Weekly thread 5/10-5/16
 

Just realized the old thread was up until the ninth.

In an online OA meeting right now. Listening to music, candles lit, incense burning, mellowing out.

My period may be starting which is a week early. I hope not since it'll mess up my cycle and DH and I are TTC next month. So I am working on giving up my stress/annoyance to HP. She'll knock me up when the time is right. ;) :p

hee hee hee...I will send some of my "Fertile Myrtle" vibes your way. Until he had his vasectomy, my hubby and I were afraid to hang our underwear too close together on the clothesline. ;)

You girls are so rude. :lol:

Hee ;)
 

Well, it was only spotting. So hopefulyl my period will start when expected and my cycle stays the same.

Going out to dinner with a grad school friend tonight. She's expecting in August.

How is everyone!? WHERE is everyone? :?:

I have a terrible head cold. And my period. I figured as I'm feeling thoroughly miserable, I may as well go back on South Beach diet. So I'm starting today. Feeling pretty good about it. I feel like the michelin man.

Going to Maine
 

Hey guys, quick note.

DH's mom is in the hospital. She had some sort of pre-stroke and has bleeding on her brain. Last we heard she was awake but with speech difficulties. We are flying home tonight.

I do not know if I'll have computer access. I will update you if I do.

Thanks for your prayers. I am relying on HP big time during this.

Kat, saying lots of prayers for your MIL and for all of your family. Keep us posted when you can. :grouphug:

Quick update from Maine
 

Thanks, Ellis. :)

Trav's mom is stable but has blood on her brain, causing pressure. She is going in for brain surgery tomorrow. It'll be the fifth surgery of its type that the doctors have done this week alone, so we are hopeful. Her language is affected, she's only getting out 1-4 words right now. But she understands everything. Hopefully once the pressure is released this will improve a lot. She has her sense of humor and we got some laughs out of her. I gave her a One Day at a Time coin (she's in AA) which she loved and really appreciated.

I got my period early and am going to enjoy some wine. I figure I'll go booze-free for TTC after my period ends. I am just mentioning it since I posted about it earlier - want to keep accountable, especially since my sponsor was away in France (although she should be back now - probably catching up her emails).

OK, off to relax with family before bed. I hope everyone is well.

Thanks for letting us (where the heck IS everyone?!) know how your MIL is doing, Kat. Lots and lots of prayers for her today, sweetie.
Love and hugs... :grouphug:

Update from the hospital
 

Thanks Ellis for your support! I hope everyone is OK - it's never this quiet. :?:

Here's an email I just sent out to some friends. Sorry for the cut and paste but I am limited on time and on the waiting room computer (which I am so happy is available to us). I hope everyone is well. :

Hi guys,

In the hospital right now. Trav's mom is having brain surgery. She has blood on her brain, causing pressure. This has affected her language. She understands everything said to her but is only able to get out 1-4 words. She's all ready shown a bit of progress with her speech (language - it apears she has aphasia and I am guessing Broca's but have not had neuro in over 4 years so take that with a grain of salt) and was even able to say "It's ridiculous" when we were discussing Bush. :) She still has her sense of humor and we have made her laugh, etc...

They have yet to say if she had a stroke but it pretty much seems that way. She has right side weakness which is slightly apparent in her face but much more obvious with her right arm.

Trav is handling it OK. He is being strong for his family but (for obvious reasons) is freaking out inside. We'll all feel a lot better once she's out of the operation. This is the fifth brain surgery of its type that the doctors here have done this week alone. So she is in capable hands.

I will do my best to send another update today.\

Thanks for all of the kind email, etc...!

~Kat

Prayers sent out for you and yours Kat :angel: :grouphug:

I too feel like the Michelein man Ellis. Food has been terrible this week and as a friend of mine would say "It's time to **** or get off the pot" Well still deciding, but I thought I would take it a half a day at a time ;) Work is kicking my booty as well and I still haven't found out about the job. I can not believe after holding me on a string all week the hiring manager took the day off today :rolleyes:

I need to sort out my head. Feelings really overwhelm me when I am not living in the food. My coping skills suck. Maintaining your abstinence Kat during this time, thats just beautiful. When I am ready I hope to find that. First part is always getting off the food, working the steps, and as one of the ladies pointed out last night GO TO A MEETING AND CALL MY SPONSOR. I just feel like such an uber-failure in all areas of my life, the bad part is I really keep having sucesses I just don't want to acknowledge them. Stuck in stinkin thinkin mode. And knowing all this in my head doesn't mean as much as getting it out there. thanks for listening.

Chris

Update
 

Thanks Chris. :)

Update:
Hey all,

She is out of surgery and it all went well. The blood clot was cleared and everything looks good. The doctor says he does not know if it could hemorrage again but he said it looked really good. Now we will wait and see how it affects her communication, etc... But we're really happy that it went well (if they didn't do it she may have worsened and lost more brain cells, etc...).

Trav is very, very, very relieved. We all are.

Update you later...

~Kat

Thank God, Kat!! I know your struggles aren't over yet, but this is good news! I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers. :grouphug:

Chris, I'm with ya, hon. Sometimes I feel that if I wasn't spending almost all my life fretting about food and my weight, that I could really get it together with the rest of my life. This food thing is way too overwhelming. :mad:
Poof! about the job. Let it go. If you get it, it's meant to be. Don't stress over it, sweetie. :grouphug:

Just got in my taking my friend Jim shopping for kitchen cabinets. It's hot as **** out there!

I had my first therapy appt. on Wednesday. I like her. She's nice and she's genuine and she really listens. (Although, I guess that's what she's supposed to do! :) )

The whole therapy thing, though, sucks. I have eaten everything in sight and then some for two days straight. When I got home on Wednesday, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and eat. There are things I told her that I've never said out loud before - to anyone. Scary. It makes them real, and it makes me realize that there are things I've tucked away under the guise of "oh, that was a long time ago and I'm past that now." Not bloody likely. How can I be past them if I've never confronted them?

Hmmm
 

:yes: Are you my twin in Missisppi? I feel exactly the same way. :p Tommorow I have to go, and I don't wanna and I don't even know what we will be talking about yet. :^: I think I read some where that "Get a year of recovery before you start murking in all this ****" But once you get sober from the food all that **** comes screaming out. It almost scares me to not be using the food, except physically it just makes me feel like crap and NOW THAT I KNOW A DIFFERENT WAY it just isnt a fun or full-filling as it use to be. :rolleyes: The pain of eating or the hurt of finding out why? So there is my frustration.

Chris

Morning :wave:

Kat- How are things with your MIL this morning? :grouphug:

I saw Alanis Morrisette this morning. She was just radiating health, beauty, and God's love, peace and balance. She has found some recovery, it is a beautiful thing. Now I want that. One day at a time :D

Chris

Good afternoon...
 

Hi guys,

Chris - what is Alanis abstaining from? I think she rocks.

Well, my MIL is doing OK but not as OK as we'd want. She has had some swelling in her brain, on the other hemisphere, which I guess is just a later result of her stroke. They gave her steroids for that. Her eye is black and blue, so she looks roughed up (it's from the sugery). She is still sleeping most of the time and very groggy. Basically we have 24-48 hours to wait ti see how she improves, etc...

We are about to go to my oldest niece's softball game. It's wonderful to have the kids around (3 nieces, 7, 4, and 1). A good reminder that everything does not suck.

Thanks for the well wishes, guys, I appreciate it.

I am reading all of the posts - sorry I am not directly responding all that much. But I am reading and thinking of all of you. :)

Chris...I noticed that about her, too, when I saw her on TV a few days ago. She looks like she's finally found herself. Gives the rest of us hope, doesn't it?

I'm proud to be able to say that I was abstinent yesterday. One day at a time, chicas. :)

Good Evening! :wave: Did we lose everyone? Where is Ellis? :dunno:

Kat- Alanis has mostly had problems with anorexia. I think she has gained maybe 10-15 lbs, she looks BEAUTIFUL! And so much more relaxed. Her new song I think is for us chicas ;)

More prayers for your MIL :angel: In fact your whole family Kat, be safe and good to yourselves.

Jenelle- ME TOO! :grouphug: Taking it VERY SLOWLY! And I even went to therapy today. I left and I wanted something sweet. Talking about those feelings and things makes me want to freak out. But you know she pointed out that despite some setbacks with food and purging this last week it has been worse, and in some areas I made improvements. Like how about being able to have some intimacy with my husband? :devil: :D

Love you gals!
Chris

I have been beating myself up a lot lately. I am frustrated with myself and am not being kind...calling myself things like "ugly" and "lazy" and "a cow." I feel like I know what to do, but am just too worthless/stupid/lazy to just get off my *** and do it. All I can think of is joining WW, which is totally NOT the answer for me, as it will just make me obsessive and horrible.

I know God loves me, but I am so not loving myself much these days...

(((((((Jenelle))))))))) I know how you feel. This morning I reached out and got a new food plan sponsor. SHE HELPED ME MAKE A GROCERY LIST! As far as loving yourself, I think that waxes and wanes and thats why we have to know God loves us ALL the time :D

Where is that Ellis? :dunno:

How are things this morning Kat? :grouphug:

Today my reminder is that it is exactly what is suppose to be
Chris

Right now, I am at a point where I keep thinking that nothing is going to help: not a food plan, not a sponsor, not God, not anything....I feel like the only "answer" is to stop eating altogether. I had a bout like this last year, and it sucked.

I'm just really, really scared. I know I sound like a big fat baby, but this is the only place I can come where people really GET what I'm talking about.

I am coming to the realization that, ultimately, my eating disorder will be what kills me. :cry: