Hi all -

I know I'm not the first one up! I must just be the first to the computer.

My husband has got the remodeling bug, which is fine by me! The only thing is, he has a tendency to start things then take for-f'ing-ever to finish them. A case in point: Our kitchen floor. It took almost 18 months for him to finish laying the tile, and it's still not grouted almost a year later.

I decided to keep track of my food in FitDay - big mistake. I did it for one and a half days and my disease started HOLLERING at me. I started thinking about food 24/7 again...starting with the old bargaining behavior (if I just eat this one thing, then I can make up for it by not eating this)...thank GOD I didn't lose my abstinence over it! I do want to lose weight, but not at any cost. I am considering getting my GP to give me a recommendation to a nutritionist.

I have work to do...gotta clean my house, which is quickly leaving the Land of Clutter and entering into the Valley of the Gross!

So Jenelle and I are the only ones up?

I am with you, once I start figuring foods or dieting on a plan I start bargaining with myself. Then I end up not eating all day cuz I want to save the calories for evening when I like to snack which is nothing more than feeding complusive behavior. HELLO!!!

I am off to buy some clothes for myself since I am down to two work outfits and this is a behavior that I live with too: Don't want to spend money on clothes because I just started a new diet and...

Hope everyone has a great weekend free of food thoughts other than when hungry.

DH and I are going to our diner today. I can almost taste the coffee.

I can so relate to obsessing over diet plans/recording food, etc... Before OA, that was me. I could do a plan for a wee bit and then obsession took over.

I was very weary about trying WW (or any food plan) at first but knew I needed some more guidance. For me, the tools, my HP, my sponsor have been such a help that I am not obsessing like I would have pre-OA. BUT, that's just because of OA. It has nothing to do with me - except I'm working my program.

Some people go super strict and my hair stands on end because if I did what they did (cut out foods, weight foods, etc...) I'd be off eating in minutes. So we all have our trigger points. Those people would probably say that I am too slack for them and that would trigger them.

The 12 step food program I tried before OA was too strict for me and triggered me. I felt like such a failure because that was the only way to do the program and I couldn't. Luckily, I soon fell into OA land and found that OA is open for all of us. The ones who need to restrict certain foods, the ones who need a wee bit of guidance with food plans, the ones who need to never again count a calorie or record a food. I love that about this program.

My friend who has been weird to me lately (the one who I have stepped away from the friendship a bit) emailed me and wanted to know what is up. She was very cold to me all week and it's (now I know via this email) because I ate lunch with a couple of work friends and not her. She and I would often have lunch without inviting others and we weren't slighting them. So I can't help but be annoyed that she expects to be included in everything when she herself doesn't include everyone in everything. It wasn't meant to be a slight against her at all.

I emailed her back, saying that - it had nothing to do with her. And then admitted I have found her attitude towards me the past few months snarky at times and have been affected by it. I asked if she was unhappy with something in her life because she can just ooze that out of her (I said it differently). So we will see. She has acted like a high school kid this past week and that has been a real turn off. Last I checked, I am an adult woman. I don't need the drama.

Sorry I ended up writing a book this morning! I hope everyone has a great morning.

Hi Ladies!

I have had a quite a busy week. I celebrated 3 months of abstinence this week. I have given up the smokes for today And I managed to hit a meeting everyday except 1. This week won't be so easy, I am working nights and preparing for shutdown on Tuesday I am really not flaking out on ya'll it's just work and life big time are interferring with the little time I have.

I went to a wonderful meeting this morning about living in the solution. Though I talk about the food and the purging and all my other behaviors living in the solution is so much more than the food and the one thing I love about program is everyone can make their own path to get there.

My food plan is probably a little more strict than some people, but I don't count anything. It seems my whole life I counted calories, points, carbs, fat grams, pounds or whatever as a measurement of my worth, and wether or not I was good or bad . Freedom for me is to not be a slave to those numbers also the # of time I excercised or hours in the gym or whatever. Freedom.

Oh I made me so mad today. There was a Star (that great mag full of valuable information) about Kirstie Alley. What a bunch of BS!!!!! They have a bunch of articles with Paris Hilton partying and wearing no clothes and I am pretty sure the girl survives on alcohol and tic tacs and they want to lay down the COE judgement of Kirstie. Leave her alone! It would make me eat like crazy if I felt like the whole world was sitting around worried about what I was putting in my mouth. The stupid Star is not weighing her on the value of her heart, just on their crap and they can keep it

Okay dropping it it has nothing to do with me. I just feel very protective of all of us.

Kat- on not getting embroiled in your friends co-dependent BS.

Bunna- Have a great weekend yourself!

Jenelle- I know about the bargaining, good for you for not eating over it Have a good clean!

Where is everyone????????
Big Hug!
Miss Chris

Congratulations, Chris. Three months of abstinence is something to be proud of. Go Chris.

I also agree that freedom is the main thing in my journey to abstinence.

Just a quick note - things are crazy around here. Elijah is sick as a dog, bless his little heart. We took him to the ER after a doc on call told us on the phone to high-tail it to the hospital. He's got an upper respitory infection, but it's all settled in his eyes and he looks like a little prize-fighter. I'm praying he's better in the morning. He's just miserable and it's breaking my heart.

Good morning, dear girls!

Angi, your poor little love. I'll be saying lots of prayers for Elijah. Try not to worry too much.

Chris, congratulations, sweetie! I'm so happy for you!! Keep it up, you beautiful woman you.

Jennelle, a nutritionist might be a great idea. My trainer gave me a food plan for a couple of days this past week, and I followed it religiously. Until I had to "go it alone", and I fell off the wagon. I need someone to TELL me what to eat.

"Last I checked, I am an adult woman. I don't need the drama." That is so good, Kat. I had something similar happen to me this week with one of my neighbours. She's essentially a good person (She's quite rough... was brought up very badly, isn't well educated and makes racist comments on occasion, but is a very good mother, and can be VERY kind to people), but she has a tendancy to dump on me. And she's VERY negative, which absolutely drains me.
I've tried withdrawing from her a little, and I know I've offended her, but I just can't keep spending time with someone like that. She knows I've been having trouble with my new meds, and have been feeling suicidal, yet she expects me to greet her with a big smile and soothing words for her own damned little problems. I suppose I could email her and tell her what I'm feeling... I'm babbling... sorry.

Bunna, I am SO with you re: snacking in the evenings. I could starve myself all day, just so I could have a big bag of chips in the evening.

Hi, CeeJay! How are you doing?

Where is Christie?

I'm going to clean with Jennelle. Six days at the gym this week, and this is my first day OFF!! You should see it in here. shudder.

Love and hugs to all...

Good Morning Everyone!

Thank you for the congratulations, but its HP that deserves most the credit

Angi- Little 's to watch over your baby. It's hard, but those little guys are real fighters. (((((((((((Angi)))))))))))))

CJ- Hi girl, where are you hiding yourself?

Ellis- It sounds to me like you have been gentle enough with your neighbor, if she chooses to be offended thats okay. We can't control others or their emotional state. You can always call me by the way if you are feeling really blue, I can just listen.

Kat- AWESOME MEDITATION! It was really hard for me back in December when I broke my abstinence and binged, but from that I learned so much including about what abstinence is. Now I think my sponsor is trying to get me to see to be kind and gentle to myself if I feel I must deter from my food plan.

Suppose I am cleaning with Jenelle today too. The 3 of us should have this mess done in no time

Love ya'll!
Miss Chris

Fly by post...

I seem to be doing a lot of these lately! I just wanted to pop in this afternoon and let you wonderful ladies know that I'm going to be scarce around the board here until school finishes up in June. I don't spend a great deal of time online, but I find that the time I do spend takes away from other things I would/could/should be doing.

Not to worry, I'm not face down in the food and isolating myself. (Honest!) I just really need to focus on things here IRL. So, please don't think I've gone off the deep end here in my neck of the woods! I promise to get back to posting regularly as soon as I can!

In the meantime, take care of your beautiful selves and know that I'm praying for each and every one of you!

Love you much,
Christy

The internet ate my post.

Hi!

hello guys.

chris - congrats! i know your plan works for you, and it has worked for 3 months in a row! that is fantastic. =)

jenelle - i sort of do that bargaining thing with fitday, but i can't seem to let the counting go. when i do, nothing else keeps me in line at this point. however, i bargained yesterday and then i broke all the rules. so that wasn't good.

angi - i have elijah in my thoughts, may he recover quickly!

everyone else - hi and thanks for your thought on your different food plans. i'm in limbo at the moment, trying to keep up my calorie counting to the best of my abilities, but i do admit that it feeds my obsession. here is my hope: that a sponsor will make themselves known to me at the meeting tomorrow. it's our area's largest meeting, with regularly 40+ people there. if i can let go of my food to someone else, then hopefully my obsession will dwindle.

as for today, i am in food coma recovery from last night. i feel that my body needs a type of detox, so i am drinking juices and i will have a smoothie after my workout.

i hope that soon, a bad mood caused by non-food related things will not affect my eating habits. and that's my thought for today.