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Leenie 03-05-2010 09:08 AM

March 2010 Monthly Chick Chat - Come Join Us
Hi Ladies,

Just starting up a new thread for March... ;)

:hug: Leenie

cmyhc01 03-05-2010 11:02 AM

Mornin' all....I'm sad to say that I'm still in a funk. I'm just exhausted. I've been losing/gaining the same fifth of a pound for the last week now. This morning at physical therapy (s/p knee surgery in January), I almost broke down in tears because both of my knees were giving me trouble even though previously I'd been doing wonderfully. I couldn't do one of the excercises as my coordination was completely off.

I'm currently on both celexa and welbutrin and even though my pscyh np and I have fiddled around with them and thought we had reached a good balance, it just seems like I'm having crazy ups and downs lately. Not to mention the fact that celexa does not do any favors to the libido (sorry for the overshare, heh).

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem, especially upon starting a new diet. I'm seven weeks in but it's definitely been a change since I've started.

Sorry to be so whiny the last couple of days. My bf and I are going to New York this weekend to see a bunch of my college friends, so I'm sure the little trip will perk me right up.

Have a great weekend everybody!!!

momof4under5 03-05-2010 06:17 PM

eww because of how hectic this week has been with dh's surgery (surgery on his neck, dr took out the C5 disc and put in a caged metal disc.) I have missed several of my med doses....n now its really bad....very testy and just want to eat any and every thing....sucks because from the beginning of this week till the end I have plummeted down hill so fast....dhs is already irritating me and hes only been home for 24 hours...err

Leenie 03-06-2010 03:14 PM


CM, have you talked to your doctor lately about your meds?
Have a great trip to NY CM .. :hug:

Mom, your poor DH.. back surgery is just awful. :hug: to you too.

Just cleaning today and trying to catch up with EVERYTHING lol..

Have a great Weekend Ladies ;)

hope4me 03-07-2010 10:40 AM

Hi ladies,

You must all be enjoying your weekend. I have been busy procrastinating. I've got a big test wednesday and haven't started studying though I've had a couple of days I could do it.

Just wanted to say hi, gotta get to work.

cmyhc01 03-08-2010 03:19 PM

Leenie: that's the thing--I had just seen my psych np who prescribes my meds and we both felt everything was fine and then my mood plummetted only a few days later. I have another appointment with her at the end of the month so I'll discuss with her then if things don't change.

Right now I'm feeling pretty great--I had a lovely weekend catching up with friends. But on the flip side I cheated for the first time since I started my program seven weeks ago--I didn't even go crazy, just a couple of things here and there--and gained FOUR pounds over the weekend. So now I'm back on the straight and narrow (and hoping the cheat session might jump start additional weight loss). By gosh if that food didn't taste fantastic, though. I was really almost hoping it would make me sick so I would fully regret eating it. Haha.

How was everybody else's weekend??

buddly 03-09-2010 04:35 PM

Hi everyone!

Wow is it ever quiet in here, hope everyone is busy with spring.:flow1:
We've been having spring like weather and the melt has started, but today coming home a rabbit ran across the road in front of me and it was still all white, so still a chance of snow.

CM I'm glad to hear you had a great weekend, I hope you are still feeling good.

Mom how are you doing with hubby home and recovering?

Hope, How is the studying going?

leenie I hope you took some time for yourself this weekend.

Hi everyone else!!

Yesterday was DdC's 18th birthday, we did the birthday thing on Sunday as people were working and her friends were talking about going out. Anyway we had a fondue dinner. It was good. Because we were expecting a lot of people we pulled out a table that has been in storage for years and I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the dust as I was sneezing so bad with the itchy eyes, but its still going on so I think I may have caught a doozie of a cold that just came out of the blue. At least the sneezing has quit. I'm suppose to go to a panic and anxiety group tonight, but I'm starting to think I should bail.
Just looked at the time and I better motor. I have to pick DdB up from work at 2 and DdC is meeting her friends at the one pool at 2. At the rate I'm going I'll be late for both.:dizzy:

Take care everyone and have a wonderful day.

momof4under5 03-09-2010 10:01 PM

dh still cant eat because his throat is still swollen..hes bored but cant get up to do much. I had to go to the dr because I hav had a bad cough since the beginning of feb. the dr gave me anitbiotics, steroids, and cough syrup that made me throw up...if its not better in 7 days i have to go for chest xrays and blood work because the cough is dry and its been longer than a month....

tomorrow boys are on a feild trip with gramma to the candy factory so i am taking dh and girls out for a little trip to get some fresh air hopefully he makes it!

Ok gotta go not a lot of time....

hope4me 03-09-2010 11:08 PM

I've been studying all day for a test I have tomorrow. I still haven't covered everything so I may call out from work tomorrow to study more. I hate to do it but I have the time so I guess I should use it. I'm tired.

Momof4, hope your hubby gets better soon and gets to go with you all to get some air.

Buddly, so glad to see you. I miss it when you don't stop in often. I bet it's hard to believe one of your daughters is 18yrs old. Do you think the panic and anxiety group is helpful?

The diet and exercise is still going well. I actually can't seem to get enough fresh veggies. I'm craving them big time. Thank the good Lord!!

Hope everyone else is doing well.

MoveMoveMove 03-10-2010 07:49 PM

Hi ladies. Read thru the March thread then went back and read the February one.

I think I need to be here. I started on Wellbutrin in 2000. Moved to TX shortly after and found a GP that wrote the rx for my WB without making me see a Psych. for the next 8 years or so. That was good.

Decided a little over a year ago to go off the WB and did well for a while. But boy oh boy has the depression been mounting up in the last few months. I wasn't fully committed to admitting that until I was reading your Feb thread. But no doubt about it the depression is back.

I think I scared the ladies on another thread with a post last week. I was/am feeling pretty violent but I'm not a danger to myself or anybody else. I just get to a point where I like to break things like dishes. I think I was finally able to convince them of that. Their care really helped me make it thru this past weekend.

I work for a school and next week is our spring break. I'm going to use the time to find a Psych. 'cause I think it's time to go back on the meds.

My house is a MESS, I mean really really bad, so I'll be working to make it look more like a sane person lives there. If I can stay out of the bed and off the couch that is. I can do this.

Anyway, found this thread and I think I'll fit in here. I don't have the internet at home yet so I'll probably only be back here one day next week when I come into the office to use the computer to find a dr and to order cable and internet. I'm out for training tomorrow and always off on Fridays so see y'all next week.

Have a great weekend.

VermontMom 03-11-2010 08:26 AM

Hi Marcia :wave: a big welcome to you :) and Hi to everyone else...sorry I haven't been posting. I had a few 'down' days and that is when I probably should be posting here, but I deliberately do NOT because that is just how I've been programmed, to not 'complain' or 'whine' , to just keep quiet until the crisis is over. And its true that usually I am better the next day.

My mood was the bad one, in that I do not look forward to anything. So it is a feeling of 'so what' or 'who cares'. Ugh. Or if something happened to me, like a fatal car accident, it wouldn't be a big deal. Ugh!! But I am so thankful that I can put those thoughts here, and not be reprimanded or have you be shocked. I can't do that in real life. And I don't want to feel that way!!! who would?

I know I am better just because of the shifting seasons. That it is light out at 6 am and staying light later. It's a little warmer here, getting to the 40's with sun and that is great.

I also got my motorcycle out yesterday and went for a ride, that always helps my mental health.

So yesterday was the first Wednesday in weeks, that I did not spend almost all day in bed. woohoo :carrot:

hope4me 03-11-2010 11:10 PM

Hi girls,

Can't stay long but just wanted to say that I could have written much of the last 2 posts. I'm glad too that we can say things like that here without shocking or scaring each other. I've been there way too often with the messy house and wanting to stay in bed. I can't tell you how often I've thought the same thing about a fatal accident and that it wouldn't be too bad, or maybe if I just had never existed at all...

I'm happy to say I haven't had any really bad lows in a while. I certainly don't miss them. I hope this lucky streak lasts.

On a brighter note, I made a 98 on my test and I'm one pound away from a 20lb loss! :carrot:

cmk79 03-12-2010 02:09 AM

Hi everyone.I'm new here and I also suffer from depression.In the past it's kept me from achieving my weight loss goals, but I' determined to stick it out this time and not give up!I've actually been pretty good since I've been working out.Every once in a while I'll get depressed about how I look and the fact that I wear "fat" clothes.But I just have to remind myself that I'm not going to be this way forever and that eventually I'll be able to wear normal sized clothes.

VermontMom 03-12-2010 08:06 AM

hope4me, congrats on the high test score, and for being 1 pound away from a 20 pound loss!

I would like to blame this time of year for our dips in mood but unfortunately it can happen anytime, so all we can do it try to get through the down times because things do get better eventually.

hi OompaLoompa :wave: I hear you on feeling discouraged, but I do the same thing, tell myself 'well I am doing something about it!'

hi to everyone else :hug:

buddly 03-12-2010 03:07 PM

Hi everyone:wave:

Welcome Marcia and Oompaloompa Looking forward to knowing you better.

Congratulations Hope!!! You are on a roll! Acing exams and weight loss!!

Holly that's great you've been able to get out on your bike. The ice is off of our roads so I don't really have an excuse not to get out walking. And its a beautiful sunny day here which is nice change after yesterday where mother nature decided to have a hissy fit and throw a little bit of everything at us.

Hope, that was my youngest that turned 18!!:eek: I honestly don't know how they can keep aging when I'm not ;) DdB turns 20 on March 31st as well. And about the panic and anxiety group, yes I do think it helps and I'm really glad I'm going. Its so nice to find out that I'm not alone and its really helpful finding out how other people cope. One lady in there who hasn't been to a hairdresser for years because of panic attacks actually managed to go in for a facial massage and a hair cut last week. She had the tools to assert herself and keep from having an attack. I find that so helpful to see. Just like being here, I've been privileged to watch you go from being unemployed and feeling down to where you are now working as well as succeeding in school and getting on top of the exercise and weight loss and getting healthy. It gives me hope I can move forward as well. Thank you :hug:

As I said its a beautiful day here. I'm hoping to be able to give the dog his spring haircut. I was suppose to go to work today, but called in sick as I've been taking decongestants and sleeping for most of the week I just couldn't picture myself flying around a hot kitchen without passing out.
Its noon, so I better get a move on.

Take care everyone and have a wonderful day TGIF!!!!!:)

hope4me 03-12-2010 09:41 PM

Aww, Buddly, that just really made my day. It has been so long since I could have given anyone hope to do anything. You guys here have really kept me going more than you know through the past couple of years, through the good and bad. I'm proud of you for going to the support group and doing what you need to do to make life better.

I unfortunately caught df's cold. I thought I was going to avoid it. I think I'll take some nyquil and hit the hay.

buddly 03-13-2010 05:25 PM

Thanks Hope.

I'm finding out that ripping old journals to burn is not a good thing to do when you are already feeling down. I know all of that stuff is in the past (journals are from 94-99) but boy just scanning a little and I'm getting pulled back. I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.

Hope you are all having a good weekend.
Take care,

momof4under5 03-13-2010 10:27 PM

So yeah its been a heck of a week...I have had this cough since the beg. of feb. and it got worse so I went to the dr. on tuesday. He gave me steroids a very high dose of them for 10days. and antibiotics and if its not better in 7 days to go back...well thursday I thought i was dying..i had bad coughing fits that i almost passed out and I cried making dinner. I lost 10lbs in 3 days from not eating cause i was sick. Then 4 of my kids managed to be running fevers and coughing alll since tuesday. Plus my husband still cant do anything and up until today he hasnt been eating any solid food so i have had to blend his food. Then today his gout kicked up. My laundry is piling so high. My body is still very weak and I am shaking (mostly from the steroids). I am still coughing and my chest rattles when I breath and when start cough it gets so bad I feel like i am drowning because i cant get a breath in. so we will see what this is like on monday if i need chest xrays.

I havent been on since i have been sick tonight is the first night I have even wanted to do much.

i will do personals another time sorry...

cmyhc01 03-15-2010 09:47 AM

Hi ladies,

Wow, March hasn't been the easiest month for many of us, huh? Momof4--I hope you feel better soon, and same for your husband and children. I can't even imagine how difficult that all must be for you. Big big hugs to you :hug:

I must confess that I've fallen off the wagon...the protein sparing modified fast just became too much. I grew SO sick of eating only protein. I gained a couple of pounds back but I have to tell you my spirits have been much better since I've started eating normal food again. I'm meeting with my weight loss md and my dietician on Wednesday, so between us we'll decide if I want to go the low fat/high fiber route or maybe I'll try calorie counting. It's going to be an adjustment losing weight at a more normal rate (I lost 38 pounds in 7 weeks while doing the psmf), but I think for my sanity it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

I hope you are all doing well this Monday morning. It's a soaked one here in Boston, but they're promising sun and 50s/60s later this week so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Take care, all...and keep up the good fight!!

hope4me 03-16-2010 10:10 PM

Quiet in here...

I've had a cold for a few days and now I just have a lingering cough that is driving me nuts. I haven't been able to work out because I've been sick. I think I will tomorrow no matter what. I was afraid of a terrible coughing fit if I get hot. I'm also afraid if I wait much longer it will throw me off track. I hope you all are doing better than the last times you checked in. :hug:

VermontMom 03-17-2010 08:34 PM


Originally Posted by cmyhc01 (Post 3201135)
Hi ladies,

Wow, March hasn't been the easiest month for many of us, huh?

Take care, all...and keep up the good fight!!

You are right! but I really really hope we all are doing better :hug:

momof4, I hadn't realized you were so sick, poor thing! are you better now?

cmyhc, how did your visit to dietician go today?

hope4me,:hug: to you! having a lingering coughs sux because yeah, when you get hot from working out hard the coughing fits are horrible and just drain you. But you want to keep your motivation for working out too. I hope you are better today.

Hi buddly, Leenie, Marcia and Oompaloompa :wave:

I've been getting some good amounts of regular sunshine and I know it is helping me. Plus we are having freakishly warm mild weather, usually it is like this only at the end of April. It might not last but I am taking advantage of it as much as possible. Have ridden my motorcycle each day, and even rode to work yesterday.

hope4me 03-18-2010 11:18 PM

Still quiet...

I finally worked out today and it was a struggle to get myself to do it. I knew just a few days off and I wouldn't want to do anything. I'm still not feeling that well. I slept in today and took a nap this afternoon. I still have the cough but it's a little better. It's amazing how after not working out for 5 days I was already beginning to get feel more sluggish like before. It doesn't take long, does it?

I had lunch with a good friend that I hadn't seen in a while but I felt like I wasn't very good company because I didn't feel so great. This week is my spring break from class and I wanted to get a lot done around the house but it just didn't happen. I guess I should just be grateful that I

Momof4, how is everyone in your house? Miss seeing you but I know you've been sick.

Vermont, glad to hear you are doing a little better. It's sunny here too but I haven't gotten to enjoy it like I wanted to. Df has been on a couple of rides.

Cmyhc, what diet plan did you decide to follow. I'm calorie counting. It works well for me because I can eat mostly healthy food but also can eat anything as long as it fits into my calories for the day.

Buddly, I can see how reading old journals can get you caught up in the past. I've done the same with yearbooks and pictures. I think it's kinda neat though that you can see where you were then compared to now. Are you feeling better? Has the weather still been good for you up there?

Hi to everyone else and all the newbies, feel free to jump in! I miss everybody.

cmyhc01 03-19-2010 09:32 AM

Good morning and happy Friday everybody!

So my appointment was cancelled on Wednesday :( I didn't end up rescheduling it yet because my boyfriend and I are moving in a couple of weeks and I thought it best for both of us if I don't get diet crazy during the process. I've been maintaining since I went of of the psmf and keeping an eye on the scale to make sure I don't start gaining.

Once we get settled I think I might start back up with WW, and even though I know how to do it on my own I'm planning on attending the weekly meetings so I'll have similar accountability as I did with the psmf support group. Plus I was discharged from PT today for my knee and if I get the go ahead from my ortho I'm going to start up the Couch Potato to 5K program then too. I just have to make sure that I don't fall into the "I'll get to it later/I'm too busy now" excuses once we've actually made the move.

Thank you Vermontmom and hope4me for checking in!

How are you feeling today hope4me? How about you momof4?

Vermontmom--this NE weather has been gorgeous, hasn't it? It's definitely helping my mood for sure. I'm definitely going to fit a walk in outside tomorrow as I'm hearing it's supposed to be just as nice. I'm really getting excited for this winter to be a distant memory.

:hug: to you all!!! I hope everyone is able to enjoy the weekend!

hope4me 03-19-2010 10:35 PM

I've been a little down for a couple of days. I'm chalking it up to not working out and being sick. I find myself starting to think that things are hopeless and just feeling sad overall. I'm hoping my workout today and yesterday brings me back to life. I was feeling so different before catching this cold, better than I had in a long time. I know the endorphins from getting my heart rate up were the reason. I wasn't sluggish and had energy to get things done. I'm getting to the point where I just want to sleep. But, tomorrow is a new day...

I'm working all weekend, what are y'all doing? :)

LadyJez 03-20-2010 12:04 AM

Beware the Ides of March
This has been the week of Julius Cesaer's ghost haunting me. Nothing went right.
Oh, yeah. Hi.

The only good thing is that I'm down 12 lbs. But I've been in pain from muscle spasms in my back and neck, which makes it hard to sleep. Those finally seem to be lessening.
I keep forgetting to take my meds in the morning. It's a good think I keep some at work, just in case I forget to change it.
I, too, just haven't been able to get going in the morning. I've been late to work, which isn't good.
Next week has to be better. Please let it be better.

VermontMom 03-20-2010 07:03 AM

Hi LadyJez, nice to meet you! :wave:

hope4me, :hug: and sorry that you've been feeling down! it was great that you were on a roll with working out, and sux that the cold kept you from it. I sure hope you're feeling better today. The only good thing I can say about work, is that it forces me out of bed some days. And when you're feeling really hopeless about stuff, things DO get better, eventually!!

I also work weekends. Oh and I think I have the beginnings of a head cold, bleh. But my first one since last April.

Hi cmyhc01, and everyone else. :) I'll put a stronger smilie here :D, that's the 'fake it til you make it' guy :devil:

hope4me 03-20-2010 10:15 PM

Well it's day 3 of working out and it's getting a little easier every day. My mood is a rollercoaster. I almost started crying while I was working out. :dizzy: How ridiculous and yet I feel better now.

Vermont, work does at least get us up and out doesn't it? We were so busy today with the good weather and all. My next day off isn't until friday. I hope you get one sooner than that.

You guys really need to jump back in here b/c my posts are really boring. Come back!!

momof4under5 03-21-2010 12:22 AM

hey girls....starting to return to normal....I had lost 16lbs in less than a week from being so sick..I gained 5 of it back though when I started eating again. I just finished the steroids and I am still coughing. Not as bad so I think its finally going to go and I dont have to call the dr again!!

Husband is doing ok...in pain if hes up doing to much. I am struggling just to keep up with everything...I have my husband helping with the boys school because If I have to do EVERYTHING else because he cant then he can do that. The kids have been able to go outside so that has been great. I am half way done with my 20 some loads of laundry. I am hoping to get them almost done tomorrow night so I can start the week out with NO laundry and NO dishes!!

I am almost to my breaking point with my weight I dont want to go thru another summer outta weight and not able to do stuff because I am so outta shape but just getting started is sooooo hard. I walked down to the store with my mom today when she was here and it wasnt fun....just blah....It makes me fel sooo blah cause I cant breath and everything..But I am ready finally again to actually do something. I havent felt this ready for like a year and a half. back when I did my calories and lost the 3 lbs a week because I was eating right! So I guess I need to follow hopes lead and get my butt moving weither it sucks or not!!

Ok well I need to get to bed I have to teach kids church tomorrow and have to get all 5 kids ready by myself tomorrow...ughhh...I will check back tomorrow and see how everyone is doing!!

buddly 03-22-2010 03:03 PM

I everyone!
Wow! it is quiet in here. I hope its because most of you are busy with spring things.

Not much new around here. Its grey and dreary today, so of course feels cold and yucky. The dog and I went out for a 40min walk Saturday night, showed me how much I miss our walks. (the sun was out and I knew I needed a shot of natural vitamin D) Anyway I'm still working on the decluttering, its a slow process, but some progress is being made. I'll get this living thing worked out yet. :) Things are changing at work so I'm hoping/dreading for some more hours. I find the job a little hard on the bod, but I can do it and I work with some good ladies and getting a larger paycheque for a bit would be very nice. So we'll just have to see what happens.

Well I should get going see what trouble I can get into ;)

Hope everyone has a better week. :grouphug:

Take care all,

Purefire 03-23-2010 01:50 AM

Hello Ladies...

Things have been really hectic here... 4 weeks left of actual classes and then I go on my externship. This mod this is so much homework that I am already having trouble keeping up with it all.

Weight loss wise... I have been doing terrible.. I have actually gained 10lbs so I am not happy about that but my boyfriend has been here for the last month... so that might be why. We have eaten out a lot... which doesn't help. I try to eat healthy but apparently not well enough. He leaves on Thursday morning for college in PA... and I actually can't wait... I am so off schedule with everything that I really don't know what to do with myself.

On top of everything my sleep has been really messed up. Either I sleep to much or I am not tired at all... and I don't want to take sleeping pills so I just don't know what to do about it...

Going to try and get some sleep... Hopefully I can...

Have a good night ladies.

hope4me 03-24-2010 10:35 PM

Hi everyone,

I've been going since 5am this morning so I just want to go to bed. I've wanted to munch all day today. I had some fries tonight which somewhat fit into my calories but they were cold and I should have sent them back or skipped them altogether but I ate them anyway. I shouldn't have waisted the calories on them unless they were hot. TOM's here though so that's what I'm blaming it on.

I hope you all are ok. Purefire, good to see you. Hang in there.

Aunty Jam 03-24-2010 11:41 PM

Hey! How's everyone? Did all of you sickies get better? Mom? How are you?

I just got back from a week long business trip and of course... I'm sick!!! I've been managing to keep the big ulgy monster (depression) at bay but I think it'll gain ground if I can't get better and start working out soon!

momof4under5 03-25-2010 12:34 AM

hey aunty jam...yes i have finally kicked it!! YAA
but i had some nasty stomach thing last night that had me bent over on the floor thought i was in labor...lol...but was better by this morning.
TOM is here too and I ate too much junk food tonight to the point I physically felt ill...hate when I do that...so yeah...yuck

I have been trying to watch my eating and doing ok..not great but wasnt bad till tonight...lol

ok thats bout it!!

VermontMom 03-25-2010 08:37 PM

hey ladies, it is good to see some of you here! I know I haven't been too regular here either, had a head cold but over it pretty quickly. But I am just ...so..BLAH!! I will be hugely better once Im out of the crappy winter job, that is just 19 days from tomorrow. Then I'll be happier, you will see!

trishn222 03-26-2010 12:33 AM

Hi Ladies,

So I haven't been on in a while. I kind of lost desire to talk to people. I know, it is kind of not the right thing to do when I do lose the desire and want to crawl into a hole, but that is what has been going on.

I am feeling pretty hard on myself today and I don't even know what to do about it. My sister is up from Dallas visiting (this is my favorite sister(I have 6 of them)) Anyway, so my sisters and I have been spending a lot of time together. There is one sister that I have, that if I spend very much time with her, I just want to run away screaming. I have decided that I just don't like her, she is rude, says anything she wants to say and we are supposed to blow it of, because that is just the way she is and she is loud and bossy and her kids don't behave at all. If I can keep it to seeing her only about once a week for a couple of hours then we do just fine. I can fake it if you know what I mean. Also you can't talk to her about anything that you care about because her opinion is usually different and the only right one. So I just have to be breezy with her. When I spend much time with her, I get to the point that I don't like her. The problem is that when I come to this realization (I do about every few months) then I spend the next week or two feeling guilty that I don't like my sister. Is this normal? Is it ok to not like a sibling? and what am I supposed to do about this?

Sorry for the post, but I could use some advise.


VermontMom 03-26-2010 08:13 AM

Trish!! I read your post and HAD to respond right away. First, I understand about not wanting to talk to people when you're down..even though that's when we should, especially with this great group here..but I do the same thing, when I'm really down I don't come here, just when I'm kinda down or feeling good :dizzy:

but more urgent - I feel that you do NOT have to like your sister!! So do not feel guilty about it!! My sister does have alcoholism as an excuse, but even when we were kids she was mean and rude and awful to me. And she also just blurts things out now, critical or stupid comments, I can take the things she says about me, but NOT the mean/rude things about my boys or husband. I think you do great for seeing her as much as you do! and for recognizing what subjects you can talk of, and what to keep quiet.

Purefire 03-26-2010 09:29 AM

Morning Ladies...

I don't know why but I can't find any of the motivation I use to have to do anything that I want to do... When I am home I don't want to do anything and if I have to go out.. I just don't want to go. I literally have to force myself to move. I woke up at 7am and have been just playing on facebook for the last 2 hours when I have a ton of other stuff I need to do.

It also doesn't help that I haven't been taken my meds correctly. I am suppose to take 200mg twice a day of Lamictal, but instead I have been taking it once a day because I am almost out and I don't have insurance right now so it will cost over $200 to get them filled and I am also not working. I just don't know what to do.

I just feel so depressed and just looking in the mirror and seeing how much weight I've gained doesn't help. I to Walmart yesterday because I wanted to get a new pair of jeans. All my jeans are really tight and they are between size 8 and 10. I tried on two pairs of jeans and found out that I am now in a size 14.... I refused to by a new pair of jeans. So I will just have to settle with what I have for now.

The worst part is.. I can't work out. I messed up my back really bad and I am in constant pain. Going for walks aggravated the **** out of it and makes the pain worse especially when I have to walk up hills. I haven't tried the stationary bike yet but I don't want to risk it. Plus without insurance I can't go to the doctors. I can't afford the bills right now. So I am just at a loss of what to do.

School is kind of a pain right now. I have so much homework to do and I just can't seem to get into it and now I only have 3 weeks left til my externship and I need to pass the last 3 courses and then 6 weeks in an actual office so basically 2 and 1/2 months until I can get a job.

The only positive thing it seems that is going on is my boyfriend is going to be helping me out a little.. He is giving me around $300 at the beginning of every month to pay my cellphone bill and any other bills I have which is nice of him but I hate the fact that he is giving me money. I seriously hate it when I can't support myself and need help from someone else... plus I have never had a guy do anything for me like my current boyfriend does so I'm just not use to it...

Sorry for the rant...

Have a wonderful Friday Ladies

hope4me 03-26-2010 11:42 PM

Trish, good to see you back. I get that way more often than I want to, not wanting to see or talk to people. I have to say though that this year has been somewhat better. I don't have siblings but I think it is completely normal and ok not to like everyone in your family, especially if they don't treat you well. There is no law that you have to like mean people. ;) If she was supportive I'm sure things would be different. She is bringing it upon herself.

I was looking around the room as I was waiting on the site to come up and started thinking that I'm tired of house cleaning being so overwhelming to me. I can't seem to keep the house straight. It's really not that hard but I'm failing miserably at it. My mom would be disappointed to see it the way it is. I'm disappointed. I wouldn't have company over without a good full day's cleaning at this point. Fortunately I don't have many people who would just happen by. Do you guys feel that way, like you should be able to keep on top of things? I'm not talking eating off the floors here, just reasonably clean. And for you with many kids, it's understandable to struggle.

TOM is here this week and I've wanted to eat more than I have in months. My calories have been higher than usual, not terrible but higher. I have felt a little out of control and it kinda scares me. I'm hoping the cravings will go away soon. I feel like I need to regroup and set a new goal that starts from here. I need to jump start my motivation again.

I hope you all are having a great start to the weekend.

Aunty Jam 03-27-2010 02:05 PM

I just have to comment about the sibling thing... I have 2 sisters. One I like and one I do not like. I felt horrible because I can't even bring myself to like the child of that sister!!! She is just so much like my sister and they both push all of my buttons. My Mom said something to me years ago that basically amounted to the fact that you can love someone without always liking them. Sounds strange I know, but I love that niece even though I don't like her. It's a bit tougher with the sister, but she's still my sister.

hope4me 03-27-2010 11:33 PM

I've had the last 2 days off and it has been nice. I've slept in, ran some errands and watched tv. Today a friend came over and I made breakfast. We went shopping and I got some new tennis shoes which I got to break in when we took a walk around the neighborhood. It was nice to be outside in the fresh air for a change. It was a little breezy but nice.

I made some margaritas when we got back which were awesome but it didn't help me keep control when it came to dinner. I overdid it and had some easter candy. :o To try to make up I worked out a little longer on the ellipticle than I usually do. I know it doesn't completely work off the calories I ate but it makes me feel better about it. I think that's really all that matters is keeping myself believing that I'm doing ok so that I just don't give up. Make sense?

I dread work tomorrow...:p

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