blown away by the sheer ridiculousness of it. As far as taking a break--well, that's complicated. My grandma's dying wish (she helped raise me, much more like my mom than my grandma, so her wishes mean a lot to me) was for us to make more of an effort as a family, and to work on being closer. She wanted us to do Sundays at my grandparents' house, so we do. I go see my grandpa at other times too, but it would really upset him if I didn't do Sundays, plus my cousin's kids are there and my kids love to play with them. They'd be upset too. However, none of this "stuff" goes on in front of the kids--if it did, it would be over in an instant. I refuse to expose them to it. I've just started working this week on weeding specific family members out--and they're the ones who don't come around much anyway, so things should improve. Anyway, that was just a particularly bad night--no sleep, high stress, TOM--but I usually handle things better. Thank you for your response! :hug: