Hi girls,

I don't really know who else to talk to about this, my husband is being bullied at work, and although it's been going on for a year recently it has become to affect him and he's becoming increasingly depressed. I can also feel myself becoming depressed.

We've always had a very good relationship but recently he's become withdrawn and angry. I love him to bits and I feel so helpless and unable to help. I'm now feeling depressed, I cry a lot and I'm considering going to the doctors and getting some help, but hubby won't go to the doctors. I am scared to go to the doctors because I don't want to put weight on if I'm on anti-depressants.

I guess I'm here because I just needed to talk to somebody and feel that somebody is listening. I'm fed up with people telling me that he needs to snap out of it and to move on.

How can I help him? I don't know what else I can do.

It's just a job, there's no reason to let it ruin his life. We work so that we can live, not the reverse. I'd start looking for a new job if it's that bad. I had the same situation, where I was just a scapegoat for someone and I couldn't ever get around it. I got a new job in July and I'm a totally different person. My favorite line is "I was looking for a job when I got this one". Best of luck to you both!

Is sad that we have to go thru being "bullied" as children and then re-live it as an adult. I know it is probably hard for him to speak with management about it without the individuals knowing he did it, but is the company big enough that he can transfer to another area???

The problem is that if he truly likes his job he will either have to endure it or speak up. If he doesn't, he needs to get another job. I know that if it was supposed to "fun" they wouldn't call it work, but it at least needs to be tolerable and not effect your family.

And if need be try to talk to your doctor and get some Cymbalta. It does not cause weight gain, but actually suppresses the appetite.

Please keep us posted and take care!!

Depression doesn't only affect the depressed person, it becomes the family's problem too. Your husband needs to talk to someone in Human Resources, and I think he should go get some therapy as well. You need to get help too to understand and deal with your own sadness. Don't worry if they put you on anti-depression medication. I've used it for quite some time and never gained weight from it. In fact, I've lost 21 pounds. It's so sad in this day and age that people are becoming so mean spirited. Your husband should not have to put up with that crap,especially at work- The world has enough bullies already.
If he can't resolve the issue at work, I'd suggest he start looking for other employment. The Human Resource Dept. should know all about this though.
Hope this helps, stay strong.

It really depends on the situation but I know its very hard to rat people out, I see it every day. If he feels he can't go to HR is there any way he could transfer to another department and/or look for another job?

I too have been in those situations, its not easy. Just remind your husband that you are there for him and will back him up 100%. I'm pretty sure he knows what he needs to do, its just a difficult thing to do.

Innocently, ask your hubby to drive you to the doctor.... ask him to go in the room with you and once your there, open up to the doc...your DH will have no choice but to listen, and he might feel comfortable enough to talk to the doc as well. Its worth a try.

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Thanks for the advice, I'm considering it all. I guess I just feel so helpless. It's good to know people understand. I'll let you know how things go.

Helen xxx

I recommend the book/DVD the secret. You'll be surprised how much of a diffrence thinking positivly about a situation will help the situation change. ie If your husband goes into work everyday expecting to get walked on, and to feel horrible he will. If he (and you) change your thinking and really believe that it will get better, if he goes into work expecting to enjoy his job and be respected by his coworkers things will start to improve. You might think this sounds like a bunch of new age BS but it REALLY works. I highly recommend the secret.

May I suggest that your husband talk to the person who is bullying him and ask him to stop. Sometimes, they don't know how much they are hurting someone until they are told. I have heard of cases where the person apologized becuz they were just teasing them and meant no harm (immature as it may have been). Then if that doesn't work, I would definitely go to the HR department to get some help.

If the bullying is more about job performance, personality conflict, or even competition, he may need to get some help from his UNION REP and/or the HUMAN RESOURCES department. If they cannot find a way to resolve the issues, then he should ask for a transfer or look for a new job. As a last resort, and as much as people hate to face it, there are times in our career, when we may have to move on ...

Thanks girls, we've had a long weekend off so I'm going to see how he is after today. I'm really grateful for your support on this.