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Old 06-11-2004, 08:31 AM   #1  
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Angry Tired of other people's comments

Hello everyone, I am new here and I just need to vent this morning.
Just so you get an idea, I grew up as an overweight child and had no friends. Was teased in high school and then proceeded to loose all the weight once I started college. Needless to say I didn't do it the healthiest way, I took laxatives, a lot of them, sometimes an entire box in one day. But I reached my goal of 88lbs and thought I looked great. That was eight years ago.
Since then I have worked very hard to get healthy, I have gained some lbs and work out every day.
But I suffer every single day of my life, no matter where I go, or whom I see the first thing people comment on is either how I have lost weight or gained weight since the last time they saw me.
I cannot express how difficult it is for someone like myself to hear comments from people especially negative ones about my weight. Last night at the gym someone asked me if I had started to diet to loose "the weight" before my wedding. I am getting married in September. I don't know where that comment came from since I had not said anything about loosing any weight for my wedding, she just assumed I needed to loose 5lbs before my wedding. I felt so awful, I just cried all night, all the memories of my unhappy fat childhood came back. How dare someone make me feel like that. I don't understand why people always associate weight with my appearence. I mean I am a smart educated woman why can't they see that. I have a masters degree, I speak four languages, I am a certified spinning instructor (although I don't teach anymore) and yet the only thing people can comment on is when I am going to loose these extra five pounds. UUGGHHHHH!!!!
How do you all deal with these things? Because my first reaction is to starve myself.
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Old 06-12-2004, 12:00 PM   #2  
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Welcome Sumi!

People can be inconsiderate and alot of people probably just don't realize you have food issues. Also when your in places like gyms you can look around and see people wit their own food problems. There was a really thin girl at the gym I went to and she would torture herself for two hours with cardio everyday. All that running and no where to go? What I do is either ingnore the comments. I had a guy say to me the other day, "do you eat anymore, your just shrinking away" . All of life can be about taking what you need, and leaving the rest.

Join us on the weekly board if your interested, and take care of yourself. Your worth it and deserve it as you have already shown.

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Old 06-12-2004, 12:11 PM   #3  
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My first reaction when I get comments like those you have been getting is :

1. Ignore the ignorance of that person

2. NOT starve myself...but EAT CLEAN and HEALTHY

3. BUT show up at the gym almost daily and work my butt off in the CARDIO and WEIGHT room...

These are my strategies...But don't let the ignorance of others get you down because they will ALWAYS be there...When you lose those 5# that everyone seems to see, the envious people will then say...."OH but you're getting tooooo thin!" You cannot make everyone happy all of the time. Therefore make yourself happy in the meantime...

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Old 06-12-2004, 12:29 PM   #4  
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I think people who comment about whether or not you need to lose 5lb have SERIOUS issues. I'm sure it's very hard to tell if someone else has put on/lost 5lb. I can't understand why someone would want to comment on someone else's weight unless they had lost a fair amount! I gained about 15lb in 6th form (age 16-18) and no one said anything, I'm fairly sure they didn't even notice. I think anyone who isn't immediate family, a best friend or a partner who notices small changes in weight is a bit obsessed really. If I were you I would react by looking incredulous and feeling sorry for them that they are so strange.

Maybe I'm just harsh but that's how I feel about people like that.

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Old 06-12-2004, 02:34 PM   #5  
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I find that a good way to deflect those unwanted (and really, rude!) comments is to look at the person, and without any anger and as friendly a tone as I can manage, say, "Why would you say something like that to me?"

Usually it stops them in their tracks because often people are just running their mouths and aren't even thinking about the impact of what they are saying. If they reply something like, "Well, I just was wondering," then I say something like, "Did it occur to you it might be a rude thing to say?" This often gets an apology. And in any case, you'll find that that person won't be making more comments about your weight anytime soon.
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Old 07-01-2004, 01:40 PM   #6  
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Good answers, Jayell! I'll have to remember those.

I hate comments about my body too -- the feeling that I'm being looked at critically and "measured up" against some standard, even when the comments are intended to be complimentary.
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Old 07-01-2004, 02:59 PM   #7  
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Wow! Four languages! That's impressive! I have days where I can barely manage to speak my native language.

I like JayEll's answer. I had a girl many years ago come up to me in the gym and tell me I was exercising "the wrong way" because I was lifting too much weight "to burn fat." I looked at her and said, "Oh my God, did you just call me fat to my FACE?" Should've seen her backpedal....priceless!
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Old 07-01-2004, 09:29 PM   #8  
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Eleanor Roosevelt once said
"No one can make you feel inferior unless YOU let them"

Please keep that in mind.it is simple but true.
Dont allow yourself to feel anything but good about yourself!

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Old 07-26-2004, 02:40 AM   #9  
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Angry aren't you thin yet?

I just hate all those comments... even if they think it's just an innocent comment, people just don't realize that just because your overweight doesn't mean your constantly on a diet.

I have a friend that every time I see her, she asks me..."so how's the diet going"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

It doesn't matter how long ago I may have seen her, it's still the same old comment... It could be a year, and I may have noticeably lost or gained some weight, she'll still ask me the damned question... For heaven sakes isn't it obvious? And even if it was, does it need to be a source of conversation? Does she have nothing else constructive to say. It really bugs me.

I hardly talk to her... and yes... I have told her that she doesn't need to assume that I'm on a diet every time she talks to me cause it bothers me to have to tell her about it. Why on earth is it so important to her anyway's?

I also have another friend that tells me how much weight she's lost every time I talk to her, then always asks me "so how much have you lost". Why do we always need to compare? Can't we just talk about the weather, or what's new in our lives, or our husbands like any other wife...lol Weight loss, diets, pounds, and pushups... I'm sick of it!!!!

Oh and the lies... come on... who are they kidding? I just hate those obvious hurtful comments disguised as a compliment...."oh my, you lost weight....didn't you"? "I have an outfit that would probably fit you now, I'll dig it out of my maternity box!" "Wow, you look a LITTLE thinner than the last time I saw you RIGHT?" or my personal favorite... "Well, you look like you've lost a little weight... in the face!"

To me that's just a way to bring attention to the fact that I'm overweight, or perhaps on a diet to others, cause it's always said like that in front of others.

Then of course there's the sabotage comments like "Oh come on, just one bite, what are you starving yourself to lose weight or something?" "Oh sure you may have lost some weight, but you can't starve yourself forever". What the heck makes them think I needed to starve myself to lose weight? And again... why is it a must to bring up? Just because I'm heavy?

Why can't everyone just leave the weight/diet issue alone when they see/talk to me?

Has everyone forgotten the old saying "if you don't have anything NICE to say, don't say anything at all"!

I mean ok, if I have lost some noticeable weight and they wish to say something nice or how good I look then fine say it just that way... "my your looking good" Don't follow up with a "These days" or "did you lose weight"? Again they're focusing on weight and sort of insulting you by saying you didn't look good before that day. And then please move on with the conversation. And please don't let it be the first thing you say. There is more to me than my looks!

It sounds like I'm being really nit picky, but really, no one ever asks my husband how his weight is, or diet is, or comments if he's GAINED weight. He's 130 pounds and 5 ft 10 in tall. He needs to gain weight but no one ever bugs him about it No one ever uses looks as a topic when they speak to him! Now why is that?

Last edited by Hunskie; 07-26-2004 at 02:44 AM.
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Old 07-26-2004, 11:01 AM   #10  
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Hunskie - I've heard all those comments, too! The one that drives me absolutely insane is the one where people offer to give you old clothes that are "too big" for them now. My aunt does that. One time, back when I was a 14, she left some size 18 suits with my grandmother for me to have. I held them up and said, "Geez, I'm not THAT fat!" (Not that an 18 is fat, especially since it's my size now! ) It ended it - for a while.
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Old 08-10-2004, 08:47 PM   #11  
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Hi there. I'm new to 3FC (have been posting in alternachicks and 100lb), but I dropped in here since I do have a history of bulimia.

When I read your note it reminded me of one of my "favorite" parts of the book "Homesick," by Jenny Lauren. Her uncle is Ralph Lauren and her dad is the head of menswear for the company.

She suffered for years with anorexia and other debilitating health conditions associated with it. Yet still, after all this, when she would go out to dinner with her parents after not seeing them for awhile, her dad would compliment her on her "chiseled" facial features and on her long, slender (anorexic bony) fingers! The irony is not lost on her, as she remarks to the reader something along the lines of wanting to say to him, "Yeah, dad, of course, I can't DIGEST anything and am in excruciating pain a lot of the time, but hey...thank god for the chiseled face!"

Sumi27, I wish you well. Be kind to your body. It's the only one you have!
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