I will begin by saying I don't know where to begin. I've suffered quietly with depression/anxiety for at least 14 years. My mother tried to get me into therapy when I was 16/17 several times, but I refused to go. I've always been terrified of doctors and haven't been since I was in high school. So needless to say I don't have a regular doctor. I've considered many times to talk to someone, a professional, but have always backed out. Over the years I've learned to hide my depressed self behind a "fake face", but lately it seems more and more difficult to maintain even this.

In light of recent life events, I have made the decision to take that step and talk to someone (yes, I'm terrified, but I know it has to be done). Thing is, I don't know how to go about finding a therapist. I know of several people who have gone into therapy, and have several friends and family members in various medical professions, but I do not want to tell anyone I am doing this. I've only confided in one friend for support on making the phone call, but he doesn't know what it is about (nor am I sure I'll have the guts to say). I've looked online and the local hospital has a "mental health" section and a phone number, so I was thinking of starting there. Otherwise, I am at a loss.

How did you first find your therapist? Any advice or guidance would be much appreciated!

This may sound silly, but I found mine therapist through her listing on the Psychology Today magazine website (I would post the link, but I can't yet because I don't have enough posts). They have a Find a Therapist feature that is very useful, and includes therapists for both the US and Canada. In fact, many therapists will have direct links to their personal websites where they include their specialties.

HTH!

Marianne

Hi Bella:

I asked my regular doc for a referal, but you said you don't have a regular doc, so that doesn't really help. My parents tried to get me in counseling when I was a teen, too - but I really believe it is only beneficial if it is self-directed. You know when the time is right, and unless you initiate it you won't get as much out of it, imho.

Anyway, maybe yellow pages? Look for someone who mentions issues that really hit home for you, like work stress, relationships, transitions, etc. Would you be more comfortable talking with a man or a woman? Who has an office that is convenient to you? And if you think that you would be interested in anti-depressants, look for a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist - they can also prescribe meds.

good luck.

Call your insurance company and see who all around you is in-network. Then call each of their offices and find out who is accepting new patients. You will find that your choices are narrowed down to just a couple. We all tend to act like we can just decide what we want and it will be available to us, like ordering a burger, but it isn't like that.

Here, psychiatrists have waiting lists a mile long, so most of us see a psychologist or social worker for regular talk therapy, a psychiatrist once or twice a year for assessment, and the general doc, who prescribes the drugs and monitors your biological response.

For example, I go to University of Michigan depression clinic twice a year to see a psychiatrist. He does a report and recommendation which he sends to my psychologist (who I see weekly) and my physican (who I see at least once a month). My physician writes up my prescription and then monitors my liver function, etc, to make sure I am handling the medication okay. He's also my first point of contact if anything goes wrong.

I hope that makes sense. If you do not have insurance, call your county's department of health and they will be able to direct you to more resources.

Thanks for the tips! I've logged onto my insurance's website, and have contacted a few of those listed. And I will have to remember about the meds, to make sure that is an option if necessary. Thank you for that!

My son who has ADD/Anxiety disorder goes to a wonderful Psychiatrist for his ADD meds. After mistakenly diagnosed with Bipolar, I asked him for a referral even though I am not his patient. He mentioned a couple of docs and I went from there. I like to think it is a good fit because we have a lot of common interests and I feel he might actually understand where I am coming from. If you have anyone who is in the medical field or sees a Psychiatrist, start there. Your insurance company has wonderful resources and they are a big help to. If you don't like who you are seeing, you can change docs. After you get a formal diagnosis and proper medicine they will refer you to a Therapist. I recommend a female Therapist because they really know the female psyche. Hope this helps and good luck to you!

Thanks Gooneybird. I was actually wondering if I should contact a psychiatrist first, as I have references for both from my insurance website. My insurance is up for renewal, so I'll be contacting them anyways to do that, and I'll just do this as well. That will help with choosing a therapist.

I do know several people in the medical field, but I'm sketchy enough about doing this without having people ask me about it or getting into details. And the only person I know who is possibly seeing a therapist is my mother, and I can't ask her because then it will become a huge issue that I just can't deal with right now. She is an absolutely wonderful woman, one of the best I know, but I know she worries a lot about me, and if she knew anything about this it would really hurt her. It would mean I've been lying to her about being ok (which, in all honesty, I have -- ok, not so much "lying" as trying to convince myself that something is true by saying it a lot). If I would say anything at all, I would like it to be in retrospect, when I have a handle on things.

Thank you again!

I'm not sure what questions you would want to ask those people. Therapy is pretty straight forward. You go in, describe what issues you're having, and outline the goals you want to reach. Then they help you achieve those goals by breaking down barriers and setting mini-goals.

first off do you really need to see a therapist? I used to think i needed a therapist before. But...it turns out all i needed was the support of friends and my boyfriend.

But if you really need to the best way is to get referrals froom friends and family friends. Talk to people first about their experiences and do not just turn up at the therapists office..

I can't say for sure that I do need therapy, but that is kinda the point. If I had a real idea as to why I have cut most of my friends out of my life and the bottom drops out pretty often and I will begin crying for no reason (that I know of) several times a week, then I'd just deal with it. And I have "just dealt with it" for many years, but recently it is creeping into the parts of my life I can't hide from people (ie. work, public places, etc.). I was recently on a train on vacation, which should have been wonderful, and I just started crying out of no where (that I know of) and I couldn't stop. That was terrifying. And if there is a way to prevent this from happening, I am going to check it out. I don't have a reason for why I feel like I do, so I don't know how to "get over it".

As for talking to friends or a boyfriend, that is a non issue. Over the past few years, I've cut most of my friends from my life because I was going to check out. I tried talking to them a few times, but I got a lot of "oh, don't talk like that" or "it will be ok", but the truth is neither of these did anything but make me feel worse for being this way. And I can barely hug people, not without tensing up, or let people get close to me. So, needless to say, no boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or SO. And as much as I don't think you need a SO to be happy, the truth is I would like to be capable, at least. To find a way to be someone's person, and they be mine, that would be nice.

So that is where I am now...

Update: I just spoke with my insurance, and there are NO mental health benefits at all in my state for this insurance. This is strange because I went online and it gave providers for in-network psychiatrists. The first rep I spoke with thought it was strange as well because she had never seen my plan without a "mental health" option included. EVER. So I spoke with a local agent. The agent said this (mental health options) is only for limited group plans and is never offered for individual plans. WTF? Why isn't that stated?? I'm angry and not sure what to do. Is this a sign telling me just to suck it up and live with it? What do people do who do not have insurance? I did read on here there is assistance for meds, so maybe there are plans for people to see help who do not have coverage.

Effing insurance companies, so much for any help.

Hang in there and don't give up. Your county health department should be able to educate you about options for those whose insurance won't cover mental health.

Thanks Beginme!!

I just found out that most individual health plans in my state do not include any mental health coverage at all. Because the state does not require it. And the company I work for is so small that we will never have group insurance. It is so irritating.

(if I had "erectile disfunction", I'd have no problem getting help for that!)

If you are crying for no reason, cutting out your friends and thinking about checking out, you need to be on meds. Go to a doctor, he'll refer you to a therapist if he thinks you need one. There are some who have sliding scales for charges when you don't have insurance. My life has changed so much for the better since I went on medication.

Bella - I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please do not give up on the idea of getting help. My suggestion to you is first use your insurance to go to the psychiatrist. Some actually do therapy...although most will assess you for medication and help manage that. But a psychiatrist is the best doc to go to for psychotropic meds. (in my community, people have to use their general docs because there is a shortage of psychiatrists) Anyway, that's my first suggestion. My second suggestion is look closely at any non-profit agencies or churches in your area to see if they offer sliding scale counseling services. This is sometimes the best choice when you do not have insurance.

I would also encourage you to talk to a close friend who you trust. Getting a referral from a friend is really the best way to find a good therapist!

Good luck to you and please consider getting help!! No man is an island! (no woman either :-)