Talk Recovery Tuesday 3/23/04
 

Morning all!

Ellis: I am a total spiller...plus my "girls" act like a shelf and like to collect crumbs. :lol:

My dinner was a lot of fun. It was good seeing my friend and good making a new one. And shopping was fun. Got a new bra, some shirts, and a new purse at the Gap.

Today's meditation:

March 23 "Inner Harvest"
Hazelden Meditation Series

We cultivate wisdom when we accept and embrace reality.

Reality is something we cannot change. We can try to deny it, escape
it, alter or destroy it, but reality remains intact. Our eating
disorder was, in part, an attempt to deny reality. We tried to alter
situations we didn't like by eating more or eating less, but the real
problems did not get solved either way.

When we are exhausted from our futile efforts to manipulate it, we
can relax and let reality be. We may even discover that the way
things really are is better than the way we thought we would like
them to be.

When we say yes to our world as it is today--just for today--we free
ourselves from the cobwebs of illusion so that we can work on what is
actual. There may be no easy solutions to our problems, but facing
them as they are is infinitely more productive than denying them. The
longer we live in the real world, the better we like it.

*

I pray for the wisdom to make a loving commitment today to what is.

What is misery?
 

I need my program so I come here. I need you all so I come here. I can barely think so I come here. I've got nothing. My brain hurts, I keep coughing, I am in detox from smoking. I am angry and I am having problems hearing God. I feel alone.

I just set in a 3+ hour meeting and watched people around me eat all kinds of unloving food choices. That made me angrier. I have nothing. Not even the desire to binge. I am just sad.

I am really trying to find the bright side, if you see normal, happy, encouraging, grinning Chris somewhere please send her home. I miss her.

Chris

Kat- That meditation was just what I need at this moment. Off to read the serenity prayer about 100 times.

Miss Chris :cry:

Kat,
Oh to shop at the GAP again! Actually, I'm too cheap for the GAP unless there's a good sale, so when I get down to regular sizes, you'll find me over at Old Navy. But, it's cool that you can shop there.

Miss Chris - hugs to you dear! Keep loving yourself and doing what you know works. I'm thinking about you!

Elijah had another rough night - this time it seemed to be about his runny nose and congestion. Bless his heart. He's been having a hard time. And bless his Daddy's heart - it was his turn last night and he didn't get much sleep.

In my advanced thirties :) my body is reacting a lot more violently to bad food choices. The stakes are higher and the consequences are bigger. I'm starting to eliminate certain food groups that have been making me sick. It's easy right now - because I've just recently been very ill from these choices. I think it might become harder later when I forget a little how bad it was. Anyway, I'm working this in to my own customized food plan. The first thing I'm eliminating is fried foods. Just writing that phrase makes me sick to my stomach! I got pretty sick over the weekend. . . I'll let you know how it goes.

My sponsor wants me to define my abstinence for her. Ugh! I hate to be pinned down, but this is indication that I'm trying to slip around on this definition. It will be good for me to get one down on cyber paper!

Blessings to you all!

Define my abstinence: Just for today I will not binge or go to Walgreen's which represents SF chocolate, diet vanilla Pepsi, and cigarettes.

Hope Elijah feels better and make loving choices for urself Angi! :angel:

Miss Chris

Chris - Best of luck staying away from Walgreen's! We have one literally on every street corner in my town! I'm proud of you for quitting smoking! It is very, very tough. I'm am thankful I never started, although I seriously dabbled in high school.

Angi - I know just what you mean about the violent reactions to food. I read somewhere that many times, if we crave a food we are actually allergic to it. I ate cereal for breakfast for the first time in forever this morning and I've been a little poopy all day. (Sorry if that was TMI! :lol: )

Everyone else - Hello! :grouphug:

i had a good day. i ate lovingly, i ran on the treadmill lovingly, and i got lots of loving messages in guestbooks on my various sites.

chris - you have meetings where people EAT? goodness. all i bring with me is water! i hope your day ended up well because you wanted so badly to love yourself. quitting cold turkey has got to be the hardest thing ever.