I suffer from binge eating. I also am very very skilled at hiding it, or at least I think so. My binge eating has been totally out of control for almost a year now. I had previously done really really well.
My question is this, do any of you share info or tell a partner about your binge eating? For me my binge eating is a dirty secret and its also all mine-something that I have worked to hide from my husband especially. While I have hinted around to my husband for the past several months about "eating more" or at times not being able to stop eating, I have not been able to totally describe my binge eating to him. I remember one comment I made to him about how I felt out of control lately, have gained a few pounds, but that I just couldn't stop myself from eating, felt out of control. My husband responded, I'm sure you will stop when you want to, you have a lot of willpower..and if you don't' stop, you don't' stop. I tried to keep in my mind the fact that my husband has only known me to have success in "dieting". I was 250 when we began dating and married, several years later I was 150 lbs. But, I've been gaining again.
You can only hide binge eating for so long, you can't explain away 20-30 pounds or hide it very easily. I have brought up eating disorders before, and mentioned binge eating but his comment was that people just need to have self control and that is all there is to it about losing weight. He never said things like this to me when I was very over weight. He again will go on and on about how I have great self control and have lost the weight before, I'll do it again.
Well, last week at an emotional low I found myself again thinking of talking to my husband. I've never flat out told him I have an eating disorder. He never sees me binge, never sees the food I eat or hide, and I know that even though I have tried to explain to him what it is I suffer from, he still doens't get binge eating. While I don't know 100%, it just seems from our past conversations he views binge eating as eating a bag of chips instead of a few, or something that can be stopped. I know he loves me, but I wonder at times if he would really truly get what I am going thru. I had a moment last week after days of binging where I asked myself just what am I hiding? I mean my husband would be blind not to notice the weight I have put back on, and while he doesn't see me eat "what I shouldn't'" he would have to know I'm eating right? I had almost convinced myself to be brave enough to tell my husband I suffer from binge eating and that I have been trying to control it for over a year. I even thought for a moment that it might be nice to share the info, get the weight off my shoulders and not hide it anymore..I had this thought for over an hour..then when I saw him that self doubt, disgust, and other issues popped up and I said to myself I just couldn't share this information. That he would be repulsed, or just again not truly understand the scope of the disorder, and I'd have opened myself up and shared my deepest darkest secret only to be embarrassed and not understood.
Do you tell? Have anyone of you shared your binge eating with your significant other? If so what was your experience? I want to tell him in a since because its a huge secret, but I am embarrassed and the thought of judgement or appearing weak or "suffering from a fake illness" just scares me. I am also considering speaking to my husband because I am contemplating seeing a therapist again for the binge eating. I have suffered from binge eating for 25 years+. Its the one thing I hang onto and I really can't completely sort out all the reasons it started and all the reasons I haven't been able to stop-what I get out of it, even though it makes me suffer. Its a relationship that punishes me, takes from me, doesn't give me anything or so it seems. So, why can't I break it? Ive seen drs, therapy, support groups, been on meds, in the past, nothing sends it away completely.