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I just want to let you know that there are people out there who support you and believe in you and know that you are going to be okay! And as you can see, there are so many people who have gone through something similar with their own families. Just knowing that you are not alone might give you a little bit of comfort in this difficult time. Keep posting whenever you need support! Just keep believing in yourself and what you feel is right. I am a high school teacher, and trust me, you are awesome!
Katie, please don't think your life is over. I went throught something at your age that made me think that too, I am now 46, we survive things that we think it is the end throughtout our lives. Right now what you have to believe in is yourself, hopefully it will not take your parents too long to come to terms with your beliefs and they will accept you as you are, maybe grudgingly but they will.
I'm 16 and have to say I respect you a lot for telling your parents.
I am also "in the closet" w/ regards to christianity, and I am too scared to tell my parents that I don't believe in god. I know my dad would throw me out, and my entire family would alienate me. I think they suspect though, and nothing I do is ever good enough for my dad. Since I told them I wanted to be in law enforcement, my dad has basically written me off as a failure. I think he would have preferred that I become a stay at home mom with 20 kids and homeschool them in a jumper.
I do want to be in a "science type" job, ( I want to be in the FBI, but I am planning to study forensic anthropology and hopefully will become fully certified)
But I never really thought that figured into my beliefs.
I just want to offer my support. I don't think there's really any advice that I can give, more than anyone else can, because parents can be irrational lunatics every now and again (as can the rest of us). But this is their problem. And it's something they have to come to terms with. They should be proud of you for being such an individual and a forward thinker. Believe me, when I was your age (i'm only 18 now), I was cutting myself, I had an eating disorder, I'd already gone through a stint in a mental ward, I was out-of-the-closet as a bi-sexual and I had totally and vocally denounced ALL organized religion. My mother and I had an absolutely horrible relationship when I was growing up, and I'll be honest, it hasn't exactly healed yet.
But I am standing on the other side of that canyon a far more experienced, well rounded, successful and responsible person than many of my peers because I did discover who I was sooner rather than later. I think its great that you obviously come from a religious family and have still managed to find your way through that. Your parents will come to terms with who you are, hopefully sooner rather than later, or after it's too late.
Be proud of yourself. You're making a stand for something you believe in (or, well, don't) and anyone who would try to silence or oppress you is in the wrong.
Be strong, dear. We're here for you.
Katie Marie!! Check out the "Alternachicks" section to find some freethinking and supportive people. Some Christians can really be very cool. Some of my fave friends are religious, different religions; the intollerance doesn't HAVE to go with it, unfortunately, in many denominations it's part and parcel of the belief system, it's conformity or persecution. I think a LOT of damage is caused with that fundamentalist mindset.
Oh I can believe that -- I think we are naturally freaked out at the thought of our deaths, however, the question is, does that make us likely to make up stories in which we are somehow immortal? IMO, I think it does.
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Originally Posted by QuilterInVA
My priest always says it doesn't matter what we believe or if we believe, when we feel death is getting close, we suddenly believe in God.
I finally dropped the bomb on her. I don't believe in God.
If you do not believe in a God then you are an atheist.
An agnostic is someone who doubts the existence of a God but is still somewhat open to the idea if proof can be shown.
Ahhhhhh ... this reminds me of the many years I spent when I was young searching for the truth. Is there a God? What is my purpose in life? Why are we here?
All so very personal ideas that a person can explore and contemplate for the rest of there lives if they wish or bury in back of their minds and just go about their lives and stay busy with all the things we call life.
But invariably ALL of us ... will one day be forced to think to ourselves (unless we die from a sudden death like an accident) my life is coming close to an end ... will I go onward to somewhere else? Or will my life just simply cease to exist, like a candle flame that just gets blown out and never to be relit again.
I won't say what decision I made for myself because it doesn't matter, each person must examine what THEY believe and draw their own conclusions.
You are still very, very young. And being young most young people have no conception of how quickly a life can go. Ask any 80 year old and they will all tell you that as they got older times seemed to speed up.
You have a long time to make your decision whether you believe in a God or not. Keep your mind open. Whether you ultimately choose to believe or not believe is a personal decision you have to make. I had many ideals when I was young that have changed over the years just because of my life experiences.
I would like to point out and NOT taking your parents side but just stating fact... to a TRUE believer in Christ.... who believes that the ONLY way to salvation is through Jesus Christ ... having someone who they love tell them that they do not believe is devastating to them.
In their eyes whether they are right or not you have condemned yourself to **** and there is nothing they can do about it because everyone knows you can control what someone does but no one can control what someone thinks.
Your father is acting out how a lot of men do because he is angry which doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
I will say this... IF I was a child still living at home who did not believe in God and my parents were believers. I would like to think I would just stay quiet and spare them the stress and anguish. Because they are and have after all fed you, clothed you put a roof over your head. But then again I am reacting as what a 50 year old would do. My thoughts would be of my parents not me.
So what if they think you are somewhat religious when in fact you are not. What matters to you is what YOU think.
Yes for family harmony I think I would have kept it to myself. But I guess it is a moot point now unfortunately.
You know I am wondering how much of this might just be from youthful rebelliousness? Almost all of us go through an age where we begin to assert our independence to our parents. I remember screaming to my Dad that I was a grownup and an adult when in fact I look back and I really wasn't. I was just a normal teenager.
I guess I haven't given you much good advice... I am sorry.
You are still 14 and you will need to live somewhere until you are of legal age (18) You could approach your parents and tell them that you have decided to keep an open mind and will think about the concept of God and life some more and leave it at that. And every time they ask you in the interest of family cohesiveness just say I am still thinking and I will keep an open mind.
This might give them some sort of hope and hopefully you will not have such a disrupted life such as having to live in a foster home or some facility until you are of age. Or WORSE a life on the streets as a teen which almost always ends up pretty bad.
I really feel for you and hope you can find a happy medium to make your parents happy and a way you can live with yourself.
Living a lie can be very hard on someone...especially someone who is young and idealistic. And if Katie's Mom is anything like mine, she is constantly having religion shoved down her throat, which is like pouring scalding water on a burn when you have to keep silent and just keep taking it. And maybe she is uncomfortable being forced to participate in religious activities she doesn't believe in.
I'm sorry, but it is presumptuous to imply that she does not have an open mind. I actually think people who have rejected Christianity after being raised in it, tend to be more open-minded. I don't believe in God, and I'm not being rebellious against my parents. I used to be a born-again Christian and I suffered depression for a long time as an adult, and gradually through the course of my therapy, I realized that part of my depression was caused by my thinking I had to believe the same as my Mom about religion...when it was causing me great conflict.
We each get to make up our own minds about what we believe, and our beliefs may end up totally different than our parents. And often, we take what our parents give us and grow from there. For example, you can be highly spiritual, but not believe in the God of the bible, and you can be a fundamentalist Christian and not be as spiritually developed as the person who has rejected the myths of the bible and is looking for something more.
I don't believe that saying you don't believe in God is the same thing as being closed-minded. I think it speaks of a person who is more logical and requires more concrete evidence to believe in something. That doesn't mean they aren't open to accepting something once evidence is provided.
And using the "you may die at any moment" scare tactic to try to convince someone they should be open to believing in God, is not very relevant to someone who does not believe in the heaven and **** of the Bible. Also a person who does not believe in God, may still believe that life is a cycle and that our energy still goes somewhere and lives on in another form. So death of the body does not necessarily mean the same to an atheist or agnostic as someone who believes in heaven or ****.
Katie's parents are responsible for their own feelings. Katie should not have to live a lie to protect them from who she really is.
Katie, I hope you will check in and let us know how things are going. I've been worried about you.
Last edited by recidivist; 02-17-2009 at 07:24 PM.
Katie, I do hope you'll check in with us. If your parents do want you to continue to learn about Christianity, try to make the best of it. Knowledge of the Bible can give an important foundation for understanding a lot of literature that is taught in high school and college.
I am surprised that your parents are so upset by this. I know you feel like you understand the whole world (God knows I felt that way when I was 14) but you may or may not change your mind about religion in the future. And I would be "the grown up" one in your family and tell your parents that. Just say, that right now you don't believe in God, that you understand you have a lot to learn in life, and if it's right for you - someday you might reconsider religion. And, even if you never do, it might lift some weight off your parents.
I never believed in God until some major events in my life changed that...only a few years ago (and I'm 28.) And I'm very thankful that I found that in my life...
OH, and I wanted to say that they will really try to push church and religion on you now (I would assume.) Which is probably not a good idea on their part because you will hate it, but learn from it. I didn't know much about the Christian Bible until the last few years and you will learn that you at least have to have knowledge of Christianity in our society. I ended up having to talk religion classes in my collage (and felt REALLY stupid because I didn't understand what anyone was talking about most of the time...) Espeically when "bible thumpers" try to exchange conversation with you and tell you that you are wrong...it's good to understand religion and why you don't agree with it.
As a parent I can understand what parents do sometimes and we don't always realize we aren't doing good, we are human and we make mistakes. Your parents do love you and don't ever forget it. Fathers also sometimes don't understand the damage they can do by just not being supportive rather than being critical. One day through the grace of God your father will realize his mistakes and he will be there to pick you up and help. I know being 14 is a confusing time in life and you are so much stronger than you realize. If you think about it being in therapy you are one step ahead of your father, you understand you have things to work on and he hasn't come to that realization yet.
Work on what you can change and don't bother with the rest at this time. Things will work themselves out and you will be the better person in the long haul.
Also, being you is ok and love yourself through your actions and be forgiving to others that don't understand/
I hope things have improved since you first posted sweets. I'm a 41 yo mother of 2 boys - 15 yo and 9 yo. I was raised Catholic, but was never a follower and was scolded many times for questioning their beliefs. I am now Agnostic myself. We are ever evolving beings and what we believe one moment might or might not change the next. You seem to be a thinker and that is GOOD. Taking in new ideas and rolling them around in your head is going to create change of some kind.
As a parent I want my kids to THINK for themselves, question everything and talk to me. I am thinking that your parents had a certain path of parenthood in their heads and are now shaken up. They probably don't know what to do with this information as it obviously is something with which they cannot relate. They are scared and don't know what to do. YOU will need to be the one with patience my darling, unfortunately. Give them time and your love, keep talking to them, do your chores and keep hanging around here for support.
<--- sending the most calm, loving, caring, supportive vibes to you and your parents.
this is a tough topic. my mom is very involved with our local church and im an atheist and my two sisters are agnostic. it really upsets her because she feeled like she failed to impart a strong faith in us but i tried to explain to her she was a huge success because she raised the three free thinkers and not blind sheep. it was really tough in the beginning but by being rational all times and never getting into a fight, but always explaining my position she finally understands. you just need to be understanding. imagine your mom who does really believe in this stuff and now she thinks her daughter is going to ****! it can be painful for her, she has invested a lot in religion, her whole life. just have patience with your family. they love you and that will prevail in the end.
Isn't that the way too many times? The child has to be the adult. That is good advice though archy. Show them what tolerance looks like by respecting them and their religion; maybe through example they will learn to respect your own search for the truths in this world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by archychick
I hope things have improved since you first posted sweets. I'm a 41 yo mother of 2 boys - 15 yo and 9 yo. I was raised Catholic, but was never a follower and was scolded many times for questioning their beliefs. I am now Agnostic myself. We are ever evolving beings and what we believe one moment might or might not change the next. You seem to be a thinker and that is GOOD. Taking in new ideas and rolling them around in your head is going to create change of some kind.
As a parent I want my kids to THINK for themselves, question everything and talk to me. I am thinking that your parents had a certain path of parenthood in their heads and are now shaken up. They probably don't know what to do with this information as it obviously is something with which they cannot relate. They are scared and don't know what to do. YOU will need to be the one with patience my darling, unfortunately. Give them time and your love, keep talking to them, do your chores and keep hanging around here for support.
<--- sending the most calm, loving, caring, supportive vibes to you and your parents.
I am sorry your parents can't accept something like that but I am not surprised. It's hard being 14 and thinking for yourself, especially if your parents won't respect and support your decisions. I am also appalled that your father is treating you like that.
Also, I don't think people making pro-Christian comments in this thread is really very appropriate. Obviously the OP is having enough of that at home right now without having to see it here. It's like you are throwing it all in her face yet again.
Just keep believing in yourself and what you feel is right. I am a high school teacher, and trust me, you are awesome! 
