Startling Realization
 

Hi All,

Something just sort of clicked in my head just now and I feel like I need to share it to help overcome it. I've always felt that I'm an emotional eater and that when I'm unhappy or stressed, I binge. I started my "really making an effort to watch food intake and exercise more" only this past week and I've been doing well so far *knocks on wood.* However I noticed something that I'd never thought of before...today, I received some news that upset me greatly. Sparing you the lame details, it was about a man I was close with and I got news that just really hurt me all over again about the relationship. I immediately went for something to eat and, as I was trying to shove an entire cookie in my mouth, I realized what and WHY I was really doing it. It wasn't because I was JUST upset...I realized I'm using the binging process to punish myself. I feel stupid and ashamed about a situation and feel like "I'll just put on so much weight to keep people away. THAT'LL TEACH ME!!" I'm rather floored right now because this is sort of a breakthrough for me...I have never really given it any thought. Hopefully this insight into my own thought process will help me to break the cycle and not use food as a force of self-punishment. Knowledge is power, right?

Yes it is! Good for you for making the connection. It is hard to let people in, and I do feel that some people gain weight to shield themselves. And it works. But it's just so sad. I'm glad you made the right decision. Take the cookie out of your mouth, and walk away slowly. And it's hard, because if I'm eating, I don't have to face whatever is bothering me. Dealing with it is so much harder, but worth it. Keep up the good work!!!!

Thanks! It was definitely a Eureka moment for me. It's funny how making the connection really can help to curb the compulsion or habit. I actually did, quite literally, put the cookies down and walk away. Here's to a new week!

Good on you for putting that cookie down! I also punish myself with food, and am trying to punish myself with the gym instead! I find that taking the frustrations of the day out on the elliptical really improves my mood, and its better than eating chips, or a cookie!

Haven't you ever wondered what you could not do because of your weight? I asked myself that, and got to the following list: if I had been thinner when young, I would have dated more, travelled more, practiced more sports and had more friends. All those where things my mother never wanted me to do...! So by gaining weight I got to do exactly what she wanted. Now, when I feel frustrated or I do something wrong, I eat --I reaffirm what my mother taught me, being more of a failure but more like her.
We need to discover how our minds are wired and what food means to us in order to pull the right wire and diactivate the machinery.
Let's go on working to be free from addictions!

mdmeantoine, thanks for sharing your ah-ha moment. It's helped me :)

I totally understand I am a emotional eater as well. I joined a gym when I started my weight loss program and even on days when I feel stressed, and upset about something and I feel that "weakness" creeping on. I either go to the gym or go for a walk. I feel that walking 40 minutes on the treadmill really does relieve a lot of stress. I feel so much better, and I have lost 30 pounds so far. Its taking control of the situation, not letting it control you.:)