Hope your having a better day today ems.

Thanks Vermotmom for the welcome

My depression is so bad today I didnt go to work, i got a message at 7am from a friend that really upset me (he wasnt trying to it just did) so that sparked me staying in bed, it 2pm now and all i have done is have a bath and drink tea and chain smoke, not even put the TV on just sat on the sofa. my daughters will be home from school in am hour so I am trying to put on the smilly mummy face but im finding it so hard today. im going to throw myself into some house work for the next hour to try and forget all the messy thinks going though my head, just got to find the will to get off the sofa. :(

Hey Marie of course you can join us... I'd like to say the more the merrier but that would be a little tongue in cheek wouldn't it. Ah well. Good luck with the smiley mummy face.

Buddly - Having heard the storey I'm actually surprised to hear you guys are trying to make it work. It's totally up to you but I think I would kick him to the curb. Givin my situation that may be the pot calling the kettle black... mine never cheated but the whole money thing isn't much better.

Vermont - I know the feeling... my scale hasn't really gone up either but I feel so big :(

Mom - Be careful!

Hope - Send some of that weather this way please... we're still full of snow up here.

I finally bit the bullet and made an appointment with my doctor, I was lucky and got in today because I told them I was sick. I still have serious sinus pain and I'm coughing like crazy. It might be hard for her to take the depression serious since it's not the main reason for my visit... but I am feeling better now. I have to bring it up though... a 3 month deep depression is not normal when you're on meds. I almost never miss a dose. I'm also having problems with my auto-immune thing... I've been getting hives since before Christmas... I don't think it's depression linked, that's just the same amount of time I've been getting sick and I get hives then.

Other then that not much has changed.... we're still thinking of adopting that dog. I wish I hadn't contacted the foster home though... because now they're expecting the application. If we don't put it in for a while they'll be wondering why it took so long :(

cheers marie im feeling better today thanks

Marie i hope you feel better soon try keep your spirits up hope thigns get better soon for you xxx

Good morning!
Mom, be careful, hopefully its just your body readjusting.

aunty jam, I know what you mean and I was the same way until it all happened. But as you know walking out is easier said than done especially when our girls are still all at home etc.

Marie I hope you are feeling a little better today. I had a horrible anxiety attack last night, I haven't had one in so long it was hard to deal with.

Vermont I hear you on being done with winter. I was talking to a friend who lives in the lower mainland and she was telling me about her crocus' being in bloom, mine are still under four feet of snow! A little north of us got another dump the other day, I am so done.

ems I'm glad you are feeling better.

Had our second marriage counseling session yesterday. I really don't know. The fact that he didn't have a full blown relationship with that thing helps, but I'm not feeling much of a future here as I honestly don't think I'll be able to get over some things. And last night my 20 yr old was a little beyond tipsy and she was saying that she is glad we are trying to work things out, but if it was her in my place she couldn't. I found that very interesting. sorry for rambling. I have to go and head out.

Take care everyone and I hope you have a great day.
K

Budlly-yeah I hope thats it...I really think its what I not eating....idk

Aunty-hope the appt went well! I hope she takes the depression seriously

Marie-Sorry your struggling with bad depression..I am hoping once it gets nice that mine gets better. I really feel WORSE with yucky weather

Vermont-atlest you wont have a bunch of extra weight to lose!!! YA!

buddly-I hope the counseling works

Hi to everyone else!!

I really wish I knew how to fix myself. I DONT want on medicine again but I am doing horrible on my own. Like the gym makes it better but when I get under stress cause things pile up on me then I lose all patience and treat the kids HORRIBLY....I am just not nice when they bother me. I HATE being like that. They didn't cause my stress they don't deserve me to take it out on them. I need to figure out something to make sure I get everything done I have to get done. Woman alllll across AMERICA do it every day WHY CANT I?? Well I am soooo behind on scanning in the boys school work and I need new material so I have to scan it in so I am probably missing the gym because this really is more important...Its their education...and every night im like Im going to get everything scanned in and by that point I am sooo exhausted to do anything. I really only get angry with myself when I dont get everything done that I need to and get angry with my kids....You know I sat and watched a show this morning but when I woke up I woke up focused and ready but that didnt pan out...WHY...ahhhhhhh I feel like I have no self control (meaning I cant control myself and make myself do what I need to)

Hi everyone, hope your having good days today

Thanks Aunty Jam, the smiley face went down well with the kids yesterday, even though it was a struggle keeping it up.

mom - how you feeling today, has the tiredness gone?

Thanks ems, glad your feeling better

buddly - sorry to hear about your attack last night. I stay with my husband for the kids, its hard and quite a depressing thing to live with, my girls are only 7 and 10 years so i got a long time to go. I think your being really brave going through the marriage counseling and trying to make things work even when your not feeling it.

Im feeling a little bit better today, i still didnt go to work and i havent bothered to get dressed but i dont feel like crying all day like i did yesterday.
My eldest girl has gone out with her friends this afternoon and i am fighting the panic, i know she will be safe but i just think the worst all the time, the docs think this is part of my OCD all worrying about the girls, it really is getting a bit much to deal with.

Thanks buddly :D

Mofo i get like you do the gym helps with my stress but when things get on top of melike uni it makes me stressed anxious and snappy :( im not on meds either i have got anxiety tablets but i try not to take them as i dont like being on meds :(

Glad your feeling abit better marie keep thinking positive hun. Hope your daughter has a nice time im sure she will be fine.

Im not feeling to good today iv felt sick off and on for the last two days not sure if there is a bug going around or what i hope it passes.

Hope your all well xxx

hey ems iv got a cold iv had it since saturday, i think its just something going around, on the plus side its been my cover for not going to work.
my daughter can home on time and happy but i found the hour that she was out awful, i was panicking badly i tried to take my mind of it by playing with the young one but it was always in the back of my mind.

mom - sorry we must have posted at the same time before, so i hadn't seen your last post. hope tomorrow is better for you honey. i know what you mean about not be able to do the things you need to do, i find it so hard some days just to find the motivation to do any of the things i need to, even basic things like putting the washing on.
I am on meds but i feel like a zombie at lot of the time, no sense no feeling hey! They have stopped me having mega high's that lead to a crash so thats a good thing but its not doing much for the underlying depression.

Im going back to work tomorrow, I am not looking forward to it, but iv got to do it some time.

I've been feeling down-down-down.

I've been in this position before - I feel like if I could just get out of my current situations (location, job, etc.) things would be better, but I know from experience that in another situation I am still the same lady with the same issues.

I need to get back into regular exercise, probably more for my mental state than for weight loss/maintenance. Exercising helps me feel better overall, but sometimes I'm just too down to do anything but lay around during my spare time.

I also think I might need to adjust my meds. *Shudder* I HATE the idea that I need a pill every day in order to feel like a semi-normal human being, and I've tried so many different things in the past. Maybe just going back up to a higher dose of my current SSRI (lexapro) will help.

Thanks for letting me vent that here! I'm going to try to keep up with the thread for awhile so I look forward to getting to know you =)

EMS-I didnt mean to leave you out on my last post I somehow missed you I even hit the go advance so I can scroll thru the post..sigh..I hope you get feeling better....I was on meds for 3 years after my 4th baby and just went off of it last may...It was having ALL the opposite affects on me...did great till Christmas time and I just hit a blah period and wanted NOTHING to do with Christmas I MEAN NOTHING..it was horrible cause I am alll into decorating and everything...something clicked the end of january and I am ready to change my life. I know its a process and I want it to all be done now...I know I cant get everything done thats required of me but I could try harder...my head is listing the stuff off but my body is like uhhh NOPE...lol. Thats why I wanted the bodybugg because I thought it would push me to move more around the house cause then I could see all my work was paying off. I am a goal oriented person and love numbers and pushing towards that. I have done decent losing the proper way by tracking my exercise and calories so i dont feel the need for the bb...i have lost the same average as they have in a month (except for my plateau period) lol. IDK

Marie-yes I hear you!! its the little things that should be NO BIG deal that seem to take the MOST effort...UGHHHH...

Iris-yes it does make you feel better just get ONE spurt of energy and GO FOR IT...I have found good energy pills (dont make you jittery and help you focus) is Zantrax 3. You can find them usually at walmart for like 20$ for a 60 pack. I only take one in the morning and can really feel the difference. Only thing I ever tried that helped and didnt make my heart race or jittery or anything...If its not your thing thats ok just thought I would help...anyways if you can find one day to get in there i will help you get there the next day and the next!!!

Hello chicks, and welcome to Iris :)

momof4, maybe you just need someone to keep reminding you of this, but you homeschool your children and having multiple small children IS A LOT OF WORK!! They dirty up their clothes every day; they need clean clothes every day; so right there laundry is a huge responsibility. Then grocery shopping; putting groceries away; cooking; cleaning up!! You can cut yourself some slack hon :hug:

marie, so sorry to hear of the day you just had to stay in bed; then got up before girls got home..I remember that so well..not good. I wish there was something to comfort you and let you know your girl is OK when she goes out with friends. What if she called, while out, to let you know she was OK?

hi ems :) I hope you're feeling better, and that you don't have a nasty bug. I've been wiping everything at work every day with a bleached cloth, even pens and such, because my boss is a germy man :devil: (he's always coughing and hacking) and I'm so lucky I havent been sick in a year.

Hi buddly..that is interesting what your daughter said...but of course her perspective is from a young woman, never married and no children..we know what responsibility you feel with your children. I hope so much that you can find peace , in whatever path and action you take. :hug:

hey Aunty Jam :) do you really have to follow-through on the doggie adoption, if you're having second thoughts? (and lol @ your 'more the merrier' :devil: ) Here's to the day that we all feel merry :D

Hi hope!!! :wave: how are you? is it Spring-y down there? OH wait I see you posted that it was 80 and you had windows open!! how nice. It looks like deep January again here :devil:

well I have today and tomorrow off...today should be cleaning - I see that I posted last week that I vacuumed, mopped kitchen, etc. and it was clean for 1 day? yeah, that's all that it lasts!! I haven't vacuumed since then and the kitchen floor is back to square one, which is dirty and crumby and who keeps dribbling coffee on the floor? sheesh. Well it gives me something to do.
Oh and I have been able to work out, my knee isn't hurting too much, YAY.

and 22 days until I'm out of the yucky winter job!!

Momof4 - actually I used to take Zantrex but it made me really jittery! They might have re-forumlated, though, it was several years ago that I took it. I do love my coffee and the caffeine generally gives me a slightly rosier outlook in the morning and a little energy.

VermontMom - yeah, I hate how quickly houses seem to re-dirty themselves! I live in the desert and dusting lasts for about 2 hours.

I'd been really sick with a sinus and ear infection that was finally, finally getting better after my 2nd round of antibiotics. Last night it all started coming back. Maybe if I plow through it won't be able to take hold again. I hate feeling miserable but not being "sick" enough to just lay in bed.

Im glad your feeling better marie x

Mofo sorry to hear you have had a hard time hopefully things are looking up abit now for you keep positive and doing what your doing. I understand about the meds not working and having the reverse effect that happened to me a few years ago thats why i do not lile them :( xxx

Cheers Holly im feeling better today thanks i think it was just a little big or something but im like you wiping everything its like i got ocd when it comes to washing my hands i think thats becaus ei was a nurse before xxx

vermont-thanks...in my head i can do it all but when I try to actually do it I fall short of what my brain is telling me! JUST in towels if no one reuses a towel i have 56 towels to wash a week and almost the same about of wash clothes. Then my husband wears a totally different outfit to work then changes at home and I sweat thru an outfit 5 or 6 days a week...Plus the 6 children. Laundry and I have a love hate relationship!! I hate getting behind it stresses me out from looking at it and not finding what i need...LOL
I guess maybe I expect too much of myself because it worked in my head!


Iris-I think they did too because back in 04 when I used them they did that to me and i didnt like them. But my husband got them again like a year ago and i finally tried one and I loved it..I was calm happy energetic focused!!! BUT DONT DRINK CAFFEINE with them!!

Ems-thanks i want to push thru all this...something has to break soon!!

GUESS WHAT????? I ran the mile in 10.35 today!!!! I havent tried in 2 weeks I have been working on endurance (worked up to running 20mins straight) also increasing speed too and breathing!!! Last time I tried I couldnt get below a 12!! I was SOOOO excited and I guess its a big deal to me but my husbands reply was cool...LIKE REALLY..should just spit in my face...it was the response he gives to the kids about something NON important..Like I texted to my facebook and then I was like I should text him well now I see why I dont!! Been a frustratin day with my husband. He uses a kinda mean tone with me a lot and the tone and attitude of how people talk to me affect me. He seems to think I need to deal with it but tonight I was thinking if that was someone else he was asking that question to at church he would have used a nice tone..i know some of you have worse issues in your marriage but things are really starting to get to me....sigh...another story for another day!

Have a good day tomorrow have my training session tomorrow so he can kill me...LOL
Also I stopped the weights this week cause I was up to like 60lbs for all the machines and I think thats why I saw no weight coming off! IDK we will see!!
lata

Quick hi to everybody. I really want to post but nothing is coming out. Vermont, it was about 70 here today but it is supposed to drop to about 50 for the next few days.

I skipped pool tonight so I could have a night at home. I can't really say I totally enjoyed it though. I don't know why exactly. I was a little down. TOM just arrived tonight so I'm sure that was part of it. I had worked 13 hrs on Sunday and Monday. I worked yesterday then went to a pampered chef party. I felt obligated to go even though I was exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time but I really needed to rest. I have another 13 hour day tomorrow so I wanted to stay home tonight.

I'm glad to see that our chat has gotten busy and good to see you Buddly. I've been wondering what has been going on with you.

Sorry to hear so many are still struggling. Hope things work out soon and the dark clouds lift.

So, next week I'm going to see a therapist for the first time in my life. I'm well overdue lol

Even though right now I'm doing pretty well, I know there's a lot of stuff I need some help to get through - a lot of depression, repression, anxiety, self esteem/confidence issues, to name a few. I'm really nervous about going, but a little excited, because this stuff has been bugging me for about a decade.

But I have a lot of insurance crap I have to tackle before then, to make sure it'll go through okay. Just a big headache. Arrrgh :dizzy:

well done on the run mofo :d

I got my new shape up today the one kim kardashian is advertising there lush gonna try them out in abit :D xxx

Hey everyone... thought I'd pop in.

My appointment went ok but she didn't change my meds, I think I went in with to many other things and I didn't speak up enough. I'm ok now, a 3 month depression is really not normal for me anymore and I'm thinking it was a combination of winter/kelly/hubby. I'm doing a lot better now... even managed to run almost 3 miles yesterday :) I'm signing up this weekend for a series of races that I promised a co-worker I'd do with him. That should keep me motivated to get running on a regular basis again. And I'm over my cold! So happy about that, finally not sick for once this year!

Mom - 60lbs is a lot of weight! Good job :) And btw... you run a lot faster then I do! LoL

Vermont - I think we've decided to go ahead with the adoption... I've emailed the foster home and asked some questions. Found out some good things about Snoop and I think he would fit in well with our family. One of the best things is that he likes to retrieve... which is great, because Chase loves to chase, but not retrieve. So now Chase can chase Snoop - LoL.

Hope - Do you play in a league? My husband does, he's down to one night a week now <insert rolling eyes here> and actually plays semi-professionally. He has a big professional tournament this weekend which means I'll have a lot of time to myself over the next 3-4 days.

Iris - I know how you feel.. I was that way with this last cold/sinus infection. Sick but not sick enough to be satisfied with laying around the house.

:wave: Hi to Ems, Katt and anyone else I missed... break time is over :( Back to work.

oh, PS - if you guys don't like winter don't ever come up here! We're still looking for spring :( Even though the weather is warmer we still have massive snow.

Oh, and I forgot... hubby's been working a little. He's working for a friend who runs a car lot and needs a tech, we're not sure if this will be permanent yet, but he also got the pharmacy gig and is in the running for a job that is a lot like the one he was doing before (tech in a call center), he's one of only three people being considered for the job. And when he's not doing any of that he's been looking to the temp agencies.

I finally managed to light a fire under his arse it seems.

YES - how true!!!! doesn't that suck?? I have had to bring that up many times...'would you talk to your co-workers like that?' or when he talks to me without eye contact...that is so dismissive! yeah there are lots bigger problems but anything that bothers us IS a problem.

HOLY cow 56 towels...I'm sure glad I am a slack housekeeper and only wash our towels once a week..is that awful?? I hope not :p and congrats on your working out!!

Hi hope :wave: gosh those are some long hours. Take care of you :)

Aunty Jam - I would certainly say that your long steady depression would be attributed to normal (LONG) Canadian winter AND the sadness of your dog PLUS the husband situation. (and good job on the fire lighting!:devil: )

Hi Katt :wave: sorry you have insurance stuff to wade through; and the first visit you might be nervous but it is a great opportunity for you, I'm jealous :) hope it goes well.

Hi ems :) what is 'shape up'? is it a dvd workout or something? I hope whatever it is, you like it. I just picked up a Kathy Smith yoga videotape for $1, I have never done yoga before.

Iris - I hope the sinus/ear infection goes away!! sounds painful and draining.

well I was throwing a little pity party for myself yesterday, moaning that I only have $6000 to get a motorcycle. I probably should be thankful I have any money at all. I should be able to find a lightly used bike already somewhat customized for around 5000 but for me, it is a pain to comb through ebay, craigs list, all over. It's not 'fun' as people are telling me, 'oh it should be fun to shop for a new bike'. Well, it isn't for me. I just cannot seem to grow up about this :devil:

momof4 - way to go on the mile!! Sorry your hubby was not happier for you. My BF does not get as excited about these things as I do, either, and it can be a buzz kill.

Maybe I should switch out the coffee for a zantrex... I love my coffee but I think it is discoloring my teeth =(

Hi Katt! Good luck with the insurance - can be such a pain. I hope the therapist can help.

Aunty Jam, I always worry about not speaking up enough at the Dr. or about the opposite - overemphasizing things. Glad to hear you are doing better w/out a med change, though =) Good luck on your upcoming races. I have run some 5ks and they are a lot of fun.

VermontMom, shopping for new items can be frustrating AND fun in spurts. I got my car a little over a year ago and the whole process kinda drove me crazy but there were moments I really enjoyed.

I did a little walk/jog yesterday - first "real" exercise in weeks now. I'd almost gotten back into a routine before getting sick, but I totally lost it this past month. I am super stressed out trying to figure out what I'll be doing in terms of a job this summer and thereafter, and which side of the country I'll be on. Family wants me east, boyfriend wants me here... and I really can't decide what I want. I'm back and forth.

hey aunty jam hope your well :D

Holly shape ups are trainers by sketchers they help tone your butt and legs :D

I sts this week which i expected as i had such a big loss last week xxx

ok just a quick post cause no one is up to really talk to and I have stuff to make for girls school tomorrow
The last two night I just want to bawl....I know my husband loves me but don't know if he's "in love" like wouldnt it show? We are more like roommates at times. I wanted him to watch a video today that i really liked and he ended up flat out blowing me off. Like it was something kinda important to me....I tell him bout my gym accomplishments and he shrugs them off. I run the computer for youth and do the songs and he micro manages me doing that and most of the time does not talk nice like he would if it was someone else, after a private convo with someone he had the nerve to say now remember that was brought to us in confidence so don't be telling anyone I said have i done that before?? I knew he would do that like i am a kid....He gives me orders like I am his employees at work..he got made cause he put his sweatshirt in with the rest of the 50baskets of laundry and expected me to see it and NOT dry it...like I have no other worries.....he doesn't ask to take me out dinner but asks different guy friends to go out to eat.... Not saying im perfect cause I know im not and I don't feel like this ALL the time but its more lately. YES Ive tried talking to him and he changes things but only for a little while because he was just doing them cause i asked (ex. I asked him why we don't kiss like when we were dating...ive tried...so he did for the next 2 days) Any time I bring things up he gets defensive or says im not right....I KNOW HOW I FEEL....This is close to how my dad is with my mom...and I NEVER wanted it to be like that. He is better than my dad and doesn't demand things from me....I feel so stuck because ive tried A MILLION ways to bring it up and either im wrong and took it the wrong way or he didn't use that tone or i am right and he will "work" on it....I get marriage takes WORK but if you are IN LOVE with that person showing them your love shouldn't be hard...living together is what takes the most work....idk maybe I am wrong...but now Im bawling...and this isnt an emotional depression downer...this is something that I cant keep shrugging off....Im not in any way saying i want to leave cause i don't...I just want to loved and the things that are important to me for him to at least show attention to. LIKE I WORK HARD......the other day I scrubbed the kitchen on my hands and knees an cloroxed the whole thing and he said not one word till i texted him....but it didn't matter then what he said cause i had to ask... yes I know this is part of being a mom and doing your job with no credit at all..I guess i should wipe the snot and tears off and put my big girl panties on now and go make my kids snacks, get the laundry moving, clean the downstairs up, get the boys school stuff ready, my gym bag packed, clothes for 6 kids laid out, breakfast bowls and spoons out, do the dishes so I have spoons, oh yeah and put away the groceries I just went and got after i got everyone in bed........
:'(

momof4...:hug:

Thanks Iris i need it!
Like I want to just stay up all night an clean and organize thinking maybe I will get his attention and just a positive compliment from him...I tried writing a note tonight but honestly I sat there and thought there is no point cause its just going to make him mad...i dont know i dont know I dont know...Im gonna try and sleep a few hours and see how I feel in the morning...I have to be up early to do the boys school and finish the girls snacks...

momof4 - also :hug: from me!! I also have gotten so irritated, when we do some hard physical cleaning (cleaning up everyone else's messes!!) and it DOES NOT GET NOTICED until we point it out..then it seems so petty that we have to point it out..'look what I did'...well it does deserve notice, and thanks, or a compliment.

Marriage IS hard but i think you are trying your best, and I wish your DH would see that and throw a little bone your way, like a compliment on the house or the work you do.

I have a dreaded call to make, have to call the local hospital and ask that my monthly payment be reduced; they coerced me into a high payment with the threat of Collections; but we were late on our property taxes this month and after only 2 days got a $67 penalty. sheesh! So I have to ask to have the payment lowered. I will ask...I know they will say no..and I will have to say "I hear you ...but this is all I will send".

VermontMom, good luck dealing with the hospital.

Ugh, still feeling so down. I shook it off for a little while last night by drinking a couple glasses of wine but obviously that it not a good every day solution! My only support in my current city (heck, side of the country) is my boyfriend and it's really eating at me. I've been here almost 3 years and aside from the boyfriend who I've been with about a year and a half I haven't connected with anyone on more than a superficial level. And I have tried. I am miserable and I want to move back "home." While I haven't really maintained a lot of my friendships there, I feel more like I am accepted and welcome and I have at least more than one person I can talk to. Don't really know if that would fix the problem, but for one thing I'm sure it would upset my boyfriend. He's willing to move in the future but is finishing a PhD program so it's not a current option.

Hi everyone,

Mom :hug: I've been reading how great you are doing at the gym, Congratulations!! I'm sorry your hubby won't open his eyes and nurture your relationship. And feeling like roommates is a sign. I wonder if you present it to him as a third party, since he counsels, tell him a woman in the congregation presented you with a problem within her marriage and how she is afraid of where it is going and what would he suggest to help this couple. And if it sounds good say, alright lets do that. Sometimes it helps to step back, this way you can let him know how you feel without him going defensive etc. Plus you get to step away as its in the third person and stay unattached an unemotional. Its just a thought, I would hate for you to do like I did and ignore things and end up where I am.:hug:

vermont did you make the phone call? Reading what you have to go through makes me agree with auntie jam, I'm glad I'm in canada.

auntie jam that is great that your hubby has found some work, that is great its a start and who knows where it could lead. And congrats on the running!!

Iris how are you today? :hug:

Hope how are things?

Marie how are you? did you make it back to work?

Hi to ems, kattt and everyone else

Not much new around, the snow is finally starting to melt, we still have feet and feet of the stuff. But the road is almost clear so maybe that will prod me to get out walking. Had chinese take away last night and boy was the scale up this morning. That sodium, wow!!
Anyway I wrote a novel when I didn't mean to. I have to get some dishes done and get to the grocery store.

Take care everyone and enjoy what is left of the weekend.
K

Buddly - that is such awesome advice!!! about presenting it as a parishioner's dilemna. Very smart! I hope it works for momof4!!

I did make the call - at about 10 am on Thursday? got a recording that the Business office couldn't take the call, leave a message...and I did. They did not call back Thursday nor Friday. I wonder if they are avoiding me? haha. I really shouldn't be so freaked about it, I can handle myself politely even if someone is being hostile. I just need to document calls/names and such. I just want to stress to you all that I DO honor my debts, just let me take a little longer to pay them!

I am in just such a blah mood. Spring seems SO far away (we too still have deep deep snow and it was barely out of the 20's today) and even once spring is here, I have to scrounge to find a replacement motorcycle on a limited budget...sorry I keep getting back to that, but heck ... it was my true joy in life (yeah, yeah, besides being married and a mom, lol)

HOWEVER the countdown is 19 days until Im out of the yucky winter job!!

Hi everyone hope everyone is feeling ok, huggs for those who dont

mom - you poor thing, I dont really know what to say honey, marriage is a pain in the arse (mine is no better) I hope things pick up for you soon xxx

Iris - i moved county when i got married I have made no friends in 4 years not even with the mothers at the school my girls go to, they hear my essex accent and thats it. i am home sick to :(

Buddly - I went back to work on wednesday it was ok but i have lost the heart for the job as I am leaving in 4weeks for a better job, i am abit worried about going into tomorrow as I got drunk with my work pals on friday, i have a mouth on me and I cant remember what i said and to whom.

Vermont - Goodluck with the hospital, im avoiding my calls as I owe them money as my insurance didnt cover the full works, its such a racket!

ems - how you getting on with the shape ups?

So my week has ok ish it started very badly then got a little better once i went back to work, then the drinking binge on friday night wasnt one of my greatest idea's and caused a argument with HD.
I had a therapy session on thrusday and im not sure how i feel about it, they talked alot about my mother (evil woman) and my marriage and the problems i have in it, then my drinking and pill popping (legal pills) they want me to go to AA and NA, im not sure i want to do that just yet.

Oh well another week ahead i have to tell my scary boss i am leaving, thats gonna be a hard one and im not looking forward to it :( my diet is not going to good nothing has changed in months still the same, its starting to get to me.

mom im so sorry your having a hard time it sounds like you need abreak from it all and that your husband needs an eye opener to see how good he has it with you. I would have it out with him and tell him your not happy with the way things are going and things really have to change as it is making you ill. xxx

Buddly i had a chinese aswell this weekend hehe xxxx

The shape ups are good thanks marie. Im glad you went to therapy they do go over things you dont really want to but it does help to get it all off your chest and then start to move on xxxx

Hope your all ok nd had a nice weekend :d xxx

Ug! I'm a little freaked out. My step d has been in a bad mood, posting crying faces and so on on FB. I kept asking her what was wrong and she wouldn't say, today she actually opened up to me and told me it was about her bf. I replied back honestly and as best I could but I know it wasn't what she wanted to hear. I'm worried now she'll clam up again, I know I did the right thing by being honest but without giving the sympathy she wanted will she not talk to me again? I'm not used to this whole "Mom" thing... I'm not ready for a 17 year old!!! She's literally half my age! Gah!

WTH???? Now an engineer is contacting me??? What could they possibly want from me???

Thank you to all the advice and caring!!! BUDDLY y didnt I think of that!!! I am going to reply to each one but only have a few minutes its been a crappy monday already late for everything, then found out someone is suing the gym for my foster daughters finger...honestly she is not disabled hasnt complained bout the pain...now it looks poorly on me cause they thought I was doing it...err..have caseworkers coming, lunch, paperwork, cleaning, then boys school and some major reorganization. MOST of my stress comes from NOT being organized or have a place for stuff so when I need it I know where its at and from looking at my mess of bookshelves and movie shelves..sooo I HAVE TO eliminate that stress and my laundry...I have bout 5 loads left to wash and 7 loads still to fold...that stresses me out!!

Did have a good weekend one of my teen girls was competing for miss teen pennsylvania...she lost i am not sure how cause she did great but....once she saw me she just broke down....I love them girls sooo much!!! Then one of my other girls (my girl) had some people posting how horrible of a person she is on her fb and I just LOST it...I left a post FOR EVERYONE to see..that is bullying and harassment and I WONT PUT UP WITH IT!! I went all momma bear on them...DONT mess with one of mine...Her parents wont step up but I will. She is bordering depression over situations and wants to cut and that will not help her..but her step mom told the therapist she isnt suicidal or depressed...when she is at times...But I know these girls are in my life for a reason and I will do what I have to!!! If it means reporting people trying to bring them down then I will!! She gave me her password and I am checking her fb so they cant try n send her private messages....anyways...I love these girls and wont watch people mess with them!!

ANYWAYS-AUNTYJAM
I only signed on to post to you about ur teenager...Think about when you were a teenager and you were hurt about your bf or relationships. To you it was the end of the world. As adults we are like screw them and move on....its not like that. Young woman find their worth in the eyes of men. I have found my teens will text me they need to talk and they just come sit on my counter why I cook and just tell me details that mean nothing to me but me JUST LISTENING means everything. It is important that they KNOW you care...if that means you just nodding and saying Im here for you and support you....then thats what it is (i mean as long as your not supporting harm...lol) When they are hurting it is important to not lecture.....the LAST thing when they are upset is to hear a mom speech (even though its tempting)....Let them talk and vent and then later bring it up and be like I was thinking maybe you can handle it this way??? because then they don't feel attacked or like your just being mom!! Sometimes they just want someone to listen and understand!!! BIGGEST thing is to not even talk negatively about the guy or what they should or shouldn't do but help her UNDERSTAND HER WORTH!!!! Remind her that she is a wonderful person and remind her of her positive traits and talents and that any guys would be happy to be with her!! Girls today do not get reminded of the positive they just see what they aren't compared to their friends!!!
So even tonight if you bring it up to her and let her know you care and you've been thinking about her. Then she sees it as you listened and thought about it and because its an issue to her its on your mind!!! There are girls who have harmed themselves over relationships one in our town a few months ago killed herself and NOBODY saw the signs..it was over her boyfriend.....SO I try to make them LOOK AT THEMSELVES and HOW WONDERFUL they really truly are!!!! Build them up!!!
I hope you don't take this post negatively and I don't know what you said but I do know if I go all mom wisdom on my girls they shut me off and wont talk...so you have to go in a round about way and they must learn from their mistakes....Go back to when you were a teen and how you felt!!!

I hope I helped and didn't tick you off......:)

VermontMom, how annoying that they didn't call back! I hope you can get something worked out this week.

Marie, that's horrible that the other moms are so snotty. Guess people don't ever grow up. I hope things are going ok for you at work today... I have had a few drinking occasions where I've been embarrassed later but things I didn't remember.

ems and buddly, I'm craving Chinese food now!

Aunty Jam, don't know about your stepD but I was a miserable teen. If she's anything like me she might clam up for awhile but I bet it doesn't last. Mom my usually said things like, "I know how much it hurts and I wish I could make it go away, but it just takes time." Basically staying out of it but being willing to listen.

momof4, that's awesome how you stuck up for your girl! Where in PA are you, by the way? I am from Lancaster and I miss it.

lol iris i love chinese :D

oooowww Chinese food I want some too! maybe one at the weekend as its mothers day in here in the UK sunday I might have to treat myself :)

Iris, they are snotty what makes it worse is that I work and my DH stays at home and looks after the girls, so I dont go to the school very often and my girls have come home saying the other moms think i dont live with my kids as my husband takes them to school most of the time. some women will just gossip about anything.
Work was not to bad today as luckily everyone else was as drunk as me on friday, only a few little comments but nothing i wont live down

Aunty Jam, its hard with step kids, my step mom tries really hard she gets it wrong alot of the time but i like the fact she tries. Could you try and maybe take her out just the 2 of you maybe dinner or shopping, she might open up to you and get it of her chest, and like iris said sometimes just listening helps.
When I ask my dad for advice on marriage he's standard answer is "im not very good at this kinda think Marie" (in a nice way) then i just cry and he listens, could you try and find an answer that she will like and spur her on to let it all out? some times a girl just needs a chat and a cry.

Mom, I know what you mean about momma bear, my girls only have to say another kid has given them grief and I go wild, my eldest is a quite little thing and one girl was nasty to her at school, so i went for the mom. its great she gave you her password shows the trust the 2 of you have. hope you get it sorted soon and she gets happy again.

I am feeling ok today, DH is doing my head in with constant moaning, its pay day tomorrow and its comes in and it goes straight back out on the bills so this is always a stressful time of the month.
I still haven't resigned yet my boss was in a foul mood today so i stayed well clear of him, I even missed a client meeting as the sexiest pigs i work with just use me as a tea and coffee server in these meetings and totally degrades me, how is a client supposed to take me seriously talking about architecture when my boss has made me make the tea? so much for equality!

I hear what you guys are saying... I guess I should probably sympathize with her more but I hate it when young girls think their boyfriend is everything. It really really irks me! I did that when I was younger and I ended up not knowing who I was! It took me a long time to figure it out but once I did I swore I'd never go back to the way I was. My husband says one of the things that attracted him to me was the fact that I was my own person and had my own life. Gah... I know she probably doesn't want to hear it. I'll try to be more sympathetic, going out just the two of us is a really good idea. I'm not sure what or where though... neither of us have any money!

Mom - it takes much more then that to tick me off!

Marie - Really think you need a new job with someone who recognizes your worth!

Aunty- lol good...I agree they shouldn't find their idenity in their bf or anyone else...they need to see who they are and be their own person....but thats why its important for you to remind her of who she is an her talents and to figure out WHO she is without him....MCDonalds sells ice cream sundaes for $1...Dig up some change and have some dessert!! Or a frosty at wendy's is pretty close to the same!!!

Aunty Jam, good luck with your SD, im dreading my 2 girls coming up to teenage years, my eldest is only 11 and its all about looks and boys and she is one of the shy ones.
your right about my job im just hoping that the new job i have lined up is not as sexist.

I didnt resign again today, i know i have to do it by friday its just a case of timing. my "work" day started badly my bossed called me at 8:45am on my cell phone demanding to know why i didnt go to the client meeting yesterday so i told him i thought i was only there to make the tea. it turned out i was suppost to give a talk on progress as well as make the tea and made him look bad.. haha yerh like he doesnt do that to me!
so i finally get to work 3 hours late and in a foul mood i get called in my one of the directors to say i am to start working on a 3rd project, thats unheard of someone in my position working on 3 projects so i tell him and his response is it a ressession get used to it. he can F***k right off i almost told him i was going to leave at this point.
it just gets worse and worse as the day went on, i was so pleased when my brother called me at 4:30 and said to come for a drink, i only see him twice a year and as he was in town I packed my bag and left the office. i know they are going to go mental about this tomorrow morning but i seriously am not in the mood for them and i had a great time with my brother.
Sorry to bore you all with my work stress i find i would rather me stressed with work then worry about my marriage problems i can forget about these when i am stressing with some thing else.

Hope you all have a good day xx

I feel for you because I have had years of hives. Steroids are bad. I understand how low you feel but you have done a great job. Do whatever you have to do to feel better.