teaching kids about emotions

  • I have a 2 yo DD. Very cute. I want to teach her healthy ways to deal with her emotions, esp anger. I don't do anger well. When I feel angry I either supress it, or speak up assertively and feel guilty afterward, esp if I get more information that I "shouldn't" have been angry. I don't feel it's okay to feel angry toward God. Anger is just a mixed up emotion for me that I'm still learning about.

    I don't want to tell my daughter she can't feel her anger. I also don't want to live with a little hothead.

    How do you think about this? I'm posting it here because I suspect this is a common problem for people with EDs.
  • Dear CackyDoodle, I dont know anyone who isnt angry at God sometimes HE must hear it a lot. Jesus certainly was angry at the venders at the temple and with the legalistic Pharisees. I agree that anger is a big issue for eating disorder folks it sure is for me. Learning to experience anger without stuffing it or being overwhelmed with it is a problem for me. I tell my girls to use their self control when they are angry which is almost comical since what have I done w/ mine . Susanna
  • Cacky, I agree with Suzanne. It's perfectly normal to have feelings of anger towards God.

    As for anger in other situations... I think the best thing you can teach your daughter is how to communicate.
    Think about times when you've been angry in the past. Sometimes it's the result of a building resentment towards a person/situation. Sometimes it's a spur-of-the-moment blow-up in reaction to something. Whatever the reasoning behind that anger, I'll bet that your response was short on good communication.
    I "learned" my bad temper from my Dad, and used it/abused it for years. I was on such a short fuse, and it bewildered the people that I loved. Yelling at someone (or an inanimate object. heh heh) is pretty unproductive, and it can become such a habit, that we think it's relieving stress when it's NOT!

    I think that learning to manage anger takes a great deal of practice. You have to start looking at the little signs, and address them before the entire picture overwhelms you.
    For instance, my mom has had in her possession since my Dad died last fall a bunch of my special photos of him. I let her hang on to them for awhile, knowing that they were a comfort to her. For the last three months, I've been dropping subtle hints about getting them back. Instead of sitting down with her and saying, "Mom, I really need to have my photos of Dad back. They're special to me. If you want copies of them, I'll get them done," we ended up having a ridiculous fight about it!
    The resentment had been building in me for months, and I didn't take the time to think about my feelings, and communicate them to my mom.

    It's difficult with small children, because you yourself often have to figure out where their anger is coming from. They're not always capable of finding the root cause.
    An example: When my DD was small and going to kindergarten, I used to let her sleep in a bit, and would wake her about 40 minutes before it was time to go out the door in the mornings. She was SO angry and irritable every morning, and we had some real battles. Until I really sat down and thought about the reason behind her anger.
    She hated being rushed in the morning... it was as simple as that! I started getting her up an extra 20 minutes early, and mornings became enjoyable for both of us!

    I know that two year olds are short on attention, but as your daughter gets older, it's good to sit down with her for even a few minutes when she's feeling angry about something. Talk it out and see if the two of you can "figure it out".
    A friend gave me a cool little chart thingy... let's see if I can find one online.
    Oh, here... something like this. http://www.cranberrycares.org/emotionchart.html
    Sometimes it helps to identify your feelings if you have a list of words to choose from.
  • Thanks y'all

    To be clear, I agree it's okay to feel anger even towards God, I just "feeL" it's not okay. Something I'm working on. I don't believe in telling God something was a wrong decision, but I do think it's good for me to admit that I'm feeling angry toward Him about something.

    IRL I call my HP "God" and for convenience I don't change that here. Hope no one minds