[rockinrobin]

Hi. I've been on 3fc for about 2 months now and have been posting like crazy. Except for this forum. I've posted a couple of times perhaps.

Here's the thing. I don't know what catergory I fall into. I always felt funny posting here because I'm not sure if my ED is really an ED and therefore I would be like a phony. And I don't want to misreprersent myself or take away from all of your struggles. But I think I might belong here. I'm sorry, I know I sound crazy. Anyway you see my horrific numbers at left. You don't get to be 5 feet and 287 pounds just by going back for seconds. I became a terrible binger, like I would literally eat all day long, just grazing away til there was nothing left to eat. Certain days I would just purchase stuff so that I would have what to eat all day long, boxes of Drakes and Peppride Farn Cookies and candy bars and ice cream. And then there's the fast food stuff. And occasionally, I would purge after. Just so I wouldn't feel so full. So my purgeing wasn't to necessarily get rid of the calories. And it wasn't that often. So, like I said I don't know if I do belong here or not.

Jumping ahead now, I've just recently hit a big milestone, 50 pounds gone and all of a sudden my thoughts have been - weird. I haven't binged/purged in 10 weeks and a day now. I have totally turned around my eating habits and am totally commited to sticking to "my new way of life". But how do I know that I'm never going to go back to my old ways. And here's the sick part - I have been missing it just a bit, a teeny tiny bit, eating just for the sake of eating. All that yummy food. I am so happy with the way things have been going and I feel like I've been doing this forever and that I could indeed do it forever. I don't ever want to see one of those 50 pounds ever again and I want to lose another 110 pounds or so and I have every intention of doing it. So why do I have these weird feelings? Why when I feel so strong and confident do these unsure feelings come back? How do I know I will never binge again? I am terrified of bingeing again and so afraid I would spiral out of control again. Like I see some of you have binged and then you get right back on the wagon. I have never been a yo-yo dieter, just gone up and up and up.... I don't know I'm just rambling now.

I just want to thank you for reading this and if any of you have any input I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you again for listening.

[jjsweets2000]

Hey sweetie let me tell you I have been in your shoes that's why I'm here I need more help out side help. for ppl like are selves i can't say not your not going to go back but i can say it will get better with the right soport like they say your family and friends are so much diffenrt then strangers they can help soport u a **** of a lot more then are family and friends can. I and 6 feet tall and 280 right now like your slf last yr i lost 40 lbs but then i gained it back because i stoped eatting the way i use to before. so i put back on my 40 lbs I also found out I have this stupid thyrod thingy. But I have to say if you fell you want some take out do it don't kell your self just know when to say now and most likly you will eat it once and be sick after so u want want to eat it again. if you want that candie or choclote eat the suger free ones or the diet kind some are really good. when i get hungry for a snak or something that is sweet i go for my slim fast muffin cholotle chip bar omg they are really good. but if you need to talk i can be there for u and it sound like u do need some .. hey you have gottin this far don't let it get you down you will lost some more with the right soport... hope to talk to u soon luv jenn

[kateful]

I was thinking the same thing yesterday when we had a lunch meeting that included a big dessert tray and I had four of the items on the tray. My old thoughts of "FREE FOOD!!!" and "I didn't get lunch, so I deserve to have a treat" sort of echoed in my head.

In order to avoid a disaster, I didn't eat anything else the rest of the day. I thought if I didn't cut it off right then and there, I might have a relapse.

I discovered recently that my (our?) affliction does have an official name. It's called "Binge Eating Disorder". I never thought of myself as a "Compulsive Overeater" because I have always maintained a fairly reasonable weight for my height--midway in "overweight" on a BMI chart. But I definitely have had regular out of control eating behaviors that made me uncomfortable. Somehow it helps a little to know that at least if I'm crazy, it has a name.

[jillybean720]

Hola, chica. Yup, I'm here, too (I know, I'm everywhere, right? ). I came to this section a lot when I was having a lot of trouble with bingeing. Habitual bingeing in itself is a disorder whether you purge or not. Also, you don't have to have a "disorder" in order to come here--to get to our weights we've obviously all been out of control somehow, so we need to become "chicks in control," right?

Anyway, I can tell you I was having major issues with fast food. I would stop on my way home from work and get 2 entire value meals (sometimes with milkshake instead of soda!) and eat it ALL in the car before I got home. I also had issues with grocery shopping alone--again, I would buy junk food (as in entire boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes, candy bars, and/or other pastries--anything not requiring utensils!) and eat it all in the car before I got home. Did (do) I have a "disorder?" I'm sure it's arguable--some may say yes while others may say I just had a bad habit and just needed to stop (as if it's always that easy, right?).

Anyway, these chicks understand it all better than anyone. When others say, "Well, just don't eat so much," these are the chicks who understand that it's often a compulsive thing, an enotional thing, so many things--not just eating for the sake of eating yourself sick

I still slip sometimes. Yesterday, I went to Whole Foods on my way home and ate an entire dozen of small frosted cupcakes in the car on the way home. Nowadays, though, it's just that--a slip--not a nearly everyday occurence like it used to be.

And when I don't do it, just like you said, I DO miss it. I miss eating whatever I want, whenever I want, as much as I want. I forget the feelings of disgust, discomfort, lack of control, and plain old pigginess, and I just remember how GOOD that junk tastes, and when I have something that yummy, I want LOTS of it. Why can't lettuce taste like cupcakes?

[rockinrobin]

Okay so my craziness has a name!! Yay!! Oh you mean just my food craziness. Well I guess it is kinda good to know that. No really it is.

Jilly as you probably know I'm all over too.. Your posts are always so well put and informative. How does somebody so young know so much and express it so well??

The thing is I'm terrified of that first binge cause I don't know how I will handle it, will I just bounce right back from it or will I sprial out of control? It's sorta like I wish I would just get it over with so I'll KNOW already how I'll handle it. I wouldn't be as worried about it if I knew for sure that I would indeed bounce right back from it. But I guess there's no way to know for sure. It's kind of like I'm more curious about how I will handle it then really wanting the food. And here's the thing also - will there be a binge, is it possible that I'm done with that forever? Or is it like an alcoholic - once a binger, always a binger?

I'm probably dating myself here, but there used to be a cartoon called "The Jetsons" and it took place far in the future. They traveled in air cars and had robots as maids and stuff like that. But the part that alway intriged me the most was their food - they would just pop a pill, a steak pill or a chicken pill and that would be that, they were done with it. How I wish it were that simple. Just eliminate the need for food all together.

[da fat n da furious]

Ironic just a couple of days ago my husband and I were talking about our weights. Anyways I made mention that I was on a horrible spiral out of control, that my eating was the worst I had seen it in months. He is so cute, hes like go and chat with your girls,,,meaning 3fatchicks... anyways I talked about how there are some women that don't seem to really need to be there but, must find a need to be there. Who am I to say right? I normally eat pretty healthy,,,and if I was to talk about my eating habits you would all think the same of me most days,,,BUT there are times when its like a buffet,,,and Ive paid my way in,,,and Im gonna get my money's worth and more.
Then there are women that I pray I never get as bad as,,,I won't go into detail of those but I feel like Im right in the middle, there are times I feel I have no control and other days I can't understand why or how I got so big.

I don't think there is a ruler to measure up to, I know there are some woman who on their worst day might be someone else's best day, or vice versa.
I know that when Im having a bad day,,,I will eat. I need to break that habit, have before but somehow I keep relearning it.

[just_a_dreamy1]

Hi,

First of all, you have so much to be proud of! Congratulations on the 50 lbs! You've made a decision to change your life, and you are obviously heading in the right direction!

As for the feelings...old behaviours are hard to break! And so are bad habits. These feelings are normal. It's how you handle them that's going to make a differance. Just remember, there are so many things that are sweeter/more satisfying then the taste of food. A hug from a loved one, a conversation with a friend, a walk in the brisk winter air (it's definately winter where I am)

I think for each person, the definition of an eating disorder is going to be differant. Just don't feel that you need to rush and label yourself. For me, if I was to say, "I am a compulsive binger," I know that I might literally play the victim. So I just acknowledge that sometimes, I eat too much, for mostly emotional reasons, but I also know that I have the power to stop. Because I have, so many times in the past, and even if I binge again, I know that the next day, I'll do awesome...and I'll have so much to be proud of. Focus on the positive.

From my personal experience, no one can be perfect on the path to living healthier. If you fall, just remember that it's not the fact that you tasted pavement, but that you got up and kept going forward!

Good luck! *HUGS*

[callystia]

I am so glad you're posting here. And you have SO much to be proud of! Fifty pounds...that is a big accomplishment, and just from what I've seen you write in various areas of the site, I really think you've reached the "zone" in which your mind needs to be, to succeed at losing the weight and keeping it off.

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

[angieks]

I'm very new to 3FC. And have been a little worried about where I belong here, and what I should be doing. But after reading a bit I think that we do belong here.
I have not been able to lose any weight yet. but do know what you mean about the thoughts of "hey, I'm doing OK now but how will I keep it (the binging) from happening again? And the feeling of missing out on all the yummy stuff.
I don't think you sound crazy. you sound so real and that is so refreshing. I have been so afraid of being myself here, Because I didn' know if it was OK to be me. But after reading your message I really feel better. I found someone who is a lot like me.
I'm 5'3" and 240# Ive been on so many diets and lost so much weight over the years only to regain it that i almost gave up. But now that I have found this group--I think I am going to be OK.
So, I hope we can keep in touch--I think you and I are on the same page.
Good luck I know you can do it. You have already done so GREAT I know you will be able to keep it up. I will think of you when I am tempted to binge and I bet you will inspire me to just walk away from the food.
Thank you for helping me to accept myself a little better just be being yourself.
angieks

[rockinrobin]

Oh my G-d girls, thank you so much. You have made me feel so much better. You have all said such valid things. This place is amazing. And for the most part I really do think that I've gotten it together, found my "zone", just that little teeny, tiny every now and then part.........

And angieks, I'm so glad I made YOU feel better, that makes me feel so much better. And yes of course we can keep in touch, either through here or feel free to PM me. And I really think it is important to "keep it real", you really have to dig down deep and be 100% honest in my opinion if you want to get past this stuff. Okay, this is beginning to sound like an Oprah show, not that there's anytning wrong with that. Best of luck to you and believe me if I can do this absolutely anyone can.

[Dobiemom]

Hi everyone, I too am a binge eater!! Thursdays are my days, if I am lucky to avoid the other 6 days of the week! Wednesday I weigh in at WW, then Thursday head straight to a semi fast food restaurant for there chicken club sandwich, fries and fried mushrooms at lunch time!! I want so bad to stop this cycle! Its like I tell myself I am never going to get to eat this, it won't be here tomorrow. Now that lunch is over I have to get back on my points, Like its alright, no its not alright! Its not the point of splurging every now and then, its a terrible habit that I would love to just lay to rest! I sabotage myself every time and every time I hate it! I could of lost all my weight 90 lunches ago, what am I thinking??? Food has a hold on me! I find myself just going to the pantry and the frig out of habit. Sometimes I think the biggest hardest fight is not with the food, its with yourself!!

[jillybean720]

Dobiemom, I used to do the SAME thing! I had my TOPS group meeting and weigh-in on Thursday evenings, and I would actually stop to get gas on the way home and buy a bunch of junk food at the gas station store. As if it's okay because I just weighed in, so I still have a whole week to be good Then I would eat crappy on Friday, too, with the same thought in mind. *sigh* the mind games we play with ourselves...

[CousinRockingChair]

Yes, I'd say you have an eating disorder - as you said yourself, you'd binge all day long! It's like....classic Compulsive Overeating Disorder...I have that too, and it's not so much about the scale numbers, it's about the feelings and the behaviours.

Anyway, I havn't been here long and I like it. I reckon you'll fit in fine. Unfortunately, if you think you have an ED, you probably do - is the general rule.

[*Viv*]

Hi all, I'm new here and checking out where I "belong" as well.

Oh my gosh! Thanks so much for creating this "Chicks in Control" forum and Thanks to RockinRobin for askin' the question! (BTW, Jill, I've done the same thing on TOPS night rides home....it was REALLY embarrassing meeting another member at the store, but then we both realized we were there to pick up a candy bar!!! Yikes!)

Here's to a much more "In Control" 2007!
Viv

[AlleyTD]

Hi Everyone ...

I'm new to 3 chicks and I am posting here as well as couple of other forums for support.

Here's a little about me: I'm older than I like to admit and I have two little boys ages 6 and 2. I was a very successful career woman until I got married and children children in my mid thirties and that changed my life ... for the better (because I love my boys) for the worst because my life changed so drastically.

I went from traveling all over North America being independant, selfish and skinny - to being skinny to being a stay-at home mom, putting everyone else before me and gaining 70 pounds which I haven't taken off.

Needless, to say I am depressed about it and in a continual downhill spiral.
I don't exercise anymore, I eat late at night, I eat WAY too much food that is bad for me and I find myself stuck in a rut.

Soooooo, I am hoping and praying that finding support among all of you wonderful ladies and gentlemen will motivate me to change my unhealthy ways.