[marie81]

Hi everyone, As I posted a while ago I am back on my meds trying to get BPD under control, it seams to be working i have not had any episodes of manicness which is good but i just feel so low, its like i have lost the love for everything.
I got offered my dream job this week and even that didnt raise my sprits. I have not lost any weight for weeks now i havent gained just not lost. I am very vain and being overweight just adds to the depression.
I am having problems with my marriage its totally one sided all my fault i dont know if its the meds that make me feel like this or time really has come for it to end.
I just dont know what to do, i am plowing on as normal going to work coming home but im like the walking dead no emotion.
My doctor said to keep on with the meds and come back at the end of the month as long as i dont start feeling suisidal again - i dont, i just dont feel anything
I feel like i need to do something to excit me about life again, but this can be a bad thing, I am a wild child at heart and the temptation to go out drinking and partying is massive at the moment just so I can feel human again. I know i shouldnt.... i just dont know what to do

Thanks for reading

Marie x

[MissSMcC]

hey marie, sorry you're not feeling so good
do you think the way you are feeling (emotionless) has something to do with your meds? do you think your doc could help?
i dont think its a good idea to make any lasting marriage decisions right now until your mind is a bit clearer, how you feel now may not be how you feel once you're sorted if you know what i mean.
thinking of you quine xx

[marie81]

Thanks honey, I think it is the meds but its not worth coming off them because I am a nightmare with out them Im going to stick at them to see if this horrible feeling passes.
Im not going to do anything about the marriage because of my babies so I stuck even if i wanted to leave. that in its self is pretty depressing.
Just got to see how things go I guess xx

[VermontMom]

Oh marie, really sorry to hear how you're feeling ...I hope with all my heart that maybe the meds or Spring coming will help you!! congrats on the dream job even though it doesn't excite you now. Hang in there. I know when I've been feeling my lowest, I cling to 'maybe tomorrow will be better'.

[marie81]

Thanks Vermontmom, today wasnt as bad as the rest of the week has been, Im not looking forward to the weekend I never do. Im not a stay at home kinda person I always want to do some thing. during the week I am in london working and doing the city thing then the weekend I am at home with husband and kids we never have much money to take the kids out and it makes me depressed that I cant take them to the places and kinda things they like. The youngest loves a run around the park but my eldest has been spoilt, until this ressesion hit, she loves the theater and expo's a real cultured girl but I cant afford it any more hopefully this new job will let us go back to normal.
Sorry I wont waffle on about poor little me, the main thing is my babies are healthy and we have a home and thats something to concentrate on.
So its running around the park for me tomorrow and maybe a classic film with the eldest
Thanks for all the comments xxxx

[MissSMcC]

glad you had a better day marie. i know what you mean about not being able to take the kids out, those disneyland ads all over the telly are killing me just now coz my daughter is desperate to go, but we can barely afford the cinema just now. things will get better, you've got your new job, and healthy kids so you know you are blessed. xx

[marie81]

I know what you mean about the ad's my youngest is 7 ans she gets excited and ask's when we are going, im struggling to find the money to get to my dads in Norfolk for easter

Have you tried the early Saturday morning cinema, i dont know if its different in Scotland but here you can watch the older films for £1, i take my girls all the time because i never took them to see the films the 1st time around.

My mother-in-law has taken the girls shopping this morning so it has given me time to catch up on my sleep i dont know if it done me any good i just feel even more tired now, typical hey!

xx

[MissSMcC]

i live in the middle of nowhere, the nearest cinema is 20 miles away and is super expensive, its lovely looking out my window at rolling hills and forests but it means a very empty purse if we want to go anywhere lol.
i think we are too hard on ourselves as parents sometimes, sure it would be great to be rich and have great holidays and everything but kids dont really need those things, they are happy enough with the attention no matter what activity they are doing. xx

[marie81]

That is so true, today as iv got a bit of a cold and didnt want to go out i sat with my eldest and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's she loved it just the two of us chilling watching a film. my youngest had to be taken for a burn round the park by my husband.
Im not feeling great today, but i never do at the weekends it all justs gets to much and i think i have to much time on my hands to think about things once bubba's are in bed