Hi guys. I have started realizing that I am scared of being thin. I have been officially fat for two yrs now. I have gained 50 lbs. GEEZE!!! And although, not one day goes by that I do not obsess over losing it, I am filled with emotional paralysis. I have lost 10-14 pounds a couple of times since gaining, but inevitably I stop losing and start binging again. I feel fear-straight fear-once I start losing. I am filled with all types of fears about being thin. "what's the point, you'll just gain it back", "your in your 30's what does it really matter?" etc., etc.,.....Or I am overcome with anxiety that my "security blanket" is gone and I feel VERY nervous and empty w/out the food. I know that I can not lose this weight untill I face my fears!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have a horrible, almost crippling fear every time I think about getting thin. I used to be thin, though (although I was miserable then for a number of reasons)...and I don't remember being afraid of it then. I only got fat two years ago, after the birth of my second son.
Sometimes I think I'll never see 130 again and that makes me feel awful...yet at the same time, thinking of losing is TERRIFYING, I mean as in falling-down-a-dark-hole terrifying.
threetots, I can relate to everything you said. I felt miserable and ironically fat, even when I was thin. Crazy huh? I feel like I may never see a healthy weight again either! PS congrats on the little one!!!!
Wow, I never thought anyone else ever felt that way! I was 'thin' all my life, athletically inclined and ate everything and anything I wanted. Even after my children were born I lost the weight within months of having them.
I started gaining the weight in my thirties, a total of 60lbs in five years. After my divorce I remember my ex telling me no one would ever want me and I would never have anything without him. Those words stayed with me for years but now I am ready to lose the weight and get on with my life; except I am paralyzed by fear. What happens when I lose the weight and have to actually show me to the world and can no longer hide behind the anonyminity being fat afforded me.
I will lose the weight though, I have to. I'm terribly tired of walking around and tugging the hem of my shirt down to cover my stomach and I refuse to enter another year dreading the return of spring and summer with it's short sleeves!
I am absolutely petrified of being thin. I have always been overweight so being thin is a complete and total unknown and that scares the crap out of me.
I think everybody is afraid of getting thin because, as someone else posted, there are unknowns and fears. How will you look when you are thin? Will you achieve what you wanted? How much attention will you be able to handle? However, you cannot let these fears be obstacles for weight loss, especially when you don't know until you are there. I'm at the point of my weight loss journey in which I need only 20 pounds to get to my goal and there are more fears now than at the beginning of it. But I have not let them stop me because being thin is something that I really want. My fears are also focused in how will I maintain the weight off, how will those last 20 pounds affect the way I look, and how my self-esteem will respond. There is nothing like carrying the least, or in other words, unecessary, weight on your body. This last 20 are not to look better, but because I feel those 20 are quite heavy.
You also have to think that nothing of value comes easy. If you want an 'A' in a course, lets say, you will not be able to watch TV, go out and talk to friends. There are limits and restrictions your are subject to if you want to succeed in a course and you will have to really want that 'A' to sacrifice a few moments of pleasure. Same with weight loss. You can't have it all (splurging, bingeing) and still be successful. You must really commit yourself, but forgive yourself for occassional failure ( You can't ace every quiz). So, all in all, one is the one who has all the control of thoughst and actions, so it is up to you when you will start getting closer to what you wanted. Once you start, the rest is easier.
WOW, I can so relate to all of this. I too am terrified of being thin. I have no memory of it. I have always been heavy and overweight even as a child and a teen, just not to the degree I am now. My parents pushed me to doctors and nutritionists. Telling me there is nothing wrong with me but yet they weren't themselves going and they have both always been overweight. So in some regards I keep myself overweight. HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT? I myself am working with a counselor on my own because I want to get this under control for me and by me.
Children who have been molested often grow into obese adults. It's the getting noticed thing. They have to work on their knowledge that it's nothing they do or say. They really have no influence over what people think. A molester will molest anyone, not just the thin and attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we cannot control, by our outside looks, who will 'want' us.
We have to focus on what's right and healthy for ourselves.
My, my that's a bit preachy sounding isn't it?
I've never been a "normal" weight, either. I've been fat since I was in diapers. For me, the scariest thing about finally losing this weight is the "what if"...
Because this is all I've ever known, I find that I attribute everything bad that happens (or good that doesn't happen) to being a fat girl. Here's how it works: I think, "I'm invisible because I'm fat". Or, "No guy will date me because I'm fat". Or, "I can't do that because I'm fat". Or, I won't get that promotion because I'm fat".
So then the Big Scary Question: What if I lose the weight, and it turns out that all that stuff wasn't just because I'm fat? What if I get thin and I'm still invisible. And no guy wants to date me. And I still don't get that promotion. I'd have to deal with the possibility that I'm not good enough, cute enough, smart enough after all. That the flaw is actually in me, and not in my fat. And that, that is SCARY to me.
But here's the kicker - the thought that it took almost 33 years to fall out of my brain: What if it goes the other way? What if I'm not invisible anymore, and my new self-confidence opens doors for me that I never imagined. That would be pretty cool. And that's what got me going. And that's why I will succeed.
Sorry - that was way too many words It feels good to finally articulate it, though. Thanks for the great thread!
I have never been thin either. I was a chubby baby that grew up into a fat girl and fat woman. I'm not sure how much I weighed at my lowest weight as an adult -- it was right after I graduated from college & I basically lost the weight because I didn't have money to buy food (and was too proud/stupid to look at options like food banks, asking for help, etc...). At that time, I was (barely) able to squeeze into a pair of size 34 Levi's button up jeans. I'm guessing I was around 170/180 on a 5'9" frame.
I have tried a few different things over the years. The most success I had was with Body For Life, but I let work stress derail me totally. Over the past several years, my life has been getting better and better as my health has steadily been declining. I got to the point where I hurt all the time, and I felt as though I would just be that way until I died young of a heart attack (heart disease runs on both sides of my family). I considered WLS, thinking that was the only way I would ever get to a healthy weight.
This summer was a real turning point for me in several ways. My partner, who had been living in CA for ~2 years while my stepson finished high school, moved up to Portland with me. She brought my 2 1/2 year old grandson, Andre (see pix to left). I wanted to be able to keep up with him, and I didn't want him to grow up fat because of my unhealthy habits. I also went through a leadership development program through my job that had a profound impact on how I thought and felt about myself. I realized I do have a purpose for being on this planet and things to do -- that I really wanted to live. Finally, my dad had (successful) triple bypass surgery at the end of August -- which made me realize that if I were serious about becoming a healthy person, I didn't necessarily have forever to do it in.
The day that I got home from visiting my dad in the hospital, I joined a local gym and signed up to work with a personal trainer 2x/week. They weighed me, measured me, and told me how many calories I needed to eat a day. I was surprised that I was supposed to eat 2400 calories/day! Before, when I tried to lose weight, I was probably eating around 1200-1500 cal/day and starving all the time. I've managed to lose 35# since the start of September.
As I've been losing weight, I've been noticing my assumptions and feelings about being thin. I associate thin with weak. I associate being large with being safe. Aerobic and strength exercise is helping me feel strong even as I get thinner, but there is more for me to work on. I am also meeting with a therapist on a monthly basis to look at this -- I really want to be successful this time, for the first time, in achieving a "normal" weight.
It is good to know that I'm not alone with my fears, even though I am not completely sure of their source and even though they seem completely irrational.
Thank you all, for being here and for your honesty.
well i have some feers of losing it again too,i am afraid i will fall back into my regular routine and gain it all back.but i used to be thin,and i miss the feeling soooooooo bad,i really really miss the flirting and looks from guys.attention makes u feel good about yourself.and i really miss all the cute little clothes.i have gave most my skinny clothes to my kids and i want them back
Cagirlygirl, I so agree with you! I think that because I have kept myself under 'house arrest' for so long, hiding behind books (oh yeah...Sherrilyn Kenyon!) and playing online games, etc that I fear even if I do lose the weight... who would want to know me? I am so dull, boring, clueless about the world outside of my own little backyard. Too many ways to put myself down and then go and eat to make me feel better.
And Shananigans..I am going to use something you said. "I am my own biggest roadblock to success. After all, if I don’t try that hard and end up not succeeding, well I can hardly be surprised." I want to say that is the perfectionist inside of me. If we don't try, then no one could say we failed.
Fear of being thin...
It feels good to finally articulate it, though. Thanks for the great thread!
