So, I'm really in a funk and wondering if anyone out there can relate to this:

I'm a binge-eater and consequently, my weight throughout the years has really fluctuated -- from 125 - 180. In other words, it makes a big difference in my appearance. Right now, I am heavy BUT I put a LOT of weight on in the last year. Now that I have to see relatives over the holidays I am so embarrassed. In fact, I recently saw relatives I just saw in July and even since then I've packed on 20 lbs! It's SO humiliating and makes me realize how much I want to stop this fluctuation in weight. I look like a totally different person and I'm sick of the dread of having to see people I haven't seen since I was thin. It's awful. Just needed to vent and see if anyone else has been in this situation or could offer words of support.

I don't think I have any magical advice that can with the situation, but I can DEFINITELY relate! In 2008, I was 180 pounds. Then, I lost 80 pounds over ~2 years. Maintained for awhile, and then I gained it all back. I haven't seen most of my relatives since I was 100 pounds or so, and currently I'm at around 165... I haven't even seen my dad since I was thin. My parents were so proud of me for losing weight, and my family values thinness (though also health in general) to a great extent.. Nobody else in my family has a weight problem, really. Lucky me

Anyway, I definitely get that it's super stressful, and EMBARRASSING! But of course, you are the one who is going to be 10 times more focused on your weight gain than any of your family members will be. Plus, in my experience, people always underestimate other peoples' weight gain, so a gain of 20 pounds is usually estimated to be maybe a gain of 12 pounds. Especially if you carry your weight somewhat decently.

The best thing I did for myself was go buy a few clothing items that seem flattering, and I will wear my new clothes when I'm visiting my family. I don't know what else you can do... Just take comfort in the fact that weight fluctuation is really common and your family is probably not going to care all that much. They just want to see you! Plus, you're keeping things interesting by looking different each time

Let's just try not to let this ruin our holidays.
You're not alone.

My youngest son (age 24 and 5'6") worries about his weight fluctuations. Last year he was very very thin, too thin! This year he weighs 180 lbs and he's a chubby guy. I don't get to see him all that often because he lives across the country. I only get to see him in pictures I get online. It's been about 4 years since I last saw him in person and I would LOVE him to come visit me! I wouldn't care not one little tiny bit that he was over weight. I love all of him!

I'm sure your relatives love you very much too even if you put on a few pounds.

You think you're embarrassed? Try gaining 20lbs AFTER you have a baby. Yep, I now weigh 10lbs more than I was at 9 months pregnant. Yep, my maternity clothes are now too tight for me. Try that on for embarrassing.

Ι am the same as you. Gave birth at 140's and now i am 167....nice right? And yes my maternity clothes are tight on me. I see pictures of me and i feel sick. I tell everybody NOT to photograph me anymore

As for the OP you don't know how MUCH i can relate to you. I am ashamed to go to the dentist because he knew me at the height of my glory days and i don't want him to see how bad i turned out to be. One day i saw again a man that used to court me when i was thin as a pin and i didn't know which chair to lift and hide under it. ONLY when i saw that he had gained as much as i had (even more) i was able to smile (just barely) and shake hands with him......i feel so bad about myself.....and i have no one to share with. Relatives don't understand me.....

Yeah, I'll be seeing a relative this weekend whom I haven't seen since the beginning of this year. I've put on at least 20 lbs since then
And she already criticizes my diet as it is (mostly because I'm vegan)

the same thing happened for me. I haven't seen my grandparents since my graduation... It's been two years... I gained 25 pounds, but since then my mom has lost 45 and my dad has lost 20. Everyone is looking healthy but me...