Quote:
Originally Posted by mainecyn
I don't feel like I "own" myself, does that make sense? Anyone else know what I'm talking about? I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a daughter in law, and x wife (unfortunately you get dragged in to deal with them at times), an employee, a supervisor, the bill payer of the family making sure all bills are paid on time and where they need to go, the grocery getter, the laundry, the dishes, the meals, ...so many different things. I don't see me, I don't' know what i like or dislike anymore, in all honesty, EXCEPT FOR WHAT I EAT. This is all I do know..
I am expected to make more than 100% of myself and my time available for everyone in the family, I don't ask for anything for anyone yet I am the one who hears, if you get a chance can you do this, or why is my this or that...I'm empty, I'm in the negative. Nothing ever fills me.
I know what you're talking about. Many years ago when I read Susie Orbach's
Fat is a Feminist Issue for the first time, I learned that it's very common for fat women to be in the position of give, give, give to all the people in their lives, and to not be able to give to themselves—
except for what they eat. It becomes such a strong pattern in their (our) lives that they (we) do not know how to fill themselves (ourselves) emotionally.
And it's very sad, what you say about being empty, in the negative. I used to be a lot like that myself, but I'm retired now, and I'm much better at giving to myself than I used to be. That's why right now, even as we speak, I am giving myself two huge gifts: (1) weight loss and lifestyle changes, leading to a much healthier and more comfortable body, and (2) becoming free of emotional/binge-type eating, leading to a much healthier and more comfortable mind. I'm 58, and I'm looking forward a lot to my 60s. I want them to be terrific years for just being
me. So that's why I'm working so hard on these issues
now, so I'll be in a whole new place by my 60th birthday.
I hope so much for you that you can learn how to fill yourself. What would you give yourself if you could have anything you wanted? What do you most desire? I don't mean like material goods, I mean like food for the soul. What would nourish you on the inside?