No more APB's needed. Actually last week was VERY busy. I am up for a promotion and they have had alot of problems at work so between work and meetings there was not alot of room for the computer. So here I am. Now to tell you I was perfect would be a complete lie.
I will write more in my journal but the short story is my DH has been poking and prodding and giving me all kinds of crap about my recovery. That does not make him responsible for my actions. For two weeks now I have been keeping quiet about how he has been making me feel,in paticular to him because the conversations are just fights and there is just no frigging reason to fight. What are we fighting about anyway? Time. How I choose to spend my time. Anyway after being sequestered in for the evening I was mad, and the more mad I got the more it wanted to be let out. No it was not bingeing that is leading me to the road to **** its purging of all things From there its just beating myself up, over and over, and over. So I am sad and tired and kinowing that none of the food games I play will solve my problems. The thing is they numb me out and keep me from facing them.
It takes alot of effort to play poor me and not surrender and give over to doing the next right thing. So here I am. Whipped and trying to reach out. 19:59 CST,19 April 2004 one minute at a time I begin on the pathway to my abstinence and finding my joy and my connection to God. Just one minute at a time.
Chris, I'm SO glad to see you back! We were seriously worried about you.
Have you considered taking your husband to a meeting with you? Maybe let him talk to your sponsor? If worst comes to worst, well....how much a part of your recovery does he really need to be? I guess not letting him become an enabler is the biggest trick.
I am glad you're back. We love you so much! Check back in as often as you can.
Hey, darlings.
I'm feeling very energetic, the sun is shining, and I'm going to clean my house and do laundry.
I think a weekly thread is a good idea, Chris.
Maybe we could have a couple of other threads going. What about one for recommended books? Or whatever. We definitely could have an Oh-My-God-My-Mother-Is-Driving-Me-Nuts thread.
Oh Chris, I'm sorry your DH has been needling you. Is he wanting attention? My DH does that sometimes - of course, my response is always to give him less attention when he's moody or naggy. Then it's a cycle.
Kat - the workbook is one of the Geneen Roth books I mentioned - "Why Weight" is the title.
I'm absolutely pooped. I hope I can get the kids to nap at the same time today. no motivation whatsoever.
My sister called last night to let me know that one of my very best friends from high school died at the end of March. Of course, I was surprised - he was only 35. But you know, I hadn't spoken with him for damn near 17 years...the last time was shortly before my son was born, so sometime in early 1987. So, at first I reacted in a more "wow, that's too bad" way. I did type a little bit about it in my diary last night, remembered some "Scott stories"...went to bed...
woke up this morning, and I'm really bummed about it. Right now, I want to gather up all my high school friends (most of whom I haven't spoken to in years) and go out for a beer and reminisce. Thing is, I live 2000 miles from where I went to high school, and most of my friends have scattered to the four winds.
I wonder if this is how my grandparents felt when their friends started slowly dying, one by one...
I am so glad you're back, Chris. But so sorry your having DH issues. One minute at a time. HP will guide you through this rough spot!
Jennelle, so sorry to hear of your old friend. DH lost an old friend recently too (hadn't spoken to him in years, also). Maybe you could make a scrapbook in his memory?
Ellis, I think themed threads in addition to a weekly check-in is a great idea!
Jodi, hi
Tracy, did you get some must deserved rest?
OK, about to workout. Tonight I am going out with a friend and seeing Jaws on the big screen. I think the screenwriter is speaking afterward.
Jennelle, I'm so sorry about your friend. The letter writing is a good idea.
Kat! Jaws on the big screen! How exciting. I remember the first time I saw it... it was on TV, and I was babysitting. I almost had a stroke.
Funny... I just picked up Peter Benchley's "Great White" at a second hand sale and read it the other day. It was quite thrilling.
Okay I wanted this place to always be what I get out of meetings no just the pain, but the strength and the hope. I didn't even know I had any hope but apparently I do. I am quite done with the Chris flogging party I had, and when I went to meeting last night truly alot of people understood. The face of recovery sometimes has a relapse. And instead of thinking another false start its the freedom to keep it simple and thats why I love the program, because I don't diet anymore. I don't wait till Mondays, I don't obsessively count, the phone and my tools are available anytime, and the best part no one gives a crap about what I eat I have made the simple commitment not to binge and not to purge. So I think I can let that go, and let God. And the real miracle is I didn't even know I felt this way till I sat down to journal. And now I can pass that on to you.
Jenelle- ((((((((((((Big Hug))))))))))) Writing our feelings out is a beautiful thing, way better than acting out with the food.
Ellis- How are you doing? How are the meds?
Tracy- Did you get some rest?
Kat- Thank you for your steadyness and beauty.
Now where is everyone? have I scared them away
Have a beautiful hopeful day!
Chris
I usually post on the alternachicks forum but I checked in here to make sure Chris was okay....I am glad to see you are back sweetie You are a great person I was missing your posts and wacky sense of humour on the boards
Ellis- I have been on celexa since October and it has been a help to me - I hope it does the same for you...
Jenelle- sorry about your high school friend, it is very difficult when someone our own age passes, we tend to feel our own mortality and reflect on life...I think it is wonderful that you are writing those letters to his family. I am sure they will appreciate it.
For all of you - I wish you all well in your journey to recovery, my best friend (since we were five) has been in recovery for several years now and I have seen some of what she has gone through.... big hugs to all of you
Chris, thank you for your inspiration.
I'm glad things are going better for you.
Thanks, Mauvais. I forgot that you're on Celexa! I'm still getting off the Affexor, and I'll be starting the Celexa on the weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If this one doesn't work, I'm going back onto the Prozac.
I had a GREAT workout today with my trainer. He's got me doing some new exercises... it was fun trying something different. Fun. Ha! Who ever thought I'd be saying THAT about exercise!
I hope everyone here is doing well... love and hugs to all...
Lets Try a Weekly Thread: April 19-23
From there its just beating myself up, over and over, and over. So I am sad and tired and kinowing that none of the food games I play will solve my problems. The thing is they numb me out and keep me from facing them.
HP will guide you through this rough spot!
DH lost an old friend recently too (hadn't spoken to him in years, also). Maybe you could make a scrapbook in his memory?
through an entire meeting. 
Hopeful Wednesday!
