Hi all... to just lay my problem out on the table, I'm afraid of losing weight.

I deal with depression and anxiety, and along with those, very low self esteem. I'm on medication, and doing fairly well... might be time for another change. However, this feeling never goes away.

I'm afraid to lose the weight and be the center of attention, able to shop in the "normal" clothing sections, to be happy with myself mentally and physically. Twice in the past six years I've been able to overcome that and lose the weight I wanted, and both times I gained all the weight back. I guess now I'm afraid to fail again, too! One of my problems is that I don't know how to act when I'm feeling good... I've gotten used to feeling a certain way and changing that is hard.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Umm... I think I can relate in some ways. The last time I lost weight I got very self conscious because I started getting attention from guys for the first time... I didn't like it and felt uncomfortable.. My weight has always been something to hide behind.. to use as an excuse for all the things I never do in life. When I lose weight I lose that wall and have to deal with the very things that made me eat so much in the first place.

I realize that didn't offer any advice.. I guess I would say if you can afford some counseling that might help. If not.. talking to friends or family. Or.. if that isn't an option then someone online, from 3FC, or journalling. It's all about baby steps.

Thanks so much, Kae! It really helps just to know that someone else has gone through the same things I have. I do go to counselling and I'm trying to get through this the best way I can... without the food, of course!

I just wanted to say that I love your avatar, KitschKitten

Yep, and to overcome this you need to realise you can a) limit the amount of attention you get and b) deal with unwanted advances, should that occur.

No easy way to do this, but you are very wise to identify it early. Assertiveness training/books might help you, as might doing a few things you've been putting off, trying some new things..just little things to start with. Show yourself that you are in control of your life and although you can't cope with what others do, when you feel more secure in your own skin you won't feel as though you have to give into them, or that you are "being invaded", so to speak.

If you like, you can work out how to project a certain aura or dress a certain way that really lessens your chances of attention, if you can't cope with it somedays. I'm told I'm attractive, I'm slimmish with huge breasts, but with nondescript clothes and a Don't Mess With Me expression, no one even TRIES anything..promise. ;-)

I also see the assumption here that when you lose weight, you'll then be happy with yourself mentally and physically. Experience urges me to ask you to seriously question this assumption!

I totally know how you feel. I feel the same way. It is a struggle for me. I know that when I lose the weight I will be thin and feel a lot better and I am married so I guess I won't have an issue as much with people hitting on me but still I guess I feel like my weight keeps me in the background and I can blend in and that is a comfortable feeling in a way. When I was in high school I lost 30 lbs and got so much attention and I felt sooo uncomfortable. A year later I was back to my old weight. I think I was unprepared for the attention and didn't know what to do with it.

I can relate a bit. I'm scared of what a change life is going to be when I get to goal. I'm not scared of actually losing the weight though. I have always been decent at making big life changes because of the life I've lead so far.
Take it in stride... it's going to be a HUGE change, but it's nothing that we can't get used to... it's like going to highschool for the first time, you might be scared and such because it's a huge change and you've never experienced it before, but we learn and get through it

I can understand how you're feeling. One thing that sucks about depression/anxiety is that you get used to feeling a certain way, which is usually pessimistic, discouraged, hopeless, whatever you want to call it. So its hard to feel *good* and *positive* because that just seems weird. I wish I had some enlightening advice, because I am dealing with that myself. I just try to make myself take things slowly, think positive, and do things that make me feel good. Its not always easy, especially when you've been sad for so long. It definitely work, as strange as that may sound. Think happy thoughts! =)

I have the SAME problem, KitschKitten. (I also love your avatar!)

I, too, hate attention and it makes me really uncomfortable to be the center of attention. A friend threw me a BEAUTIFUL party when I finished graduate school and I didn't enjoy it at all because it was confusing for me to have so many people around that cared about me and wanted to celebrate with me and dote.

Here are two books that helped me tremendously and made me start in on flirting and making friends without using being fat as an excuse to wait before dating and flirting and making new friends.

Ten Days to Self Esteem by David D. Burns
The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns
Undoing Depression by Richard O'Connor

Granted two are by the same author, but I liked the first so much that I bought the second. It walks you through good exercises for changing your thinking and has interactive exercises so you can practice and use them in real life. It's a written version of what would happen in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and many therapists use it as a training guide for their sessions.

The last is by a doctor who was suicidal and depressed for most of his life so it brings a nice perspective.

I also know how annoying it is to get advice when you are feeling badly and it took me so long to get to a point where I was willing to even open these kinds of books. It worked for me...but literally after YEARS of having them on my shelf, unread.

If you're ready, get the Ten Days one first since it's shorter and if you enjoy the exercises upgrade to the Feeling Good Handbook.

Much information, but your post really struck me because I can relate completely.

Thanks so much for all the support everyone! The advice was great, too.. It's going to be really hard to do, but I think I'm just going to have to keep on going with my healthy stuff and run head first into the "uncomfortable" scene. No more being invisible. Yikes.

Oh! And my avatar is Hilda by Duane Bryer... it's always great to check out the pictures on moody days.... makes me smile every time.

I completely and TOTALLY understand where you are coming from, including the low self esteem. Honestly, I can't give you much advice, as I am trying to wade through this issue myself. The one thing I am doing, however, is seeing a psychologist who is working very closely with me to try to help this negative reaction that I have.

The thing is, I know I will feel better, I know I will be happier, I know I will be healthier, and in my case, will help with a chronic disease I was just diagnosed with. The problem is I cannot seem to, no matter how hard I try, be able to convince myself that I need to do this. Does that sound stupid or what? My psychologist says for now I need to diet and fake it, hows that for an answer lol

I'm not sure how old you are, but I used to have the same problem when I was younger. When I lost weight the attention was overwhelming. (From men and women) But rest assured, if you stay obese, and wait to lose the weight when you are my age, (43) your skin will be saggy and baggy and facial wrinkles will be very visible. I don't have your problem anymore. Too many years of obesity robbed me of my youthful beauty. The fat stretch my skin out beyond repair. I'm just a dried out wrinkled old woman who looks 15-20 years older than I am. The only men who even look at me are in their 70s and 80s. Yippee, what a relief.

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. When I am heavy I can use that to blame for why things don't go right for me. I didn't get the job I wanted because the interviewer thought I was heavy. I didn't make friends because people thought I was heavy. I didn't get promoted because I was heavy. I didn't have a date for something because I was heavy. It seemed easier to blame my weight than to take responsibility for myself.