empty nest depression
 

I have been a bit of a "depression snob"in the past..thinking just
make lemonade if you get lemons. Well after 20 years of getting
thru both my parents deaths, a divorce, single parenting 2 wonderful
strong willed boys , then a rocky 2nd marriage I
am not handleing the boys growing up and heading to college.

I was happy when I was 100 % busy being a mom.
Rocking them all night when they were sick , playing
silly games, cooking for them.
I was probably too involved and had no life beyond them
but I was content.

The oldest leaves in 2 weeks and the other is 2 years behind and I feel like there is a death in the family. The younger needs me less and I feel like
I have been fired from the mommy job. I know it will be a time to focus
on my marriage (which is good now) and time to explore hobbies
but I am sitting up all night right now and sleeping half the day.

My son is still here and I am wasting time being so sad. I don't let him know
how bad I feel because I want him to be excited about college without
worrying about me.

Do others get hit this hard ??? Some may be that it has been
sorta "us against the world" at times.

I feel that my joy in life will be over when they both leave to college.
My husband can be a pessimist and gloomy so the boys are the life of the house. When they are gone we mope around like we are 90 years old.

help

I know what youre going thru. both my kids left home within a couple month period, and all of a sudden i had no purpose. i had been a mom 24/7 for years and all of a sudden i didnt know what to do with myself. Then one day it hit me that i was still young, and could still have a life.. they were making theirs, so i should make mine.. it was still hard for a while, but with time it does get easier..and in time you will find you even enjoy being able to do what you want, when you want without having to make sure the kids are okay lol... i know it doesnt sound plausable now, but it will happen... get out the house, find a hobby, go to lunch with friends, cultivate new friendships, get involved with church, organizations, etc... if your hubby is moody, find something to do away from his moods lol... get your hair done, nails, etc.. go for walks, walk around the house naked cause you finally can lol.. there are all sorts of things that you can and will find to do to make the 'empty nest ' syndrome easier.

Jimaterry...
Thanks..it helps to know others have felt this way.
I have been flip flopping this summer between thinking
"there will be advantages" to sad but with the
fall getting so close I have flopped hard to the SAD side.!!
I have a major identity crisis. I may return to work
this fall because of my husbands business being slow,
so that will probably be a good thing for me to
be busy and have structure and get out of the house.

My boys have been my life for 18 years and
that is changing so fast.

My dad has a very, very, very hard time letting us go. He guilts us in to staying with him as long as possible, and it makes us feel guilty for having to grow up. It's made the entire process so much harder. Growing up is scary and lonely for kids too, and we NEED you to be excited for us as encouragement that we can do this, and you have every faith in us. I've never dealt with this from the parent perspective, but I just moved away from home last year. My dad still has a hard time adjusting, but my brother is still living with him, so it's been a bit easier. But seeing my dad fall apart when I left has made my brother lose all motivation to go to college himself - and that's not a good situation for anyone.

My boyfriend's mom mails us 'care packages' every month. She collects little things throughout the week (pink pens for class for me, little Transformer toys for him) and she sends them to us. It's always really precious, and really exciting - and it makes her feel more connected to my boyfriend. This way, when she's at Walmart and missing him, she can just pick up something silly like a candy bar and put it in the box to send him. It really cheers us up around the holidays and cram-sessions. Just an idea :)


I hope your heart feels better soon <3

Thank you so much for a perspective of a young adult.
I have wondered if I act A-okay if he will think I don't miss him.
I like the way you said I need to be excited for him...see things thru his eyes.
I also am glad to know care packages are welcome. That will help me
to put them together. I also never thought about my saddness at home affecting the younger one ..he is much less independent.
Your post is so helpful!! I think you were my angel for today!!!
Your post helped me realize I still have a mommy job (just different) I need to
be an encourager and let him know I have faith in him!!!