[ReiOfHope]

Hi everyone, I'm Desiree. I have a bit of a dilemma. When I lived with my mom, she would always persuade me to eat.And when I did good on my weight loss, someone would always be there with some type of food, or offer to go out to eat. And I rarely said no. 4-5 years ago I was 306+lbs. I went down to about 180lbs in less than a year. I went back up to about 240 and maintained that for a couple of years, and now I'm back down to 193lbs(would like to be 135-150 within the next year or two. I'm 5'5" & 24yo btw). I have now been living with my dad for 3 months and he was all aboard with supporting my weight loss. But he just doesn't get it no matter what I say. He will put things like breaded chicken patties in the oven and expect me to flip them over without eating any. Or ask if his ice cream is still in the fridge, then say "I thought you would have eaten it by now". He would constantly say things like "you're not supposed to eat fatty foods" when I tell him I feel a binge coming on and I cope with it. Then the next day or so turn around and offer me a bunch of buffalo chicken wings or a bunch of wafer cookies saying "these aren't fattening". Its really annoying me because I am doing so well! I JUST had a binge attack with some of those fluffin chicken patties he made me make.It was still well within my calorie range but it still doesn't make me feel any better. All of this has made me restrict my calories dangerously low, just incase I end up binging. It's only 1:30 in the afternoon and I am paranoid to even eat anything else even though I have a few (realistically I have a lot more) calories to spare. I just need someone to talk to so I don't go on a rampage. Thanks for listening.

[ReiOfHope]

I ate a little around 1100 calories today and I feel worthless and like I have no control. Yet I still feel like eating. Maybe I should be in an ED forum instead. I noticed though that days where I do eat more, the days after I seem to lose more weight. I'm all screwed up.

[Kscott]

Originally Posted by ReiOfHope

I ate a little around 1100 calories today and I feel worthless and like I have no control. Yet I still feel like eating. Maybe I should be in an ED forum instead. I noticed though that days where I do eat more, the days after I seem to lose more weight. I'm all screwed up.

Sorry to hear you're having problems (eating) with your folks. It's a very common complaint of someone who is trying to lose weight with others in the house that aren't.

I think we all just have to get used to saying NO to those who try and encourage us to take those extra calories that we don't need--and YES to the things that we know are right. However, at the same time we cannot expect them to change their eating habits to accommodate us either. It's a lonely walk to success in many families.

We have to learn to live around eaters-(they're everywhere)-without indulging ourselves into too much of their eating habits and routines. After all-it's not them that suffer the consequences of you eating too much--it's you that does.

[freelancemomma]

I suggest you rehearse saying "thanks, but no thanks." Practice saying it out loud, every day. It may sound simplistic, but it will probably help you when your dad (or another food pusher) puts food in front of you.

My other suggestion is to settle on a moderate calorie figure (like 1,500) and aim for that amount (more or less) on most days. If you mess up one day, don't go extra-low the next. It's not that 1,100 cals is "dangerously low," but that it's not enough to satisfy, so you end up obsessing about food rather than going about your life. And that sets you up for binging and rebound weight gain. To be successful at this game you have to take the long view.

Freelance

[Buffinlovin]

I have similar issues, but more with my friends =/ My mother went through gastric bypass 10 years ago, so she understands the struggles and is supportive, and tries to make healthier choices for dinner when I come over.

My friends, however, are completely the opposite. There is a set of twins, both are 6'4, and one is probably closing in on 450 lbs, while the other is probably around 375 lbs. I worry about them because they are so heavy, and they are only about 34 years old. What kills me is they come over to my house with a bucket of chicken from KFC, or Burgers from Five Guys (one of my weaknesses), and sometimes they goad me with it.

I don't think they realize how hard it is for me to say "no". And I don't think they realize how often they really do it. Sometimes I think them offering is just because they want to make sure I'm included, but more often than not, I take it as them taunting me with things I can't have.

Like the others have said, learning to say "no" is the only way to really deal with it, and sadly it's one of the hardest hurdles to get over. And if you do binge, don't let it get you down! Wake up the next day and keep going with your diet! Everyone stumbles now and then, we just need to make sure we are picking ourselves back up again =) You can do this!!!!

[SammyMice]

I think some dad's have a bad habit of trying to push food onto their kids. They want the best for you and want you to be healthy but no parent wants to see their kid unhappy. My dad does the same thing to me. But you need to remember, you don't have to eat healthy food all of the time, you can still eat what you love, just way way less. The more you deprive yourself of good tasting food, the harder it will get. Eat a few chicken wings and raw veggies on the side to fill you up, don't over-eat. After a few weeks your stomach will shrink and you will lose weight because even if you're eating junk, you will eat way wayyy less, hence less calories. You've lost before, you can do it again I am 23 and I have a lot of the same issues so I understand. Good luck!!! And I'm willing to help and talk if you need guidance and support Desiree ^.^

[punkrocksong]

I don't think Dad's in general deal with weight loss as well as Mom's do. My Dad always thought it was ridiculous when I thought about losing weight as a teenager because I was still "developing" as he put it. I think he was worried that I was going to develop an unhealthy attitude about food like my Mom did.

Which of course I still did and I had lot's of encouragement from my husband to have that extra slice of pizza or dessert after dinner. And even now that I'm actively trying to lose my husband still isn't the best influence. I've just had to be stern with him and say no. But I've also found that I can't really complain to him when I am hungry or about dieting because he wants to help fix me with food which makes the problem worse.

Trying to find a balance is the challenge we all face. It's important to get all of the nutrients we need every day, but it's just as important that we budget in the not-so-healthy foods that we all crave every once in awhile. Personally I eat 6 oz steak every Saturday because I love it so much and I plan for it. If you plan for it you don't feel so guilty about it afterwards.

[Palestrina]

You have to put it out of your mind that your dad is doing this TO you. His food and eating have very little to do with you. Distance yourself from the mindset that those chicken patties are for you, they're for him. And remember that just because you're changing your way of eating does not mean he's changing his. Family can sometimes be like anchors, a change in eating styles seems to threaten the whole household. By you eating better calls attention to his terrible habits and his reaction is a reflection on that.

Sometimes I feel hypersensitive too. Like if I go out with a girlfriend for dinner and I order a cheeseburger and then she orders a salad (hold the dressing) that makes me feel like c*** as if she's doing it on purpose to call attention to what a big fat eater I am. You see, we all feel pretty defensive about what we eat, maybe your Dad is feeling that way around you now. Try to ignore and stay focused on yourself.