You mentioned drinking too heavily. Have you thought of AA? Women's meetings in AA can help with support and a lot of female AA members deal with abusive situations. I was in awfully abusive relationships in the past, ones that sound similar to your experience. I can say that after two years of recovery, I no longer have to live that way. My life isn't perfect but I am better and I attract healthier better people.
Feel free to private message me, I can even help you find a meeting if you like.

xoxo you're not alone

grrr. Ive been in so many abusive relationships. now that i'm finally with a nice guy who loves me right i would kill someone to keep him. RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!! AND DONT YOU DARE SAY "but i love him!"


LOVE IS RENEWABLE AND FREE!!!!!!

Woot!!! go AA!

Thanks DreamAngels,
I really appreciate your support. I also love the font color you chose! It's really soothing. You don't seem harsh at all. I don't see anything wrong with sharing wisdom and it helps to know that there are generous strangers like you in the world.

Edit: I've been keeping the journal like Munchy suggested and already there are two entrees, one from yesterday and one from twenty minutes ago. I can't fool myself any more, now that I can see how he is obviously not changing, just like I deep-down knew he wasn't. He had a brief honeymoon this evening, but it only lasted around thirty minutes. That journal is going to anchor me to the sanity that most of you have been pointing out. Thanks all!

Hi Stopfat, :)

I am happy to see you are keeping a journal. Sometimes it is very hard for us to really know what is going on until we go back and look at it. When I was in my past bad relationship when it started to become really bad-- like 90 % bad, 10 % good-- I started keeping a journal too, to keep track of everything... So when the time came I could not help but see the obvious truth before my eyes in black and white. Turns out I didn't even need it. The relationship went like 100% bad and we broke up for good. Although we met up a couple times afterward (he initiated- which does not make it any better) and almost *gasp!!* reconciled, he pulled his true colors again before that happened... Then months later he texted me again. Luckily for me (though seemingly unluckily at the time) one of my clients at the homeless shelter stole my phone... :mad: I decided it was an opportunity to get new service and a new line... And ta-da!! :D I think I may have had the same number at first but my best friend wrestled and kept the phone away from me when he was texting to meet up... :o Shortly after that I had my number changed too. Trust me, I know it isn't easy. We were only together for about 3 years and not living together or anything, you are married, and have been together longer, probably own a house together and cars... I know it isn't going to be easy. But in the end we have to know when our needs aren't being met - we either need to shut up and deal with it and not get upset through continual disappointment- or we need to move on (sister's advice when I was with the jerk) and find someone who inspires us to be better and lifts us higher. We go through these bad times so when we find the right one we can truly recognize and be thankful for it. :) Anyways, the journal I never needed to look at around the time it was all going down... but when I looked at it a couple of years ago-- it was SO depressing and heartbreaking... And I have no clue why I never ended it sooner... :( But hey, we live and we learn. C'est la vie.

It's been a couple days since you last posted to this thread... How are things going? Better I hope. Hugs. :D :hug:

"...but there is another kind of love... One that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel anything is possible. I want you to know that you could have that. I want you to hold out for it." - Nights in Rodanthe

Oh hunny, I'm so sorry you are going through this! I was in a physically abusive relationship and it doesn't get better. It never does and NEVER blame yourself. This is HIS problem, not yours

I have lived what you are going through..... Got married way to young - just b/c I was scared of living alone when I went away to college... He had shown me the abusive tendencies when we were dating but I thought it would be better than being alone.... WRONG!!! I was always skinny & I got a lot of attention during college which also frightened me.... He didn't like it, I slowly gained weight... He was Jekyll & Hyde... a Real Charmer... but he was also lazy, a porn addict, & destructive.... We went to counseling... he didn't like it when the counselor kept focusing on him & his anger issues.... I knew I had to get out... I started keeping the journal (brilliant idea!!!) By the grace of God I "woke up" & started getting my self confidence back... I was 186 at my heaviest w/ him... I exercised by BUTT OFF & ate right... I lost 46lbs & I was looking good... I kicked him out - had his uncle divorce us & moved on!! I didn't care what reason his family thought we were splitting just as long as he was gone & I was safe & FREE... It was only a matter of time before he was going to hit me instead of the wall.

Not too long after that I met my wonderful DH :) we have 2 gorgeous boys together & are very happy.... I know my DH loves me no matter what size I am & is always supportive.... this time around I gained 70lbs w/ my first kid... & only lost 20lbs when I got pregnant the 2nd time... so I'm still dealing w/ getting rid of my baby fat!! only taking me 4.5 yrs lol

I wish you the best... timing is everything... believe in yourself - I don't know if you are religious - but if you are, talk to God - he will help you through... if you're not - find something you can believe in that will give you the strength.

Wow, your man sure sounds like an a**hole!! Seriously, I am usually one of the first to defend a man when he does something a little hairbrained (as all men will do, even the good ones!!), but your hubby just sounds like, well, a twat. It sounds like classic insecure behaviour, where he is so unsure of himself and of your devotion that he has to bring you down. Because if you continue to be a beautiful, amazing, skinny woman, some day you will realize what a ****e he is and leave him to find someone better! So he's got to put you in your place. Sounds like you need to take the trash out for good!! Anyway, I just stumbled upon this thread after a long period of absence on the boards, but the title definitely caught me, as I can relate.
I know that I absolutely have (and still do, somewhat) use weight to shield me from mens' attractions. I've lately come to explore the possibility that maybe I was molested when I was younger, and have used excessive weight to keep men from being interested. I've done this practically all my life but didn't really realize it until about a year ago. It makes some sort of sense--"Men don't like fat girls, so if I am a fat girl, they'll just leave me alone, right?" The problem is that it also keeps the good men out, and it makes me unhappy.
And that theory doesn't ultimately work anyway, because fat or not, there will always be someone hitting on you--the other day I got a flat tire and some SUPER creepy guy wouldn't leave me alone while I waited for the tow. He kept talking the measurements of my ***, asking if my *** would fit in his car, and eventually he just grabbed a hunk of it. Lesson learned--carry mase with you! LOL

Clearly you are not going to leave despite the advice from everyone in your life, family, friends, counselers, internet strangers... so just take steps to protect yourself. You'll need it sooner rather than later - these guys only go in one direction, and it's escalating abuse and violence.

Please do not EVER have any children with this jagoff - if you are not on birth control, get on it asap. It's one thing for you to choose this life for yourself, it's another to inflict it on a helpless child.

your topic is so interesting. I have found that men get less jealous the more weight we gain because they feel more secure in not only themselves but also in the fact that no other man will want to steal us away. its selfish and egotistical. and we should never let a man influence the way we live our lives or look. but of course, easier said than done, we've all been guilty of "wearing a shirt that isnt low cut so as not to bother our husbands/bfs".

I honestly pledge though, that when I get fit and thin, I will wear what I damn well feel like wearing, even if my fiance thinks its an inch too short or a thread too tight. I trust in my own damn judgment.

thanks for yo:carrot:ur post!

I had to just comment on this post b/c it kinda hit close to heart. I''m only 22 but I had a best friend who was in an abusive relationship. It makes sense that you didn't see his abusive tendencies when you were first with him abusers have a certain influence in the beginning of the relationship, i remember my friends bf as such a nice guy until we all saw his true colors. First of all i agree with pacman12, you won't leave until you have really hit rock bottom, as my friend did. I can't help you with my own advice but I can relay hers and maybe you can relate. My friend always would make excuses for him, or change what she would do so that it wouldn't piss him off (not wear heels, not dress up etc.) it was almost as if she was programmed and knew what not to do b4 sh*t hit the fan. She began to believe everything he would say that was negative and almost think it was her that was doing the wrong and not him. She was upset that she was ever with him but at the same time she always thought the old version of her bf would come back but he didnt. Why? BC there NEVER was the old version only a facade to con her in to his ways. I hope that you're not staying with him b/c you hope he'll resort back to his nice ways b/c that won't happen. That's how emotional abusive people keep their friends/lovers on a leash. They act nice to them, abuse them, apologize and then act nice all over again. Sweetie I know that men sometimes don't want their SO's to wear makeup bc of their natural beauty or dress a certain way bc they don't want the excessive male attn but it's not a motive out of caring he does it for control. I just hope and pray that you're safe b/c my friend never thought he would become physically abusive but he did and most emotional abuse does turn into physical abuse too. Thank goodness my friend is out of the relationship and safe but it took her alot to get out, and to be honest she lost a lot of friends bc of it. But if you have a good support system then there's nothing you can't do. All I urge you to do is please call a support center 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) if you're in the US or at least talk to some kind of counselor. There are many women's shelters around that will talk to you ASAP or even come over to your house. Please be safe! You deserve much better!!! Be safe hun

There's no love, there's no relationship. Why haven't you left him yet?
He's sounds like a clingy b itch. Sorry, but you need to find a real man.
And it seems like you have a lot more emotional issues than being overweight brings.

I just had to chime in and add my $0.03.

It seems like one of your major concerns is financial. While I'm sure the idea of living in a shelter is not appealing, there are TONS of programs that would provide you with financial assistance to get on your feet (food, rent, utility vouchers) and tactical assistance to get out of there and get into a nice, new place. I'm sure in just a few minutes of googling you could find one in your area (or if you happen to live near Houston, PM me and I can help you). There are also lots and lots of programs that give free legal aid to women who have been abused- including help getting a divorce and restraining orders should that become necessary.

Also- have you considered kicking HIM out? I mean, truly, why should you be the one who has to struggle, move, and worry when HE's the abuser? If you are both on your lease or mortgage, you can do this fairly easily and get a restraining order against him. Then get yourself a cool female roomie you can stay up at night with drinking wine and watching chick flicks!