I'm really trying to maintain control today. It's hard. Not hungry, but I want to eat! Argh! I'd like some motivation not to.

After bingeing I always think:

*It wasn't worth it
*No matter how much I exercise today, I can't burn this off

"You are pathetic woman, hope that sick feeling is worth it cause wow I SO hate you right now. Stupid stupid idiot!"

Pretty much the first thing that goes through my head after a binge. Followed by a couple days of even worse things I won't type out.

I hate myself when I do this.
That so wasn't worth it.
I am going to cry when I weigh in tomorrow.
I feel so disgusting and sick
I want to throw up
I'm going to have to work extra hard for the rest of the week
I wish I had not given in


Some worse names and statements that I tell myself. It's never worth it.

Usually my thoughts are something like,

Not worth it.
How could you do this yourself again?
Am I ever going to have control over this?
Why do I keep giving in?
This is killing me.

I stopped really being mean to myself, because I generally like myself and I don't believe binges are something I do with the intent of hurting myself or quitting my healthy habits. I just feel like there's a screwed up neural pathway in my brain somewhere that tells me to eat large amounts of gross food for apparently no reason other than giving in feels really good. I'm working really hard to fix whatever piece of me is causing it but for now when I binge I just kind of sit there dumbfounded, because I can't even fathom why I would do that to myself. I don't know what part of my brain is making it happen, but it sucks.

I see binges as my inner child's way of saying, "Screw all these adult responsibilities, I'm just gonna do whatever I want because I wanna!"

Being a successful adult is hard in our society, so I don't come down TOO hard on my inner child when she asserts her will. Instead, I try to give her a non-food-related indulgence to chew on, so to speak.

F.

I used to be really confused about why I binged.

Before I realized I had a problem, I would think "Yes! I finally get to calm down - food is that answer to my stress." College and comfort food went well together when my body was younger and could handle it metabolically.

Last year, when I became aware that I binged, I was still confused. When I binged, I thought "This is comforting, but it physically hurts me (because I was eating past being full, lots of carbs and sugar)."

So, I was confused for a while. Depression would follow - I would have no energy to work out and the weight just piled on. Then, I started reaching out to weight loss support systems, podcasts, blogs, etc. When I became aware that I was binging, I realized that I was pushing down stress. Turns out I've been pushing down stress for a long time, and it was awareness of pushing down that stress that now holds a new comfort.

Now that I know what the cause of my bingeing is, solutions have come to mind. Take care of the stress, and you won't want to binge. That is what I tell myself now. And it allows me to hate myself a lot less.

Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

Hello all,

I am new to this site and new to the realization that I am a binge eater. Reading the posts above brought tears to my eyes. I had no idea that so many people had the same problem. One night about a week ago I had a binge marathon. I felt so disgusted, ashamed, and mad at myself.

I binge because I don't allow myself to react to my emotions. I never usto cry. Now that I am opening the lid to my toxic waste land of emotions it seems like I am crying every week.

I have more hope of overcoming this nightmare not that I know that I am a binge eater, what causes it, and there are so many like me trying to fight it.

Thank you all for sharing. It's interesting how we all have such similar thoughts!!!

That actually really resonates with me. I just spend so much of my time making sure things are getting done, budgeting, cleaning, doing school work, doing work-work, etc. I can't drink a bottle of wine to relax/indulge anymore (I'm trying to be sober), so I turn to food to go wild and de-stress.

"You suck you forever fat woman!" That's what pops up in my head every time after a binge.
I will also avoid mirrors and stepping on scales for a week or so to keep my brain from popping out anymore negative and discouraging thoughts.

ahh how i hate binges grrr

Years ago, after bingeing, I realized that I would co-opt critical comments that others had made to me and I would not only accept them, I'd repeat them back to myself: "You may be smart, but you've got no common sense. You ought to know better by now."

Now, after I give into what passes for a binge with me -- my "vestigial binges," as I call them, are closer now to overeating, except for the mindlessness and the automated quality, that "shut off" feeling, which I can now identify and slowly bring myself out of -- anyway, now after I binge, I think instead, "Okay, what just happened? Talk to me. Why? What is going on? Can we just walk away from the food & sit down & **deal** with this?"

There is always something there, besides the availability of the food, some anxiety that is driving me.

I talk to myself more like a coach now than like my own worst enemy. That's how I know I am in recovery, even though I suspect it's a lifelong recovery.

I haven't had a bad binge in a while, though there are some times where I feel like a toddler and glare jealously at people I see in public eating XYZ food I wish I could eat with a clean conscience. Or at a party when I notice I'm really focused on the food, not the company, and feel weird and territorial about whether there will be enough.

Usually the post-binge thought process is something like "I need to hide these wrappers" followed by "Everyone who sees me today is going to notice I'm 5+ pounds heavier" and "What the #$&*@ is wrong with me, I have an eating disorder, oh god"

I want to get rid of the wrappers right away too. Sometimes I throw out other stuff that's in the house just to not eat it (although I'll take one last bite sometimes, haha). I also carry a lot of water weight in my belly so I get sooooo bloated and avoid most of my clothes, which makes me sad because I feel like I end up just wearing the most unflattering parts of my wardrobe again and again.