Afraid the depression is coming back
 

Hey everyone, this is my first post on the Depression and Weight loss forums, but I've been having a hard time lately so I figured I'd vent here. To give you the backstory, I was diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago and went on Lexapro and saw a psychologist to treat it. I liked my psychologist a lot and I made so much progress. I went off Lexapro and thought I was over it for good. Lately though, I feel like such a failure. I'm in college, and I had gotten my GPA up from a 2.4 to a 3.6. Now it's back down to just below a 3.0. The whole depression/anxiety thing makes it really difficult to go to class when it's flaring up. Grades are a big deal in my family and I feel like I'm always disappointing everyone, which of course only deepens the depression. Not to mention now I'm on this new weight loss journey and I've been doing well thus far, but I'm so afraid that my depression will come back full force and I'll just gain everything back and more. Which results in more disappointment from everyone....it's kind of a vicious cycle. Anyway, I guess I just needed to get this out. Good luck to everyone on their weight loss and thanks for listening!

Hey MedChick,
I understand how you feel. I have been battling depression for over 20 years. I spent many years in the cycle you're in right now. I would take a med, feel better, and then stop the med. Things would be okay for a while and then everything would start all over again. I'd go back to the doctor, get more meds, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill.
Well, about a year and a half ago, I saw yet another doc (primary care) who prescribed Pristiq, which worked okay, but not all that great. He didn't want to keep prescribing meds without the training and suggested I find a psychiatrist. Well, it's so hard to find a good one so I found another doc (another primary care). She put me on Wellbutrin, which also didn't help much. She also suggested I find a pdoc.
About nine months ago, I broke down and found a therapist who worked in a practice with several pdocs. I saw her and she got me an appt with one of the docs the next day. She changed my diagnosis (bipolar) and put me on completely different meds than I have ever been on. I now feel like a new person and wouldn't consider stopping my meds. I rarely miss a dose, something I was never good about in the past. Since then, I have made a lot of good changes in my life (diet and exercise to begin with) and things are looking up.
I'm certainly not suggesting you are bipolar. I am suggesting that maybe Lexapro wasn't the right med for you. I am also suggesting that you see your doc and maybe try a different med. Maybe it will only be short term, but it seems like you could use help getting through this difficult time but I think if you find something that works it can help you a lot right now. Good luck. Let us know how you are doing.

I too have struggled w/ depression. You need to get back on the Lexapro. You will be a whole new woman!

Thanks for all the support guys! The funny thing about Lexapro is that I really don't feel like it was helping that much. Maybe it wasn't a high enough dose? I took it for a couple of months without seeing a psychologist and it helped a little, but I didn't see a huge change. I started to improve tremendously once I started with my psychologist doing cognitive behavioral therapy. I guess it never hurts to try it again though. But again thanks for you guys' advice! I really appreciate it!

I've been going through the same thing lately, taking meds, thought everything was fine and pushed to come off them, only to go back on very quickly soonafter. I take Wellbutrin XL, which really helps me.

The most important thing is that you find a Psych that is willing to work with you to find the right meds for you - not every med works for everyone!

Good luck with your journey!

Depression can be a chronic condition that requires long term use of appropriate medication(s) and therapy. Drugs for depression are not equivalent as most impact receptors in your brain differently. The correct medication regimen can take some adjusting and requires a skilled doc and correct diagnoses of other things going on such as anxiety disorders.

I speak from years of personal experience and also as a clinician. Get a good doc/therapist and never give up on your growth!

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. But its good that you recognize your depression and want to feel better! before it's so deep that it seems hopeless. It's hard to have to keep searching, making appts. with new people, waiting and trying but as others have said it is worth it when you start to feel either like a new person, or your old good self :)

for me, Lexapro was OK, but it made me dangerously sleepy ALL the time. Yes even when driving a car or a motorcycle. I've been on Wellbutrin XL for a couple years now and that is good for me, but not necessarily good for you ... I sure hope you can find what you need :hug:

Couple of things - think of depression like diabetes - it might very well be a chemical imbalance in YOU that you will need to take medication for the rest of your life! Remember how good you feel when you first went on it...that's the way it's supposed to feel all the time. And Lexapro might not be right for you - it definitely wasn't for me. It's taken almost 3 years for me to get the correct dosage -- I was a bad patient! - hated taking meds and as soon as I felt better, I'd stop. Boy that'll screw you up fast!

Two - you know the cycle of negativity, you mention it in your post -- but you know what, the positive cycle works the same way. Kind of like weight loss - you diet and exercise, you lose weight, you diet and exercise some more, you lose more weight - and it continues to cycle. Think of coming out of depression as the same thing - you feel better, your grades improve, which makes you feel better, which makes you try harder and your grades improve more. Remember, you are your own worst critic...hang in there and vent here anytime, even just reading the posts helps me sometimes!

:hug:

Just reading everyone's posts has helped me a great deal!! It's really awesome to know that others struggle with the same issues that I do. Thanks for posting!