Tonight I was on the phone with a loved one who I am financially dependent upon, and what started out as a decent conversation turned into my yelling at him which I know I shouldn't have done. I felt so frustrated because he kept repeating himself and wouldn't listen. I love this individual so much and hate it when we argue. He suggested we end the phonecall and he said he didn't mean to upset me and I hung up.
Looking back on this, I would have definitely tried to remain calmer. I would have tried to let him know that I heard him in a polite way and de-escalate the situation.
When I hung up the phone, I burst into tears and felt suicidal. I called a friend who listened to me vent, not in angry way, but just being sad and upset and a bit fed up with life. I was able to calm down somewhat and now I feel better. The straw that broke the camels back was this argument and I am not blaming the individual that I had the argument with for that. I am saying that the fact that we argued, the emotional tension and friction really overwhelmed, upset and unnerved me.
I have had a lot of stress going on in other areas of my life. I have been working part time at a job for about two and a half months where I will probably be less financially dependent on that individual eventually. Four people have been fired at that job within approximately two weeks and it scares me. People at work are upset- one of my coworkers threatened to slit her wrists, a coworker talked about quitting, coworkers and myself who is going to be the next person to be fired. I hope I can survive working there a few more months to be able to put this job on resume, at this point that reason and the paycheck are the only reasons I am working there.
I feel frustrated too with my health. I have bipolar which flares up when these arguments occur, stress gets to a high level, and my when relationships with others are strained. I am also frustrated that I have issues with my body- I just sprained my foot and have plantar fascitiis in it both of which are limiting and painful. I also have iron def. anemia which makes me tired and in my case requires injections- ouch.
When I get stressed, I have a tendency to eat, not good I know. I have coping skills that I can use, it's just sometimes I don't want to feel any emotion, just want to be numb and the food does that.
If you have read this far, thanks so much.
all replies welcomed.
It's caring people like you who help me out. 