Hi

I talked to my boyfriend today about all of my food/eating issues. How I have had body dismorphia since I was 6 and in gymnastics, how I dealt with it by not eating at all from high school into my early 20's, how I gained almost 100 lbs in 6 months because when I finally "recovered" I just became a complusive binge eater. How when I got divorced I turned to bulemia because I couldn't just not eat anymore, and how when he and I got together 6 months ago I started eating too much and gained 20 lbs again....how it freaked me out and I was struggling not to purge and how desperately I want to be healthy.

I feel raw and vulerable and scared now. I know he is going to be watching every bite that goes into my mouth now. This is something I need but something I fear at the same time....I am trying to count calories and workout sensibly (not push it until I am working out all night like I have in the past :-P)

Anyway, I hope this is the right forum for this, and I am hoping to find support and get to know you all better :-)

I just joined today and am touched by your post. I too am struggling with weight gain after entering a relationship.

Sometimes, when in a relationship, intimacy issues come up and can scare us into old habits. Allow yourself to reflect on the reasons for the recent weight gain and keep seeking out support to keep you "real" and in touch with your feelings.

PM me if you are looking for a buddy

Welcome, Noella and Yoqini!

Noella, I know it's scary, hon. Remember that when your boyfriend is watching you, it's because he loves you. You're not alone... people really do care.

It's strange that so many of us relax our eating habits when we enter a relationship. I can somewhat understand the (bizarre) feeling that we no longer have to look our absolute best in order to "catch someone", but why wouldn't we want to maintain a good weight for health reasons?!
Why is it that having children doesn't make force me to get my act together? Because I WANT to be around a long time to see them grow up, and I want to be around to enjoy times with my husband.
Obviously the fashion industry is more in our faces than the health "industry". It's scary...

LOL, I think that it isn't so much that we stop caring how we look for our SO. I know in my case it is more that I feel safe, and when I feel secure it is OK to eat. I just need to learn that healthy balance!!

I have been studying and taking notes on the ADA exchange diet for the last two weeks because it really seems to have that healthy balance of foods that I want to be able to eat :-)

Thanks for the welcome, it is scary putting yourself out there like that!

welcome guys!!
i know its hard ive got binge eating disorder also, and im on ww and dn 31 lbs since june.

Noella, you're right... I forgot to mention the "safe" factor. That's huge, isn't it?
I DO care how I look for my DH, but I know that he loves me regardless of my size. I guess I feel REALLY safe! We've been together for 19 years, and he still finds me sexy.

Andrea, 31 pounds is wonderful, girl!! Keep at it!!

Wow! 19 years is a huge achievement!! And he sounds like an awesome man too.

My bf and I have quite an (odd) history together, but he has said some encouraging things about my body lately too I'm using it as encouragement to keep working hard!!!

Noella, are you going to share the story of your "odd" history with your BF? We'd love to hear it.
How wonderful that he's making encouraging remarks about your body changes... he sounds very supportive.
Yes, my DH is pretty special, too. He's kind, patient, fun, and a ton of other things, as well as being my best friend. And he's also very handsome, which can be irritating when I see other women looking at him.

I'm so glad someone brought this issue up. In college, I was anorexic and 'recovered' but as someone with an eating disorder knows, you can never really recover. I ended up gaining too much weight and binging. I was moderately overweight and now although I'm at the high end of healthy weight (I'm 5'8"), I'd like to lose about 10 pounds. Anyways, I entering a relationship with a guy that I really want it to work with and I don't know how/when to approach it. Do you have any tips?

Welcome, mdchick!! Congratulations on your weight loss to date!

When you say you 'don't know how to approach it', do you mean the weight loss, or talking to your guy about it?
I think the best thing you can do is to lose the weight for you. If you lose it for the right reasons, you'll have tremendous confidence in yourself, and that will ultimately make you even more attractive to your new guy.

Thanks for the support! I meant how do I approach it with him. I feel like its such a loaded topic in our society and I don't want to scare him away.

I agree with you about it being a loaded topic.
Do you need to broach the subject with him at all? I mean, just let him know (by subtle means ie: showing him) that you're a healthy woman. When you eat out together, make healthy choices, etc. If you're watching a movie/tv or something together, make good snacks like veggies w/dip, etc. Just live the lifestyle that will put you on the road to being healthy (and losing weight!), and you won't have to explain yourself at all.
Obviously he already likes you for who you are, so you don't have to "sell yourself" by telling him you're planning on looking 10 pounds lighter.
Are you exercising, too? Could you do some activities together like biking, hiking, etc?

Hugs...