Dixie I'm sorry chick, hope your ok! take care of yourself ok?
Purple - I was going to say exactly the same as Eny, I have a small calender/schedule thing to try and keep me in tact at work, which helps, I dont have kids to look after but I know how hard it is fitting in my normal day let alone yours. I would suggest gettting one of them huge diaries you know with an a4 page per day and write down what you have to do each day. (in advance) try to stick to it, and dont add things that arn't really necessary at short notice. or get a schedule board in the kitchen and put in times for work/house work/kid stuff(if they in school? or are they little) and just pace yourself. you dont want to be running your self into the ground, its not healthy.
Lori - thanks for your kind words, those jeans were from NY and are in US sizes, i'm in english sizes so I dunno what the conversion is but they are a 15 x 31 i think, whatever that is, hmm and the dress is a 12us, I'll share a photo of the dress when I'm actually at the wedding and lokoing pretty hehe
I am amazed by what you have achieved and going to follow what you have suggested, I dont get on the phone much but I try to move more at work, when i am sat, i stand up and just kidna walk on the spot and stuff, silly really but you never know it might help
Okay, it is official. Hubby is moving out. I have mixed feelings but we both think it is for the best for the kids and us. It will be easier on us because he is only here 1-2 days a week anyway and he will still be seeing the kids, going to ball practices, etc. Hubby may be a lot of things but excellent father is at the top of the list. He actually said he knows I am an excellent mother and he would never want the kids full time and as far as he is concerned custody will always be with me as long as I let him see them as he wants to.
He is also going to be paying half the mortgage for the house still and will pay for Allie's gymnastics and some smaller stuff, at least until I can afford to do it myself which woudl be next school year (possibly). We even discussed what happens if he gets a girlfriend and he agreed she would not meet the kids until he felt it was really serious and then he would let me know it is happening, and I give him the same courtesy.
It actually feels like a weight off my shoulders, like a relief. I immediately thought I want to exercise and get skinny, like he is not holding me down anymore or something I haven't sorted out my thinking just yet but there is a sense of relief, some sadness, but I know it is for the best of all.
Now we are just torn over what to say to the kids. Any advice? They are 5 and 7 years old and they are already used to him being gone during the week so the big thing is just that daddy won't be coming home on the weekends and they will be going to grandma's to see him or to his house he may rent from his mama.
We are both wanting to do this peaceful and put the kids first and he kept saying he loves me but feels he just needs to do this and I do agree. I love him but it just is not working out, we are both unhappy. Funny how you can love one another so deeply and still just not be happy together. How does that happen?
I think we are both unhappy with ourselves and I am startign NOW just working on me and forgetting what he does. This is about me now and figuring out things for myself. I really need it, though it is scary.
Purple - The biggest positive impact thing that you need to say to the kids is that you both love them, and this is in no way their fault. YOU HAVE TO SAY IT. You may know that they know, but say it outloud! Tell them that sometimes grown ups find out that they don't get along as well as they thought they would, even though they still love each other a whole bunch. Repeat that you both love the kids and that will never change.... You cant say it enough. And give them a voice in it. Let them tell you how they feel about it... ask them... don't push... and let them put words to their feeling.... and tell them that its okay that they feel that way. Tell them they have access to both of you anytime to talk... by phone... or what ever. (Can you tell I have lived through this a few times - my parents - and 2 divorces my self - not my proudest moments.) I would also let the details of going to grandma's to see him come as the questions are asked, or the need arises. Don't make the kids feel like everything changes this minute.
One of the best things I ever did was learn to talk to my son at his level, in a place that was comfortable for him - playing catch with him on the ballfield at the park. Not in my comfort zone, but in his. Just a thought for both you and your husband to do and continue doing with the babies! K- gotta get back to work... I wish you the best Purpie!
Eny - Thanks for the concern, and I'm glad I found someone who could relate. Most of my birthdays have been real special occasions as well. I'm going to take your advice on walking, and yoga. My GF's mother suggested pilates, so I'm going to try that out as well and see how I feel. It's also a good idea to break up my workouts throughout the day. That would most likely take a lot of the strain out of the workouts. I've been skimping on my water consumption lately, so I'll be sure to get that back in check; the last thing I need is dehydration right now. On another note, I know I can lose weight just by eating better (I know because I'm still losing at the moment). I'm a bit worried about building muscle though too. I haven't been working out much through the last 20 lbs, and because of that I still look rather flabby, just smaller. I want to focus on toning right now as well. Anyways, thank your for the ideas. I'll be implementing them ASAP!
NixMom - I appreciate your well wishes. We're on the road to recovery right now, and I believe getting a little better every day. Soup cans, hmm? That made me giggle at first but it's a good thought. The weights probably aren't doing me any favors right now. I'm going to try that one out. Thank you!
McKensiesmomma - Hi! Thank you. We're doing alright at the moment. Just taking it as slow as we can with everything we have to still do and deal with. I think in a strange way the accident improved my familial relationships. My mom didn't show much concern at first, but I don't think she initially realized how bad it was and how it could have ended. We don't really talk about it much, but we have started spending a lot more time together (which I'm really enjoying). Since I moved out I hadn't seen her much except once or twice for family occasions. Now we're hanging out more and doing things together, and I feel like I'm finally getting to meet my mom, odd as that sounds. There is still so much I don't know or understand about her, but .. baby steps. It was my stepdad, btw. You've got a good memory on you! And most of the family problems got resolved when we finally found an apartment and were able to afford living on our own. Thanks for inquiring. Shape.com, what a cool site! Thank you for that resource. It does look like a good site for snooping. I'll have to devote some time to that later today. =]
Heather1979 - Thanks Heather! I like your name as well. My favorite aunt is named Heather. That's alright that you don't have any advice, it just means we're both in a similar situation right now, trying to figure things out. It's not a bad place to be. Learning how to swim when you feel you might drown is half the fun of the experience I think. We'll get through this together. Thanks for the welcome!
I have a confession to make: I've been majorly slacking! I haven't been exercising daily like I planned or eating like I should for the past week. And the scale jumped WAY up... like 2 pounds up, and now it's holding steady... it almost seems like my TOM weight gain is coming early. There's no way I ate enough to gain 2 pounds! Regardless, I'm going to get back to work tonight when it comes to exercise.
I'm hoping I'm somewhere near last week's weight by Monday. I'd hate to show a 2lb gain -- I'm supposed to be losing 0.5lb a week if I want to get to my goal by the end of the year!
Now I have to go drink beer with my colleagues. It's only once or twice a month, so I never feel too bad about it... but I did have high-volume, low-calorie foods for lunch (soup, veggies, fruit) to make up for it, and a cup of tea a few minutes ago so I feel full and can avoid the pretzels and chips.
I'm joining Mayness in confession time. I've been using the excuse that I'm and that I've been exercising at least 30 mins a day this week to eat whatever i want. For example - while DD was at dance, I headed over to the donut shop. Oh not to mention that I'm only drinking about 40 oz of water a day instead of the 80 that I cmitted too.
AND - I haven't been logging my calories AT ALL! So starting tomorrow I'm going to CONTINUE with the 30 mins a day of exercise, and restart logging my calories. I'm going to start my day with a HUGE glass of water... and follow it up with some more water! I have to get back in control... also tomorrow is my weigh in day. I'm hoping that I haven't sabotaged myself and gained more then #1 this last week!! My goal is still to keep my gains between #.5 & #.1 a week - as discussed w/ the OB. I know that right now it's goign to be harder.
Oh on an AWESOME note - I'M HALF WAY DONE!!! I'm officially 19 weeks 3 days pregnant - and my induction is scheduled in 19 weeks 4 days! I'm SO EXCITED!!! But it also means that time is FLYING!!! I've also made the decision that I'm joining back in with you girls for the Halloween challenge. So come Labor day LOOK OUT! I'm going to be shedding pounds like
Thanks for all the advice girls...I may not respond to it all but I am definitely thinking a lot and you are all helping SO SO much! I have never been through this before and it feels surreal, like it isn't really happening to me, can't be my life.
I have to listen to you guys and set up some working hours and stick to them as if I am off in an office somewhere. Now this is not just extra money, it is what I will support my kids with. I have never had to worry about supporting the kids on my own and I make less than half of what hubby makes so I told him he has to step it up and pay more than he said he was willing to pay or I cannot afford to stay in NC unless I officially file for divorce and get child support.
He doesn't want that and we want to keep it at a separation right now and see what happens, so he is frustrated himself but said he will help with whatever I cannot cover. I'm already thinking about what can I cut from the expenses, should I cancel the home phone and just use my cell, etc. etc. so insane!
I have a raging headache but did 60 minutes on the bike anyway...I am more determined now than ever to get to my goals. If I'm going to be single I might as well be a sexy single Time to shed the marraige weight.
I've been around, just reading & keeping up with the posts. My in laws are in town so we're just hanging out for the next few days. I'm trying to stay on top of what we're eating. Luckily my father in law is trying to lose weight so he doesn't want to eat out as much as he did last time they were here. I've been drinking my water like a champ these last few days so that's another positive.
Purple - you're amazingly strong right now and seem to be thinking very logically. I'm proud of you!
Real quick -
Bad habit gone -- stopping for fast food & buying all frozen premade foods.
Good habits gained -- making meals at home, buying fresh veggies/fruits/and meats, using coupons & sticking to a budget like a mad woman, staying on top of chores both inside & outside.
I have a dress I need to take a pic of. It's a size 14 & I want to be in it for August.
I need to get started on the Walk Across America soon!!!
Purple - You're amazing. I know that when i left my ex learning to do things on my own was HARD. I had NO help (still don't) from him. I love your determination... the biggest thing is to make sure to show and tell your kids how much they mean to both of you EVERYDAY.
For a long time I just went through the motions - I was working full time, going to school fulltime, going through a separation, and attempting to be a mom... that's actually when I put on a TON of weight - I hit my high of #240 through that year... Your determination is going to be KEY.
Pat - I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Losing a loved one is so hard at times.
Ok girls - I hav eto get motivated and get Hunter to school. Although I'm having a complete lazy day and just want to crawl back into bed...
Remember that weigh ins are due Monday - I know there's a few people that don't check in over hte weekend.
I made a decision today now that hubby has no opinions that count...I am doing away with the dishes we are now a paper plate/cup/silverware family. I absolutely hate doing dishes and this will keep the kitchen clean and will lower the water bill quite a bit for not running the dishwasher every day. It may be pure laziness, but this is my personality and I dont wanna do dishes! So I'm going to clean the kitchen up one last time and be done with dishes.
I had a lot of crying and feeling very unwanted, unloved, and totally rejected last night, but I am trying to keep the tears away today. There's nothing like sitting in the bathtub at 3AM crying like a baby it's like I cannot sleep and one minute I am feeling strong and determined and the next I am sobbing and hurting. How long does this craziness last?
good thing is I don't feel at all like eating.
PAT you are having it so rough right now as well. We will see happier days, we will.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enygirl
Purple - You're amazing. I know that when i left my ex learning to do things on my own was HARD. I had NO help (still don't) from him. I love your determination... the biggest thing is to make sure to show and tell your kids how much they mean to both of you EVERYDAY.
Yes, my hubby does literally everything around the house including changing all light bulbs, pulliing the trash can to the curb, just all that stuff I hate doing. Just this morning I was thinking the grass needs cut and he is not going to be coming home to do it tomorow. I don't like doing the ride mower so I am just hoping the old push mower still works...but hey, it's great exercise, right?
I already asked him if he will still please take the van in for its oil changes, would hate to ask he come mow my grass, too. What kind of separation is this after all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by StNessa79
Bad habit gone -- stopping for fast food & buying all frozen premade foods.
Good habits gained -- making meals at home, buying fresh veggies/fruits/and meats, using coupons & sticking to a budget like a mad woman, staying on top of chores both inside & outside.
Do you realize how much change all that is? It is HUGE, girl! Seriously, just to not purchase a bunch of frozen foods is a big step for me, and to add in cutting fast food and all that healthy cooking..and you are doing it on a budget? YOU GO GIRL! Seriosuly, that is a lot of change to make at once. You should feel proud.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nixmom
Purple - The biggest positive impact thing that you need to say to the kids is that you both love them, and this is in no way their fault. YOU HAVE TO SAY IT.
Thanks for all of your advice I think we are going to do the talk this weekend and my heart just aches because I am so afraid they will start acting or just hurting inside. I hope that they will see that they still see him every week and will be okay...but at their age it is going to be so confusing for them. It tears me up to know this has to happen. I have worked hard to shelter them and give them the happy childhood I always wished I had, and now this is going to totally rock their world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koshinogi
I would suggest gettting one of them huge diaries you know with an a4 page per day and write down what you have to do each day. (in advance) try to stick to it, and dont add things that arn't really necessary at short notice. or get a schedule board in the kitchen and put in times for work/house work/kid stuff(if they in school? or are they little)
:
My son is in preschool half a day and my daughter in school all day, so I have like 3 hours in the morning to myself and then my son comes home and 2 hours later we get my daughter, and then the whirlwind of getting everyone to ball practice, cheer, gymnastics, etc. along with homework, supper, and all that good stuff...so it shoudl be obvious why I am forced to pull a lot of all nighers to meet deadlines.
My issue with schedules is I love to make them, love planning and organizing, but there are those days where something comes up with the kids and i have to go off schedule and miss my working hours, then to meet a deadline I have to work half the night, then I am cranky and tired the rest of the week until hubby comes home and I forget it all and jsut go to bed for the weekend, and then i am behind on Monday with work an dit all starts over.
It seems I cannot catch a break this year! Every single time I feel back on track, on a schedule, etc. something happens to totally shake it all up. Last time it was the weeek in the hospital with my 5 year old and I have never gotten back on track from that.
No choice now. I have to m ake as much $$ as I can to get us on our feet and feeling secure on my own. I have no savings and I def. need that now as a single mama with 2 little ones. Feels so strange thinking I am kind of single. We are not divorced but he is already talking about agreements for "when" he gets a girlfriend, so apparently to him this is really official.
Purple & Dixie - so sorry for everything right now. I'll keep praying for you both.
Mayness & Eny - get back on the wagon!! Hurry!
I've been exercising and eating well this week, I'm a little frustrated that the scale hasn't really moved. It's TOM so maybe next week will be better.
So I'm starting to face a new challenge, complacency. Everyone is starting to tell me just how great I look, etc. and I find it makes it harder for me to want to push on. I know I don't want to stay in 14/16 world... And truthfully the only thing that has currently been keeping me on track is my committment to keep going, because my willpower has pretty much left. I'm like a whiny 3 year old with myself... but I don't wannnnaaaa do it, it wouldn't hurt to skip just today?, etc. I think I'm going to have to spend more time evaluating my goals and try to get my desire for this back. Any ideas ladies?
Last edited by sprklemajik; 04-17-2009 at 08:51 AM.
So I'm starting to face a new challenge, complacency. Everyone is starting to tell me just how great I look, etc. and I find it makes it harder for me to want to push on. like a whiny 3 year old with myself... but I don't wannnnaaaa do it, it wouldn't hurt to skip just today?, etc. I think I'm going to have to spend more time evaluating my goals and try to get my desire for this back. Any ideas ladies?
Do you have an idea of a general size you really want to reach? You could go to a store and try on clothing in that size, just to get a visual reminder of how far you still have to go. I hit the exact same point wher eyou are right now and I gained it mostly all back because of complacency for a large part, so what you do right now could be so crucial. I only know from hindsight, but hope you will take advantage of my mistake.
I think somehow seeing firsthand that you are not there yet should help.
Thanks for all the advice girls...I may not respond to it all but I am definitely thinking a lot and you are all helping SO SO much! I have never been through this before and it feels surreal, like it isn't really happening to me, can't be my life.
I hope your doing okay today!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sprklemajik
Everyone is starting to tell me just how great I look, etc. and I find it makes it harder for me to want to push on.
Have you thought a new short term goal? Something you can meet, but you will need to push hard to meet it- Maybe you can make it an exercise goal? Lose 5 lbs? Lose an inch off your waist? I don't know when I start getting comfortable I tend to lose focus... It is a slippery slope for me- Switch up your routine perhaps.. if you normally work out in am, try pm?
Quote:
Originally Posted by StNessa79
I've been drinking my water like a champ these last few days so that's another positive.
Eny- How ya doing today? I hope all is well! Are you entering your calories today?
Me? I am getting ready for an awesome weekend! My DBF and I are headed to the casion tomorrow with his brother and brother's wife. I will also be studying for a math test too! Wish me luck!
Purple - I can't imagine what you are going through. In my mind I always tell myself that if two people love each other enough to get married and truely love each other (not that I'm young and infatuated with this person kind of love....but true LOVE...the I love you even when you don't deserve to be loved kind of love) then they should be able to work through anything....but of course there are always those situations you can't get past...like cheating and things like that.....
I don't know specifically your situation....but sounds like you still love him because if not you wouldn't be crying and upset. Also sounds like he cares alot about you because you say he does alot around the house....and men who don't love their spouses don't usually do things to make them happy...LOL!
Do me a favor before you take the leap and get the divorce and make if final....if not for yourselves for your kids.....#1 spend a few days apart #2. Get a babysitter for a night and have a date night....go out to eat supper at a nice restaurant and whatever you do...don't argue just get along for one evening....then come home and watch this move "Fireproof"
It is one of the MOST touching and true movies I have ever seen in my life. It is based on a true story, and it hasn't been out too long. If after all of this you guys still think it is over...then you are probably right, but if you have ever loved each other it is worth a try...not only for the sake of your relationship...but also for your kids. It is very tough growing up in a broken home....spending half your time in one place and half in another....half your holidays here and half there....new step mom's and step dad's........new extended families....half your stuff here and half there.....and almost always they end up being without one parent or another (i.e. at the mom's house more or dad's house more...) and I promise you no matter what you tell your kids I promise you they will think it is their fault...they will think (if they are with you more) that their dad doesn't love them as much or vice versa......and until they grow up and get into grown up relationships of their own they truely won't understand....it is hard to understand adult matters at young ages though.....
So anyways.....those are just my thoughts. You are both in my prayers. I wish you the best of luck!
Sparkle - I just happened to notice that when you started your journey you weighed almost 300 pounds...now you are soooo close to ONEderland. What plan are you following. You seem to have had success with it. I need to rethink my strategies...so I'm just wondering how you do it!
I haven't sorted out my thinking just yet but there is a sense of relief, some sadness, but I know it is for the best of all. 
That's alright that you don't have any advice, it just means we're both in a similar situation right now, trying to figure things out. It's not a bad place to be. Learning how to swim when you feel you might drown is half the fun of the experience I think. We'll get through this together. 
Thanks for the welcome!
It's only once or twice a month, so I never feel too bad about it... but I did have high-volume, low-calorie foods for lunch (soup, veggies, fruit) to make up for it, and a cup of tea a few minutes ago so I feel full and can avoid the pretzels and chips.
and that I've been exercising at least 30 mins a day this week to eat whatever i want. For example - while DD was at dance, I headed over to the donut shop. Oh not to mention that I'm only drinking about 40 oz of water a day instead of the 80 that I cmitted too.
So starting tomorrow I'm going to CONTINUE with the 30 mins a day of exercise, and restart logging my calories. I'm going to start my day with a HUGE glass of water... and follow it up with some more water! I have to get back in control... also tomorrow is my weigh in day. I'm hoping that I haven't sabotaged myself and gained more then #1 this last week!! 
My goal is still to keep my gains between #.5 & #.1 a week - as discussed w/ the OB. I know that right now it's goign to be harder.
I'm SO EXCITED!!! But it also means that time is FLYING!!! I've also made the decision that I'm joining back in with you girls for the Halloween challenge. 
So come Labor day LOOK OUT! I'm going to be shedding pounds like 
it's like I cannot sleep and one minute I am feeling strong and determined and the next I am sobbing and hurting. How long does this craziness last? 
Afternoon
