So I'm at the end of Week 15 binge free, and I find myself in an unusual situation. I am being asked by my treatment program to reduce my exercise and start to increase calories and the types of foods I eat. I have never been told this in my entire life! They preach getting out of the 'dieting" mentality and are encouraging me to eat what I would call non-healthy foods, like dessert, pastries, or foods that I crave.
This is very hard on me. I don't mind maintaining while I go thru treatment, but I am so scared to gain. And to have to drop about one day a week of exercise AND start to eat like a normal eater again is so frightening to me.
I want to comply and have reduced the exercise this week. The treatment team has totally changed my life by helping me deal with my binging behaviors so I know in my heart that the next step in recovery is to abandon the diet mentality forever and watch portion sizes, and eat the foods I love in an appropriate manner. I can hardly believe that I could have a non compulsive attitude towards food one day...but I find myself wanting to restrict food intake again to compensate for less exercise
Fortunately, I happen to have learned to love some "healthy" foods. I could eat salmon and other seafood every day. I like chicken, veggies, fruit; I prefer the taste of brown rice. I think they don't believe me when I bring chicken, whole grains and veggies to dinner and say that's what I want, even more than pasta, for example. And I don't think they believe it when I say that some foods (like pasta) just don't appeal to me the way they used to.
I was emptying my closet today and tried on some of my pre-150 lb weight loss and I sooo don't want to ever be there again. I have to trust the people who have helped me, but man, this is a challenge.