I haven't had breakfast yet. It's 9:45 am where I'm at. I have had a super rough morning in which I have been fighting with insurance (I'm on public assistance) and because I just got a job (the job has no benefits, lower pay and lower hours) they want to drop me. I count my blessings that my parents are letting me live at home and I don't have to worry about rent and most food but I rely on my insurance for my therapy. I'm just starting to get my feet on the ground after a few very rough years and without insurance there will be no therapy and I'm not at a point I can handle that!!

Anyways I am super, super emotional right now and I don't want to step into the kitchen because I'm afraid that once I start I won't stop. But I'm also hungry and I've been working to acknowledge my bodies signals. Do I eat? Do I wait? I'm not sure I can just go in, grab an apple, and come back out without immediately turning around and eating the cupboards clean. I also don't want to ignore my body but I don't want eat while emotional.

Oh Leah! My heart goes out to you! I'd hoped you'd be situated with your insurance by now and I'm so sorry you're still struggling with it.

It's important to recognize when we're at risk of binge eating and you're doing that, which is very good! You know that you'll have temptations all around you in the kitchen. If you don't think you can go in and get something decent (maybe an apple and a string cheese for protein?), then it's ok to not go. It's ok to be hungry. You could also be thirsty because we do get a bit dehydrated while we sleep.

You might want to repeat over and over: I'm just going to get an apple. Put on (imaginary) blinders and just go in there and get the apple as fast as you can and then go back to your room.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and strength. Don't let all your hard work lead you to food for comfort because as you know, it's never a good solution.

Thank you I really, really appreciate your support.

I actually, in probably an overly dramatic way, stood up and said "enough, I'm not going to indulge these worries anymore, it's useless." (but not in a shaming way, more of an empowering way)

Then I went into the kitchen and cooked myself a healthy omelette and had myself sit down and eat a real meal. Something that really causes me to stumble is if I eat in a snacky way. Like standing in the kitchen with my plate of quickly grabbed food on the counter and just eating it quickly and mindlessly. I think actually preparing myself something real and then having myself eat it like the real meal that it is helps my mind know that this is food for energy and not a food for comfort. I also told myself that if I wasn't satisfied then I can go back in a grab an apple but only after 30 minutes have passed, and I need to finish my glass of water first. So far it's only been 10 minutes after my meal and I'm feeling okay. Not great, but a little proud of myself for not binging right away. I still feel a little bit like binging but that's why a set a timer and a plan so that hopefully when the 30 minutes is up I'm in a better mindset to grab a healthy snack. For now I'm going to distract myself with something enjoyable.

I know you are in school, does your school have a mental health counselor you can see if your insurance falls through? Or are there any local places that operate on a sliding scale based on income?

Congrats on creating a plan to avoid the binge