Hello supernurse mommy,
I'm so sorry you feel so bad. I don't purge. But I have struggled with deppression earlier in my life. Mine turned out to be related to a hormone I was taking to not get pregnant. I don't really have advice to give to you about the purging except that you need to stop (which you already know) and that you should tell your doctor. Purging is harmful to your body and can actually delay weight loss. It's sounds to me that you are getting discouraged about dieting which I can't say I blame you because it is so hard. Especially around your "time" because of pms you are feeling even more fat and depressed and the diet you were on doesn't seem to work fast enough. All that I can say is keep trying. Maybe find a different counselor or a group like weight watchers were you can get support from other people who have some of the same problems you do. Or you could go to a nutritionalist that can fit a meal plan for you personally. Just don't give up. You are still a beautiful person no matter what you weigh. But since you are dieting that means you want to loose the weight for your health or apperance or both and at least YOU'RE TRYING sucessfully or not. Just know you are not the number on your scale, or the calorie amount you intake. If you found you ate to many calories that day just tell yourself you will try to do better tommorrow. Weight management is a life long process and there is bound to be moments when you make mistakes. Just know when you've made them and try not to let it happen again. You can do it!

Super nurse

Sounds like you are having a hard time, i would try to change little things, not just jump to a strict diet, you then crave and crave then a few days in you cannot help but to cave in to it, and then you feel so horrible you cannot stop binging! (thats me!!!!), i would make the diet way less restrictive to start with, set yourself 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, and make them a fair size! so your body does not think you are starving it, make them fairly healthy!
when i first started here is what i would eat in a normal day...

Breakfast - spray a frying pan with cooking spray, cook in it - 1 whole tomato (cut in half), 1 full egg and one extra egg white, 2 mushrooms, onion, then serve with 1/2 cup of baked beans, or tinned spaghetti, and 1 or 2 slices of wholemeal toast. ( about 350 cal)
Snack - 1 cup low fat/ no sugar yoghurt, 1/2 cup fruit (tinned or frozen or fresh) and 2 teaspoons splenda sugar ( about 250 cal)
Lunch - huge salad! fat free dressing, and a cooked chicken breast. (250 cal)
Snack - banana smoothie (1 banana , 1 cup low fat milk, 2 teaspoons splenda, icecubes... all blended) (230 cal)
Dinner - 1-2 chicken kebabs (using breast) 1 tbs sweet and sour sauce, 1/2 cup mashed pumpkin, 1/2 cup carrot, 1/2 peas. (300 cal)

This is about 1600 cal! it will fill you up!
cutting your food back and eating less is not the answer!
I have suffered huge obsessions over food for YEARS, and this time around is the first time i have seen myself have an attitude change towards it! usually i cut out a lot of food and live on nearly nothing, loss the weight then start eating again, and crave so much and just binge and binge....
This time instead of severe food restrictions, i have changed how i cook and the food i eat, i still eat a lot!!!!! i used to fry 2 eggs for breakfast in OIL, then have toast dripping in margerine, fried tomato (in OIL) and covered with 2 slices of cheese, and then sauce.....! compare that to how i cook it above! it still tastes as good, and is as big a serving. If i feel like chips i will wedge up some potatos, put them in a bag with lots of seasoning (taco seasoning, or season all, any powdered spices) shake them around, lay them on a baking dish, spray with cooking spray, and them bake at high until crisp! tastes just as good as deep fried chips! but hardly any fat.

If you made changes like that, you will not crave as much, and hopefully you will not feel that you have eaten badly then want to purge.

good luck on making some postitive steps, you deserve to find an answer and get some help!
sonja



I am lucky i have tried the purging at various stages in my life, but i cannot make myself vomit! even when i am ill and really need to! so luckily that is something i have never done. My MIL vomits when she eats something she "did not want" but now she has done it for 18 months, and cannot stop herself! she automatically has to throw up!

My 15 year old daughter is going through this. At first, with her depression, she would "cut" herself. She would eat like a pig, and I mean a pig for a few days, then refuse to eat for the next few days.
I recently took her to see a child pyscologist and she is now on a behavior program. This consists of me making sure she eats a balanced meal 3 X a day w/ 2 energy snacks. NO refined SUGAR!! She hates this one but she's doing very well. And she's never been over weight.

You need support and here you will get it. But close to home, you might need to find someone who will be there physically for you ...as a weight loss buddy. Maybe you'll start feeling better about yourself/personal things in your life. I am not a therapist.......but maybe this suggestion would help????

emerald dragonfly

I know exactly how you feel as far as the cycle goes. I am good for a few days and then I'm purging. I hate the way it makes me feel. Your right, hormones may have something to do with it. More than anything else it might just be your past relationship with food mixed with certain personality traits. I for example started overeating at 5-6 years old, gained weight, started binging in high school, lost weight, now I purge. I turned to food at a young age because I was lonely as strange as it sounds. My family life was really rocky and when I started school I just felt more alienated. These factors coupled with my control issues and boom. If I get OUT OF CONTROL I take action now because I never want to go back. I am so scared to go back to 296. This is an awful way to think and I know I am not doing myself any favors. I went to my doctor yesterday to tell him the purging is getting worse and I need help. You may need to seek professional help also to learn the skills you may need to get through this behavior and what drives you to do it. It would be great if we could figure everything out on are own but it sure is nice to have some help and friendly people to lean on. I now have to accept that I'm like an addict and I have to steer clear of the things that set me off. This is my life forever now and that is just the way it is. I know I can’t do it alone. I hope your situation gets better and you are able to achieve your goals by healthy means. Sorry if I ran on to long. I should hear from the eating disorder clinic or my doctor by next week regarding treatment, I will let you know the next steps I am taking if you want. Please let me know if there is anything thing I can do.

Wow. .you guys are so great.. MsK i would love to hear what your doc says.
What i dont get, is that I cant seem to break myself out of this cycle. I KNOW that im doing harm to my body, I KNOW that this is not healthy, its just that KNOWING doesnt seem to be good enough.
Why is it that we cant stop doing things we know are bad, or start doing things we know are good? I know i have self-disclipline, i wouldn't be where i am today without it.. yet... i cant seem to have ANY self control with this issue....

Whats really sad, is that i still get so happy to see the littler numbers on the scale.. this am it said 279.8. which is quite a big jump.. of course.. purging and laxatives helped that.. which i KNOW IS WRONG... but im still pleased..

Ive called my good friend, a doc,, and he has agreed to see me on Monday, after work.. to see what we need to do.

Almost makes me wish i had someone around to MAKE me.. LOL.. *almost* Its like it would be easier if *I* did not have to be accountable.. which i know i do..

Thanks for all your kind words !

I think that you might be right on the restictions i place on myself.. i eat way too little when im feeling really obsessed.. for instance.. .

Monday, ate 800 calories.. 10 glasses of water
Tuesday, ate 650 calories 9 glasses of water
Wed ate 450 calories 9 glasses of water
Thu ate 550 calories 9 glasses of water
Friday ate 350 calories.. then binged on about 800, then purged...

So i know i need to increase caloric intake..

But when your addicted to food, its sooo hard to stop, its easier if i dont eat very much, than to eat and then stop eating.. Its like i cant tell when im full, or when im not... I dont eat because im hungry.. does that make sense?

I personally believe i have an addictive personality, i find something that feels good, i do it to extreme.. so how do you beat a food addiction? You HAVE to eat, its not like smoking, drinking, or sex, where you can just stop for a bit..

Supernurse you are so right on the addictiveness of eating, i too do not eat for the feeling of being full and unlike alcoholism you cannot totally refrain from eating food, you have to find some sort of controlled ground!

i find writing down my menu for the day! making sure it is enough cals, then MAKING myself only eat what is on that paper! IT is still very very hard! when i eat something more (even if it is healthy and low cal, i will beat myself up about it .... A LOT , if i could make myself purge i think that i would!)
Then i take a FORBIDDEN bite and think what the ****, might as well eat anything else around as well, since i have already blown it!
But is is also so easy to make myself eat less, like a form of punishment, some days i would be 500-600, the highest this week was one day at 1200! and this will kill me in the long run! I cannot physically keep going, but the thought of picking up more normal food, and i instantly think i am fat! and horrible, and ugly and unwanted and useless..... How to change these thoughts i have no idea.....

But knowing it happens still does not stop it happening!

I have taken things one step at a time, and still only hold a small amount of control over the behaviour!
First step for me was planning a menu and making sure it is enough, then making sure i eat it all.
Second is trying to fill in those times i am pacing the house , bored, wanting to binge
Third was learning not to hate myself.

Ms K, I too would love to here what the doctor says, this is my problem as well, although at the moment i have it under control (although only just)

Please do be careful about abusing laxatives sweetie. Did you know using laxatives all the time dehydrates your body and you lose potassum???? I use to abuse them & ended up in the hospital 5-6 yrs. ago. The doctors told me my potassum level was soo low that I could have a heart attack any minute!!! They put me some kind of potassum capsules for 30 days. I won't do that again!
Remember, we are here for you!!! Stay strong!!

emerald dragonfly

I know I know all the risks.. its my job to know them, unfortunetly its not enough to know apparently.
I know how dangerous playing with your electrolyte levels is. In fact, that is one of the things that ive heard could have caused Terry Schivo's condition, electrolyte imbalance due to bulemia (dont know if its true).
Vomiting, lax abuse etc can really wreak havoc on your body. Ive been "self doctoring" i.e. eating foods high in potassium to counter act. Which again i know is not healthy.
I have a doc appt on Monday, with a freind of mine. He is doing blood work, etc.. to get me settled.. then see about referring me back to counseling.. goodness knows i could use it..

Addictive behavior... what a vicious cycle! Ive found it helps me to talk about it though.. just getting it out on here.. has been a tremendous help!

Wow there are OTHERS, well I guess we are all really the same huh? We all suffer from an addiction that we are not allowed to just quit. I all ways think I could do this cold turkey like smoking but unlike smoking we need food to live. I agree with you about there being a need for more reserch in this subject. This is an epidemic of great proportions. A large percentage of americans and Canadians are now obese. I believe that only a small percentage is due to medical factors. As a nation we are all suffering. It's crazy to look around you and think that most of the over weight people around are suffering from food addiction, an emotional issue tied to eating, or both. Maybe I am wrong but it is something to think about.

I will let you all know how things turn out with my doc, I hope to hear from him soon. This cycle is making me so tired. I just what one day I don't think about food and how NOT to eat it all day.

I hate that when i go to the supermarket there are oooodles of new junk foods! i had an addiction to try anything new! a new flavour of chips, a new hamburger,... and it is only now i realise that MOST of the supermarkets are JUNK food! one aisle of fresh veg, then.... one of bread, one of biscuits, one of soda, one of lollies, one of potato crisps, one of normal food (canned veg, canned fruit), one of cooking (cake mixes, flour), then you have the freezers which are mostly icecream, ice blocks... etc...
What percentage of our stores are unhealthy food compared to healthy.... really! even taking one food from each aisle, most would be JUNK!

Ok i have vented! here in australia we now have GST! the price of healthy foods went up! orange juice has 10% GST on it, the price of soda went down 10%................ That really doesn't help............

Serious studies in both america and australia HAVE to been done NOW! think of the medical crisis in 20-30 years! our children are having an obesity problem, (i think 1 in 5 kids is obese now) maybe more! our health systems here are already collapsing! Kids are being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes! KIDS!!!!!!!!!!

Here you can walk down the street and pass 3 McDonalds stores in an hour! also the KFC, Hungry Jacks (alias burger king), pizza hut, ...etc... OF course food is becoming a problem for a lot of people, and it needs to be stopped!

We here know we have problems and are trying to find ways to fix them! (hopefully we all will suceed) but until our .... surroundings are changed to incorperate healthier lifestyles ALL around, it is a battle most will lose!

(now i think i have finished venting.... LOL)

Thanks for listening... it is good to get it all out !!

I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned Overeaters Anonymous. They deal directly with the addictive aspects of food and eating behaviors and many there will have engaged in the cycle of binging and purging. It also is FREE. (They do pass the hat at every meeting but no one criticizes if you're not able to toss in a dollar or two.)

I think there's an OA section right here on this board. They would probably help you locate a local meeting if you have difficulty finding one.

Gentle hugs to you and your little one!

Ice Dragon, that is kinda weird that they would add GST but drop the soda down 10% I learned something about shopping. I only shop the outer aisles. One side is the produce dept. The other side is meats. So I shop those two areas...pick up some canned goods and Im out of there...the centre aisles are the worst...sodas/chips/and baking goods.
I know that in my son's school they took away the soda machines. There are no vending machines to buy junk food. They have a cafeteria. Thats it. Soups, salads, sandwiches..fruit. They have juice boxes, milk white/choc. They have pizza day, hot dog day, and other foods.
My husband watched Supersize me a couple of days ago and hasn't stopped talking about it...I haven't seen it. Scared to.