I'm not doing so good the last week. Hubby picked the menu and even cooked some of it, which was a nice break. The recipes seemed benign and I know he was happy to have yummy foods but they were way more calorie dense than I thought...a chili, a chicken enchilada with corn tortillas. I overate and it depresses me to think I can't trust myself to share a meal with the family.

I feel like I can't win. I make a healthy food that I can manage and the kids complain. The family gets the foods they desire and I can't control myself. I'm feeling extra urge to eat right now and trying to white knuckle myself back on plan.

Hey CoolMom, that's really tough. Having foods you can't control around you is like keeping alcohol in the home of an alcoholic. People wouldn't dream of doing such a thing (at least I don't think they would...but I guess you never know)....but us food addicts aren't always given the same level of consideration. I get it..it's harder with food, not to mention that most people don't even believe in food addiction.

Anyway, sorry...I couldn't help but vent a little. I have similar situations though so I can relate. All I can do is share how I handle it. I just don't take a single bite of those foods I can't manage. I have separate food for myself. When I see them eating it, I just say that it's not for me. It's that simple. It's also incredibly difficult and complicated. However, these situations will arise all the time. We can't always shield ourselves from those foods. Alcoholics also encounter this at parties or even just on an airplane.

I don't remember if you've done this or not, but for me, it really helps to have a list of trigger foods (red light), which I plan to never eat in my life. Those are foods I can't have a single bite of without having a huge risk of a binge. I also have a list of yellow foods. I can eat those but I have to measure them (I don't use cups or spoons...I use scoops of a big serving utensil...just do whatever works for you, but measuring too well awakens the food obsessive in me so it's not ideal). Then there are the green light foods that I can eat without any issue at all.

I really feel for you CoolMom, and I don't know if any of this is helpful or not. I know a lot of people believe in eating in moderation and intuitive eating but that's just not how my brain operates. I have a big giant monster in my brain that requires my constant vigilance to keep at bay.

Hang in there. Once you figure out some good strategies, things can get better a whole lot faster. Sending you peace and calm.

Hi CoolMom, I hope this week is going better. I salute everyone who is dealing with food addiction while feeding &/or eating with a family. I think LuckyMommy's suggestions are spot on, especially sticking with your own food. You will still have the enjoyment of a shared mealtime. Another thing that may be totally beside the point is that your kids could potentially one day be dealing with some food issues. Your example will serve them well.

Lucky, my twin, I have that hungry monster, too, of course. It seems more peaceful if I avoid dieting. Strangely enough, I'd really LIKE to do my fallback, Ideal Protein, and get back to skinny. I think this might be the flip side of compulsive overeating so I'll just work on healthy eating for now. Lately, I'm more peaceful when not dieting anyway.

CoolMom, I also hope things are getting better for you. I forgot to mention that over time (for me, at least), eating my own way has actually gotten easier. I don't expect to eat what everyone else is having and it has become normal. There are times when I see them eating something and I struggle but that's usually when I"m hungry or my own meal is lacking in flavor/fat.

mars, it's nice to have a twin, although I don't wish these problems on anyone....it's amazing that we have so much in common. I totally get the flip side of binging....the restricting. I definitely struggle to keep things "normal" and I often find myself trying to find the balance between the two extremes which is incredibly difficult for me. I thrive in structure and rules and that's why I can't ever imagine doing intuitive eating...which is the holy grail. I would so love to be able to have a healthy relationship with food.

However, there's a member on here who said that he took his obsession with food and he turned it into an obsession with health. I kind of like that idea. Maybe, instead of pathologizing (sorry, not sure if this a word or how it's spelled) myself, maybe I can just look at myself as someone who is focusing on my health and longevity. If we can change our internal dialogue, the rules don't have to be a negative force in our lives. After all, we're not intuitive about brushing and flossing our teeth? We know we will do it that at least twice a day. Why can't I have rules about how much I'm going to eat? Just because my mind wants me to keep going, doesn't mean I can't say to myself, "hey, this is all you're going to have here and that's that." There are plenty of times I don't want to brush and floss. I might be tired or sick or whatever it might be but I know it's just how I have to handle it.

This is a major ramble and I don't know if it even makes any sense. None of the above means that I don't take my addiction seriously. I know how easy it is for me to slip back into old habits. Even though I avoid sugar and flour, I can easily binge on other things too, but I have to eat. I can't just live off broccoli. ;)

Luckymommy, Your "ramble" makes a lot of sense. But whoever said IE is "the holy grail"? I think it is based on a lot of flawed premises anyway. The thing about all of these regimes & philosophies of diet and eating is that someone else is dictating what is real and what we should do. That's the biggest problem for me. NO ONE knows what it feels like to be our bodies and deal with our day to day lives, let alone our histories.

I feel that any diet that talks about a healthy relationship with food is bogus in the first place. Reward pathways, including but not limited to those found in addicted individuals, remain forever. This is well documented in the scientific literature and has been for some time. But that's just me. I'm fine knowing that I have challenges--looking at old photographs of my great grandparents and extended family, it's pretty apparent that obesity is my default mode unless I expend some effort. Staying alive is also about expending effort in the face of entropy, lol!

Talk about a ramble! I guess my point is that most of us have great wisdom of experience and can figure out what to do using pieces of different WOE/philosophies. It pains me to read everyone, self included, getting in our own way by saying we shouldn't do such and such because some plan or philosophy purports to know better. Having grown up being told a load of lies & myths by the RDA folks and the 'don't eat eggs, don't eat fat" folks, et al, I discount ANY and ALL experts hugely! Its an industry and there is much that is yet to understand about an extremely complex phenomenon. Each of us is the expert with our own WOE.

As a successful maintainer on another thread says, know thyself! :)

mars, very interesting stuff. You're a gifted writer and your background and understanding of this addiction is much appreciated. I totally get what you're saying and it also pains me that people don't acknowledge this issue simply because they haven't experienced it for themselves, or they have but are in denial about it. As I make comments around this site, I try very hard to let people know that my advice is simply what works for me...because we are all so different. That said, us addicts do have so much in common and it makes me feel so much better to come here and share these feelings with you guys....it makes me feel more sane.

Again, I find myself lost in thought and not really sure what I'm trying to say, except that I get it and I'm grateful for this place.

Thank you for the great feedback! It is a good idea to just accept I will have to have my own food. I definitely know it is easier to never take that first bite than it is to portion control and not go back for seconds. The hard part is making sure my go-to food is re-stocked as soon as it runs out. That in-between time is dangerous.

Hi everyone, Hope the week is goin' well! CoolMom This is easy for me to say since I don't have a family....Keeping you go-to food stocked is as important as feeding your family. YOU are important and need to take as good care of yourself as you do of others. Hopefully there aren't too many situations that feel like 'either or'!

Luckymommy Thank-you so much for the compliment--it means a lot coming from you. I often think after reading your posts "I wish I had written that!"

I've been airing opinions a lot and hope I haven't invalidated anyone's experience or feelings around eating/dieting (esp. IE).

My Ideal Protein coach just started sending me their daily short videos. They are talking about habits and how powerful they are. A friend just told me about a book re habits. I think this piece is huge in regard to understanding addiction. It's a shame that so many people associate the term addiction with the stigma around classic alcohol & drug addictions. It's much broader phenomenon of which those things are a part. And so are a lot of other things.

I'm reading a book by Gerald May, MD written in the 1980s called Addiction & Grace. I highly recommend it. He lists over 30maybe over 60 things that fit the addiction model. It's a beautiful book. I'll try to describe it more fully--maybe soeone who is interested could find it at the library. I should say that he mentions Christianity and quotes from scripture sometimes. I'm neither Christian nor religious and it absolutely was not an issue, though for some it might be.

In other headlines, I finally found the right eye doc. They're so sub-specialized nowadays. I have evaporative dry eyes. She told me we blink about every 10 seconds and each blink lubricates and moisten the eye with tears. She put some dye on mine and said my tears evaporate in 3-4 seconds, so 6-7 seconds of exposure without protective coating of tears. It's a common problem in post-menopausal women. So when you're struggling with TOM, remember to enjoy your eyes :rofl:

mars, with regards to your dry eyes (sorry if you already know this), but have you tried taking fish oil supplements? Also, I read that using a humidifier can help too. I'm sure glad you finally got the right doctor! Sending you hugs.

Originally Posted by luckymommy:
mars, with regards to your dry eyes (sorry if you already know this), but have you tried taking fish oil supplements? Also, I read that using a humidifier can help too. I'm sure glad you finally got the right doctor! Sending you hugs.

Thanks Lucky, back atcha! The first doc told me to take omega3 which I've been doing and I think my overall mental functioning/mood/sleep has really improved as a result. Today she mentioned a humidifier several times but my workplace requires low humidity (OR). My eyes seem okay at home, but maybe I'll get one just in case. She told me to put hot compresses using microwaved rice over my eyes and then massage them to get the oil moving on to my eyes where it should be. She said it was not a severe case & there are further interventions if needed.

Hey all! I've been MIA as I continue to struggle to deal with my migraines. But I'm here with y'all in spirit. I just got out of the hospital after 4 days, and please, don't ever make me go back there!

On the obsession with health concept replacing food addiction: I have found that, for myself, I have to be quite careful about obsessing about health and healthy eating and exercise. I slip in orthorexia really easily, unfortunately. At one point in my life I was measuring and weighing tiny squirts of mustard and single lettuce leafs. I was obsessive about getting exercise in, to the point of over-use and injury.

I guess I have an addictive personality which looks to soothe itself with ritual -- whether that ritual is stuffing myself with Swedish fish or obsessively counting the calories in pickle slices. I think it is my way of trying to exert control over things we have no control over -- which is most of life, sadly. So I have to be careful with both sides of the health equation. I only mention that in case someone finds themselves headed in that direction <--- beyond a certain point there be dragons, people, so watch out! :) There is a delicate balance for me between embracing healthy goals and not going batsh*t crazy trying to be perfect. It can be hard!

Mars -- I'm with you about Intuitive Eating as it applies to me personally. I think IE can work GREAT for some people -- just like many different things can work for different people. I just don't think there is one solution for us all, that's what makes this so hard. We each have to find our own way through our own quirky problems. I'm always open to ideas, but I also am open to rejecting things that don't work for me personally, no matter how good they sound on paper or work for other people.

:getwell:Oh I hope you are feeling better Mrs Snark!!!! :getwell:

I'm with you re having to work at maintaining balance and avoiding them dragons! When I'm "in control" of my eating, it's but a small step to get obsessive about tracking food.

I have sometimes become hooked on certain music, and while it's something I consider harmless, it tells me I have addictive tendencies. At first I'll notice I like hearing a particular piece of music. Then I play it over and over. Before google & itunes, I would spend hours trying to find the title/artist and then finding a place to buy. And play it over and over until after about a week, the pleasure began to wear a little thin. It was almost a physical sensation of pleasure that I could clearly sense as it wore off.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend :)

Mrs Snark, I'm so sorry you have been struggling so much with migraines. As you may recall, I have chronic daily migraines. It is incredibly tough and has a huge negative impact on my quality of life. I am lucky though that I only have insane pain levels about once a month and the daily pain is much less severe. Not sure if lucky is the right word, but I'm not sleeping much and struggling to think of the right words. I just really hope you are doing all better and that this doesn't happen to you anymore.

Because of the insomnia, I'm having a hard time keeping my calories at a deficit. I've tried working out to compensate but that is really difficult. Still, I refuse to give up. I'm starting every morning with a renewed commitment to do my absolute best.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and look forward to all your insightful posts.

I hope you are feeling better luckymommy, and getting some rest. I wish there was an effective cure for your migraines. I've had insomnia before, most recently when my calories have been low. Because of my dry eye problem, I added omega 3s and daily avocado and made sure to eat more fat, and the insomnia went away, my mood and thinking improved too. I don't know what it was that helped--more calories? more fat? I also started eating a 3:1 carb to fat ratio for dinner and making sure not to go to bed hungry. Usually the carb would be butternut squash or kidney beans, nothing too wild, lol. I read somewhere that some slow carbs a few hours before bedtime boosts serotonin. I defintely sleep better and wake up in a happy mood.

Aplogies if I asked you this earlier....is it possible that you don't need to have a calorie deficit (looking at your ticker)? I know this is highly individual. Just something to consider. I'm coming to the opinion that I need to weigh/eat a little more than my previously assumed ideal weight in order to sleep well and feel energetic.
:hug:

mars, you're always so insightful. I'll definitely try to increase my fat intake, but with my restrictive inclinations, it's not easy. Tonight, my husband is out of town so I'll try having some slow carbs and fat for dinner. I'll also have some fish oil, which is a great idea. I was taking it in the past but then I read a study (I think from Harvard) that it doesn't do anything...sorry, I don't recall the details, but the point is that I just stopped taking it a long time ago (maybe 6 months or 1 year).

Calorie wise things are ok. I don't feel hungry when I go to bed, unless I"m just feeling like I want to binge, which is just more of an intense mental craving. I make sure to have some calories for the night but I'll tweak things a bit and see how it impacts my sleep.

Take care mars and everyone else here too.