I am sick of the days/nights that I binge. I know I am 100% accountable for my own actions, and I know I binge when I'm tired, upset, mad, etc, etc, etc.
Last night I was exhausted. Kids had sleepover here the night before so I didn't sleep well, then some family came over in the afternoon and stayed until the kids went to bed. So I was done. I was tired and just feeling blah. I ate 1/2 bag of cheesies, a hot cross bun, and a handful of chocolate chips. I went to bed about 1/2 hour after that. I woke up about an hour later with the worst acid reflux I have ever had. I was nauseated I felt like I was going to puke. My whole chest burned and I kept burping up chunks of food (GROSS!). I got so scared because of how much it hurt that I threw myself into a full blown panic attack. Thankfully I managed to just do some deep breathing to pull myself out of the panic attack. I propped my head up with a bunch of pillows and managed to go back to sleep thankfully.
Of course I woke up this morning and low and behind I am up another 1 1/2 lbs. I am so disappointed in myself. I know I have some mental issues that I need to work on that I won't bore you all with. But they all relate to why I think I'm not worthy of weight loss or why there's a tiny part of me that doesn't want to be thin and more attractive. You can imagine why. I know I need to find another hobby in the evening other than binge eating. But at the time that I want to binge, all of those positive thoughts fly right out the window and I just don't care.