Hey, everyone I was directed here by Ellis and Katrina -- I hope you all don't mind me jumping in. You sound like a great group of women and all in the same boat I am. It's almost enlightening reading your posts!!!

I recently diagnosed myself as having binge eating disorder. Every symptom they list as being possible for that disorder fits me (except for the one about staying home and hiding -- that isn't me just yet). I eat and eat and eat, never thinking about what I'm eating or if I'm even hungry. I eat until I'm miserable. And I eat the worst crap around. I eat in hiding -- DH works the midnight shift and I wait until he leaves to do most of my binging. Or in the car on the way to work or at lunchtime. It's so horrible feeling like I'm hiding this, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

I have started a new program -- I bought a book called "Overcoming Binge Eating" and it contains a 6-week plan to help you recover. I'm about 1/2 way into week 2 -- this is the week where I start eating like a normal person -- 3 meals, 3 snacks, spread out fairly evenly over the day. Normal sized meals, eating speed is nice and slow, portions are normal. It's hard to eat this way, which really surprises me. I get angry a lot -- it irritates me that I can't just have anything at any time. Why is that??? I'm used to "dieting"; I should be used to not having certain foods!!!

Anyway, I must get back to work -- I just wanted to post, and introduce myself. BTW, a quickie bio -- I live in Indiana, I work full time, I have 3 kids. DH works full time and is also going to school. Two of the kids are in school (first grade & kindergarten). The youngest will be 3 soon.

Hope to "meet" you all and get to know you

Rachel

Hey there girlies!

I had a bit of a rough few days. A little too much eating, not horrible - but not what I want to be doing. Yesterday I got back on track. I have decided no dessert at all this week. Usually I have something like a skinny cow bar or light ice cream or strawberries and cool whip. Without my hubby home at night (he switched to night shift) I am overdoing it a bit.

I have moved my tracker up a couple of pounds to what the scale showed this morning. No more hiding from my official weigh in day. There should be a smiley for on the wagon or jumping back on.

I was feeling pretty crappy about myself, but I did manage to fit in my size 10 pants just fine this morning. I think I am just overcritical.

Hugs for all!
Melissa

Hi, all. I made it through another weekend, but it was rough. I stayed on program but I kept fantasizing about what I wanted to eat. A neighbor was cooking spaghetti sauce and filled up my bathroom with the smell. I just inhaled. I think it will be easier once I start seeing results. That will take a few more weeks. My clothes fit a little easier but that's about it.
Blyss - Welcome. We'll look forward to your posts.
Rachel - Welcome, too. It sounds to me like you're angry because you're stressed out. And who wouldn't be with 3 young children and a fulltime job. A lot of overeating is reactive to anger and stress. We often turn it against ourselves and express it through bingeing. Maybe when you feel like bingeing you can try taking a deep breath for a minute and think about what you're feeling at that moment. Anyway, keep posting. We're all here to support each other.
Melissa - I can only dream about a size 10! That's a good idea about skipping desserts for awhile. I tend to go overboard with them too.
Alisha - If staying home makes you unhappy maybe you should try to go out once in awhile - if it doesn't lead to pizza or some other no-no. I can sympathize with you about the knees and feet. I used to wear a size 7 or 71/2 AA. Now it's usually a 9 WW. When you get health insurance, see a podiatrist. Orthotics will probably resolve your foot problems. They did for me. I also have bad knees. I live on the top floor of a 6-story apartment building and when the elevator goes out (which isn't too often forturnately) I have to walk down. I usually have to sit in the lobby for 10 minutes or so because my knees are screaming. That is one of the reasons I am doing this fast.
Kat - glad you had a good week.

Good evening

Well, today started out really rough -- I wanted to stop for fast food on the way to work very badly. When I didn't do that, I wanted to go out for lunch. When that didn't happen, I tried to talk myself into stopping for a drink on the way home. None of that happened, though, so I can call today a big step. I even got in some water

Tomorrow I am planning to get some exercise in. I have tapes and a TV in my garage, as well as some equipment. I can't go anywhere as the kids are still too young to be left on their own and DH won't get home in time, but I can get some movement in in my "garage gym". Or I could go for a bike ride at lunch time. Either way, it's gonna happen.

Melissa, your numbers are amazing!!! Congrats on the size 10 pants!!!

Time for bed...

Rachel

Awesome Rachel! This is my day every day, it is such a struggle. I wish you lost weight for all the food you DIDN'T eat.

I did great yesterday, on plan and lots of exercise. Thanks for the kind words all!

Thanks, Melissa It's getting easier every day to just ignore those voices in my head screaming for junk and just eat my healthy stuff. Yeah, it'd be great to lose weight for everything I DON'T eat but then that'd just be too easy!!!

Heading out at lunch for a bike ride or walk. SOMETHING!!! Breakfast is done, mid-morning snack is done, gotta get some water... Back later...

Rachel

Oops, forgot, thanks to you, too, Rosetta (my DD's name is Rose!!!), for all your kind words. I think I stress out a lot more than I'm willing to admit, but since I'm not changing diapers anymore (DS#2 is finally out of 'em -- yay!!!), that helps a bunch. If I could get the kids to sleep just 30 minutes longer, that'd help more

Off to work...

Rachel

Hi Rachel and welcome to our little 'home away from home' here on the site. I'm so glad to have you here. I understand VERY well how you feel. I am a doctor/psychiatrist diagnosed binge/compulsive eater and I can SO identify with you. My problem is that I don't have to hide because I live alone. That is the worst thing ever! I just get whatever food is 'speaking' to me at the time, a LOT of it, camp out in front of the TV and eat it until I'm sick. It's a very horrible state and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Every single day I get up having the best of intentions and then become a sucker for some type of food that I really crave. Usually it's fast food or this ****-sent cookies and cream pie that they bake in the deli of my local grocery store. My GOD I swear compulsive/binge eating is a spin off from schizophrenia at the voices in my head! "Oh but it would taste SO good".. "Just have it now and then you can go back on plan tomorrow and the craving will be gone" ... or "what does it matter? You've been fat all your life so one more day won't kill you". That head talk is deadly. I wish I could turn them off but somehow they're always there. BUT, thankfully you've found this site and we're all here to help each other. Use and abuse at will. And you didn't have the naughties that called you! What a gigantic step huh? I'm so very proud of you. For anyone who suffers from binge/compulsive eating, the ability to say no is a milestone! Weigh to go!

Rosetta - that's wonderful that you can feel a difference already! How fantastic is that? Every little counts so you just pat yourself on the back for being so compliant. I appreciate your advice about the orthotics. Unfortunately, I have already seen 5 separate doctors and pediatrists in England and have been prescribed two sets of orthotics - none of which help. I'm just hoping that this weight loss will make a big difference because I won't have so much strain on my joints. 6 flights? Oh my that's terrible. My knees would be on fire I think! We'll both hang in there and as the weight comes off, our knees/feet will feel better!

I think it's very true - that we eat more when we're stressed OR mad OR sad ... emotional eating is a very big trigger for all of us, I think, which is why we should commit to checking in often on here when we're feeling vulnerable. I know that I will have to do that. I've been backsliding a LOT these past few days and I need to stop before the scale reflects the damage. Everytime I think I have a hold on it, I get pulled away from goal again and I need to buckle down.

Just hang in there everyone and remember - we all share each others' fears, slips, successes, trials and tribulations. We'll ALL get there if we just look to each other for support.

All the very best.

Alisha

Good morning girlies!

I skipped the gym this morning and was thinking I would make tomorrow a gym day instead of my rest day. Then I really got to thinking. I can easily run the scheduled 20 minutes at lunch. I can also certainly stop at the gym on the way home and get in a quick 20 minutes of strength training. Just because I was extra tired this morning does not mean all is lost! Sometimes I just automatically consider a day ruined if it doesn't go exactly as I had planned in my head. I must get over that!

Have an awesome day! On plan and lots of good exercise for all!

Good morning, everyone Thanks so much for all the welcomes!!! I feel like I've found my "home away from home" for certain It's awesome finding people that say exactly what I hear in my own head every day. I've had so many days like that, Alisha, where I camp out in front of the TV and eat until I'm sick. Yep, I'm a total sucker for fast food -- and sometimes I even head out with the best intentions thinking "Hey, I can eat healthy at Subway or Wendy's" and get there and order cookies or up-size my meal. I've heard those same voices saying "Oh, you can get back on track tomorrow." or "It's just ONE cookie" but turns into the bag. And plenty of times have I told myself that DH loves me just as I am so why not??? Except I am not happy. And I guess that's why I'm here.

So far, this week has been good. I am continuing to fight the demons, so to speak, and so far I'm winning. I don't feel good at the end of the day, though, because I don't feel like I've won -- I feel like I've just barely hung on. Will it get easier? Will I get to a point where I can say that I'll wake up with the best of intentions and most likely will stick to them? I mean, I'm not going to get myself up for failure and say that I'd like to get to a point where I'll NEVER stray from my best intentions -- I know myself better than that -- but I'd like to think I'll have good weeks.

Thanks for the invitation to use and abuse at will I certainly will take advantage of that I was hoping this group chatted more than this, though; I hope you all don't mind if I post more often? I'm also going to jump in on the exercise challenge -- I need a boost.

Melissa, great job on talking yourself right back into exercising!!! Hope to hear that you succeeded!!!

OK, time to get back to work Be back later...

Rachel

Hey Rachel,

I did run at lunch and go to the gym! Yay me!

I also had the manager test my body fat% again:

Category --- 3/25/05 --- 8/24/05 (5 months)
Body Type -- Athletic --- Athletic (The trainer picks this)
Gender ----- Female ----- Female (Hope that stayed the same!)
Age --------- 33 --------- 34 (Shhh! Don't tell!)
Height ------ 5'2" -------- 5'2" (Damn! Still short)
Weight ----- 181--------- 161.6 (Almost 20lbs gone!)
BMI--------- 33 ---------- 29 (Hooray! No longer obese!)
Fat% ------- 27 --------- 23.8 (That is a lot of fat gone!)


Woo! I was excited to see such a difference. Sometimes I feel like this is all going so slowly, but that is obviously in my head!

To answer your question Rachel about it getting easier, I would say yes/no. I have easy days where the good food and exercise seems to come like second nature. I can turn down anything with a smile. Then I have horrible days (usually PMS for me) where I want to eat anything and everything. Every fast food restaurant I pass by I think about what I could order. How I could eat it before I got home and no one would see me. Anytime I think about eating something "in secret" I know I am having a problem. If I don't want anyone to see me eat it, then I shouldn't eat it.

Whenever someone asks me "Can you eat ------?", no matter what it is cake, hot fudge sundae or hamburger - whatever, I tell them "I can eat anything I want." because it is the truth. We have a tradition of getting milkshakes when The Amazing Race is on (Amazing Shakes!) and I continue it even now. I may eat a smaller breakfast or lunch, but I enjoy my milkshake.

Did I answer your question? I don't think I really did. I think it is different for all of us based on our triggers and situations. You are stronger than the food! You will beat it!

Evening. I've been busy at work for a change so not much time to post. I did the weigh-in last night and lost another 6 lbs, for a total of 18 lbs. altogether. We did some math in class and even I understood it. To figure out how many daily calories you need to maintain your weight, multiply your weight by 10. 3500 calories = 1 lb. Figure out how many lbs you lose by adding up your calorie deficit. For example, you weigh 200 lbs. -- x 10 = 2000 calories. Bring your calories down to 1500 so you have a daily deficit of 500 calories and within a week you've lost a lb. This is before you factor in calories burned by exercise.
While the weight loss is definitely encouraging to me, I haven't lost my longing for food. Today the office elevator was redolent with the scent of garlic -- someone had brought in a pizza! Oooh that smelled soood good. My food fantasies persist and I have to force myself to center on my goal.
Melissa - WTG with the body fat! You're doing great and you're learning to play mind games in your favor in making time for the exercise.
Neeley - Looks like you're doing some work on your mind games, too. You can win the game. A lot of it comes down to being conscious every moment. Telling yourself "just for this time I won't have the cookie," rather than "I won't have a cookie all week or all month or all year." Maintaining control is constantly having to make small decisions that have greater consequences.
Alisha - I hope you can get yourself back OP soon. The love/hate relationship we have with food really takes an emotional toll.

Good morning I just wanted to pop in here really quick while I'm waiting for some files to transfer. I'm SO glad I got up early and did a workout -- I'm going to need the time and energy later!!! We are just nuts at work!!! My company works with printers, and our vast majority of customers are bread wrapper companies (IBC, Flowers, etc) or bakery items (Bluebird, Sara Lee, etc). Anyway, everyone has to have trans fat added to the nutrition labels by the end of the year, which means to get product on the shelf in the correct package by January, most companies are working on it now. Talk about overtime!!!

Anyway, did you notice I mentioned exercise??? YAY!!! I did a 30 minute step tape this morning. It felt awesome!!!

And I'm feeling pretty good about food so far. I've had my snack and my breakfast and I am going to have one more cup of coffee. Then it's water until lunch.

Melissa, I understand what you were saying, regardless of whether you answered my question or not. What you mean is that some days will be good, others will not. And I'm discovering that already. I sure wish you'd have said that after 3 or 4 weeks, I'll never want those cinnamon & raisin biscuits from Hardee's ever ever ever again. Or that I'll crave carrots and brown rice. HA!!! Not likely!!! But at least you are in the same place as I am, and you're telling me that you DO have good days. That's positive enough for me.

Way to go on the pounds lost, fat percentage getting better, and a "no longer obese" BMI!!! Woohooooo!!!

Rosetta, interesting math. Yeah, it all looks good on paper Me, I don't need 3500 calories to put on a pound though. Unless I'm eating everything right and getting in plenty of exercise. Put me thru a bad week and I'll put on 5 pounds just from looking at food.

Good idea to be conscious every moment -- instead of long term mind games, I'm pretty sure I can do the shorter term like you suggested. Giving up the cooking just "this time" is almost like saying "Oh, why not, it's just one cookie" and then eating it. Giving it up could be just as rewarding.

Well, I hope those files are almost done. I'd better get to work...

Rachel

Thanks Rachel and Rosetta, I am usually not extremely proud of how far I have come - because I am embarassed about how much I let myself go. But adding muscle and losing fat is something I am proud of. Everytime I have lost weight before I did not concentrate on the health aspect of it enough. This time I am building a much healthier me.

Today is a rest day for me, it is weird - resting - I used to be sooooooo good at it and now it is hard *not* to exercise.

I do crave brown rice and carrots now, Rachel! I drove to my daughter's gymnastics class with a big bag of baby carrots on the seat next to me. I don't get to eat dinner until 7:30 on those nights. If I don't eat something on the way there her after class Happy Meal starts to smell way to good.

I have my 6 month check up with my doctor today. I want to wean off the water pills they have me on for blood pressure. Hopefully that is something he figure out for me. My blood pressure has been under control for awhile now and with all the water I drink I am in the bathroom every 15/20 minutes!

Have a fabulous day ladies! Smooch!

Woo! It's Friday!

So last night my doctor said stop taking my water pills. Eek! It is what I wanted, but I thought we would wean me off of them. Nope! Cold Turkey! Last time I tried this I gained like 12lbs in two days and my shoes and rings wouldn't fit so I got freaked out and took one again.

I have decided, though, that Friday is the perfect day to start this. I weighed in as normal this morning. Now I have all day today, Saturday and Sunday to try to work it out. I have to stay on plan though, so I know any weight gain is water. Whenever I miss my water pill it is usually a weird excuse to eat worse. I know my weight will go up, so I might as well take advantage of it.

Have a great weekend y'all!