Hi all,

So - here I am, knowing that a big obstacle to healing my depression is my incredible capacity for negative thinking. And lately a woman in one of my choral groups has lost a considerable amount of weight. But instead of being happy for her and thinking that if she can do it, so can I, I've been feeling SO jealous, and thinking about how much bigger I've gotten while she's been getting smaller. In my mind, this translates to "I've failed - I'm not as good as her", blah, blah, blah.

I'm beginning to practice challenging those negative thoughts, but it's SO HARD, because I don't really believe the more positive thoughts yet. So I've decided to set a smaller goal of losing just 5 pounds so that I can achieve some success in the foreseeable future. Maybe it will help. And maybe reading about successes here on 3FC will help me get used to celebrating the successes of other people. Somehow I think that would help me on my weight-loss journey.

I don't know if any of that made sense, but I wanted to try to express it.

Hugs to all

Hi irish,

it made a lot of sense to me, and it's hard sometimes for me too. I can still be happy for others when they are successful, but there's a bitter side to it too. Their success makes me feel inadequate by comparison.

I don't have any answers, just wanted to say that I understand where you're coming from.

I just started posting here again tonight after a long sabbatical from this board; hopefully we'll both find some support and motivation : )

It is hard when you've been battling the WL demons and others seem to wiz by.

I'm glad your setting small goals, thats the best way IMHO.. long term big goals always scares me and I've been known to run in the opposite direction LOL.

Good luck Irish,.... sounds like your gonna achieve your goals w/no problems.

Hugs !!!

Hi Irish,
Have you considered cognitive therapy at all? I have been doing it for several months now and it's really been helping the way I think about things.

I do know how you feel for sure - sometimes a little bit of extra help can really put us in the right direction though

Thanks for the encouragement, and for letting me know I'm being heard. Velveteen, I've tried cognitive therapy in the past, and although it helped, I never stayed with it long enough to make significant changes that stuck. But now I'm with a different therapist and we're working through a very structured approach to it. I believe in my gut it will work if I can practice it enough and stick with it. Right now, it often feels physically difficult to change thoughts. But with support, I will persevere!

On a side note, I love seeing people write "hi Irish"! I live right smack in the middle of the United States, in Iowa, but my heart is in Ireland. I went there for a week-long harp school 2 years ago, and will definitely return!

More hugs

I too am from IA, near DSM. If you're in central IA and ever need a walking buddy let me know!!!

I started counseling last year for self esteem and the best thing that helped me was catching myself saying negative things. It can be anything from, I look fat today, Im not as pretty as she is, Im so ugly, etc. Its called negative self talk and if you havent done the exercise before, spend a couple of days writing down everything negative you say to yourself. THen review the list, if someone was saying things like that to your face, you'd be pissed off and might want to hit them. So why do we talk to ourselves that way??

WHen you recognize what your saying to yourself, you need to catch yourself in the act. YOu can wear a rubberband on your wrist and when you start the negative self talk pop the rubberband. Immediately say something good about yourself.

For example, Im looking in the mirror and I say to myself "I am so fat" I would pop my wrist and say "I can wear a sz 12 jeans now" or "I'm so ugly" I would say "I am so georgous" there are a ton of things you can say positive about yourself to help you feel better. It took me about a week to stop the negative talking and my self esteem started building.

All I can say is that I understand where you're coming from and would like to offer a quote that has helped me when I've felt similarly; it's by Mike Ditka: "Success is never permanent and failure is never final."

Even though the woman in your choral group has lost weight, she will still have to work to maintain that so as not to gain; it's not like she's all done. And you have NOT failed. The path to weight loss is different for everyone; for some it takes longer and seems more difficult. Just remember that in no way are you any less as good as anyone else.

OMG, it has totally helped me!

The more happiness you and compassion that you allow yourself to feel for others, the more that you will have for yourself. I found that it is the same with motivation to lose- the more that i encourage others, the more committed and motivated I feel in my own struggle. sometimes, just answering a few threads with a heartfelt "Hang in there! You can do it!" is all you need to reaffirm it to YOU.

I Can Relate To This,i Started Lawl Havnt Lost A Pound In 2 Weeks Thanks Effexor..... The Girls In My Office All Are Doing Atkins Some Have Lost As Much As 7 Pounds.i Want To Smack Them Lol In My Mind They Only Started Their Diet To One Up Me.i Know That Is Not True But I Still Want To Smack Them Lol