In a sense, anyway. My friends want to go out to eat, and I'm left at home with my rabbit food lol. For one thing, I've been trying to cut back on going out (because I used to spend quite a lot on it), and for another, even if I plan not to overeat when I go to a restaurant, the portions are so huge that sometimes it's hard to resist!
And if it's a spontaneous invitation, then what? I usually end up turning my friends down because I haven't had the chance to plan for a higher calorie meal, and I don't want to go over calories (lord knows I would if I gave myself the chance, and it's a slippery slope to ordering a whole pizza for myself)
My socializing go-to had always included going out to dinner. Now that I'm trying to lose weight, I feel like my social life is suffering... Has anyone else had this problem?
Can you split a meal with someone (choose someone who will eat their share or more)? If not, you could choose the healthiest thing on the menu they have, or maybe just get a salad or healthy appetizer as your meal.
Also, if you go at happy hour, you can just get one of the sliders or other low-cost specials, that are always small portions and not very expensive.
Maybe you could convince the group to avoid those places known for supersized portions.
Maybe plan a light lunch that day too, to reserve more for dinner.
Can you research the menus beforehand? Also if a national chain, they may have calories listed. I understand that california requires these places to show calories, which can be very helpful!
These are all strategies I have employed at one time or another. While it's true you might spend some money and/or exceed your calorie allotment that one night, at least the impact can be minimized and you can still be social.
I'm not suggesting anyone cheat on their diet, this advice is more because I think a diet needs to be sustainable, and missing out on social activities might be one reason we convince ourselves to quit. I think there we should find a way to integrate them both into a lifestyle if it is to be successful.
Last edited by superfluous; 01-25-2015 at 03:04 AM.
Yes, dieting was very alienating for me too, and so is an eating disorder. I was either dieting or binging out of control and even having dinner at home with my family was miserable. I can remember as far back as being a teenager that I felt out of place eating with people. I was embarrassed or afraid to eat certain foods, I was afraid of derailing my diet, I was afraid of what people thought of the food I ate, and this went on into my late 30s. It drove me to a lot of secret eating. That's a major reason why intuitive eating was the only logical option for me (I tried all the diets, and none of them worked long term).
The social aspect of eating intuitively is probably the biggest perk along with being healthier and losing weight. I never realized how fearful I was about eating in front of people. Now I feel like I properly belong at the dinner table with my family and friends. I can walk into any restaurant and feel confident that I will not overeat, I can also walk into a social situation and not feel guilty about eating when I'm hungry or not eating when I'm not hungry, it's a big relief.
This is a very interesting because there is this assumption that if you are not eating out you are not socializing. I wonder, are your other friends over weight? Or maybe a "healthy" weight but not healthy. It seems your friends do not know how to socialize without eating. That is not true of everyone.
Just like drinking. I've never have friends that socialize by going out to the bar, because that has never been my scene. But there are plenty of people that have those friends, and if they ever choose to stop drinking, they would feel lonely too, because their circle doesn't do much else.
Now I understand eating is a big part of our culture, and even the fittest of people likely go out to eat together sometimes, but even then, they choose place with "healthier" options, not crappy burger joints where the closest thing to a veggie is the fries.
Since I have been eating clean (like a 90/10 thing) I don't go out to eat. Most of my friends don't anyway because we have young kids, and its easier to get together at someone's house. We don't have to eat to socialize and most of the time I just go but don't eat what is served. I eat before hand. They don't mind, because to be honest, when I'm not pregnant, they know how hard I train for running and that its important to me to eat right so I feel good. I don't want to eat a big, nasty meal. I don't eat rabbit food either though! But these friendship, most were built after I changed my lifestyle, so they knew that before getting into a friendship with me. And they are healthier and more active than my older friends, which I still see, and have gotten used to me not eating say pizza at a pizza joint when we get together (though mostly its at someone's house, easier with the kids). But those friends don't go for runs with me. They don't do other things like go out to the park with the kids or go to events etc. They are still centered around eating. They are also overweight. I still invite them out to other activities, (like our local zoo) and the eating there is still a main part for them. Oh great example, we have a chuckie cheese near by. We never eat there. Ever. We feed the kids and ourselves before we go. And go only to play the games. We have friends that cant even wrap their heads around going and not eating their crappy food. And it really is gross, not even worth going off a diet if you are on one.
It is harder when you have old friends that old know you as an eating pal. They have two choices, either they can be comfortable with you knowing how to enjoy company without food, or with your own food (they can eat if they please) or they will not see you as much. You can continue to see them, suggest other activities as well, eat before you go out and just order water. I mean why eat if you aren't hungry? If they cant deal with that then you might need to make some new friends whose lives don't revolve around food.
If you were an alcoholic and trying to stay away from drinking, you'd have to do the same. People find it more socially acceptable to want to stop drinking and to make new friends that don't have to drink to hang out. Somehow we think its more normal to eat as a group and aren't as understanding of those wishing not to eat crap all the time. I don't think they are that different though. Either one will kill you if eventually if you over do it.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 01-25-2015 at 08:44 AM.
For the last stretch of my most recent weight loss (3 years ago) I committed to having only one appetizer and one clear soup or small green salad when going out to eat. It worked for me, because I find the appetizers more interesting than the main courses anyway. Something you might try.
F.
Last edited by freelancemomma; 01-25-2015 at 09:09 AM.
Yeah, it can be quite difficult to deal with portions when they're given to you. Maybe what you could do is ask your friends to meet up somewhere after they eat? Like go to a movie, go bowling, or just walk around the mall with you once they're done?
I really like other people's suggestions, too - see if they have salad options or go for just a drink? Maybe you could bring your own little smoothie, but that might be weird for a restaurant heh
Maybe this is something you can even tell your friends! In a really casual manner, too, but asking them to understand, like "hey guys I really miss everyone but I can't eat out too often, how about we do _________ instead?" and start planning some more convenient social events yourself!
It's definitely a problem I think most people have, though. Most of my friends have McDonalds as their go-to socialization place after church or class, and it's become quite a little tradition and I'm sitting there like "guys...no..." haha
I like cafeteria style places where you can get vegetables or salad, maybe some plain roast chicken. Places like applebees allow you to substitute extra broccolii for french fry sides. You could get broiled fish and 2 veggies. At many pizza places you can get cracker crust with veggies and no meat or cheese.
I've never seen a restauraunt that did not have some low fat simple meal.
You need to learn the tricks of the trade in dealing with this.
Life is simply too short to turn down social events (at least ones you want to do) because of your diet.
And what's the point of dieting anyway if it's not to have a better social and healthy lifestyle?
Here are some tricks I use.
First, why not organize the event? That way you can choose the restaurant. Or host the meal. Which means it includes your healthy choices.
My picnics have become famous.
Secondly, all restaurants have healthy options, even if that is a salad. My go-to is seafood. If it's grilled, it rarely fails.
Thirdly, if you have a big restaurant meal coming up then pre-game it. Eat a small or no lunch/breakfast. Or plan an activity before it that is active to help burn some energy. Bowling. Tennis. Or a run. Whatever.
Finally - if all the chips are down - call it a cheat day. And get back on plan the next.
But social trumps diet in my book. Any. Day. Of. The. Week.
I probably do not socialize as much as you but what I eat at a restaurant every now and again will not impact my weight anyway near as much as what I eat at home in front of the TV or at my desk at the office the other 99% of the time.
By the way, if you must have a dessert then ice cream is always the best option. Cheesecake often the worst.
I agree with some of the great suggestions already made. I'll add two more:
You may want to consider either starting your "day's" calorie count with dinner (for example, my dinner tonight will be counted as Tuesday's "breakfast" and then Tuesday's breakfast is really lunch, etc.). I found dinner to be the most unpredictable meal for me, so starting the day's calorie count with dinner helped me tremendously. At least if I eat more than planned for dinner, it's easier for me to cut back on breakfast and lunch the next day.
Also, I have a weekly rather than a daily calorie total. So some days I eat higher calories and other days lower calories, but it all comes out to be the same approximate weekly calories. Doing that allows me participate in unexpected eating situations.
I agree that your social life should not suffer because you're trying to lose weight. You just need to consciously make different choices when going out to eat or plan different types of gatherings. For me, I've been hosting dinner with friends and family at my house about once a month. I'm in control of what I make, so the choices are healthier than a restaurant (and bonus, it's usually cheaper than everyone going out!). I've also tried to set up plans with friends that don't involve food as much. Taking the dogs for a walk, getting a manicure, or meeting for drinks after I've eaten dinner at home.
But sometimes we do go out to eat as a form of socialization, and in those cases, you need to be aware of how much you're eating. If portion size is an issue, try ordering appetizers, salads, or ask if they can box half of it before you eat. There's a lot of ways to deal with it, you just need to spend some time figuring out what will work for you, instead of just throwing your hands up in the air and eating a huge serving of food for no other reason than that it was in front of you.
You can do this and keep your friendships too. I promise!
Also realize that it takes practice to get good at making choices you are happy with all-the-way-around in social situations. It can get less stressful the more you do it, just like anything else. Progress, not perfection.
This has always been an issue for me as well. Right now Im just trying to limit it as much as possible and suggest other activites. If they insist on going out, I research the restaurant ahead of time and pick out what I'm going to get. When I get there I don't even open the menu - too tempting. Instead I just order what I picked out right away. It's not a perfect solution but it helps.
Heck Im on total meal replacement at the moment and except for the first week (I couldn't go anywhere near normal food the first week as I would have gone ballistic), I now just go out with my friends, have my diet coke(s) and thats it. They can eat or whatever and I have my drink and just socialize.. Had a party at my house the weekend before last and it was actually quite amusing being the only sober person there.... I was kind of glad I wasnt drunk lol!
Everyone has given good advice. However, there is one thing all of these ideas need from you- CONFIDENCE! You need to BE confident that you WILL DO these suggestions, that you WILL DEFY temptation, and that you WILL BE the best person you know that you can be!
YOU CAN DO IT!
Last edited by cfan; 02-09-2015 at 04:49 PM.
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Lets face it, we are in this for the rest of our lives. We are not going to get to some dream goal weight and then be able to eat whatever we want. At some point, we have to learn to be around food without losing control. We have to make the choices that are best for us no matter what others are eating. Once you can do that, you can go out to eat with your friends whenever the opportunity arises. If you have not reached that point, you may have to pass on socializing with food until you can.
Dieting is so lonely!
