Good Morning,

I can't believe its September... there's always a love hate when saying September... oh well. Love because the kids are going to school and hate because summer is almost done and here comes winter LOLOL

Hope everyone is doing well.

Leenie

Yeah I am trying to not think winter+depression...I am hoping I can stay postive and do well..first winter in 3 yrs with no meds...its just so hard to be chipper and upbeat when theres Hardly ANY SUNN!!!

aunt jam-we are woman we tell the same stressful thoughts over and over cause thats how we work...so we know to listen to each others stories over and over even if we heard them already!! SOO I am sure it makes you feel better to get stuff out and we dont mind..if we did we probably would be here...LOL

vermont-that makes me worry cause we havent done cleanings either..LOL. AFTER I cleaned the extra bedroom (made the bed, changed the curtains, scrubbed the wall, cleaned the flower stickers off the door, dusted, cleaned the windows...they say the boy is going to stay in the home hes at and try it there a lil longer and hope it works...ARRRRRR. I mean I prayed if he was meant to be here he would and if not then that door would be closed but just wish I hadnt done all that for NOTHING...it was set up as a girl room before..oh well....it looks nice...LOL


I am doing well at holding my weight at the low 230's..it excites me!!! I started tracking my food again at livestrong...not really eating the healthiest things but still starting SOMEWHERE!! RIGHT?? I am atleast trying to maintain a calorie number..but I have one down fall I dont normally eat until like between 2-4 in the after noon then eat several meals with in a few hours just cause I am hungry but cant wait till dinner then stay up late and want to eat...but its getting better!!!! YAA!!! I cant wait to see the 220's again!!!

OH and finally we were approved for food stamps. I know alot of people just do nothing an live off the system but my dh works hard and puts into that system so I dont feel bad about it and we could really use the help right now!! since he was off on surgery its been a struggle and sooo trying to make up for missed bills...my dad told me if i get a job again he wont help me anymore...not that I really can get a job with the kids but right now my job is to raise my children!!

anyways...have a great day!!!!

Been sitting here for five minutes staring at a blank screen. Can't think of anything to say.

Sorry I've been sorta MIA. I've fallen so far off the wagon I can't even see it anymore. I'm not going to gain this 38 lbs back. I'm already at 10 lbs gained. I'm not gonna do it! How stupid would that be?

I got another call from a local recruiter at the same company I've been trying to get hired by. He said they will start the interviews next week for the next job. Pray pray pray that I get it.

I'm doing my own 4 day OP challenge starting tomorrow. I've gotta get back on track and start to feel positive again before next week if I get to interview.

I may be the only one but I'm looking forward to fall. I'm sick of the miserable heat. It was 98 here today. I'm just done with it. It's supposed to be 92 tomorrow and I'm thinking that's not too bad. That's how bad it's been.

Mom, sorry about the foster boy. Maybe it wasn't meant to be and not the right fit. Were you saying that your dad does or doesn't want to you work?

Leenie, nice to see you again. Work still crazy?

Vermont, sorry about your tooth. I have a wisdom tooth that I really need to take care of but we're talking big $$. That's why I've put it off. I hope I can get a new job and be able to afford it.

Aunty Jam, I've been fighting depression too for the first time in a long time. Venting always helps, don't hold back.

Leenie - Thank you so much for closing that zoloft thread. I had to add my 2 cents after someone revived the thread but but I agree it really needed to be closed.

Vermont - Eek.. I did the same thing, I avoided a dentist for 10 years. Now that I've finally gone back I've had all 4 wisdoms removed (1 in 6 different pieces) and a number of problems fixed. It's not a wonderful process but it is a necessity.

Hope, Vermont, Mom, everyone - I know venting is good but I'm tired of going through the same carp over and over again. I have all the same vents about my life, something needs to change but short of kicking out my husband or having him do a 180° change (cant change people, but honestly, I'd settle for a 90° change) or discovering what I really want to do with my life and going back to school... not much is going to change. I'm tired of fighting with him and with everyone else. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I'm not even sure if I am depressed anymore... it's more like, resigned.

Aunty Jam, I hear you, I really do. I complain about the same crap over and over again and without major life decisions and changes, nothing different will happen. Sometimes I get sick of hearing myself yap about it all and doing nothing about it at the same time. You are not alone.

I did better today with the eating, not perfect but better. I managed 45 minutes on the ellipticle which was good for me.

real quick cause I am exhausted and have to get girls to school early and pack for camping...but got on the scale tonight and down another 1lb...YAAA...Never thought I would be excited over one lb honestly I kinda just blew off one lb but since I am now staying down and not jumping up then down...etc..I am more inspired to eat right...the excercise will come!! I am hoping coming back from camping I will be outta the 230s?? that is only 2 lbs!!!! I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE!! nyways was excited so I thought I would share the one pound excitement..I know shut up its just a lb...but those lbs add up!!

Hi guys - Thinking of you all. No weight movement here... Hope, you and I need to get on the same wagon. I'm sure there's room. Stupid wagon.

Chat soon - hang tough, chicks! x

Well we found out hubby didn't get yet another job. I almost broke down in tears at the dinner table. I think I'm going to have to suggest we go to the food bank next time we need groceries... at least then we could use the money for a bill. Problem is you never know what you're going to get. We were really counting on that job, I just don't know what we're going to do now.

Oh, but I found out it is legal to bury your dog in your back yard as long as they're encased in plastic and burried at least 1 meter deep. Alternately, if they weigh less then 44 pounds and you double bag them you can leave them out back for the collectors to take (I wanted to add a puking face here but it would seem they don't have one).

Aunty Jam, sorry about the job. I hate to hear you are having such a hard time right now financially. I'll say a prayer that your hubby can find something soon. Did your son start his job yet? Is that helping at all?

Heather, that wagon is stupid, really stupid.

Mom, you should brag about that one little pound! All those single lbs add up to big changes. I'm envious.

Went to see Eat Pray Love today. I thought it was pretty good but thinking too much about that subject matter usually leads to depression for me. After, I went to dinner with the girls from my pool team. We had a great time. We wont discuss what I ate.

Your very welcome... that was trouble in the making. It just amazes me what people will say.

Ladies... I love you all

Leenie

Hope - Thanks, but I don't have a son, I have a step daughter. Even if she was working I couldn't/wouldn't take her money.

Mom - I'd celebrate over one pound too!

Aunty Jam, I'm sorry, I got your family mixed up with someone else on here where none of the men in the house can find a job. My apologies. Still said a prayer for your hubby though.

Happy Labor Day peeps. I'm working, how about y'all?

Hi chickies!

Back to school tomorrow - actually can't wait. I think being back in a routine will really help me focus on NOT stuffing my face, and hopefully getting exercise in. I really struggle with the perceived 'failure' of gaining back weight and not running - I was a running machine. I think maybe I'm scared that I actually CAN'T lose it and keep it off and get fit again... I know I have to START to actually keep going... why is cake so appealing? Why don't I want to lose weight with the motivation I HAD? Ugh. Maybe I should just think less. And Just. Do. It. I have a few choice words for Nike today!

Fall is upon us - a new season. A new start. I hope so, anyway. It's amazing the excuses I can find to eat crap and sit on my (ever-growing!) butt.

Hope you are all hanging in there.

Heather, I'm totally in the same boat, even with the cake. I can't get enough cake for some reason. I've gained back about 12 lbs of the 38 I lost and I feel defeated, depressed, scared, and out of control. I have to go this week and get something to wear for an interview. I dread it soo bad. I'm expecting a panic attack and tears. Why am I doing this to myself when I was feeling so good?
I've been here so many times I can't even count.

On a positive note (I'm trying to be positive), as I mentioned I have a face to face interview next week. Please say a prayer that I get this job. It would really change things for me financially. It wouldn't hurt my self esteem either.

As Heather said, a new season is upon us. Tomorrow is a new day and I will improve myself. Hope things are going well for all you slackers not posting regularly.

Hope - No worries, I know how hard it is keeping track.

Had a very up and down weekend...
Down - I've been so down, grouchy and just annoyed in general. People seem to have been put on the earth specifically to piss me off (especially when they're driving!!!!!). And I just want to smack my brother in law sometimes, what a jerk. Step daughter is 17 but watches tv shows meant for 12 year olds which drives me crazy. I made a comment to husband, he in turn made a comment to her which made her turn off the tv and storm to her room for a few hours. I went to bed at 8:30. Not a happy house.

Up - My sister came to town with the jerk and their kids. They have the sweetest kids, 8 year old boy/girl twins. They're the ones who called me Aunty Jam when they were younger (or Jamie - said like the food, not the name). We spent time just hanging out and visiting my Dad, they always make him laugh so that's really nice to see. Step daughter found out she got a job. She'll only be working about 6 hours a week but with school that's enough. It's her first job so the experience will be great and she'll have a little of her own cash to spend. Mother in law finally found the manual for the treadmill she gave us... and discovered it IS in MILES and not in KILOMETERS as she insisted it was. That explains why I always thought I ran so slow - only 4.3 "km" an hour??? And could run 5k in 35 minutes outside, but could only run "3k" on the treadmill. I always felt bad because I ran slow and couldn't go far despite months of running. Now I found out I'm doing better then I thought. I wish she had taken the time to find it months ago when I first asked her

Anyway, sorry for the long post.. just needed to vent. I know you guys will say it's alright but you know I have to apologize for it anyway.