Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 07-19-2010, 12:06 PM   #1  
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Unhappy 23 and divorced??

I felt like this was the only place that I could kind of rant. So as the title says, I'm 23 and soon to be divorced! I can't believe that. I mean it seems like I fail at everything I do. I was with that guy for 6 years and I loved him so much! I forgave him for cheating, just for him to do it again with one of my family members in my own house!! I've been through alot over the past few years and I'm afraid that I'm too jaded or carry too much baggage for another man to want me. In January of this year, I tried to kill myself and failed at that too. Now I have a huge scar on my wrist that's a constant reminder of how stupid I am. I mean what respectable guy is going to want to be with me after seeing that huge scar? Honestly, I don't blame people for not wanting to be around me because of that. That's alot to hold on to and people don't understand. Anyways I've been taking prozac since that happened and I do feel somewhat better. I even moved to another state just to "start over." I asked my new doctor why the meds weren't working as well for me as they had for other people and after looking at my previous medical records, he seen where my husband use to hit me and I had been sent to the hospital one time after being knocked out by him. So he said that since I had suffered a head injury, that my brain was messed up in a way where it's hard for me to be happy. Basically, my brain doesn't work like it should because of him and I have to live with that forever. Anyways I left all of my friends back home and I have no one - no friends, no partner, which doesn't really help things because I feel so alone. But, I guess I should explain how this plays into my weight. When I first got with my husband, he cut me off from all of my friends and moved me to place that had no cell signal and we didn't have a home phone. So while he was at work, all I did was clean and eat. I mean I ate alot, just out of boredom! I gained 50lbs in 2 years and I was devastated. I was already depressed and that just deepened my depression. Anyways I am happy in my new life in a new town and I don't have to worry about seeing him out with another girl because I live 8 hours away! lol I know I shouldn't care about him after all that he put me through but I loved him so much. I wonder if I'll ever be able to love someone like that again and will anybody ever love me that much? Oh well, I guess I'm done with my lil pity party. Thanks for reading! lol
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:16 PM   #2  
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My "ex" was a bad spouse. I divorced him, worked on myself, found myself, moved on, and I couldn't be happier. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. The new love I found is WONDERFUL, and I realized that you have to really love and care about yourself before you can let someone else love and care about you. My heart goes out to you, and I'm glad you took the first step to correcting your situation! best of luck!
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:31 PM   #3  
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You relationship sounds a lot like one I had for over a decade. I met him when I was young, like you (I was 16).

I honestly don't think the Prozac isn't working because you have some sort of brain damage from his abuse. The prozac probably isn't "working" yet because you are so depressed - it's totally understandable, you've been through a lot. Give yourself some time to get over this, it will be hard but you will look back and be so happy you left and don't have to deal with him.

Congrats on getting divorced and be happy it IS when you are 23 and not 33 or 43 or 53 (or like my grandmother - 73!). Most people are single at your age and you can just pick back up with dating when you are ready. Men will still love you and if you work on yourself and raise your self esteem you will be strong enough to stay away from the jerks and find a great guy in the future. Treat yourself to some therapy and a make over. Get out and take classes and do the things you want to do with your life.

It will be hard, but it will be worth it. And for men in the future - you don't have to tell them everything that happened in your past. I wouldn't lie, but I would leave it behind. Some day you won't be this person and it won't be as relevent. Just say you were married young and to a guy who turned into a real jerk so you left. People will get that - they will understand. About the scar - say it was an accident at first, when you get closer to people then tell them what happened. But don't dwell on it, show that you've moved on from that time in your life.

We all make mistakes. I still kick myself every day for being with my jerky Ex. They say the first step to healing is forgiving yourself - much harder than it sounds but try giving it a shot.

(((hugs)))

Last edited by Wildflower; 07-19-2010 at 12:47 PM.
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:35 PM   #4  
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I'm sorry you are going through this- but always remember, better divorced than dead (I know that sounds harsh but it's true).

I guess it's too late to say surround yourself with your loved ones- but I will totally stress that you go to counseling (I am not sure if you are) and take a BIG break from relationships right now for at least one year.

If anything, take from this something to learn, I bet looking back you realize that there was signs of abuse that you ignored. My mother stayed married to my father for OVER 20 years and took the abuse- because of him she's deaf in one year (he beat her very badly) and her one regret was not leaving sooner.

I think you'll be okay as long as you take this time to learn to love yourself. I guarantee one day you'll find a man who loves you and treats you right, scar and all *hugs*

Last edited by beerab; 07-19-2010 at 12:51 PM.
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:39 PM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smj1987 View Post
. When I first got with my husband, he cut me off from all of my friends and moved me to place that had no cell signal and we didn't have a home phone. So while he was at work, all I did was clean and eat.
Let me start by saying that reading your post just brought tears to my eyes! It sounds so eerily similar to my situation! If you have a facebook, or an email address I will tell you the whole story because even though I started to write it out on here, I realized it is much to long to try! But I will tell you, though it hurts like **** now, you will get over the pain, what feels like love you feel for him is different, I can't describe it but I promise you, you will feel that much love again, and you will find someone who loves you, it took me 5 years to find someone but it was worth it because he loves me for me, and I have learned so much about myself! You will be fine!
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:55 PM   #6  
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I think believing your brain function will always be negative because of one instance of being knocked out is not good for you. Many receive concussions and recover completely, antidepressants stock working in time, that's why so many people get scripts switched (finally had a doctor tell me that after 20 plus years of on/off, changing meds etc). Cognitive therapy did WONDERS for me, check it out, it might help! Best of luck, glad you are out of that relationship, sweetie!
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Old 07-19-2010, 01:10 PM   #7  
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You would be surprised by how important a support network is. It gives you a buffer to be able to handle stress better. You have been through a lot, an abusive relationship, sounds like both physically and emotionally. Anti-depressants can do wonders for people with depression, but it is not a miracle drug. Many people find much better success with talk therapy or counseling combined with the medication. Does your insurance cover counseling? I'd recommend finding someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. Often when someone has been through an abusive relationship, they continue the negative statements their partner would tell them, it's like a tape constantly running through your head and reinforces those untrue, unkind statements. You are NOT a failure.

If you can't do counseling, reach out to someone, find a group that shares a hobby. A lot of times there are support groups that are free, either for survivors of abuse or depression. There are often local resource hotlines that can give you info, or check out www.nami.org
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Old 07-19-2010, 01:30 PM   #8  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VicSin13 View Post
Let me start by saying that reading your post just brought tears to my eyes! It sounds so eerily similar to my situation! If you have a facebook, or an email address I will tell you the whole story because even though I started to write it out on here, I realized it is much to long to try! But I will tell you, though it hurts like **** now, you will get over the pain, what feels like love you feel for him is different, I can't describe it but I promise you, you will feel that much love again, and you will find someone who loves you, it took me 5 years to find someone but it was worth it because he loves me for me, and I have learned so much about myself! You will be fine!


I do have facebook and I think talking to someone would really help me. I would rather talk to someone who's been through it than to some doctor that doesn't really understand. Feel free to email and/or add me on facebook. My email is [email protected]


To everyone else, thanks so much for your kind words. I really needed to hear that I made the right decision in leaving him. I mean I know that deep down but it still good to have someone tell me that for once in my life, I made the right decision. I guess it is better that it happened at 23 but I honestly, I should have left him after the first year... the first year was when he started hitting me and the first time he cheated on me and I married him AFTER that. That's how stupid I was but now I'm on the road to recovery. I'm just so glad I found this site because everyone is so nice and helpful, not just with weight loss but with everything! Thanks so much!
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Old 07-19-2010, 06:10 PM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smj1987 View Post
I guess it is better that it happened at 23 but I honestly, I should have left him after the first year... the first year was when he started hitting me and the first time he cheated on me and I married him AFTER that. That's how stupid I was but now I'm on the road to recovery. I'm just so glad I found this site because everyone is so nice and helpful, not just with weight loss but with everything! Thanks so much!
You aren't stupid- it's hard to leave- specially when you are scared- but I'm really glad you did! Sometimes abusers make you think so little of yourself you stick around because you'd rather be abused than alone. It's a vicious mental cycle.
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Old 07-20-2010, 01:36 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smj1987 View Post
Honestly, I don't blame people for not wanting to be around me because of that.
Welcome smj1987

I am so sorry to hear about your divorce you do deserve to be happy, I hope you realize that.

When I read the statment that you made above the first thing that came to my mind was in order for others to love you, you must first love yourself. I know you've heard this before but really, it IS true. Loving and respecting yourself has to come first, once you do that I am positive you will find a loving respectful man. You deserve the best !!

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Old 07-20-2010, 05:12 PM   #11  
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I really want to congratulate you
on being strong and leaving him.
Things will get better as long as you
hold on. It may not seem like it right now,
but it will happen.
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Old 07-20-2010, 11:21 PM   #12  
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You are not alone. I also got divorced at 23. My ex never hit me, but he was emotionally and sexually abusive. It was the best decision I ever made. Now I'm 29 and very happily married to a wonderful man.

Give yourself some credit for having the courage to leave! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you WILL find love again.
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Old 07-31-2010, 07:34 AM   #13  
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I'm so glad you're out of that situation. Sounds like you're doing everything that's best for you now. Just stay strong.. I'm sure the prozac isn't working because what you're going through is really intense, prozac isn't going to erase your past and pain completely. But now that you're alone, concentrate on yourself, try to take up some empowering activities (What's something you've always wanted to do?), maybe meet some new friends while doing so.
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Old 08-02-2010, 12:56 AM   #14  
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Why can't it be a scar that reminds you of the second chance that has befallen you? There was a reason that happened the way it did. There's a reason you are here now to write about it.

If you think if it as a reminder of failure, it will be. Think of it as a chance to move on. People will want to be around you if you want to be around them. Look at the advantage you have. You know what to look out for now. You know what YOU really want and not what you should roll over and accept. Yes, you'll be more cautious as you should be, but once you get another relationship that you are deeply invested in, it will be that much more meaningful.

You did the right things, so far, and you are working on the rest. You're doing what you should be!!! Give it some time. Everyday won't be a happy one, but I bet you there are more better days than bad days. I know I write it in another post recently, but they have meetup.com in your area. It's really a good place to meet people who like to get involved in the same things as you. Just the act of interacting with others and doing new things will make you feel so much better. It will give you a reason to get out there and look forward to the day.

You are doing good! Be happy and know that you can keep being even better.

Last edited by sidrah; 08-02-2010 at 12:57 AM.
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Old 08-03-2010, 05:59 PM   #15  
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I'm sorry for all the pain that you (and the others who posted similar stories) have been through. Even though I have never been in your exact situation, I've had my share of pain and I know how you hurt. Yes, you need to move on and you will when you're ready.
You need to find a new doctor. I know it's easier said than done because I've been there MANY times. It has taken me years to find the one I have now, who understands me. Anyway, to tell you that the Prozac isn't working because of your head injury is just nonsense. I guess it never occurred to him that maybe Prozac just isn't the right med for you. I have tried so many meds over the years that I can't even remember what they all were. Everyone is different. You need a doc who will work with you to find the right thing. When you do, things will start to look up.
I wish you all the very best. You deserve it.
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