Tracy, I love Maryland! I used to think about moving to Ocean City in Maryland! I love it there! :)

I live in Virginia, so I'll be right beside you! ;)

skippy :D

I think I just posted on the wrong thread. Thanks for the birthday greetings.

Chris--You know what-- I'll take your advice and not judge myself so critical this year. You are more than welcome to come back any time you are in the area. I'll take you north next time and let you meet my awesome uncle.

I've eaten stress tonight. I'm so tired I can barely function. so I'm off to bed.

:yawn: :coffee:

I could definitely go back to bed this morning, but I have a whole crap load of work to do. I guess thats why I am at work :lol:

:thanks: to Jenelle for sitting and talking to me last night. Another day of abstinence has passed. Now to surrender to this day, God's will, and my food plan as it is.

CJ- I might just take you up on that. When I went to Ak for my cousins funeral I didn't realise how close Little Rock is to my parents (only about 5 hours) In fact some days I feel like we all ar very close and others it seems like the miles on the map have moved, especially when I want to be there for you. Anyone who would like my address or phone number just drop me a PM. I am available 24 hours a day to be your friend :D

Skippy- :wave: Vacation Bible School! What a wonderful service you are performing. Thats so awesome. I am glad you checked in, I was wondering about you :grouphug:

Vanessa- Did I forget to say hi yesterday. WELL HI! YOUR BEAUTIFUL! :D

And you know a big :grouphug: I am so thankful for ya'll today. You know it may be cliche, but just keep coming back,keep writing, keep telling us allwhere you are at, the disease hates when we have people that love and care for us. Plus you know your only as sick as your secrets ;)

:love:
Chris

My gratitude list
1. Nature- its the message from God I can see
2. Woobies (you know old clothes you don't giveup because they bring you comfort)
3. Sponsors
4. My OA program and the EDS board
5. Another day to surrender to

Hey guys! How is everyone's weekend?? I'm sitting enjoying the Sunday paper and wrapping up my 90210 marathon.. I just can't let go of that show! :) Yesterday was my "anniversary" of getting help, the day I drove back home to see my doctor. At the time, I was just going back for my mother's satisfaction and I almost turned back to go home to my apartment twice. But I honestly believe that God took control of the wheel. Something told me to just keep driving and I did. That day, alot of things changed in my life. I admitted I had a problem and knew I was headed 6 feet under if I didn't step up. As I drove back to my apartment the very next day, I found a "dear john" letter from my ex on the kitchen table. Much to my dismay, I felt so much better though he was gone, and then only knew that maybe he was part of my problem. If I had turned back like I had wanted to initially, I dare to think where I would be now.
But here I am!! With a stronger faith and a will to live, I'm kicking butt! LOL :) I'll always struggle with this disease, but I have the upperhand now. I don't know what my future will be and as weird as my life has been, I can't wait to find out.
Chris-Hey gal! I"m glad your doing good and I wish I could go back to bed myself! I'm trying to rev myself to clean my apartment now, but the Golden Girls has my attention!
Skippy-Hey!! I have SO many memories of vacation bible school!!! Making tie dye tshirts, painting, reading, and the kool aid and cookies! It's so great your doing that!
Tracy- I think i'm about 6 hours away from Maryland?? I think everything happens for a reason, and something great will happen with your move.
Ceejay-Did you get anything cool for you b-day??
Hi to Jenelle, Michelle, Linoleum, Christy.... anyone else that I HOPE i'm not forgetting???
Post so I know you guys are ok!!
Peace
Vanessa

Good morning all
 

I had a late night last night - my friend's birthday is this week so he had his party last night. Mexican (ate a moderate meal, thank you HP) and karaoke. I actually sang with 3 friends (my first time ever). :o It was a lot of fun. :D

Chris, thanks so much for sharing this. There is so much truth here:

Those who are clear-minded are drawn to pure foods; foods that promote long life and give virtue, strength, and health that make them happy and give satisfaction; that are pleasant-tasting, unctuous, solid, and hearty.

Those who are agitated by life are drawn to similar food; pungent, vinegary, salty, excessively hot, acidic, disagreeably dry and scorching; foods causing pain, misery and sickness.

And those whose vision is dark are drawn to stale and tasteless foods; foods that are no longer fresh, that are leftover, unpleasant smelling, and a poor offering into the inner fire.- Bhavgavad Gita 17:8-10

I am working on cleaning up my food. When MIL passed, there were way too many unnatural foods going into me (why do people want you to become diabetic when you lose a loved one? :lol: So many baked goods and mac and cheese left at my SIL's!). It sort of got me on a crappy food tract (not breaking my abstinence but not a very healthy food plan!). Anyway, I have been making a great effort to eat veggies and fruit as of late. Doing pretty well but have room to improve.

:wave: to everyone! Thanks for all of your shares - nice to read on a Sunday morning. :)

Today we are seeing Hero with friends and then hanging out a bit after that.

I am going to try to post a few affirmations in the morning here. People have done this on a group I'm on and I think it's a great day.

My affirmations for today:

*I will choose clean, healthy foods for my body
*I will give all self-negative thoughts to my HP

:) I took baby steps today and made it through the day. Water and food were good today. No exercise though--just a few crunches.

I'm still exhausted but I released some of my emotions today. I may not have a job tomorrow but if I don't it will be as it was suppose to be. I feel better anyway. We'll see!!!! I sometimes have to give Tim a gentle push in the right direction.

Going to pre-op in the morning. When I get through I'm going to do some shopping. I've decided on buying myself some bluejean skirts to wear during the healing process. Mom had a walking cast on her foot when she had her bunion done. So I'm assuming that's what I'll have and I don't think that I can put that through a pants leg.

Vanessa--I've had to put my birthday plans on hold but my sister is still going to try and get tickets to a show that I want to see in Branson, MO. I told her I would be 54 all year and we could celebrate any time. And since I'll be off through November 3 this would be a good time to do that.

Chris--You are a sweetie to think about me and wanting to help. ((hugs))Remember Mel from the journals--She wants to help also.

Hi to all the rest:wave:

Well girls, thanks for your positive thoughts on the move. DH has decided against it. Meanwhile, my stomach is still a mess. My intestines got in knots days ago, leading to nausea, making it hard to eat, leading to nausea...
I can't exercise and I generally feel lousy. We might go out to lunch today to try and inspire my appetite.

I feel kind of let down. As hard as it would have been, I was looking forward to change. But rather than external forces pushing change on us, I need to actively work to change from the inside out, with God's help.

Good day to you all!!

Good Morning Ladies!

I'm sending you all big warm hugs, big smiles, and hopes of a wonderful day!!

Chris you are so wonderfully nurturing!! :grouphug: How you doin lady?

Tracy I hope you begin feeling better!!

CeeJay happy belated birthday!! I must have missed...what surgery are you having hun? I would be there in a second to help as I know how difficult the healing process can be. Too bad we don't live close

Vanessa - I love that Iron will mentality you had in your last post! So wonderfully inspiring.

Kat we're here for you darling!! Hang in there!!

Jennelle and Elizabecca has school started yet? How are your students?

Well I need to get ready for the day and feel my girls! I will try and post later!
Love to all
Michelle

Ah, Michelle, is it time for our monthly breast exam already???

Sorry, I know you meant to type "feed my girls", but I couldn't resist!!!

Hope you have a lovely day! ;)

Afternoon!
 

I was a little late getting to my workout so I am running behind today. Always busy Mondays.

My gratitude list:
1. That I have a food plan and a sponsor that cares
2. That I am relatively healthy in spite of self-destructive behavior
3. That I have a relationship with my HP today
4. That there are other people in the world.
5. That my bathroom is clean
6. That there is music, books, just for everything!!!!!!!!! :D

Ate a little crappy last night and then I spent 15 minutes extra in the gym this morning. I just wanted to say it out loud. It just is. God's grace is available to me in the next minute I don't have to beat myself up over this stuff. I am addicted to food, old behaviors die hard.

So hopefully I will be back. The new thread starts tommorow! and we are almost to Septtember. Who has ESH to start it out :D

:love: YOU ALL!
Chris

I just wanted to say hi. I had a good morning/day but my night isn't going as smoothly. I almost made it through without eating the bad food, but didn't succeed. Oh well, I guess I'll have to try again tomorrow.

Only one more week before school starts, and I'm dreading the thought of it. :( I'll miss my kids so much!

I need to ask you guys something if you don't mind....

I love my husband, and he's sweet, I appreciate him thinking of me, but what do I do when he constantly brings hershey bars home? He knows where I am in trying to eat better (of course he doesn't understand the emotional part of it since it's not a struggle of his) and I've talked to him about it but he still does it. He thinks I am happier when I eat chocolate (which maybe I seem to be, lol) but it's really like a temporary fix rather than true happiness, because the truth is that I am extremely guilty feeling when I eat chocolate now. But, I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I can't hide the chocolate, because being that I am a chocolate/sweets addict, I will eat it and even sit here and think of it until I do. So what do I do? I love him and appreciate him thinking of me. That's what set me off tonight actually, I was doing great til he brought a Hershey almond bar home. :faint: Does anyone else feel the same as I do about this?

Sorry if I sound unappreciative of him thinking of me, because I really do think it's nice. I just don't want to have triggers like that though, you know what I mean?


skippy :dizzy:

p.s. and it's not just eating a hershey bar, the problem is when I do that, it sets me off to eating more sweets.


skippy :faint:

Hey gals! how was everyone's monday??? Mine was ok, but it was rainy all day, so I sorta... rested my eyes for a bit in my office.. :) Rain makes me doze off in an instant. I"m counting my days until my 4 day weekend, though I sorta want to make it a 5 day weekend by not going in on Friday.. anyone blame me?!
Tracy-I'm sorry your not feeling well, I'll gladly send you some rolaids! I have a stockpile! But I'm glad that you have that will to change!! Keep your head up!
Michelle-Thanks for the kind words! i'm super independant and I think that helped alot during this ordeal. I've seen the greater side of life now, and I don't want to miss one second of it.
Ceejay-I hope your surgery goes well! What kind of show are you going to?
Chris-Hey girl! I'm glad to see that you bounced back after your tough day and i'm thankful for clean bathrooms too! Keep your head up, i'm praying for you!
Skippy- What exactly did you say to your DH? Were you flat out honest about wanting no chocolate? Maybe he didn't get your hint?? Or suggest healthier alternatives, peppermint pattie, lolly pops, etc? Or share it with the kids or with him?
Anyone else have suggestions???
I hope everyone is doing ok, Kat, Linoleum, Christy!!!
Peace
Vanessa

I haven't heard from Tim today so at least I have a job until 7 in the morning. He waved at me this morning. Guess they had been working on the next street over.

It' s been a busy day. Pre-op went fine. Found out what a chemical 7 and a cbc is. Went shopping for some skirts but I could not find any in my size. Why is it that some brand names are sized different? didn't buy anything!!!

Came back home went to my regular doctor for some Rx's had to get my thyroid checked. I'm hoping that he'll increase the levoxyl. He commented on the weight gain again and asked about the med's. He flat out told me I was going to kill myself cause one day I would just explode. He's passed the ball back to me so to speak. Planning is my key. No sugar, no
red meat, nothing fried, no processed food and it has to be weighed starting tomorrow--One day at a time--one hour at at time--one minute at a time.

Michelle--I'm scheduled to have surgery on my right foot 9/7/04. I have heel spurs, and a bunion that has been giving me problems for over a year. The heel spurs have caused some other problems also.

have a good day.

Skippy - Right now, your husband is doing what *he* thinks is best for you because he doesn't see the internal turmoil that chocolate (or any other sweet) causes for you. All he sees is your sugar high, and he's mistaking it for happy. Maybe next time you can sit him down and tell him that, while chocolate *seems* to make you happy, there are all kinds of other not-so-happy side effects from it, like guilt and bingeing and sugar cravings. Ask him not to bring it home anymore. If he continues, just throw it in the trash. (Open it up and pour dish soap all over it if you have to, to keep from digging it back out again!)

My food wasn't the greatest today. I watched a movie about a girl with an eating disorder a few days ago, and it's kind of set me off. I've been toying with not eating. I haven't eaten enough today, but I *have*eaten, despite the little voices in my head telling me that I shouldn't. Somehow, I know it's going to be alright this time. I don't have that feeling of utter and complete despair that I normally do before I have a full-blown anorexic episode. I don't feel so out-of-control. I feel the presence of my HP whispering in my ear. :)

My gratitude list:

1. I am thankful for the 17 parents who showed up for Open House! :D
2. I am thankful for my husband, even when he's a pain in the ***. ;)
3. I am thankful that tomorrow is payday! :cb:
4. I am thankful for clean underwear.
5. I am thankful for the Internet.