How could no one have seen this coming?is - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Gemini-max · 06-08-2002, 05:55 PM

Hi, friends. I just got word that a friend of mine who shot herself in the head yesterday, died today. I am still reeling from the shock of her doing this to herself. Her entire family (which is sizeable) as well as co-workers and neighbors, are shocked beyond belief. We just didn't see it coming. I knew she had been suffering from depression for a long time, but she "self-directed" going off all her medications....that is, except for food. She had gained a tremendous amount of weight in the last year and was basically unrecognizeable. She had other health problems too, including breast cancer, but that isn't why she committed suicide (the cancer has been in remission for awhile). I am just so sad and frustrated that I couldn't reach the person imprisoned in her own pain. I relate to her despair, although I know I could never do to myself what she did. I remember about a year ago, she said the same thing to me when we were talking about people using guns on themselves.

I guess the only relevant part of this story for our purposes (or mine, at least) is that food was only a friend to her for a short time. Her weight gain was probably the only sign to the outside world of how much in trouble she was. I will miss her spirit so much.

meg 1+2 · 06-08-2002, 11:49 PM

Dear Gemini,

What can I say...I am so sorry for your friend, her family and you. How desperate we can get...wish we could of met her and tried to make a difference in her life.

God Bless your friend, you and the family~~~~~~~Meg

LindaT · 06-09-2002, 12:04 AM

Gem,

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Sometimes it can be hard when you want to help someone.. they won't let you in. Hopefully the memories of the good times you were together will comfort you.

liz321 · 06-09-2002, 08:28 AM

As long as your grief lasts my thoughts are with you...let us know how you are...Liz

Gemini-max · 06-09-2002, 09:19 AM

Thank you, 3fc friends, for your support. Yes, it is so frustrating and hard when someone puts up a wall like my friend did. Her 18-year-old son was even "walled off," not that they had a bad relationship, but she kept putting off seeing him (he lives out of state) so that he wouldn't see her "like this." She so much wanted to get better, emotionally and physically, and yet the decline was steep and fast. And all of us helplessly stood by and waited for her to reach out. She never did. If there is a lesson in this for me, it is that I hope I'm never cut off from the world so much that I won't reach out when I'm really in trouble. What my friend did took some planning and time (where and when did someone who was so afraid of guns get ahold of one? did she leave a note? was there one "trigger" that made her decide to do it?). So many questions, and such a senseless act. Except to her? Was this the only peace she could find? Is she in a better place now?

Thanks again. I wish you all a beautiful day!

dentrassi · 06-09-2002, 02:07 PM

Hi Gemini
Unfortunately, when someone is that depressed, they tend to start doing the opposite of what they need. Those left behind are left wondering if they could have done anything different, and feeling stunned with the loss AND the guilt. THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE. It seems like the worse depression gets, the more the depressed person pushes everyone away. It truly is a waste, and VERY sad. She could have been helped, and now it is too late. I am VERY sorry for your loss. I have lost friends to suicide also, and it is HORRIBLE. It also made me feel that no matter HOW bad it got that I would never do that to those who love me. I'm sure her son is devastated too-ESPECIALLY since they hadn't seen each other recently. All I can say is that it does get easier with time, but that sense of waste is always there.

Tippy · 06-10-2002, 09:30 AM

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I'm sorry that your friend chose to ease her pain by taking her life. It's so sad. Please don't blame ourself for not being able to help her. You did your best as you couldn't know what was going through her head.

Take care now and God bless!

Leenie · 06-10-2002, 10:25 AM

Gee, I'm so sorry to hear that. My friend who is dealing with her husbands depression said the same thing to me (how could I not see it comin). He tried 2x to kill himself. The only thing I could say to her was YOU CAN'T and don't blame yourself. Thank God he's okay. The family is going thru some serious counceling and medications and its not an easy thing.

Prayers are with you and the family and friends.

Love, Leens