***possible trigger warning***

Okay so let me first give a little history... and I apologize in advance for the rant!

I was anorexic as a preteen and teen... definitely underweight. I was active, horseback rode, swam competitively and was a cheerleader. Even though the activities were probably enough to keep me slender, I obsessed over each calorie and would often go 2 days without eating anything but water and 6-7 grapes. (And still feel guilty for that!)

Then when I was approaching my 22nd birthday I became stressed out and depressed, and the weight just packed on after starting an antidepressant. (Approximately 80 pounds over about 5-6 years!!!!!)

I would binge eat daily. Cookies, cakes, chips, nachos, fast foods, pizza, pastas... you name it, I ate it! It got so bad that I began isolating myself from everyone and everything I loved. I ended friendships because I was too embarrassed about the way I looked. I stopped going to family gatherings because I didn't want to be the "fat one." I wouldn't pose for any pictures, and I refused to go clothes shopping... preferring to wear pjs while I ate... in my room!

My later 20s, I decided this excess weight needed to GO. I stopped the binging and became obsessed once again with calorie counting and exercising. I'm far from skinny now, but am so afraid I'm going to end up TOO thin if I'm not careful.

Is it common to permanently have SOME kind of eating disorder?! I am SO tired of being preoccupied with foods. I just want to eat to live.

Just yesterday, I was told (by a very dear friend), "You always abuse your body somehow." Ugh. I'm exhausted. I wish there was a quick fix.

Honestly? Yes, you will probably always feel preoccupied by food. I am not telling you this to demoralize you but because realizing the truth can at least free you from worrying about whether it is ever going to end.

I really would see a therapist if it is possible. There are certain tools and techniques that can help you deal with the stress you have over food.

Even if you stop having the symptoms of an eating disorder, like starving or bingeing, you still have the mentality of needing to control your food. But you can always turn the need for control into a positive. A mix of a good diet and exercise can curb those impulses.

I don't know. I'm just assuming that I'll always be like this. Like an alcoholic, even after they stop drinking they're still an alcoholic.

It is common, but you can recover. Recovering means quitting dieting and being preoccupied with weigh-ins and calories stands directly in your way. This is not something most people can achieve alone without help from a therapist, doctor or support group.

I still have the mentality but my behaviors I have stopped. I have accepted that I will always think about junk food more than the average person. I could have written your post. HUG. It does get better.

Hi Ladies - I went to a Seminar yesterday and the spoke of replacing the Good in your Reward Center with something that has a higher value ....mind is without knowing it is Training my Dogs to be Therapy Dogs.

The Lady who gave the Seminar said she use to be a size 4 now she's a zero ..stated she has not changed the sizes did.

Well I guess she really like popcorn that and chocolate were here thing even though she is very tiny ..she change her pathway and now her Reward "the Good" is her Horse . So what really does it for her what stimulates her Dopamine receptors is spending time with her Horse not food.

She stated unfortunately people that get some higher Reward their "Good" could be Cocaine or Heroine. Once moving on from food.

She spoke on retraining the brain and working on Focusing.
hope this helps.
Roo2

I think you can recover permanently. The treatment group I go to says it takes 5-7 years to fully recover!

LMAO Vintage Roo2. Can't really comprehend what is being said here.

I was treated for BED (binge eating disorder) and was told by the psychologist that it is always there , I agree - I was OK for a few months after treatment but now the BED is back with a vengeance.