Hello... I'm new to this place although I've been a member of 3FC for awhile now. I'm diagnosed with DID/PTSD, anxiety and depression. My childhood was severely traumatic. I started psychotherapy four years ago and we're making good progress. I also started medications four years ago and have been very overweight ever since. I went from 130 lbs to over 200 in just under a year. Because of the psych problems, I don't join a club or gym or even walk around outside. I get very anxious leaving the house. I have a terrible relationship to food (due to childhood issues) and will only eat if I'm absolutely starving hungry. Even then, I don't eat healthy or bother to cook anything good. I just eat whatever happens to be quickest. BAD, I know. This wasn't too big of a problem before, but now I'm older and I'm on meds and it's become a challenge, to say the least.
Can anyone else relate?

Hi there Miette! to this forum!
I too have been diagnosed with PTSD due to a traumatic childhood. Bravo to you for for going to therapy and trying medication to help! I also attend therapy and take antidepressants, and I have gained a lot weight during my battle with depression. Like you, I have a bad relationship with food because of the trauma/abuse I experienced in my childhood. However, I tend to eat everything in sight, whether I'm hungry or not, to try and cope. Congratulations to you for recognizing your bad eating habits and unhealthy relationship with/to food...if you're not already talking to your therapist about this, it's probably a good idea to do so. And we're here to support you as well! Be good to yourself and give yourself credit for surviving...you deserve it!
Take care of you :-)
~Lauryn

Hello-

I can also relate. I was diagnosed with PTSD after I found my Dad's body as a child. I, too, have always had an unhealthy relationship with food. Bulimia and Anorexia seem to run in my family-- I chose to go the other direction with my eating and am a compulsive, emotional, over-eater.

It is good that you are seeing a therapist. I have not done that in over 10 years, and even then it was brief.

I have been diagnosed PTSD/Anxiety disorder due to trauma. Not exactly an easy road, is it? I know that my number one overeating trigger is anxiety, so I have to be very careful of staying on plan when I'm stressed.

to you all.

I was abused as a child by my mother and sister, abusive ex-husband and raped. I've had a bad relationship with food since I was a child but didn't really gain until the rape. I have severe anxiety and bipolar II - I have the same issues you do about a club - I started walking last summer - around my neighborhood. It was VERY difficult emotionally because I felt like everyone was looking at me. I took my 9 year old with me many times - he rode his bike. It also immediately brought back an attack when I was 18 and was walking near my high school - stocking over the face - knife to my throat. So when it started getting dark earlier I stopped walking - but I got a treadmill in February - BEST THING I have ever done. If equipment is not an option then maybe a video or something ??? Just get moving somehow. I am on meds and see a therapist but it is a constant battle. My anxiety totally overwhelms me at times and it is all I can do to take care of my son. The treadmill has actually helped me through this at times - I feel like my weight is the one thing I CAN control - not my head - so I like exercising and watching the scale move down.
This is a GREAT place for support - many with the same issues - abuse of food and emotional trauma are so linked in many cases. I've been laying low om here of late in terms of posting but I read it daily.

Good luck on your journey and hugs.
Nancy

Yes, we can relate! As a child, I suffered both abuse and trauma; which caused a lot of anxiety for me later in life. The result: I am an emotional over-eater; and when something triggers my fears, I run to food to console myself. My triggers ~ I don't like to feel controlled, trapped, or bullied; and my feelings get hurt very easily.

I AM A TURTLEDOVE (a very sensitive, meek person), so I always have to take special care not to let others abuse me or take advantage of me now. My Faith in GOD has carried me thru, even from childhood; I rely on it and the beauty of life to heal me. It's a continual learning process ...

Take good care ~ ROSEBUD

First of all... ... thanks so much for welcoming me, encouraging me and opening your hearts about all you have all been through. I know it's difficult to talk about our experiences of being traumatized/abused. I'm so sorry that you have all had such difficult and damaging times. For me, it was so reassuring to read that you are all experiencing a connnection between food and our mental health. I always thought maybe I was just weird that way.

It seems like you are all doing so well with getting control back that was taken away from us sometime in the past. I would like to get that control back too. A treadmill is an excellent idea. It would be nice to have one. I can totally understand about not wanting to be out while it's dark. I have a very dusty eliptical in the basement. I should be dragging it out soon.

We have talked a little about this in therapy, since he saw me before I was medicated and thin and watched as I put on the lbs month after month while meds were being stablized and added to and such. We have so much to talk about in therapy, that we are having to prioritize childhood abuse right now to get me through the day. I struggle very much with depression/anxiety right now. Very low. I think in the future we will talk more about my health and healthier ways of taking care of myself.

Nice to meet you all...hope we can share this journey together.

Hi there and welcome, Miette. I can relate a lot. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar II and DDNS and have a lot of anxiety, a lot of this due to childhood and early adult trauma. I can't go out at night by myself and even get scared when I am out with my husband. I was thin all my life but then when I got on meds, I gained some weight. I really gained a lot of weight after I was raped, I became more reliant on food as an emotional bandaid. I have a hole in my heart that just can't be filled with food, but I don't seem to understand that and keep trying to fill it up with bad stuff! I am working on finding new ways to deal with anger, stress and depression. I think it's quite common for survivors of trauma to try to cover up our pain with food.

I wish everyone the best. Hugs to you all.

Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me. It's really amazing and disheartening to find out that these meds which seem to be very necessary for our mental health are actually damaging our physical health (weight gain). One of my biggest problems with food is that early in my childhood, around the age of three, I was traumatized about food. I developed a repulsion to food and now I'm only able to eat when ravishingly hungry, which means I eat the wrong things and probably too much of it. It's just awful! I hope I can learn to get some control ... and soon!

Nice meeting you

I have been on a psychiatric medicine called Abilify for a year. It does a good job of stopping intrusive, anxiety-causing images from my childhood. I was quite disabled mentally before I got on it. I am not recommending it as a cure all but it has had its virtues. It complements regular one-on-one therapy well.

You know what though? As much as I hate weight gain, I couldn't live my life the way it was before the medication...I was in too much misery. It is worth the weight gain to have some semblence of a "normal"/stable life. I was such a mess before...hurting myself, attempting suicide, running around like an angry tornado. Much better with meds.

I'm sorry to hear about your trauma about food...it is hard enough dealing with trauma period. Just know that you have support here and lots of "virtual" hugs!

It's nice to meet you, too.

Yes, I agree. I can't function at all without meds. So, I keep on taking them. I just wish they weren't so fattening! I suppose it's just one of those things where you have to weigh the benefits against the side effects...I am grateful that the meds help keep me more stable. I know there are supposed to be some weight-neutral meds out there. I see my psychiatrist here soon and I'm going to ask about that... my meds need to be updated anyway.

Thanks again for the warm welcome!

-Miette

Yeah I am so afraid of switching meds because these are working for me, but if they stop working, I am going to ask them to put me on something that 1) doesn't make you gain weight 2) doesn't have sexual side effects (although this stuff could be from the trauma). As I've said before though, I'd rather be fat and happy (on meds) than thin and miserable (not on meds).

Not sure if this is considered trauma... I was abused when I was living with parents (sexually, verbally, emotionally etc etc). My step father starved me, ridiculed me and stole my work money to "pay for bills". I dropped out of school at 17... moved out... got pregnant... etc etc etc.

Once child welfare found out about the abuse I went though, they started saying I abused MY child because I was abused as a child myself... big fight with them... they took my daughter away... I got into a huge legal battle....long long long story.

It's been a while now since then. But I turn to food for comfort - and am trying to fight that urge now. I am now happily married, and try my best to provide everything my children need and want.

I still get nightmares and anxiety attacks from the problems I had to face before.

Meds make me even more depressed... I've tried a few of them and none work (they usually give me very nasty side effects) so I don't use them.

I feel sorry for you that you are in a very bad situation and struggling all your life.Try to change your habits ,I mean eating habits.If you keep on eating such stuff you will be in the worst condition.